About a year ago, on Oprah, there was a story about a woman who looked picture-perfect on the outside. Perfectly-coiffed hair, beautiful suits, matching shoes – she seemed totally together. But when a camera crew went into her apartment, they found conditions that were vile. Foul. Sickening. Disgusting.
There was a flat of strawberries that had been sitting out in the open for over a year. There were so many dishes in the sink that they had molded, and bugs were everywhere. Garbage flowed out of the cans and onto the floor. The dogs used one of the bathrooms as their personal restroom – and it hadn’t been cleaned in, well, ever. The woman’s bed was completely covered with clothes, magazines, newspapers…she couldn’t sleep there because of all the stuff.
When the lady had to face the inevitable therapist in Oprah’s studio, he pointed out that her failure to clean her apartment – her willingness to let it become almost uninhabitable – was a form of perfectionism. At the time I thought that was the strangest thing I’d ever heard. But Therapist Man explained that the woman had such a high standard in her head, that when she started to feel the apartment’s cleanliness slipping away from her, she gave up altogether, completely overwhelmed by a standard she felt she could never achieve.
And then I totally got it. Because that kind of personality? It’s me.
Now please do not call in the reserves and drive over here from Madison County (Elise) with your cars loaded down with brooms and mops and Pledge and Comet. There’s nothing that severe going on. I’m still loading and unloading the dishwasher on a daily basis, still hanging stuff up in the closet and putting away laundry. But I am feeling really, really overwhelmed by my house. And I’m so overwhelmed that I don’t even know where to start. I feel like there has been a toy explosion, and the debris has landed in every single room. I can’t stay caught up with laundry, my floors need mopping, my windows need cleaning, my porch needs painting, my pantry needs cleaning out, and on, and on, and on. I think I’ll tackle one thing a day, like the kitchen, but I get distracted and then Alex needs me and I end up doing one load of laundry, wiping down the countertops, and throwing up my hands, basically. I make a list, and look at it, and I want to cry. Literally.
It’s starting to make me a little crazy. I’ve hit the metaphorical cleaning wall.
I spent some time this afternoon on the FlyLady website, hoping to find a system or at least get inspired enough to develop a system of my own. So I’m going to try the sink-cleaning thing tonight and see if that sparks any resolve.
In the meantime, if you have a system – aside from spending the $300 a month that cleaning services in this part of the world cost – I wish you’d share it. Keep in mind that I’m not at home most mornings, so any sort of “from 9 until 11 I scour the commodes with boiling water and my homemade ammonia” won’t really work for me. I need practical. Really practical.
And please don’t tell me that this isn’t a big deal and I just need to relax and let it go. I’ve tried. But I’m not programmed that way. I’m one of those people who is psychologically affected when my surroundings are out of order (ever seen me re-arrange furniture? I am TORMENTED until the arrangement is aesthetically pleasing), and I can’t take the house baggage any longer. I just don’t know where to start, and more than that, I don’t know how to maintain The Land of The Toddler.
So yes, internets – this is my cry for help.
Don’t leave me hanging (apparently my ability to make bad laundry puns remains intact even when my house isn’t clean, and for that I think we’re all quite grateful).
Boo, I will be interested to hear what folks have to say about this. I feel the EXACT same way as you do right now. I do have a lady to help me 2 mornings a week but it is nearly impossible to stay caught up. I don’t know how girls do it.
I’m going to have to think about this one and get back to you. I want to really think about some good advice for you (not that I’m the cleaning goddess whose house is always spotless) but I understand COMPLETELY and want to help you. Let me sleep on it. I’ll be back tomorrow.
I don’t mean to leave you hanging, but since I am (Childless) Sister, I fear that you would roll your eyes and hit “delete” if I offered any suggestions…especially in The Land of The Toddler area. :)
However, I’m sure your more Seasoned Mommy Friends will have loads of good, practical advice to help with your “Life Laundry” issues. :)
xo
Okay, I typed this huge long comment and then HaloScan went down and I lost it.
So, suffice it to say…child, no child, married, single, whatehaveyou – there are no qualifications for advice other than a grasp of what works in terms of household-management.
