When I started this week’s study on patience, I thought maybe I would learn how to keep my cool when Alex is asking me for 95th time to go outside, PLEAAAAASE, when it’s 7:30 at night and he has just had a bath, or maybe how to avoid the onset of a twitching episode when David commandeers the laptop when we’re watching TV, which, I’m sorry, IS MY BLOGGING TIME, DOESN’T HE KNOW THAT?

(And to be fair, he only “commandeers” the laptop about once every month, when he has work to do but is also trying to spend time with me, so yeah, I should just zip it with the mock indignation.)

What I was not prepared for when I started this week’s homework was to get a large lesson in hope, and forgiveness, and mercy, and endurance…the embers that spark the patience flame.

This week I learned that one of the most critical components of patience with people – and one that makes judging people nearly impossible – is mercy. In fact, according to Beth, “if we neglect the necessity of forgiveness, we fail to complete the portrait of biblical patience. Patience is the vessel through which God pours His mercy. Mercy is fueled by forgiveness.”

And at that point I was ready to put my “Little Miss Spiritual” crown on, because, well, I’m a pretty forgiving person. I forgive EVERYBODY. I forgive EVERYTHING.

Don’t I?

But hold on.

If I did forgive everybody, and if I had forgiven everything, wouldn’t I be overflowing with patience? Wouldn’t I be the most merciful person alive? Because I’m SO not.

And the more I thought about it and prayed about it, the more I realized that I’m not nearly as forgiving as I thought I was.

I guess I won’t be accessorizing with that crown, after all. Because I discovered this week that it’s nearly impossible to be merciful and patient with other people when struggling with forgiveness “issues.” I have some of those. Honestly, I can’t pinpoint all of them, because I buried some of that junk so long ago that I can’t even remember where I left it. I do know, however, that there must be a deep well of bitterness and unresolved hurt that’s watering my garden of impatience, and I have to get to the bottom of it.

(Did y’all notice that I made a metaphor? I DID.)

Beth goes on to give five reasons why forgiveness is so essential, and the last of the five offers a perspective on forgiveness that I’ve never considered:

“We must forgive because we are not the only ones bound by the rope of unforgiveness. If we refuse to forgive, we tie God’s mighty hands from ‘working all things together for good.’ He will not bring personal good to you from your pain if you do not release Him through your forgiveness…. Christ has a purpose in the pain you’ve suffered or He never would have allowed it. Until you surrender to His purpose in the specific matter at hand, He cannot work it for your good. Do you know what that means? It all happened in vain – for absolutely nothing.” [emphasis mine]

Oh. Well. My goodness. I mean, I may be a little bitter, but I don’t want to be stupid. I don’t want any aspect of my life to be in vain. And I certainly don’t want to “tie God’s mighty hands.”

So what I realized, as I was going through my homework, is that other people aren’t the source of my patience problem. I am. I’m the big ole stinkin’ problem.

Sometimes I fail to realize that people who “challenge” my patience are in my life because God put them there, because they are just what this prideful girl needs. They are many times the iron that I so desperately need to sharpen my own. And Beth points out three reasons why certain people seem to have a knack for testing our patience:

– They bring out the worst in us (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing – we need “the worst” to come out so that there’s more room for the Holy Spirit to fill us up).
– They keep us from thinking too highly of ourselves.
– They keep our pretenses from working.

In other words, they disarm the strongholds of our pride…they tear down the parts of us that think we’re “above” feeling a certain way, responding a certain way, or even dealing with certain issues. And now that I’ve started to take a hard look at relationships that “test” me through the lens of those three reasons, I see the truth of Beth’s statements EVERYWHERE.

EVERYWHERE.

I wish I could wrap up this post in some pretty paper and put a colorful bow on top, then look at it and say in my best Alex voice, “ALL DONE!” But this week, finishing the week’s homework and video places me, strangely enough, at the beginning of really dealing with this patience thing.

And I know that the vague uneasiness and restlessless in my spirit means, “Hey, you’ve got some work to do…and it starts right now.”

Addie	Heather*	Carol
M	Rach	Jeana
Jenn	Amanda	MamaB
GiBee	Boomama	Maria
Blair	Heather	Nancy
Janna	Flipflop	Robin
Sherry	Patricia	Tara
Lauren	HolyMama!	Faith
Christy	Eph2810	Karin
Leann	Rachel	Janice
This is a list of the women participating in the study and the links to their blogs. New postings on the study will be published for the next ten weeks, between Friday 8pm – Saturday 8am. Please feel free to visit each of us and comment. Everyone is welcome to participate in this discussion as we seek to live beyond ourselves. May God bless you richly from the hearing of His word.

