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Thirteen (More) Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say
1. “No butter for me, thanks.”

2. “This oppressive humidity is so refreshing.”

3. “I got so busy that I totally forgot to eat.”

4. “No, really. I’d LOVE to go to the repair shop and explain to the mechanic EXACTLY what’s wrong with the car.”

5. “Let’s watch ALL THREE X-Men movies on DVD tonight! Movies based on comic books ROCK!”

6. “Sorry I couldn’t make it to the phone. I was watching a “Murder, She Wrote” marathon.”

7. “I saw the trailer for that new Will Ferrell movie, but I didn’t laugh at all.”

8. “I’d be glad to serve on those four committees. There’s nothing I enjoy more than a good meeting!”

9. “What’s a blog?”

10. “Alex, just remember: your life is all about YOU.”

11. “You know what we need? Hamsters.”

12. “I love prunes.”

13. “If you can wait just a minute, I want to change into my thong before we go down to the beach.”

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Admittedly this is sort of a weird Works For Me Wednesday, because it all starts with the pattern on these pants:

See, I was cleaning out my closet yesterday, and when I saw these pants, I thought, “You know, that’s sort of the look I’ve wanted to have on my blog.”

Oh but you think I’m kidding.

Seriously, I’ve wanted to change the look for awhile, but I didn’t have any inspiration. But when I saw the browns and the pinks and the greens, I knew I had found a starting point. And since Addie helped me so much the first time I tried to to swap out my banner, change my background, etc., I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to do…and it’s really not as hard as you might think.

So, in the spirit of WFMW, here’s how I changed my template just enough to make a big difference. Keep in mind that I’m talking specifically about Blogger, so if you use TypePad or WordPress or whatever, this explanation may not work for you.

First, I set up a new blog – a test blog – really simple if you’re using something free like Blogger. This is a great place to save the info in your current template and start to work with it. The best thing is that I can tinker with the test blog to my heart’s content and not one letter gets changed on my “real” blog. When I get the test blog like I want it, I copy and paste any code that has changed back over here.

Second, I made sure that I knew what I was after design-wise. Find your inspiration, whether it’s in a photograph, a piece of clip art, or even a pair of pants.

After I figured out what kind of look I wanted, I looked at some of the free or REALLY low-cost stock photography sites. I found my new pants-inspired background illustration on iStockPhoto, and I paid a WHOLE DOLLAR for it. Once I downloaded the file, I was able to start working with it (you can use Photoshop, Illustrator, etc.). You do have to have a little knowledge about how to do text boxes and that kind of thing – but you can easily find that out online. Or, if you’re me, yell “HUSBAND!” and let your computer-savvy hubby help.

Next, I looked at my template code to see how many pixels my banner (the place with your blog name and tagline) needed to be. See where it says 692? That means my banner needs to be at least that many pixels wide. The height is pretty flexible. You can do all the editing – inserting type, playing around with fonts, tweaking the colors – after you have the correct size set up. And as for the background image – the stuff along the sides – I just make that about 300 pixels wider than my banner. It’s a separate file from the banner, and I just sort of figured out how to make it work through trial and error.

The last step in the “design” process is to save everything as JPEG files, and I use PhotoBucket to host my images. Once you’ve uploaded to your photo host, the bulk of your work is done.

So on to to the template. The fun part. :-) And if you try this, remember: don’t even THINK about messing with your template until you have made a back-up copy of your code. That’s where all your links, sidebar stuff, and any modifications are, and you don’t want to lose ANY of that. So select it all, copy, and paste it in a .txt file – then SAVE IT.

Once all the code was saved and sound, I just copied and pasted the URL of where my banner image is stored into my template (you’ll see that info underneath your pics in Photobucket). That place in your template will look something like this, and all you have to change is the part between the quotation marks on the “img src” line.

Finally, I put the URL for my new background image in the place that looks like this, and again, all I had to change was what’s in between the quotation marks on the “background” line. (And you don’t have to change the background at all if you don’t want to – I just happened to like a washed out version of my banner running down the sides.)

