By lunchtime yesterday I was a wee bit stir crazy, so I asked Alex if he wanted to run a few errands with me. Since he, like his mama, has never met an excursion he didn’t like, he was all about some errand-running, and he had one VERY SPECIFIC destination to add to my list: the bookstore. We usually spend at least one afternoon a week hanging out in the kids’ section, and there wasn’t anything standing in our way yesterday. So the bookstore it was.
After a couple of quick stops, we pulled into the bookstore parking lot. I noticed a sign advertising their Alabama National Championship sportswear, and I may or may not have rolled my eyes IN THE MOST RESPECTFUL WAY POSSIBLE (I’m proud for the Crimson Tide and all, but I could use a little teensy break from the NEVER-ENDING SUPPLY of sports memorabilia, thankyouverymuch). We hopped out of the car, walked across the parking lot, and as I opened the door to the bookstore and let Alex go in ahead of me, my eyes landed on a display that was set up about two feet in front of the entrance.
The display was a two-tiered cardboard deal and probably about three and a half feet high – much closer to Alex’s eye-level than mine. And on the display? About thirty copies of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. You know. The one where the model isn’t wearing a swimsuit top and is (barely) covering her chest with her arms.
Now listen. I’m not going to rant and rave about Sports Illustrated and the swimsuit issue and the model who isn’t wearing all of her clothes. There’s a market for that. I get it. They wouldn’t publish the magazine and turn it into such a big media hoopty-do if they weren’t making a whole bunch of money in the process. And honestly, there was a time in my life (see: 20s) when I would’ve told you that magazines like the swimsuit edition weren’t a big deal. And then I would’ve hopped on my (admittedly shaky) soapbox and said something to the effect that anyone who was offended by that magazine (or any magazine with scantily-clothed people) just didn’t need to look at it – because, well, if someone has the freedom to say or publish something I don’t like, then I in turn can exercise my freedom to opt out of listening or reading.
(Oh, my precious live-and-let-live 20s.)
(I DO NOT MISS THEM AT ALL.)
But the kicker in the don’t-look-at-it-if-you’re-offended-by-it line of thinking is that it only works if you have the ability to reason from a somewhat mature point of view. To analyze. To look at a situation from all sides and figure out where you stand on it. And CHILDREN CAN’T DO THAT YET – which is pretty much why this whole bookstore display thingie left me feeling so frustrated.
Here’s the thing. The bookstore has a huge children’s section. It has a Thomas the Tank Engine train table, for crying out loud. It even has comfy chairs around that Thomas table so that parents can watch their kids while they play. So I’m guessing that, to some degree, the bookstore is trying to position themselves as family-friendly. They want us to feel good about taking our kids there. DID I MENTION THE COMFY CHAIRS?
Even still, I know that this bookstore isn’t a place to let children run wild. I wouldn’t let Alex go to the back of the store and browse through all the magazines because he’s six years old and there’s stuff back there I don’t want him to see (I’m talking to you, Maxim). Obviously his daddy and I try to protect him from certain types of media because THAT’S OUR JOB – a six year-old isn’t emotionally or mentally ready to deal with provocative images. In order to help him guard his little heart we have to help him guard his little eyes. That’s why we monitor what he watches on TV. That’s why we restrict his access to the computer.
And granted, we can’t protect him forever. There’s a whole bunch of stuff out there that, as parents, we’ll have to deal with eventually. There’s a whole bunch of stuff out there that he’ll have to deal with eventually.
But he’s six. And it’s not time for that yet.
The bottom line for me is this: I think that if you’re going to set yourself up as a business that welcomes families, putting magazines with a topless cover girl in children’s clear line of sight – at the one and only entrance to your store – well, it’s out of bounds. And to varying degrees, it’s not just this particular bookstore. It’s grocery stores (however, in the YAY, PUBLIX department, they put little plastic shields on top of anything in the check-out line that you wouldn’t want your kids to see). It’s big discount stores. It’s movie rental places. It’s drugstores.
And I’ve been sick and tired of it for awhile. SICK AND TIRED. Yesterday just happened to be the straw that broke this mama camel’s back.
So what did I do about it? Not enough. My first thought was that I should talk to a manager, but then I had visions of me getting all emotional and rattled and ramble-y, so I found a chair, pulled out my phone and looked up the bookstore on Twitter. And I sent them a message. I heard from them a couple of hours later, and they said they’d gotten my email address from my blog (I guess they clicked through from Twitter) and forwarded my complaint and to their customer service department. I appreciate that they followed up with me, but I’m still calling the store manager today. I’ll probably still be rattled and ramble-y. I don’t care.
