While Alex seems to have mastered the, um, liquid aspect of potty training, the, um, other aspect is proving a bit more challenging. And of course by “challenging” I mean “I could pull out every single increasingly gray hair in my head from frustration.”
As I nearly did yesterday afternoon.
And since A. generally gets terribly upset when he has an accident – resulting in your basic teeth-gnashing and garden-variety wailing – I usually have to calm him down a bit before I can inspect the, well, severity of the accident “site,” as it were.
Which I will not be describing in detail. Because I care about you.
So after yesterday’s sobbing subsided, I told A. to stand right. where. he. was. I was fearful that if he started to walk, the contents would, er, dislodge, and I’d have an entirely different kind of mess on my hands (not to mention my floors). I managed to move A. over to a towel I’d spread out while I gently – gently! – pulled off his underwear.
Underwear safely removed, I gently – gently! – made my way toward the bathroom. To, you know, dispose of some stuff. I was cradling those underoos like I was carrying fine china on a silver tray, and I can say in all honesty that I’ve never been so intent on not touching “china” in my life.
But it probably won’t surprise you, given my long history of grace and poise, that I tripped about two feet away the commode.
It never ceases to amaze me that, in times of duress, seconds seem to stretch on for hours, and the human brain can process several – lo, many – pieces of information in a very short span of time.
My brain, as it turned out, honed in on three critical facts:
1) Oh sweet lordy, I tripped.
2) Oh sweet lordy, I’m carrying poo.
3) Oh sweet lordy, WHAT IF I DROP IT? WHAT IF I DROP THE POO?
And in a moment that would certainly be featured on SportsCenter if cameras had been in place and if I hadn’t been juggling, you know, DOO-DOO, I recovered in such a way that I in fact propelled the substance in question straight into the commode.
Like a lay-up. Or something.
You would probably feel really sorry for me if I told you that the flushing sounded like wild applause, so I won’t tell you that part. But I think you would’ve clapped if you had seen my mad skillz in action.
By the way, as I was “taking it to the hoop,” the underwear never left my hands and protected me from the poo like a shield, which probably had something to do with the fact that Batman’s picture was all over them. Poo-repelling is one of Batman’s lesser-known powers, apparently.
And thus concludes Episode #3,293 of Things I Never Experienced Before Motherhood.
The joy, it would seem, is unending.
Should we call you PooMama?
This is just too funny. I sure needed the laugh after the day I have had.
ha ha ha ha.
I totally relate. :)
I finally got him going everytime. Lollipops are the BEST bribe!
***Did I say bribe? Ahem ahem. Of couse I don’t bribe my son. That would be wrong (wink).***
Oh the joys of Motherhood:) I must say this is one situation I have never heard before! Way to go with your aim!
I was laughing pretty good, but then lost it completely when I read Daph’s comment!
Proof once again that motherhood is THE extreme sport! :-)
I have to agree that Daph’s comment put the icing on the cake…..rolling on the floor over here!! May Batman continue to be with you!!!!
I’ve been a secret lurking giggler for a few weeks but I just couldn’t let this one pass without a comment. We’ve been dealing with our own “liquids and solids” this week and your story was a little close to home. We had our own disaster, causing a veritable flood in the middle of the post office a few days ago. Thanks for the giggle and snort!
Gayle
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/grace4gayle/
http://www.spunkychicks.blogspot.com/
I laughed outloud! :)
I stand in awe of your super-powers.
Too funny. I needed a good laugh, oh and Congrats on your lay-up.
You know, it’s sounding very ironic right now that your blogging initials are B.M. :) Of course, that could also stand for Bat Man–the poo-repelling one, of course:)
And can I just say I was terrified that you were going to land, face-first, in the poo? You’d need counseling or something after that!
Great job handling the “contents!” You are surely a SuperHero! :-)
OK- the mental v-i-d-e-o is playing in my head … over and over … it’s a rather funny movie :) I give it two thumbs up!
So glad you made the basket, ahem, and didn’t take a “header” into the poo.
Hopefully, A. never learns to catch it and bring it to you. Yes, he did! He most certainly did.
Ewwwwwww —-
I’m just here clickin’ away!
Eeeeeeeeyuuuuuuu. You’re scaring me, Boo. See, my first thought was thank you thank you I’m past all this. Then I remembered a little grandson who’s going to be right there in a couple of years. And my second thought was, well he’s only here during the day so maybe he can be coaxed into sort of holding it. Yuck yuck yuck. It’s not fair to have to go through this twice around.
Go PooMama! That was good Daphne!
WOW! Another reason to buy the expensive cartoon covered underwear. They need to put that on a commercial.
