Archives for April 2009

I-65 Is My Second Home

20 April 2009 by

So this afternoon I’m headed to Nashville to people-watch and eat dinner and blog about the ASCAP Christian Music Awards. I did this very thing last year and had a ball despite the fact that I’m incredibly awkward socially, but I have to say that getting to hide behind my computer helped me relax a little bit.

For the record, I don’t think I’ve ever written a nerdier sentence than that last one.

This trip to Nashville is going to be super-quick because the awards are tonight and then I have to drive home earrrrrrly tomorrow morning, but I am happily heading up I-65 because I’ll get to see Sister (she works for ASCAP, hence the bloggy gig) and I’ll get to see sweet friends, too. It’s sure to be a delightful time because I’ll spend the majority of the evening looking at Sister and saying, “I don’t want to bug anybody. I don’t want to bug anybody!” And she’ll say, “It’s fine. It’s FINE!” But hello, I am the same girl who last year was absolutely terrified to ask Louie Giglio if I could please pretty please have my picture made with him, so my solution was to just take a picture of him and his wife and my friend Carrie because that is where I am comfortable, people: behind a camera. As far behind the scenes as I can get. Preferably sitting at a computer. While wearing my handy of cloak of invisibility.

Anyway. What was I talking about? Corn? “The Hills”? Whether or not Jack Bauer will find an antidote for the toxins that are surging through his blood stream?

Okay. Yes. A point. I really did have one.

One thing I wished I’d done differently last year was to have a few questions that I could’ve asked people if I hadn’t been so worried about bugging them (I did eventually speak to Louie Giglio, by the way, and I rambled so much that I would not be at all surprised to learn that the phrase “Mamaw’s peas” came out of my mouth). I think having some questions might help keep me focused, and at the very least I can write the questions down on a piece of paper and then fold the piece of paper into some sort of origami-ish bird and then ask Sister to please deliver the piece of paper to Insert-Person-Here while I continue to hide behind my computer, oh thank you.

So, internets: do you have any questions for the Christian music people? I’m not exactly sure who will be at the awards tonight, but Sister sent me a copy of the press release, and if the people listed on the press release are in fact there, you can rest assured that I will be at THE VERY HEIGHT OF AWKWARD.

Any general questions? Thoughts? Suggestions? Mild sedatives?

Thank you and have a lovely afternoon.

Filed Under: ASCAP, Rambling

Linky Interwebby Awesomeness 04.20.09

20 April 2009 by

– Shannon went shopping for a shirt. And I had no idea shirt shopping could be so funny.

– Twitter makes the world very, very small. Jack Gray tells us how (I laughed out loud about six times when I read this, by the way).

– Compassion Bloggers leave for India in six days!

Filed Under: Daily Awesome

How I Dusted A Nightstand In Our Guest Room

20 April 2009 by

1. Walked in guest room. Decided the nightstands needed dusting.

2. On way out of guest room, determined that two nightstands were too much in a smallish space.

3. Turned around, cleared off one nightstand, picked it up and carried it into another bedroom.

4. Vowed to return to that bedroom once dusting was finished and find the perfect spot for the nightstand in its new location.

