Before I begin, I feel somewhat obligated to tell you that I just took a bite of a Hershey’s nugget, and my immediate reaction was, “Hey. This tastes like Cheetos.” But instead of spitting it out, I let it settle into my “palate” a bit, and you know, chocolate with a hint of cheesiness is actually pretty good.
But it may not be a great idea to keep chocolate so close to industrial-sized bags of Cheetos in the pantry. I’m just sayin’.
Anyhoo. I’ve gotten a few giggles from my inbox lately, and I thought I’d share.
A couple of nights ago I was, as my mama says, “checking the email” one last time before bed, and I had a note from my dear friend Merritt Leigh that read as follows:
“You seem a little foggy lately…sort of out of sorts…how do I describe it? Anyway, may I be the first to predict: you’re pregnant. You know your mind goes to pot as soon as you conceive the second child. Let me know when/if tests confirm this fact.”
As soon as I read the email, I picked up the phone and called her.
When Merritt answered, she didn’t even say “hello?” Instead, she said, in very hushed, muffled tones that are usually reserved for people who do All The Spying, “Youare?”
“WHAT?” I replied.
“Youare?”
“What am I?”
“You’re pregnant?”
“NO. I’m NOT pregnant. I’m just crazy. And tired.”
“Okay. Okay. But are you sure?” [PLEASE NOTICE THAT MY FRIEND OF OVER TWENTY YEARS WAS NOT IN THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED THAT I CONFESSED TO THE CRAZINESS.]
“YES, I’m sure.”
Because here’s the thing: I’m fairly confident that if I were pregnant, I would in fact be the first to know.
Well, the first besides God.
And I wish I had some sort of hormonal explanation / justification for my recent bout with adult-onset ADD (totally just made up that condition. thank you). All I can figure is that I’m losing cognitive ability in direct proportion to the rate that the toddler is acquiring it.
Lea Margaret also emailed me about “the big news” – and I got a little tickled that my friends now think that if I were pregnant, I would immediately announce it to the whole wide world interweb before I told them. I mean, I do still know how to use the phone, in addition to the email, and if there’s ever cause to deliver Exciting Pregnancy News, I’ll utilize those means of communication before I broadcast the status of my reproductive life to the internet. Promise.
So then I saw an email from Folgers, and I couldn’t imagine why in the world they’d care about the non-baby, but as it turned out they just wanted to send me some samples of some new gourmet coffee product, to which I replied, “SURE! BRING ON THE FREE STUFF!”
Because really, there’s nothing that my empty womb and I enjoy more than a hot mocha beverage.
I had a similar experince with Coffee Flavored Rice Crispies. I’m not quite sure just how my rice crispies got coffee flavored but it wasn’t half bad.
The second I started reading about your chocolate tasting like Cheetos, I thought, “Oh, she’s going to tell us she’s pregnant!”
It’s not that big of a leap. :) Funny that everybody already thought so though.
I met a lady in Firehouse Subs who likes to take one bite of chocolate,then eat one Cheeto, then one bite of chocolate… you get the picture.
I immediately thought of her with this post. :>)
The insanity defense has never worked for me, either. Seems when you admit you are crazy, people just think you are normal.
HAHAHA! You crack me up…yet again. Our son just turned one and EVERYONE keeps saying …”so when’s your next one coming…” and BY the way. Even if I WERE trying…would I really tell you?! Um, no. Sorry but that weirds me out… lol.
There is a dairy company here in NZ that also sells in Japan and apparently chocolate flavoured cheese slices are all the rage in Japan (think brown slices of plastic wrapped cheese) I’m thinking “Ummm… not so much”. There was an article in the paper about it and when asked if they were going to introduce it in NZ said very diplomatically “We don’t believe the NZ palate would appreciate such a flavour combination”. So, to each his (or her) own.
I didn’t think you were pregnant, I was just thinking that football season okay and maybe a little tot had zapped some juice out of ya! :)
Amazing, isn’t it?
Uh, no, not about the chocolate Cheetos. About how everyone wants you to have another baby. At almost 50 I don’t have to worry about that anymore, because hey, it would be just plain, you know, SILLY for anyone to think that of an old woman like me!
Now they ask me when my KIDS are going to have babies and give me more grandchildren.
*SIGH* It never ends….
And on the flavor mixing? My mom likes to can green beans for us every year. Last year she decided to do it while burning one of her lovely scented candles.
You guessed it. All of the green beans she canned ended up tasting like lily of the valley….
Every single time I go to the grocery store, I buy glade candles. I have them in a cabinet with tons and tons of packs of gum. Today I realized my gum tasted like clean linen glade candles! YUCK! Love the smell, not the taste!
There totally is Adult Onset ADD. They even have drugs for it.
Hmmmm. Methinks someone is perhaps thinking “A” could use a playmate? You know. Down the road. YEARS from now.
I totally agree that there is such a thing as adult onset ADD – I can totally relate and Merritt is right there ARE drugs for it!!
Several years ago my doctor had prescribed a particular weight loss pill (sadly – I could use it again!!!)She said that it was similar in some way to those drugs prescribed for ADD
and I was AMAZED at how much stuff I was able to FINISH while I was on that. It wasn’t that I was all jacked up and overloaded with energy but I could actually focus on stuff and finish stuff and comprehend things better!! I could read a book without my mind doing 40 other things and causing me to have to read the same page 20 times! I wasn’t constantly writing notes to myself on my hand (because I am just as confident that I won’t lose my hand as I am that I WILL lose that piece of paper I write the note on)
My doctor later asked if I wanted to try some of the things specifically for the whole attention thing but I think I must have forgotten to get back with her on that…….
BooMama, I do not know why this has happened (too much multi-tasking?) to me (and by the way, most of my friends) but I want my mind back.
Oh, and Deanna…..you cannot, CANNOT, leave all of us with the AOADD hanging. We need the name of this magic medicine. For the love of all the “focus” and “finished” things you spoke of, SHARE.
Phyllis R.
But after you made the phone calls you’d tell all of us, right? What a fun blog it would become, reading your posts of all the bizarre things you were craving, doing, saying.
i eat chocolate on my pepperoni pizza. YUMM YUMM!!! and i most definitely am NOT pregnant.
I got the folger’s email too – funny! I thought I was special because of, you know, the coffee cup pic and all
Okay yuck. Pregnant lady here reading about chocolate and cheese? Groooosss, I seriously think I might get sick over that one!
:-D
I am pregnant with my third little girl and have been on bed rest for about 4 weeks. That said, the craziness might not be pregnancy…just motherhood! I swear the more times I give birth the crazier I get.
I’m might just say that if you actually liked the cheetos tasting chocolate – maybe you are, ya know preggers!
Just kiiding, maybe you just have odd taste buds!! LOL!
One of my favorite things about having an empty womb is the freedom to ingest all the things I swore off while the womb was occupied. I remember the first Dr. Pepper I had after I weened the last one. It was sooo good.
You are setting alittle famous. Boomama’s blog is just about the next best thing to People Magazine. The stars announce that they are expecting in People so it just made sense that you would have an announcement in the world of Boomama.
Gotta say, chocolate flavored cheetos sounds good to me! I have always loved eating cheetos and a kitkat together! Ya-um.
Might have to do this one for Christmas…you’re from the south- you understand the need to dip it in chocolate or ranch dressing!