I was never so glad for concrete floors than when I was potty training my son.
Oh this just cracks me up! I agree with Daph, perhaps we should start calling you PooMama instead. :)
This post makes me think your blog initials are more appropriate than ever (BM). You know you’re a “real mother” when you can write at length about poop (I reference “Connor and the Disastrous Poopy”).
I just caught up on your posts, and I’m issuing a deep, satisfied sigh now. You write good stuff, BM. Goooood stuff.
I think this post gives me the official right to call you “BM” since I’m the one that coined the name. So for all y’all that think BM is “tacky” so be it! :)
Definitely a 3 pointer I think. Thanks again Batman.
Daph – LOL.
Just when you think you’ve seen or heard it all, your kids surprise you with something else. Keeps things interesting!
tears. . .PAINFUL laughter. . .especially loved the unveiling of Batman’s secret power. I am so glad I invested in new underwear for my son of EXACTLY that super hero. My protection is secured.
Boomama, I can relate to this post because we are in the same phase at my house. I commend you on your outstanding athletic abilities and superb aim.
I’m so glad the ending of this story didn’t go where I thought it was going. :)
So funny! That Batman sure is a hero! :D
Boomama, You are SO hilarious!! I’m so glad that you made the shot instead of all the other things that could have happened. Thanks for yet another big laugh!!
Tears ROLLING down my cheeks LOL’ing :D she shoots, she scores! hehe xoxo melzie
She shoots… she scores… the crowd goes wild…..
It’s a 3 point shot, at the clock!!! AMAZING!
This has me laughing so hard!! Not at you of course, only with you! :-)
poo-mama! ROTFL!!!!!!! Great story – you really make me look forward to the not so far away future! No – really you do!!! ;D
Oh yeah, Superman -ya just gotta love his hidden powers!!
Hey…I think that would make ESPN’s Top Ten Plays of the Day!
I literally laughed out loud reading this. You ARE a hoot!
Hilarious! I’m glad it was something you could laugh about! We are to the phase where we are so close to accident-free, but when it happens it makes me feel crazy. It’s good to hear your story – you know, misery loves company :)
ROFLOL!!! Seriously, with TEARS streaming down my face!!
I wish I could have seen you in person. Did A. laugh? I’m trying to get a visual…upstairs or downstairs? Because I’m picturing this taking place in your den. I’ve got a great story to tell you about W. and how he let it rip in PK’s brand new house. Baaaaad.
Downstairs. Towel set up in our bedroom – tripped going into the half bath. Since you’ve seen me trip many, many times, you probably can get an excellent visual. And what in the WORLD did W. do? I’m laughing just thinking about it. :-)
Edited By Siteowner
I have to know what shoes you were wearing. :)
Oh, I was barefoot. Tripped over my own feet. No shoes.
SURPRISED? :-)
Edited By Siteowner
Nobody can talk about poo like you can, BooMama.
Wait a minute, is that a compliment?
My sympathies on the clutziness — I’m still dealing with a horribly sprained ankle that I got 6 months ago … walking down my hallway. No toys to trip over, in the flattest shoes ever known to man.
But that story tops your own Mom at the Fish Camp! I have tears running down my face!
I’m not creative, but we MUST come up with a name for a poo-lay-up! Call ESPN and get some ideas!
36 comments. Wow. I’m amazed.
What new can I add, being the non-lurking I strive to be?
Teach the child about that “UHHHHhhh” feeling when you tense a mucsle. Kids usually don’t realize that they can feel that muscle starting to squeeze. Have him try doing it when he doesn’t have an urge…show him the face you make when having one, and how you “bear down”. They will laugh and try to act like you are weird. Sit on the pot and show him the face you make and where you feel it…over and over. Make a noise if you lie :-) The more dramatic, the more he’ll realize when HE is “doing it” is where you “do it”.
Helped with mine. I taught them all to BM before I could ever teach them to pee. (I wasn’t dramatic enough with that I suppose?)
Good luck, and you are so hysterical I can’t stand it.
I am so glad you came to visit lil’ ‘ole me. . .of course, I never thought you would so I went on linkin’ to you without asking you. . .glad you didn’t mind. (I’m assuming this.) You just crack me up girl. . .I’m from northeastern Louisiana originally–about and hour and a half west of Vicksburg–our “stompin’ grounds” are very similar.
Hello Boomama…well first of all…how hilarious…and I thought I was clumsy and goofey…wow we must be related…j/k. Wouldn’t know about the motherhood thing, but I do know about interesting messes…I can only imagine (good song huh?) Well talk to you later
Good Golly Mrs Molly….err…Boo Mama….err…Poo Mama!!
