One of the highlights of Alex’s young life is to get to take a bath in his mama and daddy’s tub – what he calls “the big tub.” And for the last couple of weeks, he’s been in a “big tub” kind of mood, wanting me to fill it up with piles of bubbles and loads of toys so that he can sit in there until he resembles a 40 inch, lily-white prune. I’ve been happy to oblige him.
Last night after I washed his hair and saw that the tub was full enough, I tried to cut off the water. But no matter how hard I turned the knobs, I couldn’t get the water to stop. I’d get it down to a trickle, but I couldn’t cut it off completely. So, I did what any self-respecting Southern woman would do: I shrugged my shoulders, figured it couldn’t run forever, and told Alex to enjoy it. He said, “It’s like raindrops, Mama?” And I said, “That’s exactly right, buddy. Raindrops.”
I mean, if the child is entertained….
Anyway, after Alex went to sleep I casually mentioned to D. that by the way I hadn’t been able to turn off the water in our bathroom, and let me just tell y’all: he could. not. stand. it. Dripping water? In HIS house? Oh no ma’am.
NO MA’AM.
So while I continued to sit right here, just a clickety-click-clicking on the keyboard, D. started marching back and forth from his tool box in the laundry room to the bathroom to the basement to the bathroom to the laundry room – he had to have this wrench or this screwdriver or this contraption made from the finest amalgamated metal so that he could Stop The Dripping Water, because how in the world could he ever go to sleep knowing that there was water dripping? For the love of pete, HOW?
And about 10 minutes into our little home repair extravaganza, I heard the words no wife wants to hear when her husband is trying to fix something:
“HEY! I NEED YOU IN HERE! I’M GOING TO NEED YOUR HELP!”
Those are never, ever good words. Especially when expressed with a sense of urgency.
They were necessary words, as it turned out, because I walked in the bathroom to find that Old Faithful had apparently migrated from Wyoming and taken up residence right here in Alabama – beneath our very bathroom, in fact.
Water. EVERYWHERE.
D. quickly asked me if I’d press down on what used to be one of the knobs on the tub to try to hold back the geyser while he ran to the basement to cut off the water altogether. And after about 2 seconds of fulfilling my assigned task, I realized that what he should have asked was, “Hey. Will you please place your hands on this piece of metal that boasts Ginsu knife-like sharpness and then lean on it with all of your weight in the hopes of stopping the water that is rushing through our pipes with the force of all nature? Would you do that for me, bride of mine?”
Fortunately he got the water turned off, and I was initally pretty relieved, but then the realization that the water was turned off meant that I suddenly had to use the bathroom like I had never needed to use the bathroom before. But, um, what to do?
Well, if you’re me, you figure you’ll call a plumber in the morning. And then you head back to the computer and finish answering emails. Just a portrait of concern, I was. The epitome of it, really.
But if you’re D., you embark on A Mission to Conquer The Faucet, Part Deux. And sure enough, he found some o-ring thingamajig in some dark corner of his toolbox, was able to put the cold water knob back together, and do you know what? He fixed it. He DID.
Now I’m not sure if y’all have ever taken the time to really observe a man when he tackles a challenging home repair without having to go to Home Depot or Lowe’s and ask for assistance, but I am fairly certain that my husband’s chest expanded to two inches beyond its normal size. And I believe he may have pounded said chest with his fists. And I’m quite certain that I heard him growl.
About thirty minutes after our waterlogged ordeal, I told D. that I was very glad that he was here when it happened, because if I had been alone I would have just shut off the water and climbed in the car and headed to a hotel.
He grinned at me and said, “So WHERE exactly would you go in this house to cut off all the water?”
And without missing a beat I oh-so-sassily said, “Down to your office. Behind that little door on the wall.”
He was noticeably impressed that I knew this critical piece of information.
But what he doesn’t know is that the only reason I had the foggiest idea where to turn off the water is because about an hour before, when he was trying to plug up our personal Old Faithful, he very plainly said, “I’m glad all I have to do to turn off the water is to go down to my office since the valve is behind that little door on the wall” [emphasis mine, of course].
Otherwise I wouldn’t have had a clue.
The menfolk come in pretty handy, don’t they?
This sounds like it could have happened at our house, except for the hubby actually getting it fixed. LOL.
You crack me up!
So funny! AND…I could almost written this exact post, with just a few different details! Only when our upstairs toilet overflowed and I ran outside to holler at my beloved, he was less than amused…especailly when we discovered dribbles coming through our ceiling a while later after the water had been shut off! He was not happy that I hadn’t directly ran upstairs to the toilet, saving valuable seconds, instead of walking outside (which was closer to me than way up in the bathroom!) Men! At least yours had the good sense to grin at your cluelessness! ;)
I love your style. The mundane take on a whole new flavor through your writings. So glad you share that Southern flair.
