As Seen On TV

Today D and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. Well, I mean, we didn’t really celebrate today because he spent all day at work and I spent all day doing fun things like going to the dentist and also Walmart, but tonight we got a babysitter and went out to my favorite sushi place. The dinner was a very sweet, selfless gesture on my husband’s part since he typically prefers for meat to be 1) cooked and 2) not wrapped in rice, but he survived. In fact, he actually ordered some COOKED scallops and said that they were delicious. So see? It all worked out.

(Okay. I just deleted a super-long tangent about marriage that is probably best suited for another post.)

(In fact, I’m going to paste it into a brand new post at this juncture.)

(Please pardon me while I attempt to GRAB HOLD OF THE BLOGGY REINS.)

(So. I’m back. And now I will continue.)

After dinner we went to get ice cream, and then we ran by Walmart on the way home because I decided that my day wouldn’t be complete unless I could walk through those sah-weet automatic doors ONE MORE TIME before the clock struck midnight. I know it probably seems pretty lame that we would spend part of our anniversary night walking past big ole ROLLBACK signs, but don’t most married couples end up at either Target or Walmart at some point during a date night? Or maybe Lowe’s?

Anyway, I needed some cheese and some hairspray (though please rest assured that I have no intention of using these items together), but on my way to the health and beauty aids section I got sidetracked by a big display that was standing in the center of the aisle. It was one of those deals where I didn’t really notice it at first, but as soon as I got past it I thought, Hold on. Did that say what I think it said?

So I backed up the cart, took a closer look, and OH MY WORD AMERICA HAS IT COME TO THIS?

I mean, seriously? We can’t be bothered to bend over and wash our own feet anymore?

For thirty seconds or so I stood there all indignant and incredulous, but before I could get too comfortable on my high horse, I remembered how the simplest tasks became very difficult when I was 7, 8, 9 months pregnant. And then I thought about how elderly people or people who have certain kinds of injuries or illnesses have to be really careful when they’re in the shower. And then I thought about the built-in pumice stone and how delightful it would be to massage my feet and shower at the same time, and I am here to tell you that I went from outraged consumer to BONA FIDE SUPER FAN in no time at all.

I didn’t buy the Easy Feet, mainly because my husband had just taken me out for a lovely dinner and I hated to say, “HEY, LET’S GET ME SOME OF THESE FAYN-CEE SHOWER SHOES” – but I thought about it. Oh yes I did. And now I’m curious: are you ever tempted to buy the As Seen On TV stuff? Or better yet, have you bought something? Do you have any Ginzu knives in a kitchen drawer? A Chia pet on the windowsill above your sink? A Magic Bullet in the cabinet next to your food processor? Or – heaven forbid – a Shake Weight propped up next to a stack of exercise DVDs?

Just thinking about reading your comments makes me happier than you will ever know. Because FINGERS CROSSED that somebody out there owns a Bump-It and is willing to share her personal Bump-It experience.

Giddy-up, y’all.

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  1. Well my goodness- I have never enjoyed a post or a set of comments more in my life! I keep coming back just to make sure I haven’t missed anything! So, so funny! My little girl loves to watch infomertials. When she was about 4 years old we had a spill in the kitchen and she piped up and said, “Well we wouldn’t have to worry about this mess if we had some Sham Wows!”

  2. I made a trip to Wal-Mart tonight and the lady in front of me must have been super excited about some clean feet…because she bought two! We visit Dollar Tree when we need random things that are only ONE DOLLAR and they have a little section of “knock off” as seen on TV items. Like, the Bump-It and the thing that allows you to hang your purse off the side of a table…because that is totally necessary. So, I am sure if the original ones are a let-down then the dollar versions are MUCH better. :) I do, however, use the steam balls that you put in the dryer. They do work but they are a little loud (as someone mentioned above). One of the strangest things I have seen is that contraption you put in a pot that stirs the food for you. Yeah.