I was totally rolling…and of course having sympathy at the same time. What in the world was A doing all this time? Did he follow to the court and see your lay up?
Great Great post!!
Holy underoos, Batman! I feel a rap comin’ on.
Yo yo yo, who’da thunk?
BooMama be queen
of da doody slam dunk!
Word.
Am almost laughing to hard to type a comment! You are hysterical. AND…. are you SURE you weren’t at MY house this afternoon. Because we, ummm, had a similar scene. Except our story ended with poo on the carpet and a can of Resolve. *Sigh*. Too bad I ain’t as talented in doing a “layup” as you are “PooMama” … Gotta love it.
Sorry for the typo … meant to type “too” instead of “to” at the beginning. Sorry had to correct myself, because that is my PET PEEVE when others use “to” instead of “too”. Okay, going to bed now before everyone thinks I’ve totally lost it.
Oh, the joy of motherhood! Thanks for visiting my blog. I enjoy reading how other moms deal with poo, discipline and all those other fun things!
We’re going through the same thing with our Jonah. Mad props on the mad skillz. :)
Hmm… There seems to be poo in the air *grin* since I was reading this during my lunch and at the same time my colleague started telling me she’s been purchasing horse poo yesterday – for her garden.
Bon appetit to moi…
How about motherhood olympics? We could compete in poo tossing, pee shooting, pea bowling and toddler chasing…
oh that was funny. then i skipped over to the linked posts and laughed some more. love your blog.
Okay I’m busting a gut laughing…
I woke the twins up….
Oh man I remember with big brother having one time that he went in his big boy underwear and trying to get it to the toilet (made it). But juggling it?? eewwww….
Glad you made it and didn’t have another mess to clean up!
Thanks for sharing and my husband also thinks I should have been named Grace….. :-)
Ahhhhh. The joys of motherhood. They come in all shapes and sizes, don’t they? I was thinking about embarking on potty training another one, but I think you just cured me of that thought. He can wait. I can wait. Life will be better that way.
BooMama- You crack me up. You should be featured in a commercial for underoos. Reminds me of a Jeff Foxworthy joke- “When those diaper packages say for 6-10 pounds. They’re not kidding. That’s all those things can hold.”
You have such a way with words! Only you could take such a topic and write about it so well.
Glorious! Love those mad skillz! I laughed so hard…
Oh I wish I would have come up with Daph’s comment! Too funny! Poomama? Oh no she di-int! This whole post was too great! I could totally picture you walking ever so slowly with the said “poo” in hand, and then tripping, with dramatic music cued in the background, and everything slowed down to enhance the actual “trip.”
Oh my gosh. I needed a good laugh today! I hope you don’t mind, but I linked to your post on my blog. Just too funny not to share.
You sure have a way with story telling! :)
With posts like this you really need to have a flashing warning at the top to swallow any coffee a person may have in their mouths at the time. I have now sprayed coffee all over my monitor as I totally had myself one huge laugh. That is too hilarious and can only happen to someone who can write about it so “eloquently”. Thanks Boomama you started my day off on a great note!
I can’t tell you how much I needed a good laugh and you really made me laugh. I could literally see it all happening before my very eyes.
Thanks for sharing it so graphically.
LOL That’s hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!
That just took me back about about 3 – 3 1/2 years!! LOL!! Don’t you remember that H. did not care to master that until he was about 4 or a little after 4 and I was completely DONE!!! OH my…hope it gets better!!! To hear the stories are hilarious!! :-)
I am so upset w/ bloglines – HOW did I miss this post yesterday!?!?!?!??!
omigosh this is almost funnier than the tooting post
Takin’ the poop to the hoop! I love it!
I was cheering for you way over here!! Great sportmanship!
Oh, please, can we re-stage this and film it, with extra slow motion playback on the undies-as-a-shield and poodoo flying into the ‘hoop” while the flush cheers? Please?
I laughed out loud.
literally.
Thank you for sharing.
Had a hard time catching my breath on that one I was laughing so hard. You paint quite a picture with your descriptions! TOOOO FUNNY!
Thanks for that. I was seeing it all in my head. I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. Good luck with the poo.
Oh my that brings back memories of when my kids were little. Toooooo funny. I was almost in tears and the kids thought I done lost my mind. Not that they don’t think that anyways. LOL Thanks for the laugh! =)
Laughing.so.hard.tears.in.my.eyes
Oh. My. I know you’ve got a bizillion comments on here, but I just had to say that my coworkers now think I’m insane because I’m laughing till tears roll down my face and I can’t sit upright…and I can’t tell them WHY!
Boomama, you have GOT to write a book! I laughed so hard I cried, then read some more and cried some more…this is just too, too good!