I forgot to tell y’all something!
I did!
And you’re not going to believe where. Well, yeah you probably will. But first, an explanation.
I read every single one of your eighty eight comments about blue jeans, and I investigated most of the recommended jeans on the interweb. Style-wise I really liked several of them, and y’all are so jean-savvy that you actually told me about brands I didn’t even know existed. I did recognize the Gloria Vanderbilt brand, however, because when I was in fifth grade I had some aqua green GV corduroys (complete with the swan logo on the hip pocket), and I used to wear them to the skating rink and keep my comb in my back pocket just like I liked it. I could scarcely make it around the rink one time before I had to whip out that plastic Goody comb; it seems that even at the ripe old age of ten I realized that skating might great for the legs, but it’s flat-out murder on the hair.
[And don’t even pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Your jeans may have been Chic instead of Gloria Vanderbilt, but you totally had that comb in your back pocket. Oh yes ma’am you did. And you sure enough used it right before you got ready for a couple skate. YEAH you did.]
[And hands up if you did the cross-over-arms-hold-hands-with-a-partner-lean-back-and-skate-in-a-circle move.]
Anyway, I was resolved to hit the mall and shop for jeans a couple of weekends ago, but then I remembered that I hate a mall. I really do. We have a big Shopping Extravaganza with every store you’d ever need and/or want about ten minutes from our house, and I never, ever want to go. It overwhelms me. I figure that between all the stores there are at least 174 brands of denim from which to choose, and while I wanted to be adventurous and try on every single brand y’all recommended, I couldn’t do it. I worried that I would get to the fifth brand and lose my mind in the dressing room and run through the store with the legs of the jeans on my arms and be all, “RARRRR! RARRRR!” as I tried to escape from my denim prison.
And y’all would be terribly disappointed in me.
So I decided that it made to the most sense to limit my search to the stores I visit almost daily: Walmart(s) and Steinmart(s).
Why, you ask?
1) Because both stores are close to my house.
and
2) Because I am cheap.
My friend Lea Margaret swears by a brand called Jeanstar that they (supposedly) carry at Steinmart(s), so I thought I’d try those first. OH! But this was after I bought a pair of jeans at Ross for TWELVE NINETY NINE that actually fit pretty well but, according to D., made me look like someone who was secretly hoping to leave her life as a mama behind so that she could join an all-girl hip-hop group. Which is perfectly understandable, really, because I do have some mad rapping skillz.
Anyway, my Steinmart(s) does not carry the Jeanstar brand, apparently, but I did try on a different brand that seemed like they might have some potential until I realized that they had a big glittery butterfly decal on the right leg. And I know they’re God’s creatures and all, but I am terribly frightened of butterflies what with that whole larvae stage and cocoon emergence and what have you, not to mention the fact that if I was planning to wear blue jeans with a butterfly on the leg, I probably should’ve gotten that out of my system back in my skating rink days. They would’ve looked fabulous with a Goody comb tucked in the back pocket.
So then I went to Walmart(s) because I remembered T. at There Is A Season‘s comment where she mentioned something about Faded Glory jeans. Actually I think she said “FG jeans,” but I knew what the initials stood for because I am all about some Walmart fashion.
To make a long story endless, I will tell you that the Faded Glory stretch boot cut jeans are my favorite jeans ever. They come up high enough over a post-baby belly (yes, I had my child almost four years ago, but apparently I hold on to that extra flab because I’m, I don’t know? sentimental about it? maybe?) so that the dreaded muffin-top effect is but a faint memory. They’re also cut really long in the legs so that they look great with boots – and they’re generous enough in the thighs that they make a nice, straight line from your hips to your knees, thereby concealing those pesky saddlebags, not that I have any of those since I’m a size 2 and weigh 104 pounds.
Pardon me while I clear my throat for a moment.
Also, the Faded Glory stretch bootcuts jeans don’t have any “adornment” on the pockets except for some very simple stitching, and I love that because I’m not sure why any mama would want and/or need reflective bedazzling on her rear end. At least in my case, big silver studs across the back pockets of jeans do nothing but create a marquee effect, a marquee that’s pretty much telling everyone to LOOK HERE because it’s BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER BEFORE.
Best of all? Faded Glory stretch boot cut jeans are less than $20. LESS THAN TWENTY DOLLARS.
Now all I need is a comb and some roller skates, and I’ll be good to go.
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