Archives for March 2007

In Which I Surrender To The Need For A 108 Ounce Jar Of Peanut Butter

Today has been one of those days where I’ve felt like I needed to run to the computer and type, “INTERNETS, HELP ME!” about five different times.

No kidding: something seems to have come undone in my brain over the last couple of weeks in terms of taking care of household business that is normally pretty effortless for me (see: stocking the pantry, shopping for toiletries, making sure we have plenty of detergent, etc.).

Lately I find myself in a constant state of “oh, I forgot such-and-such,” even though I go to the store armed with a list. Even though I keep a magnetized notepad on the refrigerator so I can jot down a note when we run out of something. Even though I’m a fairly organized person.

But y’all, I feel like I’m running back to the grocery store ALL THE TIME. And when I got home from the store this afternoon, I realized that I still needed to buy toilet paper AND peanut butter AND Pop Tarts AND cream of mushroom soup AND wasp spray (which will not be used in the preparation or presentation of any particular meal), and how in the world could we be out of any of those things because OH MY WORD DIDN’T I JUST BUY THEM?

So after some serious overthinking, I’ve determined that the time has come to call in the Big Boys. The time has come to let go of my why-would-anyone-want-a-case-of-brownie-mix mentality. The time has come to indoctrinate myself in the Costco culture, and trust me when I tell you that I wish I were kidding.

Honestly, I’ve never thought it was that much cheaper to buy the larger sizes or to buy in bulk. But now I’m starting to believe that the people who buy in bulk are buying it because they need every last bit of what they buy, and oh sweet mercy if buying 400 rolls of paper towels will keep me from having to buy a two-pack every single week for the rest of my life, then sign me up because I think I’m way past ready. I’m just tired of what feels like constant re-stocking.

So tell me, oh wise ones: do you shop for your family at one of the big discount clubs? Sam’s and Costco are the ones we have in this neck of the woods, though I know there are different ones all over the country (and Canada! I certainly don’t want to leave out Canada!). And if you do shop at a discount club, here are my questions:

1. Do you buy all your groceries there? Or just a select few items?
2. What do you think are the best Sam’s / Costco deals? For example, if I only wanted to spend $100 of our grocery money there every month, how could I get the most bang for my buck?
3. Is it even worth it to join? Or would I do just as well to buy the bigger quantities at, say, Walmart?

And then one last thing:

I’ve really slacked off in the last six months in terms of planning my menus in advance, and I think that’s yet another reason why my grocery shopping feels so disjointed. So if you’re a consistent menu planner, how far in advance do you plan? And do you have any sort of “system” for your planning (a calendar, an online helper, etc.)?

I can’t wait to read your comments because I’m hoping that they will make the crazy go away, and my, what a happy day it will be.

Thanks in advance for your help.

Y’all rocketh (and rolleth, to boot).

Rah Ram Rom

Yesterday D. and I had lunch at Mama and Daddy’s house. Alex had spent a few days with them, and once D. and I were thoroughly exhausted from eating out every single meal and not watching any Playhouse Disney shows at all and listening to the blistering quiet that permeated every single room in our house, we decided that we’d better go pick up the little man because by Sunday morning we missed him so much that we couldn’t wait to wrap our arms around him, even if he responded by sneezing in our mouths or wiping his nose on our sleeves.

He didn’t sneeze in our mouths, by the way, but he did cough in both of our faces, and oh, reunions are a tender time, aren’t they?

Once we were all sufficiently hugged and sugared, we settled in on one of Mama and Daddy’s couches while Alex regaled us with tales of how much he missed us and how he had been to FOUR! DIFFERENT! PLAYGROUNDS! with my daddy. Then he promptly told us that he didn’t want to go back to our house and instead would prefer to stay with his grandparents forever and ever. I can hardly blame him, because if there were a way for me to live somewhere free of charge and enjoy a diet that consists of only donuts, Coke, Pop Tarts, and vanilla wafers, I would pretty much be on board with that for, you know, EVER.

Mama fixed a wonderful lunch for us – turkey divan, butterbeans, creamed corn, bread, apple pie and ice cream – and some our closest family friends came over to eat with us. Robbie and CB have been an extension of our family for our twenty years; so it’s always great to see them and catch up on what’s going on with their family. They actually hosted our wedding reception at their house, and the older I get, the more I’m convinced that OH MY WORD THEY WERE COMPLETELY INSANE TO DO THAT. But it was a lovely affair, and we will forever be grateful.

