So this past Friday night I went to a book club Christmas party at my friend Leigh’s house, and somehow we landed on the subject of pageants. Everybody in our book club is from Mississippi, and between the six of us we know a fairly freakish amount of Mississippi pageant trivia. IT’S OUR HERITAGE, PEOPLE.
Anyway, we had a blast talking about different Miss Mississippi talents throughout the years, and by the time my friend Gwen showed us how she walked in the poise and appearance preliminary of Mississippi’s Jr. Miss, we were laughing so hard that we weren’t making any noise. The whole night was just a treasure.
When I got home from the party I decided to do a little YouTube research, and sure enough, I found some great Mississippi pageant moments online. But what proved to be an even bigger treat were the clips from old Miss America pageants. David and Alex were out of town, so I’ll have you know that I took advantage of my Friday night freedom by sitting at my desk for two solid hours and CLAPPING MY HANDS while watching YouTube.
I mean, IS THIS NOT A WONDER?
It’s probably my favorite Miss America talent of all time, if for no other reason than how thoroughly she handles her “guns.” She takes them out, she uses them, she puts them away, she takes them out again, she uses them again, she blows off the gun powder, she puts them away again, she takes them out one more time, she uses them one more time, she blows off the gun powder one more time, she puts them away one more time, AND STILL SHE NEVER QUITS CLOGGING. I say bravo.
Somehow all my clicking around led me to the Parade of States from the 1974 Miss America pageant, and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I think it changed my life a little bit. I paused and rewound the clip more times than I can tell you, and I am so convinced that the entire world needs to bask in its brilliance that tonight before supper I made David watch it.
He just smiled and nodded and pretended to care. Clearly he doesn’t share my appreciation for fine American culture. Or bouffant hair.
I’ve been thinking for a couple of days about how I can possibly express the depth and breadth of my appreciation for this little nugget-o-70’s-gold, and I think it’s best to keep it simple. Which is why you’ll find a numbered list following the video.
1. I want to be friends with all of the dancers.
2. Dancer Kathy seems to have specialized in modern dance with a heavy concentration on the works of Bob Fosse. Well played.
3. Lisa, the former Miss Florida, likes to bust a move and isn’t afraid to break it down on national television. She also enjoys green.
4. Kevin Reynolds never figures out where he’s supposed to be looking. BUT HE KEEPS ON DANCIN’, BY DIGGITY.
5. About two minutes in, Lisa cranks up her moves again. It’s like watching Elaine Benes crossed with Ann-Margret in “Bye Bye Birdie.”
6. When Kevin decides he’s going to sing to the other camera, it’s still not the right one. But what he lacks in following stage directions, he makes up for with pure lip-synching effort.
7. Meanwhile the contestants continue to literally walk in circles. Over and over and over.
8. Around the 2:40 mark Lisa almost wipes out after a tricky spin, but thankfully she catches herself. That’s poise in action, my friends.
9. I can see somebody like Jessica Alba walking the red carpet in Miss Alabama’s complete ensemble. The hair, the earrings, the dress – the whole thing. Thirty-five years later, it’s all strangely modern.
10. Miss Georgia is DARLIN’ PLUS. I love her dress.
11. I bet Miss Idaho has wrestled with some profound regret about what she wore in the parade of contestants. It was an unfortunate choice.
12. Miss Kansas’ hair has some height and volume that frankly I find quite enviable.
13. Miss Michigan’s voice fascinates me. I’ve listened to her introduce herself at least seven times. It’s like some sort of golden harp.
14. Nobody has ever been less excited to be in Miss America than Miss New Hampshire. I want to hug her.
15. Ohio was fortunate to be represented by a very big bow. And also a cute girl with brown hair whose name I missed because OH MY WORD, THE BOW.
16. Miss Texas’ gown is divine. It looks like something Sue Ellen Ewing would have worn to a dinner at Southfork for the Cattlemen’s Association. Or maybe I’m projecting. But still: dreamy.
17. As Sister mentioned to me earlier today, this pageant was pre-implants, pre-Botox, pre-Restylane, pre-let-it-all-hang-out. And oh my goodness – these girls are absolutely beautiful. Natural. Unique. Real. And the clothes are FAB.