Here’s the most important thing I’ve learned as a VERY amateur-ish template tinkerer: stick with the horse that brung ya. I’m still using my very first Blogger template – Son of Moto, I think it’s called – all I’ve changed are two pieces of code (the banner and the background). But doing those things will give you a whole new look. Plus, I don’t have to transfer all my link and sidebar info into another template. That works for me!

Now if all this talk of downloading and editing and template changing just exhausts you, try out one of the many free Blogger templates available. I found some adorable free ones at Zoot’s Designs, and I came very close to using one of those…all the code is right there on her site (remember, if you set it up on a test blog first, you can copy and paste in your links from your real blog, then, when you’re finished, copy and paste all your edited code back over to the place we normally visit).

Also, there are so many talented designers / bloggers who can create custom designs for a reasonable fee, like Jules, Susie, Karin and Becky, just to name a few.

And again, PLEASE remember: ALWAYS make a copy of the code you’re currently using – NEVER start to manipulate the HTML in your current template without having a back-up.

I know this is an unusually long WFMW, but I figured I’d better write down this info while it’s fresh on my mind – and hopefully it will help some of you, too. That ALWAYS works for me. :-)

Happy Blogging, everybody!

For more great WFMW ideas, visit Rocks In My Dryer.

I’ve written before about my strange obsession with “House Hunters” on HGTV. And I’ve mentioned that within the first full minute of an episode – if it’s a re-run – I can call it: “That’s the couple that ended up in a Craftsman cottage,” or “That’s the guy whose grandmother was his realtor and on the way into the first house he looked at, she tripped on a stepping stone and said, ‘HELP ME! I’ll kill myself!'”

So I’ve seen an episode or nine, is all I’m sayin’.

Well, when I read this post at Melanie’s blog, I knew
exactly which episode of “HH” she was talking about. Down to the couple’s outfits. And then I wondered: why don’t I quit watching? I’ve seen all of them. I know which house they’re going to choose. Why can’t I quit my “House Hunters” habit?

Part of it has to do with what I mentioned in the post from February. I’m Southern. Southern people like seeing people’s houses. We like sitting on people’s porches. We like being invited into people’s living rooms and finding big glasses of sweet tea waiting on the coffee table. We can’t help it. It’s like saying “y’all” or eating grits – it’s part of who we are.

But the bigger part, I think, is that for me, the inside of a house – and whether it’s 700 or 7,000 square feet is totally irrelevant – is a reflection of a person’s personality. So I’ll just go ahead and tell you – though this may scare you and send you fleeing from this little corner of the interweb so quickly that your monitor will have tread marks – I find it impossible to talk to someone or read her blog without forming a picture in my head of where she lives.

You may need a moment to process the deeply disturbing nature of that last sentence.

Yes, even though I’ve never, you know, visited their homes, I have a mental image (completely fabricated, of course) of where Sarah lives, where Addie lives, where Robin lives, where fill-in-the-blank lives – and it’s based on absolutely nothing other than my perception of their personalities.

Please don’t leave.

I mean, that’s weird. Right? It’s weird. I know it is.

Allow me to continue to humiliate myself.

In my head, everybody lives somewhere perfectly lovely. I rarely meet someone in real life or read someone’s blog and picture them living in a less-than-desirable conditions. I do picture various degrees of home decor – some plain, some minimal, some contemporary, some traditional, some eclectic – but in my mind everybody lives in a safe, secure home that’s a perfect reflection of their personality and values.

So I’ll get even more specific and REALLY scare you.

– I imagine that Diane has lots of beautiful old quilts scattered around. She loves hearth and home, loves her family, and she strikes me as a person who would see a quilt as a treasure – something to be handed down from generation to generation.
– I imagine that Lauren has a place for everything and everything in its place. Her blog is so pretty and functional and orderly that I can’t help but think that her house is, too.
– I imagine that Brenda doesn’t like a lot of frou-frou stuff in her house. There’s no lace there (at least in my head). And because she always has gorgeous photography on her blog, I picture her house as being tastefully minimal so that the pictures are showcased.

Oh, I could go on. And on. And on. But then you might notify some sort of mental health agency that there’s this woman? In Alabama? With some SERIOUS issues. In need of some SERIOUS help.