Last night I didn’t go to bed until about 11:00, and it was probably 11:30 before I actually fell asleep.

You can imagine my delight when, around 3 AM, I heard Alex saying, “Mama. Mama? MAMA!” over the monitor. I did my best to ignore him, because I could tell he wasn’t in great distress, but after 10 minutes of listening to various inflections of That Name My Child Calls Me, I knew I was going to have to go to upstairs if I had any hope of sleeping ever again in my whole life ever.

When I got to his room, Alex was restless. Normally he’ll go right back to sleep if I crawl in the bed with him, but last night he was undone, for some reason. He tossed, and turned, and wiggled, and kicked, and after I finally made my peace with the fact that it was just one of those nights, I curled up on my side, right on the edge of his bed, and started to doze off.

After what could’ve been 2 minutes or 20 minutes – I have no idea – I woke up because it was becoming increasingly clear that Alex was standing on me. Even though I was too groggy for words, I managed to focus my eyes long enough to realize that yes, my child was standing on top of my legs, and yes, he seemed to have an end goal in mind, but oh, I was so tired, and I went back to sleep.

But the child, he was persistent. A few seconds later he was standing on my legs again, then pushing on my arms, then trying to move the top half of my body, and some part of my brain recognized that he was trying to work his way around me, that somehow I was in his way. So I scooted away from the edge of the bed – still on my side, mind you – made some room for the little man, and he practically fell onto his side, snuggled right up against me, and fell sound asleep right away.

And I thought, “he could’ve just asked me to scoot over.”

It’s a constant source of wonder to me that so much of childrearing is a metaphor for my relationship with God. Last night was just one more example in an ever-growing stack (can you actually “stack” metaphors or examples? I think not, but by now you know and understand my limitations with figurative language).

Anyway, I have thought all morning about my tendency to try to handle circumstances in my own strength. Even when I know where I’m trying to go, what my “end goal” is, I’ll take the longer, more difficult path in the name of “independence” or “self-sufficiency.” I try to move things on my own, try to manipulate a situation as best I can…but in doing that I rarely get to a place that feels safe, that feels secure.

All the while, God must be looking at me and thinking, “Child, you only have to ask, and I will cover you with love and protection.”

Just for the asking, He will comfort me and hold me close.

And that’s what I’ve been thinking about this morning.

I have found two blogs in the last week that I enjoy a whole bunch, and much to my surprise, the writers are related: Sarah, who is 38 weeks pregnant and still blogging (as opposed to me at 38 weeks, who pretty much sat around watching my feet and lips swell) and her mother, Bev, who has that laid-back confidence and wisdom that seems to just fall all over women in their 40’s and 50’s (see also: Sister).

And then today I found Bev’s sister, Barb (don’t you automatically like sisters named Bev and Barb? You can just imagine them talking on the phone, can’t you?), and apparently about four more of their family members are about to hop on the blogging train. It’s a blogging dynasty in the making! :-) Which reminds me: Sister, you have got to get that blog of yours up and running (Sister & Soph is almost as catchy as Bev & Barb. Almost.)

Anyway, Bev tagged me and several others to talk about how we clean and what we clean with – do we use 45 different products, or do we just use a few? And I couldn’t help but laugh, because Bev wasn’t around to witness BooMama Breakdown ’06 – when I literally cried for an entire afternoon because I was totally overwhelmed by my house.

In case you missed those three days-o-BooMama-fun, you can read about them here, here, here and here.

Since then, though, we’ve fallen into a little bit of a system around our house – it’s not perfect, but it has helped a ton.

So here’s how I clean, more or less.

The first rule is that the kitchen sink must stay clean at all times. And it’s amazing how well that works. Even David now wipes out the sink after he rinses a glass or cleans a pot…it’s the simplest little tip but totally transforming in terms of keeping the kitchen clean. I keep a clean dishrag by the sink at all times, and when the rag is ready to go into the laundry basket, I dampen it and use it to wipe along the baseboards in the kitchen. That’s another little tip that keeps the kitchen looking clean.

For countertops and appliances, I really like Windex because all our appliances are black and they show streaks really easily. I’m also a fan of the Method countertop spray. I like the liquid all-purpose cleaner, too, and you can find all the Method stuff at Target. My favorite splurge cleaning product (oh, leave me alone – some girls splurge on shoes – I splurge on ammonia-free all-purpose cleaners) is the brand I mentioned earlier this week, Mrs. Meyer’s, which I buy at Fresh Market. I like lavender the best…my sister-in-law, Janie, likes geranium. She’s the one who discovered how great this stuff smells and works.

I only use Windex on glass surfaces…panes on the doors, top of coffee table, mirrors, etc.

