I’m hesitant to say that today was a bad day, but by 12:30 this afternoon I was DONE. I slept too late this morning, muddled through my quiet time, didn’t get to drink any coffee and by noon I had a screaming headache. Plus, my parents’ internet was down and there was a small bloggy ish-ah I needed to handle before we drove back to Alabama. But I couldn’t handle it. Because there was no internet. And did I mention that I had a headache? I WANTED THE WORLD TO PAY.
On the way out of town the little guy and I stopped at Hardee’s, where I ordered a couple of hamburgers and THE BIGGEST DIET COKE THEY OFFER, and as we pulled up to the window I realized that A. had gotten something stuck in one of my car chargers. Even though it really wasn’t a big deal, I sighed and I flailed and I made all my frustrations known, and when I looked over at the sweet girl in the drive-thru so that she could hand me our lunch, she smiled at me and said, “Ma’am? Could you please pull up to the white line until your food is ready?”
There was something about all her sweet sincerity that sent me right over the edge. Because I WAS TRYING TO BE GRUMPY, DADGUMMIT. I was enjoying my grumpy and wanted to wallow around in my grumpy and then she just had to go and pour a big ole bag of nice all over me.
So I responded as any good Christian girl would: I punched the gas and roared up to the white line. It was only after I hit the brakes that I realized that Bob and Larry were singing “You Are Holy” on the CD player.
Hello, irony. So nice of you to make an appearance at the Hardee’s.
After we got our food and started driving back home, I thought about my bad mood and how I’m a GROWN WOMAN and really should have more control over my emotions at this point than to damage my testimony while I’m in the Hardee’s drive-thru. I mean, I was so bent out of shape while we were waiting at the white line that the six year-old spoke up from the back seat and said, “Remember, this is supposed to be a HAPPY day, Mama – we get to see Daddy!”
Meanwhile, I was sitting in the driver’s seat wishing that I could double-dog dare the cute girl in the drive-thru to smile at me one more time. Just one more time. SO I COULD GO AHEAD AND SCREAM.
This past Sunday morning I flew home from North Carolina after a weekend where I was surrounded by encouraging people and sat under some phenomenal teaching. I laughed A LOT. It’s pretty easy to put on (and keep on) your happy face when you’re staying at a great hotel and you’re all up in the Word and there’s a lovely breakfast buffet in the lobby. I was prayed up and praised up. Couldn’t wait to tell my husband all about it when I got home. And when I drove to my parents’ house Tuesday afternoon, I cranked up my worship music like nobody’s business.
But then there was today.
As I made my way down I-20 this afternoon and tried to figure out how I made it from the mountaintop to the edge of the valley in less than 48 hours, I had a little bit of an epiphany somewhere between Tuscaloosa and Birmingham: God is showing me that there’s still way too much of me in me. Too much pride. Too much ugliness. Too much self-righteousness. Too much selfishness.
And that realization totally shifted my perspective. Oh yes ma’am. You’d better believe it did. Because the problem with today wasn’t my circumstances. The problem with today was me and my stupid humanness.
So Thursday, it wasn’t one of my favorites. It’s not a very good feeling to realize that a person WHO JUST FINISHED KINDERGARTEN responded to a situation with more wisdom and self-control than I did. It’s not very fun to remember how out of sorts I can get about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
But even though Thursday wasn’t one of my favorites, it really was good.
Because I have a Father who patiently loves me and changes me and teaches me every single day.
Even if I have to show out a little bit in the Hardee’s drive-thru to learn the lesson.
“So thank God for his marvelous love, for his miracle mercy to the children He loves.” – Psalm 107:9
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