At some point over lunch the conversation turned to technology, as it always does when my daddy and my husband are breathing. Combine Daddy’s and D.’s affinity for all things tech-related with CB’s very techy line of work, and you essentially have a Festival-O-Gadgetry right there at the dinner table. I can keep up with all the talk of PORTS and HUBS and CABLES to a certain extent, but Mama and Robbie are another story.

I can truly say in all Christian love and kindness that Mama and Robbie are the least tech-savvy people on the face of the planet, but really that’s okay because it’s nearly impossible to stay on the cutting edge of computer news when you’re busy running the Stunt Pillow Palace of America. So about five minutes into the men’s Deep Analysis of the State of Telecommunications in the U.S. and Parts of Western Europe, Mama’s and Robbie’s eyes started to glaze over, and I knew they would find the conversation so much more enjoyable if we could all just talk about fabric instead.

I made a comment about how Robbie must be absolutely riveted by the excitement inherent in a discussion of wireless routers, and she shook her head and started to laugh. CB couldn’t resist, and he chimed in with an anecdote to illustrate Robbie’s stunning computer prowess.

Apparently Robbie called CB one time when he was out of town on business and announced that she was READY TO LEARN ABOUT EMAIL, so he walked her through the steps of opening their email program. He was trying to tell her where to point the mouse, when to click, etc., but she kept saying, “CB! I JUST DON’T SEE ANYTHING!”

“Click where the mouse is pointing, Robbie. Just line up the arrow on the mouse with the program you want to open, and click it.”

“BUT I DON’T SEE ANYTHING!”

CB went on to ask how she couldn’t at least be seeing something, and they ran through various troubleshooting measures to determine the reason why Robbie couldn’t see anything. After mere seconds they determined that the primary problem was that Robbie had never turned on the computer.

So she’s pretty much all about the information age, if you can’t tell.

After lunch was over Mama, Robbie and I went into the den to visit, and we could hear bits and pieces of the men’s conversation filtering in from the dining room. Robbie remarked that CB would sit at the table all day long and talk about computers, and I echoed her sentiment because I know for a fact that D.’s greatest joys in life – aside from his faith and his family, of course – come from Products With Buttons and Cords, and if you don’t believe me then it’s clear you were not with him last Friday night when he was finally able to purchase a Wii after a three-month quest to find a store that actually had them in-stock.

The Wii is “for Alex,” of course.

AHEM.

Anyway, Mama and Robbie continued to talk about how they JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THE COMPUTER, and as Robbie overheard Daddy, CB, and D. talking about CD-ROMs, ISPs, IP addresses, JPEGs and USBs, she shrugged her shoulders, looked at me and said, “Hmph. Sounds like a bunch of letters to me.”

She had barely finished her sentence when Mama said, “Oh, TO ME, TOO, Robbie. That is the TRUTH. Just a bunch of letters!”

So I hate to break it to y’all, but I don’t think Robbie and Mama are going to be starting blogs anytime soon.

However, with any luck at all, I’ll be able to teach them how to turn on the computer and CHECK THE EMAIL by summertime.

I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

Springing Forward

I really do think that one of my favorite things about being in a new (to us, at least) house – particularly at this time of year – is that every single day is a revelation in terms of what kinds of plants and trees we have in our backyard. By the time we found this house last fall, all the leaves had fallen; so we’ve looked at the same barren view for the last three months, with no idea of what this place would look like come springtime.

But in the last week, things have started to fill in a little bit, offering us a hint of what’s to come.

(And don’t mind me, neighbors – I’m just the new Resident Obsessive Crazy Lady who likes to while away the hours taking pictures because hey! that leaf over there was a quarter shade lighter yesterday and I must capture the transformation for posterity.)

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And if all the buds and blooms weren’t signal enough that spring is on the way, our ever-growing collection of errant golf balls is a pretty tell-tale sign. D. unearthed all of these while raking leaves yesterday.

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It really is the best time of year, isn’t it?

So I’d just like to make it official:

Hey, spring.

Welcome back.

We’re so happy to finally see you again.

A List, It Is Efficient And Practical

1. Katrina over at Callapidder Days is hosting the delightfully-titled Spring Reading Thing on March 21st.

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It’s a great way to set some reading goals, and even though I didn’t participate back in the fall because we were getting ready to put our house on the market and had many incomplete projects and I was, you know, overwhelmed by all the overwhelming details of the overwhelmedness, I still enjoyed looking through the lists of what other people were reading.

Which is sort of like watching someone else exercise, if you think about it.

Anyway, you definitely want to check out the details on this one.