We have hardwood floors in every room downstairs except for our bedroom and bathroom, and I have tried every single product known to man. But even when I stray, I always come back to Swiffer for the day-to-day cleaning…and then about once a month I mop the wood floors with warm water and just the teensiest bit of Murphy’s Oil Soap. Of everything I’ve used, it seems to be the gentlest…the Pledge hardwood floor cleaner leaves a sticky residue. By the way, Emma Kate swears by some Bissell electric something-or-other that you can use on tile and hardwood floors, but the name of it escapes me.

For bathrooms, which I DESPISE cleaning, which I LOATHE cleaning, I use as much Clorox as possible (I literally fill up the tub with scalding hot water and about 1/2 cup of Clorox), and I wipe everything down with that mixture. Then I fill up the sinks with whatever all-purpose cleaner I’m using, and I clean the sinks and vanity with that. I mop the floors with the all-purpose cleaner mixture. Truthfully, David is great about cleaning the bathroom because he knows how much I hate it. Did I mention that I don’t enjoy it?

I dust with Endust about once a week, and I try to vaccuum twice a week. Nothing in-depth – just the parts not covered by furniture.

Now I know that there was a bit of an “oh sweet goodness, the woman has lost her mind” reaction when I mentioned in another post that I use Gain detergent, Gain fabric softener and Gain dryer sheets when I do laundry. And I even told myself that I would try using either fabric softener OR dryer sheets, as sort of an experiment, to see if it made any difference. But so far, I haven’t been able to do it. I think about it. I just. Can’t. So I continue my over-laundering / over-softening pattern. Is there a 12-step program to get me on the no-fabric softener wagon?

I will say that the whole FlyLady system has definitely helped. But the 15 emails a day I get from her? GOT TO STOP. DRIVING ME CRAZY. Anybody have a tip about how to deal with THAT?

In lieu of tagging someone else (I’ll post later about David’s funny reaction to this whole “tag” phenomenon), I’m going to send you over to see what Sarah, Bev and Barb had to say in their posts.

And if there’s a magical cleaning product I’m missing (what’s the deal with the whole Magic Eraser phenomenon?), please advise in the comments.

I’ve never done one of these Thursday Thirteens before, but it’s a means to a posting end today. :-) If you have one posted on your blog, let me know in the comments and I’ll link to you here. I was going to do the auto-link thing, but that seems a little, um, unnecessary for someone who only has tens of readers.

Thirteen Things I Love About The South
1. I could count on my hands the number of times that I’ve been introduced to someone – aside from a job interview – and he or she has shaken my hand. Down here, we hug. We meet, and we hug.

2. Everybody speaks to everybody. Even a three year old is not immune. Yesterday we were at the grocery store, and as we wheeled by people in the aisles, Alex would wave and say, “Hey! How you today?” And people answered him. Kindly.

3. A trip to the grocery story is not complete until someone – and it happens almost every single time – approaches me in the produce section or the meat department or the checkout line and says, “So, what ‘cha makin’ with that red onion / cubed steak / can of corn?…REALLY? Oh, that DOES sound good!”

4. There’s nothing better than summertime lunches where fresh tomatoes, fried okra, fresh corn, fresh green beans (cooked to the point that they’re flat and have no redeeming nutritional value), and homemade cornbread are the order of the day. Meat becomes an accessory – it’s not even necessary.

5. In the springtime, you can’t turn a corner without being confronted by huge masses of hot pink azaleas.

6. The accent. It’s divine. At least to these ears.

7. When girls are engaged, their mamas set up big tables in their houses, cover the tables with white linen tablecloths, and display all the wedding gifts. And about once a day, friends will stop by for “cake and coffee,” visit for a bit, and then ooh and ahh over the china and crystal and whatnot. It’s a charming little tradition to me.

8. Double names. Two of my very closest friends are Emma Kate and Norma Kay. And can I please tell you how many “Mary-somethings” I know? Mary Allison (2 of them), Mary Margaret (3 of them), Mary Caroline (3 of them), Mary Katherine (2 of them), Mary Alice, etc. – and that’s just the tip of the “Mary-something” iceberg. And then there’s Lea Margaret! ;-)

9. Sweet tea.

10. There’s a mentality in the South that we’re all connected, that we’re all family, and I guess in some cases we really are, since some of us have family trees that don’t fork very much.

11. The music. Country, jazz, blues, Southern gospel – we have a rich little soundtrack in this neck of the woods.

12. The hospitality. Come visit, and you’ll see what I mean. We’ll take real good care of you and yours.

13. Two words: fried chicken.

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Addie tagged me for this little meme (because I overlook the obvious, I only recently figured out that these list thing-ys are called memes because they’re all about me! me! me! me! me!).