Too funny! We live in an apartment so I would have just called the maintenance office. That is the ONE nice thing about renting – but the downside of it is that they come out on their own time and not RIGHT NOW. But it saves my husband from trying to fix it – and it saves me, too. ;)
I stumbled upon your blog the other day after clicking from blogroll to blogroll… You are one of my new favorites! I love your Tour of Homes idea!!!
The timing for this post couldn’t have been better, Boo. I just spent an hour watching Rob connect our brand new high speed modem. Uhmm….let me repeat that part. A little louder. Our brand new HIGH SPEED MODEM! The first thing we both zeroed in on was their promise this was e.a.s.y. Not so easy when you have phones all over the house plus a dedicated line for the computer which you discover you no longer need but only after getting about a dozen error screens. But he did it. And I “helped.” He has my permission to pound his chest and growl! My hero.
It reminds me of the time in our victorian house, when we had water pouring from the bathroom into the back living room. But seeing as we’d just moved in about 3 hours earlier all the back living room had in it was boxes.
I already knew where to turn the water off, but what I did not know was how fast I could get to it and turn it off!!
Ok…I’m a new poster to your site, but let me just say you had me cracking up on this one. I was shaking my head right along with you…it is the spittin’ image of MY husband! Just a month ago he had to fix our water faucets in the bathroom as well…what an adventure! But..he got it done. I’m considering forwarding this to him and having him read it…just to see if he gets as big a kick of it as I did….lol.
That was just hilarious! If that happened in my home it would have been a disaster, and plummer would have had to be called since a certian someone I know has no clue about that sort of thing!
Oh I am so thoroughly impressed with your handy dandy sweetie!!! If you can believe it, I fixed the flapper in the toilet bowl yesterday with a safety pin!! It just made sense — you know me — little Miss Common Sense!! Not a lick of extraordinary intellect but hey– I do have a little sense. Oh, I just wish I could have been a fly on the wall while you were preventing the geyser from flooding anymore — funniest home videos!!
lol- came over from Tammy’s blog and am so glad l did. What a funny but familiar read! Ouch on the finger there. :)
Our family? We just call the plumber dude. We have twice now since we’ve been in this house. Be happy he can fix it because plumbers are ridiculously expensive.
I’m with EK, wish we could have been little flies on the wall!
Oh. My. Word. I’ll bet Alex was suitably impressed with the CRISIS. I just have this image in my head of you bent over the tub with your hand on the faucet, staunching the flow like the little Dutch boy with his finger in the dyke, LOL. ;)
At the risk of being excommunicated from the blog….I’m the one who does all the home repairs here, not my hubby. He wouldn’t even know where to start. He doesn’t even know a Phillips screwdriver from regular one. Our landlord is supposed to do most of it, but he’s slow about getting to stuff, so I do a lot of it rather than waiting on him. I, um…know a little about cars, too…So am I still welcome here? :-)
You’ve still got me outclassed when it comes to computer geekery, though. Shoot, ANYBODY has me outclassed at computer geekery!
What an adventure!
You’re a total scream. I’m so glad I found you through my mother. I’ve been needing a good laugh.
Diane – Sister wields her a mean power tool. She is QUITE the do-it-herself-er. So no ex-communication for you…you’re actually among some like-minded (and -abled) company. :-)
*Whew!!* ;)
Isn’t it nice when husbands can fix things!! This was good for me to hear though because I need to find out where my water shut off switch is!
“I am fairly certain that my husband’s chest expanded to two inches beyond its normal size. And I believe he may have pounded said chest with his fists. And I’m quite certain that I heard him growl.”
Yes, yes, yes! My hubs is very, very handy ’round the house.
He install new floor. He make loud ROAR! He install new paneling. He make loud ROAR! He put in new sink. He make loud ROAR! He man. He-Man.
ROOOAAAARRRRR!
I’m brand new to your blog, but had to comment on this one!! I was LOL as you described the scene in your home. Isn’t it grand when your husband is done, though, and you can honestly tell him how proud you are of him???
Leave it to you to take the boring everyday stuff & have me in stitches! Love your perspective on everything. I have to say, I’m blessed with a handy man & I have to help a lot…but it’s actually pretty fun SOMEtimes!
Make sure you take a picture of the repaired faucet for the HOME TOUR!
Good Job! And I tell you…that little o-ring probably saved you several hundred dollars. We had a plumber give us an estimate on a leaking shower faucet. I kid you not…eight hundred dollars. Then we had a neighbor, who is a jack-of-all-trades take a look. Told us to buy some o-rings that cost about two bucks, and he installed them for us–for free. So tell your husband he’s worth about a thousand dollars an hour, LOL!
Yes, those menfolk come in very handy!! Sorry about your water troubles!
Blessings!!
Your a riot!
My husband isn’t a blogger. . .but I have read him two of your posts (the one about your Momma and this one) and he has laughed throughout both. Quite an accomplishment. It’s been all I could do to read them aloud while attempting to breathe.
Roxanne