I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. Every once in awhile I’ll try to convince myself that with a few shifts in my schedule I could become a morning person, but the fact of the matter is that I’m a night owl. Trying to turn me into a morning person is like trying to turn a dog into a pig. I mean, the dog might eventually learn to add some oink-like noises to its bark, but at the end of the day there is nothing about that dog that even remotely resembles bacon.
And thus ends the most bizarre analogy of all time. You’re welcome.
My point is that this morning I woke up early because I had plans to go to Nashville, and when I crawled out of the bed I was just a smidge grumpy and caffeine-deprived. I bumbled and rumbled around the house so that I could wake up enough to, you know, function, and then I got all my stuff together, bid the husband a fond farewell (the boy is visiting his grandparents for a few days), and promptly drove to the nearest Starbucks, where I secured a grande Cafe Americano and then thanked the Lord for His blessed caffeinated provision. Within five minutes I had my music cranked and was rarin’ to go. I may have even been a wee bit cheerful.
Once I got to Music City I met a sweet friend of mine at Starbucks at noon, which means that I followed up my coffee for breakfast with some coffee for lunch. If I’d really thought it through I would’ve had a hamburger or something beforehand, but since I was so excited to get to sit down and have a real-live adult conversation WITHOUT A SINGLE INTERRUPTION, I drove straight past about 193 fast food establishments on my way to the Starbucks. That is only a rough estimate, of course. Because I think the number was probably more like 229.
So for THREE HOURS we talked and drank coffee and talked and drank coffee and talked some more and drank some more coffee, and y’all, when I left that Starbucks to go to my sister’s office and watch basketball, I was OUT OF MY MIND with the jitters. I really think I could have charged my own cell phone just by holding it in the palm of my hand. And when I called another friend of mine a few minutes later, I’m pretty sure that Italkednonstopwithouttakinganybreathsatall!
Becausewhydoyouneedtobreathe!
Whenyou’vespentthefirsthalfofyourdaydrinkingcoffee!
Drinkingsomuchcoffee!
You’veneverseensomuchcoffee!
Honestly, I haven’t felt that wired since an all-night study session my freshman year in college when I powered up for a big history exam by ingesting a ginormous bag of mesquite BBQ potato chips, a 2 liter of Mountain Dew and a couple of NoDoze.
Or, as the scientists like to call it: Brain Food.
I managed to tame the jitters well enough to drive without incident, and I pulled up to Sister’s office about three minutes before the Bulldogs started playing their first round NCAA tourney game. Sister asked if I wanted a diet Coke, and since I obviously felt the 32 ounces of coffee that I’d consumed weren’t nearly enough, I told her to bring it on, preferably with a pack of crackers if she happened to have some laying around. And maybe a mild sedative.
Oh, I kid because I’m a kidder and do you know what kidders enjoy? THE KIDDING.
Unfortunately the Bulldogs didn’t win their game, but as Alex just told me on the phone, “they tried their best, Mama, and that is all that matters.” And I know he’s right. It’s just that it would’ve been a whole lot more fun if trying their best meant that they won by 30, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be.
After the game Sister and I went to dinner so that we could visit and talk incessantly about how our poor Bulldogs played four games in a row last weekend and then had to fly all the way out to Portland and then had to play a Thursday game and OH, GOD LOVE ‘EM, THEY MUST BE EXHAUSTED. Sister enjoyed a delicious salad, I enjoyed a tasty burger, and we shared some onion rings for good measure. Once we finished our meal around 8:30, Sister ordered some coffee.
Strangely enough, I decided to pass.
Granted, the day’s basketball may have been lacking, but the caffeine has been above and beyond abundant. As has the fun fellowship, for which I am oh-so-grateful.
And on that note, this night owl is going to bed.
Another night owl here!! Readin’ your blog while the husband sleeps soundly beside me ; )
So sorry about your Bulldogs!! On my bracket (with the husband) I chose your Bulldogs to win – just for you : )
Have fun with your sister! I love that you call her ‘Sister’ as her name – very sweet.
