I have a confession to make.
It’s something that completely goes against my ladylike Southern heritage, but it happened, and I might as well ‘fess up.
So here you have it:
I high-fived Emma Kate during the basketball game.
I did, y’all.
I’m not sure exactly what happened, especially since my friends from college would tell you that I have three hard-and-fast non-negotiables in my Sporting Event Code Of Behavior:
1) I do not pump my arm in the air while making barking noises.
2) I do not associate with team mascots, as I am terrified of them.
3) I do not high-five.
And so it has been for the majority of my adult life.
Until yesterday.
But oh, there was this beautiful three-point shot for the Bulldogs, and just as the ball left the shooter’s hands he was fouled, and in all the resulting commotion surrounding the possibility of a four-point play I raised my arm and found myself, inexplicably, slapping Emma Kate’s hand.
I would give anything if I could push a rewind button and make the whole cringe-worthy incident go away. But as it stands, I am forced to live with the memory of my actions. Sadly, I cannot turn back the hands of time.
But you may rest assured that it will not happen again.
Also.
I think that as sassy as EK and I felt in our cute jeans, I definitely learned a valuable jeans-related lesson.
My beloved $20 Faded Glory jeans cannot withstand my level of activity during a college basketball game. I stood up and sat down approximately 863 times, and by the end of the game the jeans were a full size larger than they were when we arrived at the coliseum. I would pull them up – and they would fall right back down, and the back pockets ended up somewhere around the tops of my knees.
Attractive? Oh I think so.
And did I mention that there was a contest to see who could propel rubber chickens into laundry baskets at halftime?
I’ll let that one soak in a bit before I continue.
Now I recognize that my alma mater is a land-grant institution with one of the nation’s finest poultry science programs, and I realize that my home state of Mississippi has a proud agricultural heritage. But I can’t help but feel that if my alma mater is as forward-thinking and progressive as they tout in their promotional materials (and as I know them to be from my first-hand experience), then perhaps eliminating the throwing-the-rubber-chicken contest is in order.
Of course, I am the same person who just said that I high-fived my friend and then wore jeans that, by the start of the second half, gave the impression that I was struggling with an overloaded diaper, so I may not be the most credible spokesperson for creating more sophisticated halftime activities.
However, if the gameday operations people decide that they want to have a halftime high-fiving contest, I’m certainly now well-qualified to judge.
And why did you buy those jeans? (just kidding) and to think with this dilemma solved we thought we were one step closer to world peace and world hunger.
So, who won the game?
I think when you high-five someone named Emma Kate it must still be a delicate southern ritual, like “Hey, y’all!” or “How’s your momma?” — I feel certain you carried it off with style and finesse fitting a southern belle such as yourself, even with loudness as your annointed gift.
Oh, I am so disappointed about your jeans. . .I have a pair of FG with a little Lycra in ’em and they are constantly slipping down my substantial rear end–but I thought it was due to the low waist.
I change overloaded diapers every day; that doesn’t sound fun. I bought a new pair of Levis this winter which I love, but I had to go buy a belt (I hadn’t worn a belt in so many years that one of my kids said they thought belts were only for men. Obviously, I’m very tailored in my appearance.) because they grow during the day and I can’t keep them up.
I went jean shopping yesterday (I saw Jeanstar shirts, but not jeans at Ross) and all of the jeans in my favorite brand had tags hanging on them that said they were lower-rise for the “modern woman,” which obviously means those of us who have, you know, given birth, are ancient. Sigh.
These sound like some of those jeans that require a belt by the end of the day!
Oh–and I forgot to add that my FG jeans which are “low rise” NEVER cover my hi-cut pan*ies–EVER. I cannot do bikinis, and the th*ng is simply out of the question. . .so I try to feel hip in my hi-cuts. . .but the jeans remind me how incredibly unhip I am–except for my ACTUAL hips–those I’ve got plenty of.
I’ve just got to say that in all of our years together I had NO idea of your “high five” rules. I feel privileged!!!Stewart’s fouled 3 pointer did turn into a 6 point play — definitely deserving of a high five or two!!! Had a blast!!
Please … please … don’t post for a bit. I’ve been retching all weekend from the flu and my tummy muscles can’t take it.
You high-fiver, you!
Sounds like you had fun;) and thats all that matters.As for the jeans,get some “spenders”lol Glad ya’ll made it home safe.
At least you didn’t do the chicken dance. Then, we would have to hold an intervention.
LOL! Well,as for the high-five’ing…Southern
Lady etiquette allows for doing so under six conditions: 1) painted nails, preferably a dark pink, so as not to be so brazen as red; 2)bracelet-age, preferably dangling and with charms, so as to soften the slapping effect; 3)no verbalization while doing so, just pursed lips and animated eyes; 4)right knee bent, foot slightly raised while doing so, to appear more as a graceful and synchronized dancing movement with one’s HF partner; 5)fingers extended past normal, and spread (to show off the nails); and 6) some expressed unfamiliarity with the sport, as in HFing when the other team has scored (unless it’s football). Trust me, you’re vindicated. My mother is from East Texas, so I know! :)
She forgot another rule she strictly enforces.