I did the FlyLady sink thing tonight and double-dog-dared D to put a glass in there. :-) I also got Alex to pick up all his books, put them in a basket, and then put the basket in the armoire. That helped a lot with end-of-the-night clutter. I want to use the red chest in the den for storage, but figuring out the how and what makes my head hurt. Right now it’s just junk – old pictures, dishes I never use, etc. – and I think that would be a great place to keep Alex’s stuff that seems to walk downstairs everyday.
Tomorrow I’m hitting our bedroom full force. I just feel like I’ve ventured into Mama territory in that I have more form than I do function…and I’m getting to a point where I honestly don’t know where some stuff is. I NEVER thought that would be me. So it’s time to grab hold of the reins.
So yes, Sister, I’d like your suggestions. :-) At least I’m not to the point where camera crews would come in and find our house newsworthy. But I am frustrated.
I don’t have kids either ( just two rowdy dogs! ) but this is a problem that everyone faces. Some better than others, of course.
My advice is just get everything put away and the house as clean as possible, then tackle the organization one chest, closet, drawer, cabinet, or basket at a time.
I am pretty good about cleaning the house but realized that I couldn’t do it all in one day like I used to. My schedule just doesn’t allow it. So I go after rooms or tasks. Bathrooms get done one day ( or evening in my case ) Vacumming and floor care is another day. Dusting is another. The kitchen gets it’s own day….as does laundry ( I realize you have more of that than I do! ) I am also very lucky to have
“hijacked” a housekeeper of a friend. But don’t think she’s here every week…. or month for that matter. I just call her once every couple of months or so. She’s the most driven housekeeper I’ve ever seen. Charges for the job and not by the hour….so she’s very interested in getting done quickly. She comes on a Saturday or Sunday and I make myself useful when she is here. I usually wash windows or something that is way down the list while she SCOURS the bathrooms and kitchen. It’s the best feeling in the world when she leaves and you might then have the peace of mind to empty the red chest in the den and organize, throw away, move to the attic etc.
And trust me I understand the overwhelmed part. I thought it was going to be great to have two half baths in this new house. One off the kitchen and one off the entry….how convenient for me and all the fives of people that are here in a months time. But in the end that’s just two more toilets to clean. Needless to say I procrastinate about bathroom day!
Don’t be afraid to call Merry Maids…it’s $100 bucks well spent in my opinion to get you over the hump, even if you only do it once. I would however suggest you put it in the household budget for at least four times a year if not six or better yet twelve! It’s not like you don’t work. :)
You know we have a maid several days a week but when it is needed I dust, make beds or whatever. Get a garbage bag and get the toys that he does not play with and drag them down to the street. You cannot do this alone and Janie will not let me touch the washing machine, dryer, or dishwasher but she will let me clean.
Tell that husband to get you some help and put those dogs in the yard. Lay down the law MISSY. If he says he can’t afford it then you say well your responsible for this and I will do that. That is what we do. I am not allowed to touch the washing machine ( I broke it a month ago and we have had to tie a rope around it until the parts came in)dryer or dishwaher. But I make beds on the weekend when the maid is not there. I sweep the garage (dog hair), clean tubs whatever but my house is always clean. That is what I had to do when i got married. If you would like Janie and I to come help get you straight one weekend we will but get some garbage bags and some earplugs. Somebody might get an earfull.
And EK, I’m going to email Molly to find out who she is using. That’s the hardest part…finding people you can trust. I have called Merry Maids, but they want (literally) $400 to come clean one time…and I really just want someone to hit my kitchen, my baseboards, etc. The problem isn’t as much cleaning as it is ORGANIZATION.
And the whole “work full-time” argument doesn’t hold much water with me, because hello? I’m home pretty much all afternoon. There is plenty of time for me to get everything done. I’m just not managing that time effectively. At least I think that’s the problem. I think. :-)
Oh, I so feel your pain. First of all, kudos to you for taking Alex to the farm even with all the work to be done. He’ll remember that more than clean sheets.
I agree with Bubba, 3 or 4 times a year I gather 3 and 4 large garbage bags full of toys, clothes, etc. and allow the children to pick them out. We take them to a local Children’s Mansion –emphasize to give to children who have nothing!! Reed loves it!
Then, I would dip into that fund Mama Q told us to keep and get 2 people to come in and SPRING CLEAN. Molly has just hired 2 and she says they are fabulous. Just a splurge to get over that huge hill, and like Bubba said — 2,3, or 4 times a year would be so very helpful. Excuse me, you work full-time!!! You must have help occasionally!!
