Late yesterday afternoon I was minding my own business, cooking a little supper, thinking about your comments from this post, and the phone rang. I looked at caller ID – not that I’m, you know, a SCREENER or anything (ahem) – and I saw the words “IMP. MESSAGE” and a number.
No way I was answering. I figured the “IMP. MESSAGE” was a candidate who wanted our votes or a telemarketer who had an AMAZING OFFER regarding a home water filtration system. But a few minutes later, to my surprise, I saw the message light blinking on our phone, so I checked our voicemail.
As it turned out, it was SUCH an important message. I can’t even tell you.
Alabama Power wanted us to know that they needed to do some “emergency line maintenance” in our area, and oh, by the way (by the way? BY THE WAY!), we would be losing power at midnight.
Now a lot of y’all know that I do not enjoy the heat. As a result, I do everything I possibly can to avoid the outdoors in the months of July and August unless there is a body of water involved. And I don’t know if you’ve been following the weather here in Alabama, but the temperature has been averaging somewhere around 192 degrees a day with infinity percent humidity. More or less. Our air conditioner runs all day long, and I can honestly say that, if our finances demanded it, I would rather not eat than go without air conditioning. IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
So you no doubt understand that being cool is serious business around our house (though only in the literal sense…in the figurative sense, we are the antithesis of cool, the place where cool goes to die). And when I heard the message from the power company, I went into Serious Planning Mode. If the power was going off at midnight, then clearly I would need to immerse myself in a tub of ice cubes by 11 o’clock, at least, in order to significantly lower my body temperature. Because you must trust me when I tell you that even though the temperature in our house might have remained 72 degrees for the duration of the outage, the psychological impact of knowing THERE IS NO AIR would certainly convince me that I was sweltering from the heat of a thousand fiery suns. In fact, when D. came upstairs for supper and I told him of Alabama Power’s “IMP. MESSAGE,” he did a bit of a double-take and said, “WE’LL BURN UP!”
Which is reason #1,784 why we’re married.
Anyway, after supper and bathtime and playtime and email time and comment reading time, I found myself staring 11 o’clock straight in the face, and I hadn’t even had my ice cube bath. So I panicked. Just a little bitty bit. There was so much to be done – not to mention a core body temperature to be lowered. Time was of the essence.
Over the next 60 gloriously air conditioned minutes, I cleaned the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher, took a bath (no ice cubes – just cooler water than usual), dried my hair, wrote a comment and published it. Almost as soon as I finished on the computer, the house went black. And the air conditioner stopped. I think I started to sweat instantly.
And as I stumbled around in the dark, the wheels started to come off my un-air conditioned train of thought. What if it wasn’t Alabama Power who called us after all? What if it was a DEN OF THIEVES who left the message as some sort of clever ruse so that they could cut the lines and then burgle and pilfer without arousing suspicion during the “planned” outage? What if I fell asleep and didn’t hear the thieves (clad in black catsuits, skicaps and gloves, no doubt) when they came in the house? And OH MY WORD why didn’t I order one of those little solar fan thingies off of that infomercial? Was it 102 in the house? How was D. even under the covers? Isn’t it possible to smother when there’s absolutely no air circulating?
It was a late night carnival-o-smokin’-hot-fun. That’s what it was.
The power did come back on around 2:30, so I was grateful for that…but air conditioning, how I missed thee. Verily.
Needless to say, tonight I’ll be cranking down that thermostat to the point that my teeth chatter and hopefully getting some, you know, rest.
See y’all tomorrow. :-)
You crack me up. Thank God is was nighttime. No air AND no internet. Unspeakable horror.
I completely understand. If I hear the air even cut off during the night, I immediately break into a sweat. It is too hot for power companies to be playing around with our A/C.
Oh, BooMama, we not only are on the same hymn post wavelength, we’re both HOT WOMEN! I’d sooner have a big bug crawl up my arm than go without the AC. When Memphis was hit by Hurricane Elvis three years ago in the middle of July, we were without power for ten days — after five, it was “Hotel, here we come!” ;)
They should have just done it without telling you. . .that way by the time you woke up in a sweat, you’d just think it was a little warm and go to check the air. . .which would be back on by that time.
