Funny, Even Out Of Context

Real-life humor, in no particular order:

1. “I like mustard on my crackers.” (overheard by Sister and Barry, 2003)

2. “When I was a competitive ice dancer…” (overheard by Diamonds, 2006)

3. “delicate charcoal drawings of Ron Polk” (a B-Diddy original, 2006)

4. “If my daddy wants to think that about me, that is his business.” (overheard by BooMama, 2001)

5. “That’s how it come up, that’s how it went down – good God, life’s a soap opera.” (overheard by BooMama, 2001)

6. “All charge card charges must be authorizated.” (sign in Holly Springs, MS, 1993)

7. “How much did you pay for that? Well, you forgot yo’ change!” (an Elise original, 1989)

8. “You don’t want none of them retarded baby!” (a nurse, to BooDaddy, while drawing blood to see if our blood types were compatible, during my pregnancy, 2002)

9. “The VCR is not working! I turn it on and all I see is this blue screen with HHMM, HHMM up on the TV! HHMM! HHMM!” (David’s mother, to me, 1997…and the “HHMM” would of course be the prompt to enter the, you know, TIME in Hour and Minute increments)

10. “DEAR GOD – Thank you for these many blessings you have STOWED upon us.” (overhead by Sister and Barry, 199?)

11. “…and I told him that if he was man enough to lay out all night, he was man enough to get out of bed and get on to work this morning. And he could drive hisself!” (overheard by BooDaddy, 2002)

12. “Hon, get me a to-go box. You KNOW I can’t eat all these fries.” (overhead by BooDaddy, 2005, while eavesdropping on a country music star at the local Dairy Queen)

Post your own in the comments.

And after looking back over my list, I am truly, deeply grateful that I live in the South.

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Comments

  1. The one about the soap opera…I think I was either with you when you heard it or I told it to you. Details, please.

  2. “SHAT-UP!” (a very young mother to her less than 1-year-old crying child in a Starkville grocery store, told to Daph as overheard by BooMama–oh, how I wish I could convey it with the proper inflection here

  3. Good call, Daph. It’s hard to convey the proper inflection, for sure…it translates much better in an impersonation. And I believe the word “Tootie” followed the “shet up” command. Anything with the word “Tootie” at the end is an instant classic, in my book.

  4. Alright, this is a little graphic but “I need sum grease on my booty hole” said by one of my patients to me when working in Rehab. She had a deathly case of hemorroids — I fetched a nurse. Of course, I must convey her anatomicial position at the time — use your imaginations.

  5. TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!!

    But that is funny. :-)

  6. Ok, Soph. I might have the best one by far, but it was not overheard, it was a sign seen with my own 2 eyes. You know I now work for the Jackson Public Schools. This sign is inside the women’s bathroom door at a local high school. (Please note that this is not a bathroom which is used by students — only adults. Soph, if you would like to borrow the wording to use at your school, I need to check to make sure it’s not copyrighted!)
    “Due to circumstances that may be beyond our control, we sometimes realize that there are some things that cannot be helped. But if at all possible, would you please so kindly refrain from doing anything other than #1 when using this restroom. There is a staff restroom located on the first floor that is very private. We deeply appreciate your help with this matter.”
    SOPH, I mean, really! Of course, I’m sure they suspected that I was doing something “other than #1” as I was taking so long because I had to write down the sign word-for-word!

    Liz

  7. Oh, Liz, I DO hope it’s not copyrighted. What puzzles me is the remark that the staff restroom is very private…because is the other restroom NOT? Is it just wide open for all the world to see?

  8. Sorry, Soph. I can’t explain it. There seems to be a lock and a door on this bathroom with the notice…

    I’m catching up tonight on all your blogs. I SO enjoy them and laugh out loud often. I’m going to try to read them more regularly so that I can actually post a comment on time!

    Keep up the good work.