With all that caffiene good luck…on the sleeping part. I’m just saying :-)
What a giggle I have had reading your post today. And most days actually. So wanna meet for a coffee sometime? Hehehe. Bit of a stretch of course as I live in Australia and you in the States.
Anywho, love reading your blog.
All the best with the sleeping
Lisa
I can surely relate to your being a night owl. I’ve tried and tried to make my self a morning person and it just doesn’t work. If you have any suggestions, please send them my way. It would be so great to get to bed at a decent hor and get up early with my husband. I am going to work on this!
I having fun checking out your blog and I plan on visiting again!
I have SO been there! I am a night owl. Always have been, always will be.
I’m tired from just reading that and I just got up!
Caffeine is funny with me. I did the Mountain Dew in hand as a college study buddy, too. By 5 AM, the jitters would kick in and I would feel like I would vomit. That was a big clue to stop.
Now, my mommy friend in Excedrin Migraine. It’s amazing how that can pull you out of a slump! I learned not to chase it with Volt, though. I talked so fast that I’m surprised that my mouth stayed on my face! :)
How can you absolutely love someone you’ve never met before?! I love your blog and your writing…you make me grin almost every day.
(and benadryl will help counteract the excess caffine if you can’t sleep- not that has ever happened to me of course!)
Oh, I know all about the All-Nighter in college. Did one and only one. That was when I decided to become an English major and only have to write papers. : )
And I have to confess, that the bracket I created for the BooMama group on ESPN is my new time waster! Oh my word!!
Alas, Clemson met the same fate last night.
Losing, I mean. Not a team-wide caffeine overdose. Though now I’m wont to wonder whether it might have improved their playing.
Sophie…I wish you could come to our gym (Y.E.S. at St. Luke’s) here in Nashville today. We are having a March Madness 3-on-3 tournament and I think you’d do such a great job cheering on our kids. So if you get bored….come on by!
Whoa Nellie!
That coffee sitch-ee-a-shun! Would’ve caused a need for an ambulance for me.
This ole gal can’t take it!
I’m feeling jittery just from reading the post. I’m skeered I won’t sleep tonight.
Girl….you a real woman!
You crack me up.
You are a riot. Coffee for breakfast and coffee for lunch? Sounds like a perfect day.
That sounds like one great day!! Glad you had a wonderful time. Get some rest because there is more basketball to be played. Hubs came home last night from a high school track meet to find me on the floor watching NCAA tournament. I had been sitting there for almost 2 hours. The boys and I had a carpet pinic going on and it was great!
Girl, you were cracking me up.
I am a night owl too and I think that is perhaps the BEST analogy I’ve ever heard! Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh this morning. I needed it!
I am sorry your Bulldogs lost. :( I watched b-ball most of the day and all the games were good. Memphis gave me a scare. Only because I picked them to win but now I regret that pick. lol
The next time you come to Nashville we will have to meet up for some, dare I say, coffee.:) Be a good sport and cheer my Vols on today. They play the first game. Gonna be a tough one for them!
So sorry about your Bulldogs, but THANKS! for making me LAUGH OUT LOUD already this morning! I LOVE starting my day out with you BooMama!
You are a hoot! I say that because, when I read this post, I hooted. Out loud. I woke the cat up.
Bizarre analogy, maybe, but also one of the best I’ve heard yet! I think next time someone tries to convince me I can become a morning person, I’ll say, “YOU CAN’T TURN A DOG INTO BACON AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE ME!”
This – “I powered up for a big history exam by ingesting a ginormous bag of mesquite BBQ potato chips, a 2 liter of Mountain Dew and a couple of NoDoze.”–may be why people grow up and re-write history. Not you, Sophie, of course!
Sorry about them Bulldogs or is it Bull-dawgs?
You must go to Baja Burrito while you are in the city…we went last weekend…I wrote about it on all access…get the cheese dip, drink it..I did…make the time to go and we did hit the hot krispy kremes right next to a starbucks too!!!! Gotta love nashville.
NoDoze! You really took me back to college on that one.
I loved the dog-pig analogy. It was perfect!
I have tried to force myself to be a morning person for years. Finally at the age of 35, I’ve learned to accept the fact that it isn’t going to happen. I am a night owl.