I’m thinking Mr. Trace Adkins has himself here a sequel to his 2003 hit “Hot Mama.” I can see him at the DQ now penning the lyrics over a Peanut Buster Parfait with an extra cherry. “Hmmm, lemme see what rhymes with Boomama? Oh yeah, what about Schalamma. Yeah that sounds goood.”
To hot to live. That’s what I always say. To hot to live!
Oh Boomama, you crack me up, seriously! I’d be in the same panic over the lose of AC over the night period, or well, any period.
I, too, hate the heat. I lived in it most of my life and it’s just stinkin hot in the summer!! Now the power in Texas is very expensive and at dinnertime, I’m sweating!!
Cool bath only way to go.
Thanks for the last two days – I sang Blessed Be the Name after both posts!
ROTF… granted, I don’t have the humidity that you do… but I don’t have A/C in this house… which is 1 thing that I did tell dh that we WILL be getting when we build our new house!! In the mean time, I hope whatever we rent will have A/C as well. I did enjoy the read though!! ;)
OH!!! I read this to Brad and we are laughing out loud. Today, when I came home around 5 o’clock, our a/c had gone OFF!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Sweet Jesus !!! It was smoldering in my humble abode. Fortunately, one little click and it was back on — feeling comfortable at last.
Loved, Loved the whole ruse part. My, oh my, sister — your mind was in overdrive. Hoping you have sweet dreams tonight!!!
I was literally laughing out loud–my husband was in the next room wondering if I had a breakdown.
The truth is…..I could have written that. You perfectly expressed my love and my need for air conditioning. Everyone else can go camping-I’ll stay indoors with you!
You are OUT OF CONTROL! Hilarious, though;)
Ugh our power was out 11 hrs a month or so ago. I could have KISSED the power guys who came to finally fix the power lines down. Its unREAL to imagine how people go DAYS with no power. I am perusing thru your prayer/theology post and comments, ironically this subject came up with a friend and I just today with no real answer reached so I will definitely be reading all! thanks for teh smiles today :) xoxo melzie
You TOTTALLY crack me up!!! I am the same way about air, I will buy less food for a big electric bill fo sure. You wrote it so eloquently and took the words right outta my mouth. I could Never be as hallarious as you in a million years, but I must say we do think a whole lot alike.
Just lovin ya.
I’m with you – it wouldn’t matter if the inside temperature didn’t drop one degree. I’d still panic. And the thing is, everything else is off too. Fridge. Acquarium (will my fish smother?). Clocks go nuts. Routine maintenance my foot. August is a real dumb time to do that. Sweat I mean sweet dreams tonight!
I think you must burn up because Mama gave birth to you during the onset of menopause. :)
xo,
An EXCELLENT theory. EXCELLENT. :-)
You think maybe the power company’s been tinkering with bloglines? Even I would have been concerned if they cut my power off in the middle of the night. I can’t be sleeping without my fan. No way, no how. Not even in the dead of winter.
You have such a knack for writing! I can relate to how you felt — I am originally from Alabama and there is nothing like that heat and humidity.
I so agree, I love my air, it is on 12hr a day for 6 months of the year. I will go with out many new shoes to pay for it, but is worth it! LOL
You bet I can relate to your contempt for heat! Your neighbor state to the east is competing for top temp and humidity!! If it is this bad now, what WILL I do when I actually hit menopause?!?
Thanks for the humorous post.
Living in Florida where the slightest storm knocks our power out. I came totally understand. Two years ago we were without power for 5 days. I never took so many showers in my life (in fact I may have lived in the shower for 5 days).
I value value value electricity.
Behind a bit on my reading here on your site but what a joy to catch up!
April to October is what I say. Gotta have the air those months for sure, maybe during a big Thanksgiving feast too. . .my in laws always bring sweaters!
Our power company just had some deregulation thing or something and our rates have jumped by 65% , did you read that 65%! That’s just nuts. But it just means less food around here too.
Thanks also for your pondering on blog meetings, theology, and music. I haven’t waded through all those comments but I’m mighty interested.
