Last Saturday morning David spent several hours on the front porch – cleaning everything with Clorox, clearing out cobwebs, making sure all the surfaces were ready for the coat of white paint that’s coming their way.
Alex was inside with me since children and large amounts of bleach don’t mix, and about once a minute he’d run to the front door, look outside, jump up and down and say, “I wanna see MY daddy. I wanna see MY daddy, Mama.”
I’ve talked several times about A.’s ever-growing allegiance to and obsession with his daddy, but the whole “MY daddy” thing was new to me. There’s OWNERSHIP in that pronoun, POSSESSION implied, and I got the message – loud and clear – that in Alex’s mind, lest I harbor any notions to the contrary, David belongs to Alex and Alex alone.
Sometimes I have moments of insanity where I fancy that I can actually reason with Alex, that I can put my three key points into some form of multi-media presentation, explain them objectively while using my laser pointer, and at the end of the lesson Alex will look at me and say, “Oh yes, Mother. I understand now. The three critical components of playing nicely with others are 1) no pushing 2) no hitting and 3) sharing toys. Thank you for teaching me today!”
So when Alex started up with the “MY daddy” chorus Saturday morning, I tried to be fairly rational: “Yep, he’s a great daddy…the best daddy in the world – but you need to come away from the door – there’s no point in standing there all morning waiting for your daddy to come inside.””
Somehow Alex got the idea that I was trying to claim David as my own father, and he got very defensive: “NO, MAMA! He’s not YOUR daddy! He’s MY daddy! He’s NOT! YOUR! DADDY!”
I explained that yes, I was aware of that, and perhaps after Alex finished with time out for ALL! THE! SCREAMING!, we could change the subject to something like Veggie Tales or “Finding Nemo.” There’s much less emotion involved with those two things.
But I couldn’t get his insistence about “MY daddy” out of my head.
The older I get, the more I realize that every single struggle I have with God is a struggle I also have had with my earthly father. That father / child thing is huge, isn’t it? I don’t think we can overestimate how our relationships with daddies impact the way we interact with our Heavenly Father.
So I decided, as I re-played the scene from that morning in my mind, that if Alex wants to cry out to his daddy, claiming him as his very own, if he wants to stand at the door and wait for the second that his daddy comes back inside, I will let him. Because every single time that David returns to him, every single time that he comforts him, every single time that he throws his arms around our little boy and responds to him with patience and love, Alex is forming a frame of reference that His Heavenly Father will respond exactly the same way.
It was a total a-ha moment: I need to encourage Alex to seek his father so that one day he will seek his Father, knowing that he can trust him and Him, knowing that they both will answer.
And I just had to write that down.
Wow. Oh Wow! What a great blog and it goes right along with my early morning I can’t sleep prayer. Thanks for shaing this!
(I just found your blog a couple of days ago and am officially delurking! Nice to meet you!)
Not only will A.’s obsession with his daddy help him reach out to his Father, it will also give you weekends alone, when they go off to do “manly” things. So it’s a double blessing!!
Boomama – what is “delurking” – I need to now in case I do it…
I had a strictly authority thing with my father growing up; but I also knew he was there in the background providing care for me. I’m amazed that God is able to redeem those relationships, develop them as we grow; I see now the steadfast care my father provided me. That his stern authority was a safe boundary for me if I would just put myself within that boundary. So even though it wasnt gentle and tender when I was growing up, I still take stuff out of it and it shapes my relationship today with God. Thanks for the great perspective. Alex is blessed to have you as his mom as much as he is to have your husband as his father. xoxo
Bev here – last comment from me. Didnt mean to be anonymous – just on family computer in Texas…
Amen! I pray Alex’s learns to feel just as possesive about My God! (And don’t forget that when he wins the super bowl, he’ll still say “Hi Mom!”)
Alex may be a Daddy’s boy for manly things, but who does he want to cuddle with when it’s time for bed? And who does he want when he’s sick or bleeding? Hmmmmmm? You’re still needed, boomama. He’s just getting his “guy” fix right now. He might do a flip flop and start clinging to you like a leech anytime. The children, they are hard to guess at sometimes. :)
Plus, it’ll be that much easier to send Alex to D when he starts asking those birds and bees questions, won’t it? LOL
This brought to mind Matthew 18:3 –
And he said: I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Not only should we follow the Father’s example when interacting with our children, but we need also to follow their example when interacting with our Father.
Kids are the best teachers, aren’t they?
thats beautiful, and I also like to encourage my hubby with his children for the same reason. Thanks for sharing.
According to Dr. Phil….just kidding but I had you going there for a minute, didn’t I? Actually Dr. Phil DOES say that the biggest influence on a child is his same-sex parent so this is a good thing (Martha said that one). Any daddy who’s out there scrubbing the porch with bleach and getting ready to paint is obviously a good role model! Not to worry, you’re still mama and we all know how southern boys feel about their mamas!
Wow. I don’t know if you read my post about a high school youth group meeting, we learned to love those we hated the most. I got to know my dad over the next 3.5 years or so, before he died. No kidding. Major huge thing for me.
I now have problems with the whole mother thing, leading to my confusion as a mom at times. Thank God for God, eh????? ;)
As a father…that was a very cool post. Well said! No pressure, right dads? Proverbs 3:5-6…