18. Reality television has taken the place of Miss America, hasn’t it? Girls don’t want to be Miss America; they want to be the next American Idol.
19. So before I start to overanalyze this whole thing, I think I’ll just watch the video again instead.
20. You can hardly blame me for wanting to practice some of those sah-weet dance moves.
Too funny!
Okay, so where were you/what were you doing the night they crowned Susan Akin?
Well, that was the most fun I’ve had in SOME TIME! And I was thinking the same thing about the “natural” factor. I can hardly watch the pageants of today because of the lack of modesty and the fact that I can’t remember who was from where after they go through the line…they all look exactly the same.
The 70’s in general seemed to value uniqueness; instead of “packaging to sell”, everyone from pageant contestants to music bands of the day tried their very best to be totally unique, stand out in the crowd and showcase what made them different. As much as it makes me sound like Mamaw…those were the days!
You have completely made my Monday morning. I have laughed and giggled till my heart is content. Now it is time for me to be “Moving On.”
I’m so glad you share my love pageants, specifically, pre-1999 pageants. When I would watch Miss Texas or Miss America…I totally had my little notebook keeping up with the scores (remember how they post them on the screen?). Even though I’m from TX, I have a healthy appreciation for all the Southern states’ pageants. Whatever happened to Mary Ann Mobely…Mrs. Gary Collins? Bless her heart.
Oh my word – thanks for the good laugh! The perfect way to start off the week of Christmas (although before this morning I never would have put beauty pageants and Christmas in the same sentence.) That girl from Kentucky sure combined a lot of stuff into that dance. I have never seen a gunslinger who could also do the splits like that.
Yes,too many thoughts;)
Oh my soul. This was way too much laughter for a Monday morning! My four year old son is sitting here with me and he squealed out “THAT BOW IS HUMONGOUS!!”
Thank you for the giggles!!!!
OH MY WORD! Oh, those were just wonderful. I LOVE everything about those gowns, hair, everything! ;)
I am so ready for my day because I have already had a workout laughing at this and having fun…
This is my “era” having been a “teen in the 1970s…
Glad you liked Miss Georgia. She was sweet. I’m partial to Georgia girls myself.
Miss Ohio’s dress. I have never ever seen such a big bow on the side of someone’s head/dress in my LIFE! God love her.
Their beauty was natural and refreshing and the modesty was a blessing.
My my my how times have changed.
So glad Jesus in the same – yesterday today and forever! AMEN!
Happy Monday~
Georgia Jan
Bahahahahahahaha. My mom and I just had some serious bonding time as she explained to me the science behind those hairstyles. She was a child of that era. Of course, I was a child of a different era and if my daughter ever wants to know how the pretty girls did their hair like that I’m just going to have to say I HAVE NO IDEA.
ok, so did you notice that when they announced Rhode Island, she looked at the other girl like she wasn’t exactly sure if that was her state or not. It took her a moment to realize “Oh, yeah, that’s me!”
That was fun! And you make it even better with your comments….I never would have caught half the stuff you noticed! I was cracking up!
:) Amy
Whoa. Okay, so I read your bullet point list first, and then was waiting in anticipation for all the girls mentioned. I was giggling throughout, but absolutely lost in on Miss Michigan and Miss New Hampshire. Still laughing. TOO funny.
This post absolutely made my day. And your comments – made me want to move to AL and be your best friend. You are so funny!
And most of the dresses and hairstyles – I would SO love to have today!!!
oh the natural bit…thats what I miss…everyone looks different. It seems like everyone is going for the same look now, sorta Stepford-like if you know what I mean.
My sister and I used to love to watch the pageants. We made lists of our top ten and then when the actual top ten was announced we made new lists. Those were some fun times…thanks for the video…it definitely made me smile.
Merry Christmas!
OK. The BEST part about this video? Your play by play. Watching it and pausing it to read the next upcoming point was FUN!
What a fun way to start my vacation–reading your post and watching this video!
ok, bow girl looks like that thang is strangling her…but did you notice the wings, er, i mean collar, on Miss Nebraska? that dress cd take flight. and i feel sorry for Miss New Hampshire…she looks so profoundly nervous!!