I like those large colorful plastic tubs from Wal-Mart with rope for handles. Fill up 2 or 3 of those and give all the rest away. I enforce the rule, if you don’t pick it up off the floor before bedtime it is thrown away. Of course, you know this is such a work in progress.
I also love love my 3 way bagless, lightweight Bissell upright vacuum for hard wood and tile surfaces. Very inexpensive from Wal-Mart and so easy to use!!!
Love you D, but you can certainly do the laundry during the day!!! Love you!!
Big Huge Kudos to D!! Brad does nothing!! I mean nothing nothing nothing!!! It is like having a 4th child — seriously!! I have worked on him for 13 years and have made very little progress. We went to his parents home and his mother is the SAME way. Just junky crap everywhere!! He didn’t have a chance. I have given up on him and am tryng to teach my three!! When we build, I plan on having cubbies for each child — for their coats, shoes, and project — school stuff. You’re so amazing to do everything you do already — when you get your system down write a book and we’ll all buy it!!!
Emma Kate we have cubbies and half the time the boys make a halfway effort to put their stuff in right. Everytime I go in there I nearly break my neck. When are y’all going to learn how to manipulate (you know what i mean) your husbands so you can get what you want?
“Cleanliness is next to Godliness” :)
I think where you are totally misunderstanding me is that what I want has nothing, NOTHING to do with something D can pay for. It’s not about getting a maid or trying to “manipulate” him (LORD HAVE MERCY), because as I have said, he is very, very helpful. It’s about trying to figure out a system so that things stay organized. A maid might could get it started, but I’m the one who has to keep it going.
Yes, why don’t we air all of our Dirty Laundry on the internet? :)
Soph, I SO get you. Last night I started to post, but I decided to wait until some others do. My advice, unfortunately for you and all the rest of us, is to learn to live in the chaos. Just when you think you have a good system, something happens to that system, and it goes out the window. One of the best things to do, though, is to get Alex to start picking up (even if you have to go back after him and do it). It makes me feel better to know that my kids are “helping” and learning that I am not here to clean up after them. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed (at least 2 or 3 times a week), I just remember that before I know it the house will be organized and straight like I want it, but then I will be sad because I don’t have young children anymore! I wish I had a better solution or a system, but mostly I just feel overwhelmed by all the mess. I try to clean things out frequently, and that always makes me feel better. Not great advice but honest!!
Why don’t you apply for that TV show Mission Organization?
I think Lea Margaret wins for best comment!
Seriously though, right before I read hers I was in agreement with Liz b/c I consider myself a very neat person but have slacked off in the last four years since I started working. If it’s any comfort, Alex’s toys will become smaller and fewer as he gets older, and eventually he will stop playing with them in the den altogether. One tip I remember hearing someone else do (but have never actually tried myself) was having a small basket in each area of the house (kitchen, den, your bedroom, etc.) and at the end of the day it’s easy to just throw any clutter in there – that way at least it’s off the floor. Then it’s Alex’s responsibility to clean out those baskets however often you want him to, I guess. I remember how sick I got of looking at baskets, though. So, that might not be a solution you can live with. The fact is, there are not enough hours in the day to work, spend quality time with your family, give yourself some much-needed “alone” time of peace AND clean and/or organize. I’ve found I’d rather have a little of that peace every day rather than go after the clutter every day. Of course the perfect solution is for every member of the household to always put away all of their belongings every single day. But we’re humans , and NONE of us will probably ever succeed at that all the time. Cheer up, by this time next week, you probably won’t be worried about this anymore. It’s just that you’ve been home and had too much time to think about it this week. Sorry for the epistle.
Liz and Merritt – thanks. :-) We just have to get a hold of things now – at least figure out what needs to go where, which we’ve never done with much success since Alex came along – so that if we do have another one, I don’t have a nervous breakdown when there’s no set place for the diapers. I’m very much one of those “a place for everything and everything in its place” people – but it’s almost like a 3-D puzzle to me. I can’t figure out what container works best for what tasks and where the containers should go and before you know it I just give up and watch TiVo. It’s a LOT of fun to be a passive-aggressive perfectionist. :-) I’ll keep y’all posted.