2. The Bulldogs play Arkansas today in the semi-finals of the SEC tournament. Yesterday we beat Kentucky in one of the best games I’ve seen all year, and when we scored a three-pointer at the buzzer to send the game into overtime (notice the “we” I used before the word “scored” – it was completely unintentional, and I think it’s indicative of the fact that I believe I make a difference in the on-court activity), I immediately called Sister.

Want to know how she answered her phone?

“COME ON, NOW, SON!”

I laughed out loud. And then I hollered.

3. Also in basketball-related news, my friend Daphne called me yesterday afternoon to discuss the MSU victory and also to tell me a funny little anecdote:

Yesterday her husband J. happened to be home when the MSU game was on, and since it was a beautiful spring day, he opened their back door so that a little fresh air could come in through the screen door.

He settled in to watch the game, and he became very vocal as the hoops action unfolded. He was telling the players to “STOP IT RIGHT NOW!” when they did something foolish, telling the officials “YOU’RE KILLING US!” when they were calling one foul after another on our Bulldogs, telling our coach to “DO SOMETHING!” when we fell behind and seemed in dire need of a time-out.

Well, apparently Daphne and J.’s neighbor who lives behind them could hear everything J. was saying to the television since the back door was open, and the neighbor was so concerned by what he was hearing that he called the woman who lives across the street from Daph and J.

When across-the-street neighbor answered her phone, behind-the-house neighbor said, “You know, I think we’d better go check on J. I keep hearing him scream for someone to STOP IT and DO SOMETHING, and I’m a little concerned!”

It must be March Madness, y’all.

I Should Probably Go Ahead And Say That I Really, Really Dislike The Word “Pit”

It’s true.

I can’t STAND the word “pit.”

And in fact, a few days ago when Emma Kate and I were talking about Beth Moore’s book Get Out of That Pit, I mentioned my disdain for the last word in the title.

“Well, it’s BIBLICAL,” Emma Kate said.

“I know it’s Biblical, missy,” I replied. “But I just think there could be a better word. Something not quite so dirty. Something that doesn’t make me wrinkle my nose when I say it.”

“Well, missy, I think you can just get over not liking the word, because that’s the word. Period.”

We call each other “missy” a lot, if you can’t tell.

And really, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the word I dislike so much – the word that refers to those deep, dark parts of our lives – it should be something that makes us wrinkle our noses, something that makes us just a little bit uncomfortable. Because the fact of the matter is that we don’t have any business, as believers, hanging out in, well, pits.

(I totally just wrinkled my nose.)

When I started reading Get Out of That Pit, I was a little detached, honestly; Beth (and I say that like she’s my BFF and we shop for shoes together, but I just can’t bring myself to call her “Mrs. Moore”) mentions that that there are essentially three means to pit-dwelling: being thrown in, slipping in, and jumping in. And as I read through the chapter that covered that first point, I wasn’t sure that I could relate. Certainly there have been times in my life when I’ve been thrown in a pit by something someone else has done, but that’s not where I am right now, by God’s grace (see: “victory in Jesus,” “more than conquerors,” etc.).

But then I got to the second route to the pit: slipping in.

And I may have done that a time or two hundred.

You know the drill: you tippy toe! tippy toe! over to something that you have no business messing with – an old hurt, an old habit, an old hang-up (my former pastor’s words, not mine). You mess with it a little – and then you step back. Then you mess with it a little bit more, and you back away again – but maybe not quite as far away as you did before. And gradually, slowly but surely, you slip back into the depths of that particular thing. Instead of keeping a healthy distance away from it, you’re all up in the middle of it. Back in the dead-center of the pit.

I’d like to think, as a fairly intelligent 30-something woman, that I’m immune to doing anything so stupid, to doing anything so self-destructive. But I do – and the devil loves it, no doubt.

There are two areas of my life that have been consistent battlegrounds: discipline and trust. The biggest way the discipline issue manifest itself is with my ongoing battle with weight (sidenote: DON’T GET ME STARTED, but as I told Big Mama in an email the other day, I would like to lose 40 pounds in the next two weeks, so if she needs to find me I’ll be right here starving myself. Which I WON’T, of course. I was just kidding. But sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying, and I’m just keepin’ it real, interpeeps. And now I’m fearful of getting emails telling me YOU DON’T HAVE TO STARVE YOURSELF and PLEASE, WOMAN, EAT SOME CHICKEN, so let me just reiterate for clarity that I was kidding).

The trust thing is an issue that I thought cropped up for the first time in my 30’s, but I’ve really dealt with it my whole life, I think. If I’m not careful I can find myself doing terribly productive things like Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop, and the older I get the more I realize that it’s a pit custom-designed for me, a trap that the devil uses to steal my natural bent towards joy. I’ll think I’m over it, that I’m done with it, that I’m not going to worry about such-and-such ANY MORE – and then BAM! – I seize up like a rusty motor.