  3. I have the ped-egg, one of the best $9.99 I’ve ever spent. Don’t have a snuggie mainly because I’m mad that I didn’t think of turning a bathrobe around, renaming it and marketing it to make a gajillion dollars. Do have the turntable food storage set and LOVE it – is just right for what we need. I’ve actually had pretty decent luck with Shamwows – I handwashed and soaked them when I first got them and that seemed to prime them to do good things.

    Re the easy feet: for me it’s not about being able to reach my feet, it’s about having that “reflexology” massage and tactile sensations. Haven’t you ever taken off shoes and run your feet through grass, or really comfy carpeting? (or am I the only strange on here? LOL) As someone who spends up to 12 hours a day on her feet, I’d just like to give a plug for anything that gives the foot a little massage like that. Yes, I clean my own feet, but boy does it also feel good to step on my shower mat which is a sort of a one-big-version of the bed of the “feet.” It scratches all those nerve endings that are yelping after a hot day on my feet and just gives them a nice little massage. I also soap them up and clean with a washcloth…but we’re probably moving into TMI now ;-).

    I’ve had some other odds and ends – never bought from the TV ads but from stores, including ASOTV stores.

  4. Um, also, Happy Anniversary!!

  5. Kathy V. says:

    My 10-yr-old daughter begged me for a touch and brush. Let’s just say that it was a good lesson about the fact that things aren’t as awesome as they look on tv. We threw it away after a couple weeks.

  6. The Ped-Egg.

    Which reminds me…. it’s flip-flop season & I need to dig mine out of the either that is my under-bathroom-sink-counter.

  7. Happy, happy anniversary, friend!! We’ll celebrate #14 in January. Sushi (+ something COOKED for him) and Target sound perfect!

  8. I saw a new one yesterday! The RoboStir! I understand if you don’t want to click on a link through the comments. Google “robostir”. Seriously??? (Though when I was browning 5 lbs of ground beef last night I did yearn for one just a little bit.)

  9. I LOVE my Magic Bullet! And I bought a thing called the Vidalia Chop Wizard which dices veggies and I love it, too. (I got both of those at Bed, Bath and Beyond, though.) In fact, I love my Chop Wizard so much that I need to buy another one because I managed to break the one I had!
    “My question is: Whose feet are so filthy that they need to be scrubbed that much in the shower? ”
    I can answer this question! An eight-year-old boy who plays outside barefoot ALL THE TIME and is unusually inflexible needs one of these! I’m seriously considering getting one for my son!

  10. I ordered wen today!! First time! Extremely hopeful but nervous! I saw a few of you that used it! If you see this could you email me, I have a few questions!!! Thanks SO much!

  11. Susan Self says:

    Sophie, I am glad y’all had a great anniversry.

  12. June 1st was our 15th, and we went to a fancy restaurant. Then, I am not even kidding, we went by Wally World to get my son his elementary school graduation present of a Nerf Water gun and Big Nate book.

    I love that you two were strolling aisles on your romantic evening, too! Marriage, who would have thought where it would take us?

  13. lauren says:

    second time i’ve returned to read the comments today! Love this post!

  14. Thanks for such original content. I get really tired of all the reposts and links to others blogs (esp the ones I follow) I get a laugh out of the everyday that you write about! Thanks again.

  15. Two Words: Kymaro Bodyshaper. It could have worked really well if I were 5 feet 11 inches tall. Or if my 5 foot plus an inch frame wanted my ENTIRE BODY SHAPED DOWN TO MY KNEES! But, I suspect Kymaro is Japanese for “hahahahahaha on you, foolish American woman who eats too many kit kat bars!!”

  16. Angela says:

    We owe a Magic Bullet, though I bought it at Target. I bought it to make baby food and it works great for that. I don’t see the need for the new Baby Bullet. The regular one works just fine.

  17. I am old (oh, very, very old) and recently had a knee replaced by something not-knee, so the whole “I will wash your feet for you and you don’t need to balance on one foot anymore” made a lot of sense to me. It never would occur to me to dry and remove the thing from the shower, though, so maybe I need to re-think.