No, to blog meetings, I can’t keep up with my other life as it is. Blogging is pure release for me, no planning.
yes, to your theological stand. Even though I’m “Independant” Baptist, and have attended quite a few “other” denominations over the years, I can never square that “present but not invovled in each and every detail of my life stance” with scripture. Yes, I understand free will and yes we live in a fallen world surrounded by sin but it’s kind of like a Mom thing. Sure I let my kiddos wander down that path of freedom, even knowing the pitfalls that await them, but I’m always ready and waiting to pick them up , brush them off and help them heal. I do that becasue I love them enough to let them learn more about life, more about love, more about God Himself. And, He does this for us as well.
ah well, glad I stopped by. Did I mention my computer rest on a desk over top of one of the coldest a/c vents in our house? (grin) and that I love to listen to hymns which my children do not understand my love for(which saddens me) but I also love CCM with a passion. Nicole Nordamen’s songs are so real. She could blog here and totally fit in. And God is doing a huge work right now thru Casting Crowns. I find the stories behind the music are what makes me love them so, old or new!
toottles.
Last year our A/C went out in June…and here in West Texas, that means it is HOT already. I decided I would make good use of the time and I potty trained my 2 yr-old! I know, I am crazy! But it worked and within 2 days she was done! Just in time for the A/C to be fixed and up and running again!
I call that my “Unusual ways to make the best of a yucky situation” mode :)
For the record though, next time the A/C goes out, we are heading to the mall–or anywhere cool–to hang out!
I’m the exact same way…hence the pasty whiteness of my skin. I stay away from the sun…I stay in the A/C!! I wouldn’t have been able to sleep! Our a/c broke in June, it wasn’t sooo hot then, but it was 89 degrees in our house and I thought I was going to die!! All I could do was sit on the couch in short shorts with my shirt pulled up, I was useless. Everyone else was fine. I think I really was close to death!!!LOL.
Oh, dear Boomama, do I ever know what you mean, and you had me breaking into a sweat cause I was laughing so hard….could you please refrain from being so hilarious, until you know the cooler days of Oct. or November….no, let’s crank the a/c down more, because I do love your humor and your style of ‘riting. And I do Sooooo hope that the rapture comes before you enter menopause….no mistake that it’s rightly called Power Surge!!!
You have SO inspired me for a post. And, here I was with blogger’s block and all today. Sorry you had to suffer for my not-so-creative moment. :>)
Oh, and the same goes for D. :)
xo,
“We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. Thank you for your patience.”=)
I just wanted to tell you to visit this post to get a prayer button for Emma Grace at Midlife Moments or Amy at Wilhoite Prayer Blog, or Addison at In the Midst of It. If you haven’t heard of any of them but any of their stories touch your heart, and you are going to pray for them then be sure to get a “button” for them!
I am hoping to help them out by not only supporting them in prayers but spreading the word of their prayer needs!
we were without a/c in july for about 12 hours. i am not a hot person, like yourself, but i did panic when it went out that night. i was ironing, of all things, so i was feeling some heat (unusual for me since i’m ususally turning it up and my husband is turning it down. it’s a battle), but at night i like to sleep cool so i can snuggle up under the down comforter. i know, you’re thinking, what a weirdo. you guessed it.
If the city of Buckeye shut off my A/C here in the desert, I would leave my house unsold and never look back! :)
I’m glad I was sitting down when I read your post- I can’t believe I have a long lost twin sister- we must have been separated at birth!
It’s the big joke in my family how much a absolutely HATE the heat! Now I can say there is another completely sensible person out there that hates it as much as I do!
I’m so glad you are back in your lovely AC!!
Cheri
You are too funny! I felt I was right there sweating with you!
I am so glad you finished that last thought. “Needless to say, tonight I’ll be cranking down that thermostat to the point that my teeth chatter and hopefully getting some.” That really would have been a TMI moment if you hadn’t followed up with rest!
Hey, I’m just saying there’s more than one way to get warm…
I too live in Alabama…I don’t care what anyone says the heat and humidity in central and southern Alabama is different than anywhere else in the world…mostly because it only affects me here and not anywhere else in the world :)
I’d rather ride in the last car on the rollercoaster and shave my legs with a straight razor while blindfolded ….than be without my airconditioning!
So I’m with ya all the way on this one!!!
I love your sense of humor! It makes my day when I find a blog that makes me laugh like that.
I don’t like the stifling heat either. Last night when we went to bed my husband TURNED OFF the air conditioner and opened the window. I expected oven like heat waves to come blowing in so I right away said (perhaps shouted) “is there at least a cool breeze coming through there??”
Lucky for him, there was. (Plus the smell of the neighbors fire pit. Ahhh, smoky wood.)