If rusty motors actually “seize,” that is. I’ve never been very strong with the figurative language. But you know what I mean.

So in the end, I think the biggest thing Beth’s book did for me is to remind me that these pits that continually beckon me are spiritual battles, and I can’t fight them in my own strength. I try – but at the end of the day, “willpower” is just another word and not a bit of help in terms of climbing out of the pits into which I sometimes slide. What I need instead is His power, because if you get right down to it, there really aren’t any battles that we’re meant to fight alone.

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.” – Pslam 40:1-3

To see more responses to this book or to add your own, head over to Robin’s blog. Also: anyone can jump in the discussion in the comments; you don’t have to have read the book to chime in.

You Can Mess With Me, But Don’t You Mess With My TV

Dear Esteemed Local Cable Provider – 

I’m sure at this point you’re somewhat tired of hearing from my husband and me, seeing as how you have been summoned to our house at least seven times in the last two months, not to mention my husband’s thrice-weekly calls to your customer service department regarding our reliably unreliable internet service. (Feel free to use that “reliably unreliable” phrase in your next ad campaign, by the way. If that doesn’t suit your fancy, you can always go with “consistently inconsistent.” Because that too would apply.) 

I’m sure that part of our dissatisfaction with your cable television / DVR / cable internet products is because our last cable-television experience was exceptional. In fact, during the time that we spent with DirectTV at our former home, we called upon their customer service department approximately, oh, zero times. We enjoyed a crystal clear picture, a friendly DVR-interface via our beloved TiVo (or, as I liked to refer to it: The Baby), and an unfailing satellite set-up. Honestly, we planned to be customers for life…life and beyond, in fact, because there’s absolutely no way that heaven won’t come equipped with the DirectTV / TiVo combination. God has spoken to me about this, and I know I can trust Him. 

Now since my outlook is typically of the glass half-full variety, I have tried to look at our current Unfortunate Cable Situation in a more positive light. I’ve been telling myself that the reason we’ve had to call on you so frequently is because you want to get to know us. You want your technicians to get to know us. You want the customer service representatives in call centers located halfway around the world to know us. You’re relational. You’re building community. You’re investing time in our family. You’re not just a cable company; you’re an outstretched hand, offering us a warm welcome into our new home. 

But my perspective changed, you see, when your reliably unreliable DVR product did not record “24” last Monday night. It was programmed to record “24,” and it even showed “24” in our list of recorded programs. But when we tried to play our favorite show in the history of all time ever, we were greeted by a blank screen – a blank screen whose existence your customer service representatives could not explain. A blank screen whose existence your technician could not explain when he made a service call to our house the very next day. A blank screen that caused said technician to replace our faulty DVR unit with another one that wouldn’t record, only to replace that faulty unit with another unit that is apparently quite cheerful – at least that’s what we’ve determined since it makes a whistling noise all the time

I won’t even get into the fact that your TiFaux product didn’t record American Idol this past Tuesday night. Frankly, I just can’t talk about it because those wounds are still too raw.

Today a technician is supposed to bring us another DVR unit. And because history is our best teacher, I must tell you that I look forward to identifying the exact nature of our new DVR’s defectiveness – whether that means the unit might have smoke emanating from the area where the clock should be, a lingering odor that smells vaguely of old peas, or perhaps a tendency to inexplicably play showtunes from the 1950’s when I’m JUST TRYING TO WATCH OPRAH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.

At this point, nothing would surprise me.

You see, I can deal with the fact that your DVR interface resembles something from a Commodore 64 computer. I just tell myself that it’s retro. 

I can deal with the fact that your On Demand service is, according to your customer service representatives and your technicians, only reliable approximately 20% of the time. I just tell myself that it’s in the beta phase.

I can deal with the fact that last night we inexplicably started to receive every single pay channel known to man – despite the fact that we had not ordered them – and when my husband called your customer service center and asked you to remove them from our service because we have an almost-four year old and would prefer that he not wander across the fine film offerings on Cinemax, your response was that “most people would be glad to get something they’re not paying for.” I just tell myself that you’re generous.

And I’m willing to look past all of those things.

But I cannot deal with being deprived of Monday night’s Jack Bauer Power Hour.

Nor will I tolerate missing even a second of the cheese-tacular that is my beloved American Idol.

So just know this: I’ve got my eye on you.

And more importantly, Jack Bauer has my back.

Let’s get the DVR-thing right this time.

‘Kay, sweet thing?

Yours truly,
BooMama