Now, if I could convince my boy that he needs to stop waking up at the crack of stupid…
Ahh girl — I feel your pain. I’m a night owl and I just don’t get this obession with early to rise stuff. Seriously, everything is better late at night — mostly ice cream.
And coffee! So let’s meet for a cup of coffee or four.
Sorry to hear about the Bulldogs. I watched The Office last night (what can I say, basketball is not for me, which is why you can TOTALLY understand why I went to school in Indiana in the first place…) and would welcome your always prescient thoughts on it when you get the chance. It left me unsettled. Have fun in Nashville!
im soooo not a morning person either!
I feel your caffeine pain. I am not a morning person either. But have been blessed with a little guy who believes the sun is his alarm clock. Oddly enough, he wakes up chipper at 7 AM and a grump at 3 PM. Go figure! Well, my day would not be complete (or remotely close to happening) without my morning, afternoon and evening cups of tea – don’t even think that it’s the de-caf green variety either!
Aaagghgh! Too funny! Your caffeinated ramblings were a scream! And charging your cell phone in the palm of your hand -hysterical! Did you get any sleep at all last night?
Sorry about your Bulldogs…that Alex is such a sweet little encourager!
Girl, I just took the big plunge and stopped drinking coffee!!!!! I, Sandy Cooper, happen to love every single thing about coffee, but I was having a terrible time with the crash and burn every morning when it wore off. Causing me to need more…and another crash at 3 when kids are coming home from school and I should be nice. And then I would be wired at night and not begin to sleep.
Beginning the cycle again at 6 am when I need to rise and shine. Emphasis on the shine part.
So, I endured a week of headaches to join the un-caffienated crowd. I am drinking some tea. But considering I was drinking about 8 or more cups a day of coffee, that’s nuthin’.
Blessings to you, my coffee-drinking sister,
Sandy
Oh Boo, I do love you. You make me laugh. And apparently there was something in the southeastern water yesterday, because I wrote about not being a morning person too. I am just not as funny as you. :) About a month ago I stopped buying soda… not drinking it, mind you, when it’s free or comes with my meal anyway… just buying it. So far I have done a good job replacing it with coffee. ;) But when it starts being insane North Carolina HOT every day, maybe I’ll actually give my body a caffeine break.
Thursday afternoon? Oh, there was a BUZZ in Portland as well. Hubs said the train was so packed with middle-aged rich white men (that’s not who usually rides the train*, btw, just statin’ the facts, mam) on Thursday, he didn’t know WHAT was going on. Said he had to stand so close to a man’s face as to consider it “uncomfortable.”
I said, “ummm, I think there was ‘a game.'”
(*in case y’all are wondering, the midday train is usually homeless men, enjoying a free ride in that part of the city.)
Love,
Queen of the Night Owls, not to be confused with the Night Pigs or the Night Dogs
That first paragraph bizarre analogy? Sounded just like a Michael Scott analogy. You should be proud. ;)
i think that is my favorite post ever. from any blog i have ever read. (and, just so you know, i am up this early b/c i am at work and have been all night long… so it is almost my bedtime. i plan to avoid coffee.) have fun in nashville. (it’s my hometown!)
Many moons ago when the buffalo roamed the plains, I too went on a caffeine binge.
My mother and I along with two others sat at restaurant to talk and we did, for hours. Those folk just kept bringing fresh coffee pots and we drank them dry. When we left and paid the bill, we drained 19 pots of coffee.
I have never had another cup since. I do like the smell though!
Your story brought back that memory and my nerves started to twitch. :)
I’m sorry about your Bulldogs too. I picked them just for you. And as a sweet lady informed me on my blog yesterday, last she checked, I was next to dead last in your tourney group. With a 2-year-old hot on my heels.
I am such a night owl as well! And the funny thing about coffee with me… I can drink 10 Cokes and be fine, but if I have 1 cup of coffee, I get really bad jitters! Weird!
So I guess, being a morning person makes me the pig? Hmmm. Being a night dog? sounds good to me right now! LOL.
Thanks for the funny post!
Hugs.
Kim