This morning Alex and I went to the grocery store and the library (I do apologize. It’s clearly “WISE BERRIES,” at least according to Alex’s personal pronunciation guide). It seems to get more humbling by the day, this process of going out to public places with a three year old (um, I don’t know if y’all heard or not, but he had a birthday last week).
The thing is, I see these mamas who literally have four kids with them, and they’re doing FINE in Walmart or Target or wherever. FINE. And then there’s me, Mother of One Child, using every reserve of patience that I have so that I don’t snap and push the cart away from my person at a high rate of speed, leaving Alex in the middle of the cereal aisle, where he would apparently sit and scream, “THIS ONE! THIS ONE! Baby Einstein dot com cereal, Mama!” until someone rescues him or Jesus returns, whichever should come first.
So here’s what I wonder. Once you get above one child, do you just not hear the whining anymore? Or do you become numb to its effects? Or are you just so worn out that you lack the energy to get worked up about All The Demands? Because I’ll tell you what – I don’t know how people do it when you factor more than one child into the shopping equation. Couple the whining with Alex’s constant “No want to go home, Mama” reminders, and you’ve got a recipe for Mama On The Edge. I honestly think Alex would be his very happiest if we left the house as soon as he woke up, ran errands to Walmart, Publix, Target, Family Christian, Steinmart, and Party City ALL DAY LONG, then topped off our day with supper in a restaurant, followed by some form of church service. And ice cream afterwards. Anything – ANYTHING – but the routine of being at home.
We did have fun at the library Wise Berries, though. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself when I checked out my books…Little Miss English Major, Reader of Fine Literature, brought home the following: Wynonna Judd’s autobiography, Shopaholic and Sister, and some Yada Yada Book Club novel. The last two have cute, colorful, swirly drawings on the front and come just short of saying “TAKE ME TO THE BEACH. I AM MINDLESS ENTERTAINMENT. I AM ESCAPIST LITERATURE.” So we’ll see how those go. I couldn’t resist the Wynonna book because 1) I love her, but mainly 2) did y’all see her with her mama and sister on Oprah last summer? They have some issues. ISSUES. DEEEEEEEP issues. I’m rooting for Wynonna, though – she seems like a good girl.
Okay – there’s your jumpy narrative for the day. I’m going to try to get this house into reasonable working order while Alex is asleep. I’ve already filled up half a garbage bag (do y’all ever do that? Just throw away toys when your kids are asleep because you’re so sick of stepping over them that you could scream?), and I’ve got a good two hours of cleaning left. I’ll be back later tonight with an Idol re-cap.
Let the cleaning begin.
If helps you any, my mom always told me that God gives you children in pairs. Like if he starts you with a handful then the next one is easy. I’m not saying I believe her but it did prove to be true for us. My first was a breeze, never any trouble. The next taught me how to parent and the third was easy again. The fourth… well don’t be silly we stopped at three.
And throwing toys away while they slept, yes I do recall doing that.
First, You’re title had me laughing before your page even came up! :P
You asked: “Once you get above one child, do you just not hear the whining anymore?” Boy, that would be nice. I not only still hear the whining, I hear it when it’s not even there. I’ll be sleeping peacefully, and then come fully awake, positive that someone in the house was whining or crying. Nope, no kids, it was just my nerves that were whining!
I don’t know who those women are that go to the store with 4 kids. They’re not natural. I don’t even like to go with 2. I prefer to wait until after bed time and then leisurely stroll the aisles. :D
Also, I love throwing away toys! It’s very therapuetic.
I’m feeling slightly less inept now. That’s good, right? I did see one of those mamas with four kids today…two walking with mama – willingly and peacefully, occasionally helping with the shopping – two more in the cart, entertained by their surroundings. No one was screaming. It was like magic. Or maybe sedation. And Lauren, my mama has always said the same thing about kids. Alex was a great, laid-back baby, so Mama has always said that the next one will be a tornado. I don’t know if I have it in me. :-)
Here’s the trick: I refuse to go to the grocery store with them. We will eat cereal for dinner with a side of leftover mac-n-cheese before I take them to the store. We can be without toilet paper and use napkins before I take them to the store. We will eat 3 month old stale graham crackers for snacks (and we have) before I take them to the store. I have to be in pretty desperate circumstances to take them because to me, it’s just not worth the aggravation. As we speak, they are screaming at each other and one of them is calling “mama!!” at this VERY moment. “Will hit me and he was in my room and I yelled for him to get out and when he was leaving he hit me!!!” Apparently there was this very important dispute about the dog’s toy. Uh-huh, yeah. Go on and have the next baby and just get it over with. I promise it will be worth it – you just have to trust me on this one.