But I’m thinking that there has to be at least one of you who does this, too.

Please?

And Happy 4th of July, by the way.

You may now judge me in the comments. Freely.

First, you’ll have to excuse the big copyright sign in the center of the video – this is just a sample, though you can purchase the real deal here. Not that I think any of you are eager to purchase a one-minute video for, you know, ten dollars, but your church just might be. :-)

Second, I do think this is a funny take on a very real problem. And seeing it also reminded me that in the last few days Jules and Jeana have touched on, in a much more thoughtful way than I ever could, some other issues churches – and their members – are facing. Check out their posts if you get a chance – they’ll make you think, for sure.

And I wish I could link to the sermon we heard yesterday (not up on our church website yet) – because it addressed this particular issue so thoroughly and so Biblically (see Ephesians 1).

But in the meantime, for your viewing pleasure…

Like all good satire, there’s some truth beneath the surface, isn’t there?

Diane tagged me for this novel of a meme, and I’m happy to oblige such a loyal bloggy friend. So here we go.

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME…
– I was born in Mississippi, lived in Louisiana, and am now at home in Alabama (forever, I hope).
– I love SEC football and basketball more than your average girl. When I was in college I camped outside MSU’s coliseum the night before a State / LSU basketball game…and this was one of the most fun days of my life. Seriously.
– I have known my husband since I was six or seven years old when we were in Mrs. Nicholson’s Sunday School class. We got married in that very same church, and my parents and D’s mama are still in Sunday School together even now.
– I grew up Methodist, joined an Episcopal church in my twenties, and have taught in Baptist and Presbyterian schools. You’d think I’d have a slight case of Protestant Schizophrenia, but I feel pretty blessed to have experienced those denominations firsthand. We go to a Baptist church, by the way – just in case you’re wondering where we “settled.”
– I want to lose 40 pounds. Preferably in the next week or so.
– I was a bridesmaid 10 times before I was ever a bride.
– I will never, as long as I live, understand why I had to take algebra.

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME…
– cockroaches
– larvae stages of anything
– a snake shedding its skin
– clowns
– puppets and/or grown people in mascot costumes
– honeycombs
– a picture I saw in college of a man with 100 cigarettes in his mouth at the same time – it still gives me chills when I think about it

7 RANDOM/MUSIC AT THE MOMENT…(I’m not sure exactly what means, so I’ll just tell y’all what I’m listening to right now)
– Sunday Morning Songs – Veggie Tales
– Pirates’ Boat Load of Fun – Veggie Tales
– A Grateful People – Watermark – you reallllly need this CD if you don’t have it
– Arriving – Chris Tomlin – it’s been in my car for almost two years, and I still love it
– a great mixed CD that our friend Todd made for me
– sermons by our friend Kevin that I’ve burned to CD (not music, but I am listening to it in the car)
– “Takin’ It To The Streets” – Taylor Hicks (please don’t roll your eyes)

7 THINGS I LIKE THE MOST…
– diet Coke
– the smell of a little one right after a bath
– laughing so hard that I fear I may quit breathing
– TiVo – good grief it simplifies the TV-watching process. Not that it was a terribly complicated process to begin with.
– pedicures
– days where I have nowhere to be and can stay in my pajamas all day long if I feel like it
– standing in church, singing my heart out, knowing I’m probably way off key but God loves to hear me anyway

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST…
– “OH MY WORD”
– “Have mercy”
– “Alex!”
– “I can’t understand what you’re saying. Say it like a big boy.”
– “Is ANYTHING on television?”
– “What in the sam hill…?”
– “What’s goin’ on?”

7 THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR ME SAY…(I totally stole this category from Addie because hers cracked me up so much)
– “The doctor has really been encouraging me to gain some weight.”
– “This size 4 is too big. I think I may need a 2.”
– “I’ll be over there in the petites section if you need me.”
– “That fried chicken wasn’t so good, but this raw celery is DELICIOUS.”
– “Why, I’d be delighted to participate in your skit. I hope we perform in front of hundreds of people!”
– “I only spend about 10 or 15 minutes a day blogging.”
– “Back when I was participating in aerobics contests….”