I’m very grateful for the tag, by the way, because otherwise I would have nothing to say today.

So here you have it.

I am – a person who understands that my life is not my own.

I want – to raise Alex in such a way that he knows who he is and WHOSE he is. There is nothing I want more than for him to love the Lord and serve Him wholeheartedly.

I wish – I lived closer to my long-time friends, close enough to meet them for dinner or go walking with them after supper. Or skip the walking and sit at their kitchen tables and laugh. I do love it here in B’ham – but it would be so fun if we were all a little closer.

I hate – narrow-mindedness. It’s great to have an opinion, but it’s also important to listen to what other people have to say…and maybe even learn from them.

I miss – the sound of Alex’s laugh when he was about four months old. Nothing sweeter than that.

I hear – somebody calling for me, at least 489 times a day. Give or take a few.

I wonder – if I’ll have another baby.

I regret – that I didn’t get my master’s degree in counseling. But there’s still time! Look for me in a classroom near you once the child(ren?) is (are?) grown. Christian counseling is pulling at my heart…and it won’t let go.

I am not – laid-back. It grieves me to type that. OH I think of myself as a laid-back, devil-may-care girl. But since others laugh when I use those terms to describe myself, I think I’d better accept my high-strung tendencies and move on.

I dance – in the kitchen, with Alex, while I’m cooking supper.

I sing – whenever I can. And always, always in the car.

I cry – in church. Without fail. Ask David.

I am not always – patient. And this week, through our Bible study, I’m beginning to understand why.

I make – a mighty good pork tenderloin.

I write – constantly. Even when I don’t have paper or I’m not at the computer, I write in my head all. day. long.

I confuse – the words “think” and “thing” when I write.

I need – at least 30 minutes every single day to just sit down and talk to my husband. Uninterrupted. Alex is learning that he can’t sidetrack that time, try though he may…unless he’s bleeding, on fire, or has swallowed some form of poison. If those things happened, we’d more than likely cut our conversation short.

I should – make more time for me without feeling so guilty about it.

I start – lots of “projects” – there are tons-o-ideas running around this brain of mine.

I finish – more of those “projects” than I used to…but this blog is one project that seems to be unending. :-)

Now it’s my turn to tag, so Brenda, Diane, Robin, and Lori…you’re it! :-)

For me, this is my favorite phase of Idol, because each contestant sings two songs a night from here on out. Tonight they’re singing a song from the year they were born as well as a current top 10 song. Which means they’re singing one song that I know and another song that I’ve never heard. Off we go.

Elliott Yamin –
“On Broadway” – A George Benson song seems like a pretty obvious choice for him – and I like that he tried to do a little something different with it. His vibrato got on my nerves a little bit…I think he spoiled me with last week’s performance.

“Home” – Nice. Eh. A little boring. But he’s good regardless. David and Simon made the exact same comment: “I’m not so sure I would sing a song that says, ‘I wanna go home’ at this stage in the competition.”

Paris Bennett –
“Kiss” – NO ONE should sing this song besides Prince. NO ONE. The end.

“Be Without You” – Her mouth was moving, but all I heard was blah blah blah blah. Apparently, according to the judges, she did a good job with the song, but it’s not my bag.

Chris Daughtry –
“Renegade” – David and I both loved this song when we were little. I loved it again tonight. His version of this song would actually be a great single now, and I thought his performance was really, really fun. LOVED the instruments dropping out at the end, too.

“I Dare You” – Please quit screaming at me. I didn’t do whatever it is that has made you so angry.

Katharine McPhee –
“Against All Odds” – Okay, only one of my most favoritest songs from the 80’s (which isn’t saying much, since I’m not a big fan of 80’s music in general). But I didn’t think Katharine sounded good on this song. Randy would say “pitchy.” David said, “cruise ship performance – wouldn’t have gotten her through auditions.” We didn’t like it very much.

“Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” – I hope I got that title right. I’ve never heard of it before. Very, very fun performance. She totally redeemed herself from that first song fiasco. She seemed much more comfortable – and now I want to hear the original version.

Taylor Hicks –
“Play That Funky Music, White Boy” – I like any performance where Taylor starts off saying, “Okay, y’all, get up!” BACK IN HIS ELEMENT, HE IS. I smiled the entire way through this song – and will immediately be searching out a clip on YouTube.

“Something” – Now y’all, this is dangerous territory, because Taylor is singing the Beatles, and I think I’ve made my feelings about the Beatles very clear. Honestly, I was bored.

Best of the night: Chris’ first song
Should go: Paris
Will go: Paris