Well, it DOES sound like LOADS of fun. :-)
I can’t wait for David to read that last part – “Go on and have the next baby and just get it over with” – that is classic Merritt right there. I’ll have a second one if you’ll have a third! :lol:
Tit for tat, Boo. You catch up with me and we’ll talk about the 3rd.
N/A on the child thing :), but you would LOVE Wy. And, they are taping Nashville Star as I type this, which is along the same lines as your beloved AI. She is doing a fabulous job hosting it with her sidekick, Cowboy Troy.
You know, I watched N’ville Star the first two seasons, but I haven’t kept up lately. I will set the TiVo ASAP. Maybe you should arrange a meeting between Wy and me the next time I’m in Nashville so that she and I can become BFF. She seems like my kind of girl.
And Merritt – I can promise you that if I do have a 2nd, there will NOT be a third. We’ll just call it even at that point, if it’s okay by you. :-)
Oh Boo!! I took a trip to Kroger today with the twins. Of course, I did not realize that Garrett had a toy gun in his pocket just waiting for his first victim. A nice gentlemen saw them in that wonderful cart with two seats sitting so nice and quiet and said “My, they are so well behaved” Garrett decided at that moment to whip out his gun, point it in his face, and say, “You’re dead mister!” Needless to say, the gentlemen’s mind was completely changed!!!
EK, you better write that one down. Classic!
Boo – funny thing is just last night S was asking Will & Molly if they would like to have a baby brother or sister (as if he was really contemplating the idea). Will said, “I don’t know – does Mama want one?” I kindly thanked him for remembering me in this whole decision since I would, in fact, be the one to carry and give birth to the precious creature and then proceed to take care of its every need for the following 18(??) years. He’s such a sweet boy.
See EK, those young’uns will humble you every single time. But I bet that man still thought they were adorable.
Merritt, all I can do is shake my head. It was terribly kind of your son to consult you on your willingness to have a child, since apparently your husband was willing to simply put it to a vote, and majority wins, whether you’re on board with it or not. ;-)
My one and only is 18 and going to college in August. No more for us, unless the surgeon REALLY messed up. I wouldn’t take a farm in Texas for her, but I am perfectly content to be the Mom of 1.
I honestly don’t know how anybody with more than 1, especially those with 3 or more, manages to have them bathed, clothed and fed, much less takes them out in public without needing a police escort or a personal therapist present at all times. God Bless ‘Em, truly.
My Mama had 5, and she told me kids cause insanity. You inherit it from them. ;)
The warm fuzzy times more than make up for the “hair on fire” moments, though. :) :lol:
Let’s just say I am the biggest PLANNER (or WAS) of us all and only PLANNED on those two older boys of mine. The Lord Jesus had other things in mind when #1 I was on the pill and #2 Paul had already been to his consult for the Vasectomy. Don’t think you all are always in CONTROL. Needless to say when that Graham (son #3) looked at me tonight and said, “You are the most preciousest MOMMY in the world” I melted and turned to JELLO! Boo you are #3 remember that sweetie!
I’m with Merritt on this 100%. I absoulutely DO NOT take my kids to the grocery store. I will go in the middle of the night if I have to. Davis is at an age where I will take him on a quick trip, but Gray is a NO-GO and them together just doesn’t happen.
I DO still here the whining and crying, and now that there are two of them, there’s also yelling, tattling and hollerin’ (as we like to say in the South). It all makes me crazier than ever.
On the topic of Wynonna, I LOVE her. Just a few minutes ago on Nashville Star, she introduced Gretchen Wilson as “my sister friend Gretchen Wilson.” I will now have to refer to many of you as “sister friend.” Wy is one of a kind.
First of all, I am just so very tickled, E., that you’re commenting. And please know that I am fine with WHATEVER happens down the road child-wise. If this is all I have, I am blessed beyond measure. If there are more in store, I will happily take them. It’s just hard for me to wrap my brain around dealing with more than one because, well, I’m old. :-) But when Alex looks at me, grins, and says, “Mama, I want some sugar. How ’bout a kiss?” – it makes the concept of another one much easier to fathom.
I haven’t commented until now because it was too painful to remember the times I had to take all four kids (5 and under) to the store because the big D was out of town. I promise I looked like a side show from the circus. People use to stare and make mean comments, as if we were living off of the government! I usually ended the excursion with a good cry. Don’t feel sorry for me though, because things are MUCH better now and I LOVE having a big family!