You made me cry from laughing. I’m sure that I watched that back in 74 when I was in about fourth grade.
You are right. I never missed watching a pageant as a girl. They were our role models and symbols of beauty.
Your observations were hilarious. I want to be your friend.
Also, I realized that my Barbie dolls wore those same fashions and they were so cool.
Miss Kentucky – how on earth did that last 2 minutes and 30 seconds? that was a lot of movement for 2 minutes and 30 seconds!
OH MY the BOW!!!
So fun.
Who won???
I love how Miss Mississippi is from the MS State College for Women, or MUW, or the W as I’m sure you know it by. As a former W girl myself, and Columbus native, I was tickled to see a W girl in a national pageant, I never have before! (And by the way, in case the news doesn’t get to Bham, the W may soon become part of MSU so I’ll finally get to be a bulldog by default!)
you always make me laugh. It has been such a blessing to meet you in blogland…You have enriched my life. Blessings to you and yours….Merry Christmas and a New Year filled with many blessings.
Teresa
Grammy Girlfriend http://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/
and
http://grammyababychangeseverything.blogspot.com
HAHA! I can’t quit laughing.
Going to have to make that clog routine my new workout regime. Oh yeah!
Hilarious, especially with your comments added to the mix. And I want hair like that… they were all just so LOVELY!
Thank you. That’s all I can say. Thank you.
OK…
#1 – I hope Al Gore does not watch this…can you imagine what all those cans of Aqua Net did to the environment?
#2 – I laughed so hard I started coughing and my husband came upstairs to see if I needed help….
#3 – I totally have a picture of my mom in Miss New Hampshire’s dress, and she rocked it!
I thought the same thing about Miss Michigan’s voice. Sounds like a…ahem… her bedroom voice. But what really stuck me about her is that she’s wearing a LONG SLEEVE TURTLENECK. No bare shoulders or skin showing on her. Truly, we’ve come a long way from the ye olde turtleneck, haven’t we?
I do love that the first big roar from the crowd was for Miss Mississippi.
Another one of my random, “When I lived in Mississippi” stories – I was at a fundraiser and met Dr. Hopson and his wife Pat and got to visit with them about the Miss Mississippi pageants and Miss America pageants. They were the chaperons for Susan Powell (who was from OK) the year she won Miss America.
My mom and I did *not* miss a Miss America pageant the entire time I was at home. It was like the superbowl–for women.
Also — why couldn’t I have been a teen in the 70s and not the 80s? Those clothes were downright fashionable! And the hair! Such an improvement over the permed bouffants!
Miss Michigan’s voice and Miss Ohio’s bow were absolute delights. Oh, did I laugh.
Priceless. It probably wouldn’t have been nearly as funny without all your brilliant commentary. Oh, and I’ve lived in Michigan my entire life-it’s our accent!
I can’t believe you MADE me watch that. It made me laugh out loud. My favorite? Miss New Hampshire. Awesome. And I’m from Ohio so I have to say… way to represent with the bow.
The tears are still on my cheeks from laughing so hard. I love love loved those clips and even more your commentary! I can’t tell you how much I miss watching Miss A with my mother. This was a super-close second.
And the BOW! Did you ever have the true pleasure of rush advisor Jan Langbein come to your chapter? She was amazing and loved to tell the story about how her momma told her to put in a great big bow (said with her TX accent) during rush so everyone would remember who she was. That’s all I could think of with Miss Ohio!
Have a wonderful holiday!
LOL… What fun. I love a well wasted evening like that don’t you? (Though, I tend to waste my working day rather than my evenings!)
I agree on the natural-ness – it’s so ironic because my husband was just telling me yesterday that all these women in the ads look like “Plasticy Women” and he doesn’t know why any one would want to look like them… these women are natural and lovely just the way they are…
Yours,
Megan
Aside from all of the cogent and salient points you made, I think my favorite part of this whole thing is that in a PAGEANT, with CONTESTANTS, no one’s really paying attention to them, it’s just a series of spasmodic dancers
So happy Miss Mississippi was from MSCW. I would hate to squabble during the Christmas season.
[Hotty toddy! …And to all a good night.]