  18. Rose Mary says:

    Yes I have a Ginzu knife in my kitchen drawer!! It’s been a life saver dozens of times. How else would you cut open a package of toner for the printer? Cut a whole chicken in half so you can freeze it in two packages? Cut up cardboard boxes for recycling? It cuts everything so easily. I love my Ginzu!

  19. OH MY GOSH! Brand new ASOTV product recommendation! The Finishing Touch! It’s a tiny razor for peach fuzz (I am a victim of peach fuzz). IT IS MAGNIFICENT.

  20. Many years ago I for some reason bought into the hype and purchased …. Nads. I mean, it said it would be painless to rip hair out off my legs. Of course it would be true! Yeah …. not so much. It was excruciating to try and get it off, and all the hair remained.

    I own Bare Minerals and love it – but I got it at Sephora. =)

    I am looking for reviews of: Strap Perfect and Big Top Cupcake, please! lol

  21. Thanks for all the laughs. Can’t stop the tears. I bought heel-tastic. It really works but if you are not careful, you will fall on your behind due to your super slippery feet.

    Those place are our dates. My favorite date is our early Sunday morning grocery shopping and errands with a trip through Mc Ds drive through for a diet coke and a breakfast burrito all before church.

  22. My husband bought me a foot massager from an As Seen On TV store several years ago. It felt great, but I could not get over how much it sounded like a chain saw. It was LOUD! I sold it at a yard sale to someone who didn’t mind that it sounded like a piece of logging equipment (I did warn him). I think it made him feel nostalgic as he looked like a logger…

  23. The gym where I work out has an Ab Lounger (AS SEEN ON TV!!) and I have to say it is (seriously) the most delightful piece of exercise equipment that I have ever used.

  24. One anniversary (I think it was our 12th…but you know, they all blur together) we dropped the kids at church for youth group, went to dinner, then to Meijer to buy garbage bags (we were out), then made it back to church to pick them up BEFORE youth group was even over. It’s ALL romance in our marriage ;)

  25. As a mother of 3 small children, I went out and bought the Touch-N-Brush because I was so tired of cleaning up all the toothpaste blobs off the bathroom counter and sink. It really does work well, but occasionally has to be cleaned itself. I think it was a worthwhile purchase for us and hasn’t gotten much mention in your comments!

  26. I just bought this for my son! He is 14 and his feet stink so bad, he isn’t allowed to take his shoes off until he can wash them. We also have another teenager who lives with us – this is a requirement for them to us in the shower :)

  27. My brother just bought a Shake Weight…simply for the humor value of telling everyone he did so, I’m pretty sure. He acted out the DVD that came with it for us which was hilarious, mainly because he said the guy in the DVD was struggling to speak, he was sweating and breathing so hard. And it was edited poorly, so the guy would go from sweating all over to completely dry to back again.
    But I mean come on, Shake Weight people. I saw the SNL spoof of it before I saw the real commercial, and had no idea it was a real thing — and then I saw the real thing and thought “No! Are they serious? This cannot be real!”

  28. um…was thinking, ‘no, no…nope, haven’t ordered that one…’

    and then you said the magic words: bump-it.

    which is when i hit ‘leave a comment’.

    i bought it in the store and not on tv about two years ago…AND HAVE YET TO USE IT. it offered instructions but, honestly, i still can’t figure out how to use it. and, even if i did figure out how to use it, i would be the girl whose bump-it would fall out in the middle of whatever event required big hair of her. or it would show up clearly and obviously in all of the pictures, unbeknownst to me, and documented on folks’ computers forever and ever, amen.

    i may or may not have bought a few exercise videos/dvd’s in my life, and perhaps a thigh-master back in the day, but i’ll never tell.


  29. Catching up on my blog reading after being on vacation. I do own a Snuggie and love it in the winter. My dog likes to curl up on it also. :)
    My favorite is the Ped Egg!!! LOVE it! My best friend bought it for me and it is soooo wonderful! If you have rough feet issues, you need one! (Can you tell I like it?)
    My hair is short so no need for a Bump-it. But the ones I’ve seen people try to wear haven’t turned out so well. :(