5. Walked to the laundry room. Secured dust rag and Pledge.

6. Headed back into guest room. Contemplated rearranging all the furniture.

7. Started moving the bed. Immediately noticed the bed looked weird.

8. Looked under the bed. Saw that part of the frame had come undone.

9. Determined that mattress and box springs needed to be moved so that frame could be fixed.

10. Wrestled with mattress and box springs for approximately 15 minutes.

11. Strained – and this is just an estimation – seventy two different muscles in my lower back.

12. Walked outside and begged husband for help.

13. Stood in doorway of guest room looking useless while husband fixed the bed frame.

14. With help of husband, put mattress and box springs back on the bed.

15. Made up bed. Couldn’t remember what led me to that room in the first place.

16. Oh, yes. THE DUSTING.

17. Decided that I would dust just as soon as I vacuumed the rug in the foyer.

18. But not until I played some Connect Four with the kindergartner.

19. Won four out of the five Connect Four games. NOT THAT I WAS KEEPING SCORE.

20. Vacuumed foyer rug.

21. Remembered that I was supposed to be dusting.

22. Heard phone beep.

23. Found phone and answered text.

24. Checked email since I was standing next to the computer.

25. Saw an email with some pictures I’d been waiting for.

26. Wrote a blog post since I’d gotten the pictures I needed.

27. Fixed a snack for the boy. And one for me, too.

28. Folded a load of clothes.

29. Put away clothes and decided that half bath had to be cleaned immediately.

30. Scoured the half bath with Mr. Clean.

31. Decompressed from bathroom cleaning unpleasantness by playing a round of Fuzion Frenzy.

32. Felt renewed sense of motivation and purpose after decisive Fuzion Frenzy win.

33. Walked back in the guest room.

34. Cleared old magazines and books off the nightstand.

35. Dusted the dadgum nightstand approximately three and a half hours after the whole process began.

But I have to say that now? That nightstand? Is SPOTLESS.

And that is understandable, especially given my efficiency.

Filed Under: Out Of Control

It’s Like A Bloggy Quilt

17 April 2009 by

I have forty four posts in my drafts folder. FORTY FOUR. Forty four posts where I’ve had an idea but really never got going with it, or posts that I’ve started but not finished, or posts that I’ve finished but not posted. And whenever I have a little bout of writer’s block, which seems to be the case today because I stayed up way too late watching “House Hunters International” when I should have been sleeping, I think, “Well, I’ll just pull something out of the drafts folder.”

But it doesn’t work like that. Because all that stuff in the drafts folder? IS OLD.

I’m telling you: that drafts folder is like a crutch that collapses on you every single time you try to use it and therefore leaves you hobbling on your wobbly, broke-down ankle. Which is to say: WORTHLESS.

So today I’ve decided that I’m going to drag some of that stuff out to play, and I’m going to drag it out in a manner that leaves it completely devoid of any relevant context whatsoever. And THEN I AM DELETING THAT JUNK FROM THE DRAFTS FOLDER SO THE EMPTY WORDS WILL STOP HAUNTING ME WITH THEIR USELESSNESS.

Here are the first three. All totally unfinished. But I am releasing them into the interweb so that they can fly away and be free.

And perhaps find some sort of ending.

*****

So I went to the bookstore to get Alex something like The Children’s Bible (which is what I had from the time I was 6 until I was 11 or 12), and my word it seemed like every single Bible in the kids’ section had some sort of theme. The Discovery Bible! The Veggie Tales Bible! The Adventure Bible! A Bible with a cover that looks like armor!

So I bought The Adventure Bible(!) because it’s for early readers and it was on sale, but the more I’ve thought about it the more I’ve decided that the whole themed Bible extravaganza may be just a wee bit out of control. I mean, at the rate we’re going, it won’t be any time at all before we have The High School Musical Bible! Or The Hannah Montana Bible!

Or maybe we could even have a Self-Affirming Bible with A MIRROR INSIDE – that way we can watch ourselves as we read God’s Word aloud and then feel really good about how holy we look.

Sorry. My sarcastic side took over for a minute. I do apologize.

*****

My friend Daphne told me watch “30 Rock” after she saw the very first episode. She said it was the funniest show on television. But I am sometimes stubborn and inflexible (NOOOOOOO.) (YESSSSSSS.) and told her that I did not have room for another TV show in my life what with all the “Top Chef” and “Project Runway” (HEY MR. SEAL! IT’S YOUR WIFE!) and “Amazing Race” episodes that keep our DVR filled to overflowing.

But lo and behold, I finally watched an episode about halfway through last season and thought it was funny. Then I caught up on some of the older episodes. And y’all? Daphne was so right. “30 Rock” is hilarous. HILARIOUS.

So I just want to go on the record: Daph, you were right. I was wrong. You are a TV maven.

*****

When we were in Uganda our group went to a lodge in the middle of nowhere for a couple of days at the end of our trip so that we could debrief and decompress. We ate all of our meals outside on a covered deck (WHAT UP, NATURE), and the last morning we were there I woke up super-early, took my Bible and my journal out on that deck, and sat there for a really long time.

The view from the covered deck was stunning. It was lush, tropical – green in every direction. And that morning, as I looked out over the Nile and reflected on the week we’d spent in Uganda, I decided that I never wanted to forget the scene in front of me. I felt broken and tired and worn-down, and for a few minutes it did my heart a world of good just to see something pretty. In retrospect it’s interesting to me that I completely missed the stuff in the background that wasn’t quite as healthy, but I guess I just wanted to focus on something beautiful.