Oh lady, I THOROUGHLY enjoyed this post. Several years ago, when we lived in Nashville I met a lovely friend who had told me she was from Tupelo, went to Ole Miss, etc, etc. Not ONCE did she mention THE Miss Mississippi pageant. So imagine my surprise when I walked into her home to deliver a Welcome Home Baby and found my eyes drawn to a HUGE, SPARKLY crown just a SETTIN’ on one of the shelves in her built-ins. “What is that?” I asked her, short of breath. “Oh, that? That’s just my My Miss Mississippi Crown,” she says all off-handed and such. I about FELL ON THE FLOOR!!! After, I came to, I asked her of course the next logical question–“Can I put it on my head?” And guess what?!!! She let me!!!! It was my finest moment, besides the birth of my children of course.
Holy Moly you just made my day!! I wish I could clog like that girl! Really though once I laughed for thirty minutes..girl can actually dance! My Mom’s good friend in College was Miss Arkansas, then went on to be Miss America. She supposedly had an affair with Bill Clinton also…hmm. I love Pagent Drama!!
Thanks for making a rather stressful day so much better!
Okay, you can call it natural, but I know for a fact that many polyesters were killed in the making of those fashions. Also, a whollotta Breck, Final Net, and Soft N’Dry went into that production.
It was a golden year, wasn’t it?
Being from Texas, I too, have a love of beauty pageants. In the 70’s we had a plethora of twirlers. Those gals would put on a sparkling leotard and get those batons a blazing. My favorites were the one’s that would twirl with fire.
Obviously there were not a lot of fire codes at the time. I am surprised those galls did not combust with the combination Aqua-net/ polyester and fire
A Favorite Post!!! Too funny to watch! Of course a favorite memory is of a certain sorority sister who would quote contestants from pageants such as…”I could fly higher than an AEROPLANE!” Love that memory and that girl!:) hee hee
My thoughts:
1. The ozone layer took a big hit this night.
2. I assume the lights in the auditorium dimmed for about an hour as the hot rollers were heated up.
3. I will never understand a button-down ball gown.
Oh my goodness, that is too much. I never competed at Miss America, but did compete at Miss USA {the rival pageant, gasp!} as Miss Oregon in 2000. I used to love watching pageants, and now can hardly stand to watch. They’ve changed so much in the last 10-20 years. I wish we could go back to the ’70’s :)
*And yeah, I read the post first, but must’ve missed your bullet about Ohio. I thought “No way could she have missed saying something about that bow”. That bow. I still cannot get over it. How did she ever think that was a good idea?
Thanks so much for sharing! :)
Oh, too rich for words…
Too sad…that song is stuck in my head!
Oh My Word!!! Miss Alabama was my Music Teacher at Jacksonville State University!
Thank you so much for sharing this!
Miss Colorado won!!!
I laughed so hard. Growning up I used to watch with my Grandmother all the pagents. We would keep a list of our top 10 after introductions and see how many we got right. Usually loaded full of southern belles. :) I have always loved the formals the best. And for Miss Univerise the country costumes they wear in the beginning.
And I so don’t remember the walk I had to do for Junior Miss.
This is genius. I LOVE Miss NC! I’m LITERALLY just down the road a little from Mars Hill College. Why did this make me SO excited?
I love pageants! Merry Christmas!
the hair—rolled with empty orange juice cans. I know of this. and what was up with the plaid gowns. and the turtlenecks. but, I’m thinking this was not the ballgown section. I actually met Miss Wisconsin at a small pageant I was in. She was very elegant and gracious, and still wore her hair up. watching this was an annual event with my cousins. we would all sit in front of the TV and keep our own tallies, and if our contestant didn’t place—oh the groans! serious stuff, and we could stay up past our bedtime.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Now i’m gonna sit here and find more videos to humor me! And I so want one of those ladies to be one of your blogreaders and maybe give like an insider’s play by play!
Oh Boo Mama, You have outdone yourself this time. That was a stroll down memory lane. We too used to watch and it seems like then the talents were talents and the Pageant was about scholarship and not the big business it is now. And they were beautiful.