I’ve never heard her utter the word “awesome” (certainly not “AWESOME!”) and will only oblige its utterance if she doesn’t know you well or is feeling especially tolerant (but she does cringe a little inside, still).
Congrats on getting your first HIGH FIVE out of the way. I have heard if you do it once, you’ll never stop.
When I do something out of character I bothers me too and I wonder what’s wrong with me. I never did the high five thing myself, but then at my age it would look pretty odd I think. Sort of like if I got my belly button pierced.
Seriously, you crack me up! I don’t know how you do it but you do! It’s so fun to visit you and hang out for a while : )-
A full size larger? You promise? Then I can buy a 10. O.k., o.,k. — a 12.
I LOVE college basketball! My husband surprised me with March Madness tickets in Las Vegas this weekend. It’s the first round but I don’t care if it’s the first,second or last-Vegas Baby! Vegas and Basketball: a winning combination in my book!
I’m so confused! I don’t understand about the reluctance to high-five. You sound like a major sports fan, so do you yell and such? Just no ‘fives? Also, have you in the past worn dress pants to games? I’m thinking this must be a southern etiquette thing I’m unfamiliar with. Most Hoosiers fall under the Rednec category, until you’re talking about a sporting event, then ALL Hoosiers fall under the Redneck category.
Boomama, you silly girl–it’s not that your pants got larger as you cheered; you got SMALLER from all your bleacher-seat activity and high-fiving! Way to go:)
(So do you think there’s a book deal in the works for “Boomama’s Guide to Southern Etiquette,” because I’d buy it.) (And where, oh where, does the question mark go in that sentence? Help me, please.)
You know…I DO see a Southern Etiquette post coming out of this. There are so many things to list! You should explore that – from sporting events to raising children, from church and friends to fashion and food. It’s never-ending!
Just be glad you didn’t pay too much for your expandable jeans. My sister has a pair of Tommy Hilfigers that do the same thing. She even bought them at a department store (not Ross or Marshalls where I bought some a couple of years ago). So she paid much more to get the same wonderful effect! I’d say you got a bargain!
Lee Riders don’t do that. :)
Love,
Your-arm-pumping-making-barking-noises-mascot-lovin’-high-fiving-whirling-twirling-whistling-hollering-like-I-got-no-sense-Sister :)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You are hilarious! And what was it with jeans fiascos this weekend? My kids BOTH had hilarious incidents with theirs this weekend! High five on this post!
You sacreligious high-five-er, you! Shameful, honestly. In which case, I was a horribly shameful person during our high-school basketball games (since, of course, those are the most recent games I’ve been too :grin: ). Because that’s about ALL I did for the first half of the season, usually, while I warmed up my hollerin’ voice.
And as for the jeans… whew. I feel for ya. You know you could have just made it look like you wore them that way on purpse with a silver-studded black belt, a chain hanging on the side and a nice pair of bright boxers peeking out the top. Oh wait, this was a respectable game in Mississippi, NOT in downtown Los Angeles. :wink:
It sounds like a lot of fun! I think all jeans do that…mine do anyway…they grow as the day goes…but shrink right back up after washing.
Kim
A big AMEN on the “growing jeans” issue. You know there is one solution to this problem. You have to buy your jeans one size too small. Then, if you lie down on your back on the bed and push ALL of the air out of your body, you can zip them up an 1/8 inch at a time. Then you roll yourself sideways off of the bed (because it is impossible to bend at the waste at this point.) You walk around the house for an hour or so, then you may be able to sit and get up (although rather stiffly) a few times. After about 2-3 hours, your jeans are close enough to your actual size to allow you to actually climb into the car and drive to your destination. Hopefully an hour or so after you get there, your jeans will be the perfect size (provided you don’t eat or drink anything during this entire process!) Then, you make it home in your very comfortable jeans, take them off, throw them into the wash, and start the whole thing over again!
Oh, Melody, don’t tell me we gotta flop on the bed again. I’m all for buying a smaller size, but the last time I flopped on the bed to put on jeans, they had a horse embroidered on the back pocket.
Boo, you SHOULD do a post on southern etiquette. I would take notes! That way when company came over, I would know the proper way to “Put on the dog”! :D
As usual, loving the recap of BooLife. =) And let me tell you, after the debacle that is the selling of the Storch 40 yr old home, I needed a smile today.
I stumbled across your blog recently and I LOVE, LOVE it! You are so funny and I know that is because you are a Mississippi girl (or AL, not sure) who loves her Bulldogs…all of which we share in common! Fun to hear stories about our alma mater.
Keep up the hilarious blogging!
LOL! Faded Glory “adjustable” jeans. Could catch on. Of course, as our single income budget is t-t-t…tight, I have to buy faded Faded Glory’s. Someone else’s business. Cast offs. Recycled (hey, I’m nothing if not environmentally friendly).
Imagine how hard it is to wear “adjustable” jeans when it isn’t even your own pieces parts that did the adjusting. Sigh.
Blessings,
~Toni~