I guess I just wanted to focus on something that had everything it needed to thrive.

A few hours later our group met on the banks of the Nile for Holy Communion. And while the area where we gathered was visible from the place I’d been sitting earlier in the morning, it looked entirely different once I was standing in the middle of the clearing. It wasn’t nearly as lush – and I’m pretty sure that the tree behind us was dead – but as we stood in a circle and worshipped together, I realized that the picture-perfect view I enjoyed earlier in the morning had absolutely nothing on our Communion spot. In fact, I was standing in the best vantage point I’d had all week.

Yes, I could see the Nile, and yes, I could see the sweet faces of the people who had become so dear to me in such a short period of time. But more than anything, I could see this tree. And it just seemed right, somehow.

Truth be told, this tree probably characterizes my experiences in Uganda way better than the lush view I’d enjoyed earlier in the morning. It was weathered and prickly – pretty much the opposite of lush. It was stripped down. But in one little section, there was a cluster of new growth.

*****

Happy weekend, everybody!

Filed Under: Rambling

Tall. Beets.

16 April 2009 by

Would you think my life was really sad and pitiful if I told you that I’ve been looking forward to tonight’s episodes of “The Office” and “30 Rock” all day long?

Yes?

Well. Then welcome to my sad, pitiful life. Where I not only watch TV – I blog about it!

All righty – here we go with the dueling paper companies on “The Office.”

1. “…now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of their love.”

2. “Michael, you know I can’t take this.”
“Yes, I do.”

3. “U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi…gooooooo Michael Scott Paper Company!”

4. “You’re so – focused.”
“Like a wolf. Thank you.”

5. “Let me be your traveling pants.”

6. “I. understand. nothing.”

7. “It’s like a girl says she’ll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon.”

8. “I am going to steal all your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you.”

9. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. – Bill Cosby”

10. “You sound worried.”
“And you have bad skin. Look, everyone, we’re all making observations!”

11. “I spent a month putting that Rolodex on his Blackberry. Which he now uses as a nightlight.”

12. “Master and Apprentice. Pitted against one another for the fate of the Greater Scranton Area paper market.”

13. OH MY WORD – Dwight’s green underwear.

14. “Dwight hit a bear. But he’ll be here in a second.”

15. “You have no idea what kind of an enemy you’ve created. You’ve unleashed a wolf.”

16. “Aaaaaand I’m closing the door.”

17. “ARE YOU SAYING YOU INVENTED PAPER?”

18. “SPIN MOVE!”

19. “I color code all my info…green means ‘go.’ So I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means ‘orange you glad you didn’t bring it up.'”

Oh, I did enjoy the Insider-esque sheananigans. This was Dwight’s best episode in a sweet forever, and pitting Michael and Dwight against each other as corporate rivals is brilliant. It was a great episode that was chock-full-o-one liners – and I will treasure Dwight’s quick costume change into his mustard shirt for the rest of my earthly days. It was like watching Superman run into a burning building. If, you know, Superman were a paper salesman.

By the way, if you’d like to hear Andy’s a cappella version of “You Can Call Me Al,” it’s right here. HILARIOUS.

What did y’all think?

Filed Under: TV Is My Friend

Linky Interwebby Awesomeness 04.16.09

16 April 2009 by

– Yesterday my friend Bubba sent me a text that said, “Have you seen the video of Susan Boyle?” My answer: “Who’s Susan Boyle?” Two seconds later my phone beeped with Bubba’s reply: “Google her.”

In the last twelve hours I’ve probably gotten six emails about Susan Boyle (thanks, sweet emailers!), and when I finally watched Susan Boyle’s video, I sat right here at the computer and cried.

– As most of y’all know, there were some tea parties yesterday. I read all sorts of stuff about the tea parties this morning, and I especially loved this post at This Ain’t New York and this post by Melanie. Regardless of your political leanings, you have to agree that it’s a mighty fine thing indeed that American people have the right to assemble and speak their dadgum minds.

By the way, yesterday afternoon I called Melanie approximately 15 times to get the latest play-by-play from P (let me tell y’all something about P: HE IS HYSTERICAL), and every single update brought me untold laughter and joy. Good grief I wish we were neighbors.

– Ever heard of The Noticer Project? Very, very cool. (via Annie)

– This post by Jon? Made me CLAP MY HANDS.

Filed Under: Daily Awesome
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