Steff
Oh my! I loved watching the Miss America 1974 video. I was a junior in high school that year (no fair tallying up my age) and remember watching those and pulling for Miss Mississippi every year. Love that she was from “The W”. My mom and I always watched those together and pulled for our good Southern girls. I remember my third grade teacher had a daughter that was a Miss Mississippi in the 60’s. Can’t remember her name now but I do remember her coming to our class and showing the young girls how to walk and smile and such. What a great memory!
Ok, so did the Texas gunslinger win or what??? Also, the parade of States is my new favorite thing. Just made my husband watch it. I can’t even pretend we both didn’t love it.
The grandest part of my Mississippi heritage is that Mary Ann Mobley, Miss Mississippi and Miss America 1959, is my third cousin. Some days when I just can’t muster the energy to put on foundation or wash my hair, I feel like she’s feeling a pain in her heart a thousand miles away…and she doesn’t know why. Oh, and did you see the Miss MS pageant a few years ago when a girl actually had a picture of herself airbrushed on the back of her denim jacket?! Perfection.
hahahahaha
Oh my.
The deep voice.
And the GIANT bow.
And everything else.
Love it.
I found you by way of Kelly’s Korner and I must say you are an absolute delight to read. I feel every word you write. You have such a knack for expressing your thoughts on paper. If I ever get my rear in gear and get a blog going, I would be thrilled if it was even a tenth as fun as yours. You are in my bookmarks, can’t wait to come back. Merry Christmas!
You have completely and totally made my day. I had to keep pushing pause so I could read your commentary and then laugh and snort uncontrollably at the accuracy of your assessments.
BRILLIANCE.
And RAH RAH, TCU! Miss Texas went to Texas Christian U!
This was all just divine.
You mean THE BOW?!?! Ok, I need a bigger font on this … that was hysterical. The bow just made my day. That and Ms. New Hampshire hating every second of the introductions.
I think they should bring Miss America back and have you in a little caption box on the bottom of the screen giving a play by play. It would re-energize the pageant! FOR SURE.
Somebody call Donald Trump and tell ’em Sophie’s available! Don’t get me wrong, the Living Proof recaps are great and all … but a Sophie play by play of Miss America … hilarious!
Hi! I meandered to your blog by way of Kelly’s-and I have a confession-I was a contestant in the Miss Mississippi pageant for 3 years in a row. 2005-2007 I believe. And confession #2-my mother and I watch that first video you posted EVERY single year after the Miss America pageant!! She recorded it in whatever year that was, and we rediscovered it several years ago. Hysterical. And-youre right-it’s our heritage, people-aint no shame! PS I LOVE all your comments on the contestants-sounds like my family when we watch a pageant together! I don’t consider myself a “pageant person”-but I sure love watching one! Merry Christmas to you!
Did you notice the lack of bangs? quite a few swept over the side hair-dos.
Gold!
Thanks for sharing the memories.
Besides looking forward to the Fourth of July the next best thing is the MS pageant in July! Do you remember all the great past Miss MS like Susan Akin, Toni Seawright, Maryann Mobley and several others?
This video is hilarious! Love the dancers!
Your Central Texas Fan Club lives on! The first video SO reminded me of myself attempting “The Funky Chicken.” And the gals were a hoot! I was getting motion sickness watching it. And the poor girl forgot where she was from. Can hardly blame her!
Happy New Year! Thanks for the fun!
OK not only did I chuckle outloud the whole time but I dragged my hubby in to watch it and his comments were funnier than mine. (he also remarked how nice it was for The Price is Right to allow them the use of their soundstage…)
Too funny. Thanks for sharing! (and what I wouldn’t give to own 60% of those dresses!)
Too funny! I love seeing all the old hairstyles – and frankly, I want that volume! I wonder if they would share their teasing techniques?
Your commentary was hilarious! I was thinking the same things. Ha ha!
This was a lot of fun! Thanks for sharing!
Oh my! I LOVED this — but then what self-respecting southern girl doesn’t love to watch a 70s pageant (pre- tacky reality show junk)/
The bow… oh, my! Think she hurt herself with it?
Ive been trying for 2 days to even see the video link in the post. Its just a big box. What do I do? I want to watch too!!!
Oh, it’s a feast for the eyes. The Miss New Hampshire thing was a hoot. You could kind of read her eyes, saying, “I am actually too intellectual for this, I am from NEW ENGLAND, people, so know that I may be pretty but I am also bound for a career in which I deconstruct early 20th-century poetry while wearing thick sweaters and owning lots of cats.”
In the video Miss Mississippi went to the “W” or MSCW! Woo hoo!!
Thank you for that early Christmas gift!!!!!!!!!!! Too much fun!
Ok. First off, I can’t believe that I watched that video. Seven minutes of my life that I will never get back…..;)
However, since I DID watch it, I have to say that I am surprised by the fact that Miss Rhode Island seemed confused about the fact that she was “Miss Rhode Island” as she waited for the other contestant to walk to the mic, didn’t make your list.
She was a couple of contestants after Miss Ohio.
I TOTALLY wanted to be Miss America. I made a crown out of foil and wrapped a blanket around myself (toga style) and stapled pieces of paper, end to end, to make a sash. I might be a little bitter….
Miss New Hampshire was clearly anticipating the insane cheer that was to follow Miss New Jersey. She was bitter.
OH. MY. GOODNESS!! Thank you so much for this. I have laughed until my sides hurt! My mother is from Jackson, MS and her entire famiy still lives there – the state of MS takes pagents VERY VERY SERIOUSLY … I have learned!
Hey, Boomama! I just want you to know that I am at least 7 minutes and 44 seconds behind on my housecleaning. THANKS! That’s was so fun to see.
Sincerely,
Shelley from MS who watches pageants on TV and calls her mama during commercials to discuss tacky evening wear and horrendous talent selections and who also keeps her own score on paper just so that she can tell those judges what terrible opinions they have when it’s all said and done.
Where in the world did you find this. It was so funny. I can’t believe I watched the whole thing. Oh and that bow!!!
Will you please, PLEASE promise to live-blog the next Miss American pageant? PLEASE? I think you’ve found a new calling.
Oh, that was just fantastic. And oh my word, the bow. And that voice. Wow. I went and watched the 2009 parade of states after I watched the 1973 one. 1973 was sooooo much better. How can you compete with Kevin Reynolds? Thanks for sharing!
That was gold – pure gold. Miss Georgia was my fave!
thanks for the laugh- absolutely hilarious!!!
#17 – not pre-capped teeth though!!! Have to say I *love* the style of these ladies. . .bring it back!!!
I saw this and HAD to bring it to you…
Some sweet contestants, who actually brought a tear to my eye:)
Enjoy…
http://video.nytimes.com/video/2009/12/22/us/1247466236575/advice-from-a-grandma-beauty-queen.html
Heidi
I’m back for more…
I had to say that Miss Pennsylvania is really representing in that gown! Wish I had that in my Summer 2010 collection.
And…no one told Miss Wisconsin’s family members not to blast that horn when she was introducing herself, poor thing!
Ha ha ha ha ha – loved this!
HAHAHAHAHAHA Oh thanks so much for this. Took me temporarily out of the holiday madness. Back to a simpler, albeit strange time!!
I forgot to mention in my last comment… my favorite talent of all time: heather Whitestone, Miss Alabama in the 1995 pageant… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oh7mH7soZU&feature=related
Breathtaking–especially considering the fact that she is deaf. So beautiful!
I like green too, but not quite that much! I must go dance now. :)
As a former pageant girl from the 70’s I LOVED watching this. It was hilarious. Of course, I was a small child in the 70’s and my mama dressed me up and stuck me on stage, but still, I dreamed of being Miss America one day.
Miss Oregon apparently went shopping with the gang from Star Trek. And what’s up with Miss Rhode Island? It’s like she wasn’t sure who she was? When they called her she sort of stood there hesitating and looking at the other girl…”You wanna be Miss Rhode Island or me? You? No, go ahead…ok fine, I’ll do it.”
I found myself strangely smiling at the screen the whole time until my face hurt. And I don’t know why….
Okay, so I’m a little late watching this (been outta town) but I can’t believe you didn’t give props to Miss Montana’s fab necklace! Guess you were still mesmerized by Miss Michigan’s voice – WOW – that was fun!
Hahahahaha!!! Miss Michigan’s voice!! I was NOT expecting THAT!!!
I smiled through this whole thing. They all seem so sweetly innocent. Awwwww….