If there’s any funny side to this little tale of bookstore woe, it’s this. When I first caught a glimpse of that display, I immediately glanced over at Alex to see his reaction. He was preoccupied with some Alabama National Championship water bottle or tire pump or plastic dinnerware, so I stepped back to the magazines and started flipping them so that the cover wasn’t showing. In retrospect the utter futility of what I was doing cracks me up, but at the time I was all, DON’T YOU EVEN TRY TO CROSS ME, BOOKSTORE EMPLOYEES, BECAUSE I WILL STAND HERE AND FLIP MAGAZINES ALL DAY LONG IF NECESSARY, OH YES I WILL, ARE YOU NOT AWARE THAT HUNDREDS OF SMALL CHILDREN WALK THROUGH THESE DOORS EVERY SINGLE DAY?!
About that time Alex dropped whatever he was looking at because he’d spotted something on the shelves right behind the display. In fact, he nearly tripped over himself trying to get to it. And sweet irony of ironies, do you know what it was?
Beth Moore’s new book. It’s #4 on the bestseller list, and A. was so happy to see her face on that first set of bookshelves that he grabbed a copy and said, “Mama! It’s Miss Beth! It’s Miss Beth! HERE’S HER BOOK! IN OUR BOOKSTORE!” I couldn’t help but laugh. Score one for Miss Beth.
But something tells me that, as parents, we’re going to be fighting battles like this one for a very long time.
So-do you still like CNN? They will defend this stuff to the bitter end! If you are going to talk the talk,then walk the walk! If this is Barnes and Noble, I beg you to please do some research and then decide if you really want to give them any more of your money!? You have a great blog-but you seem to be on both sides of the fence…
Also, I BEG you to please check out Costco. It killed me to stop shopping there. but I knew I must! They are a huge contributer to the Democratic party,particularly to the FAR left,socialist/communist leaning candidates.
AMEN!!!!! I am a mom of a 9yr old boy and 6yr old girl. I get so frustrated walking thru the check outline at the grocery store and being constantly aware of what is on the shelves lining that walk. Our children are way to impressionable and all it takes is seeing ONE image and it can send them down a road of lust that is hard to come back from. Thank you for taking a stand and fighting for it!!!
I hear ya, BooMama. I’ve been known to turn over the women’s fitness magazines at the gym, the ones that ALWAYS have a bikini-wearing model on the front! So annoying.
Thank you!!!! We should start a support group: M.A.N.I.A.C.S. : Mothers Against Nakedness & Inappropriateness Around Children Shopping. How ’bout it?
Wonderful post!
And I totally laughed out loud at the beginning where you said you could use a break from the overload of Alabama memorabilia. I am not a State fan but I am an Auburn fan, and it just wears me out!
Right there with ya! I have a 7 year old boy and I am always trying to protect and shield his eyes. Unfortunately, my attitude had been a tad slack in my earlier years. I would say that I was too “liberated” to be bogged down with that fight. No longer! I’m a warrior mama about protecting my kids. Lets not forget that it isn’t only the boys that our hurt by these things. My 10 daughter wonders why we don’t look like them either.
Keep up the fight.
Oh, BooMama. You have captured the fear and anger I already have in my heart for my precious 7-month-old baby boy. I shudder to think of all the vulgarity he will witness in his life.
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
Amen!! I couldn’t agree more! Give B & N the what for they need to hear on this. Bookstores should resist the temptation to use salacious materials to stir its customers. They should remember that the people looking for those magazines and others like it (ahem, FHM and Maxim) are willing to walk to the magazine sention to do so…and bombarding 100% of their customers of all ages with that is just not responsible.
I have 2 boys and a girl and I’ll be honest, I worry more about the impact of such things on my daughter vs my sons because it gives my daughter the message that being sexy and beautiful is so important. Although I have not read it, a couple years back our school principal highlighted the book “sexy too soon” about how our children are being exposed to sexual images and forced to “grow up” too fast. I don’t consider myself prudish or overly conservative, but as a sane mom, I don’t get all these “sexy” clothes aimed at young girls, which ultimately impacts the boys too as they are presented with all this “stuff” girls are throwing out there. Try to find a “normal” witch costume for an 8-10 yr old girl – once you are out of the prek sizes, the witches are all vampy and short skirted! Its sad. The days of saddle shoes, polos, and cute modest clothing has been replaced by justice and abercombie and such.
Good for you! I hope you spoke to the manager of the store and expressed your concerns.
I think speaking up is part of our job as moms.
I do it every Halloween. Gross, bloody, spooky images at the entrance to EVERY store, even the grocery stores and home improvement stores. Put it in the back corner where we, who don’t want to de-sensitize our children, can avoid it.
Same with this.
Let’s speak up, moms!
Amen!
Yes! And you still have a looonnnnggg road ahead of you! Good thing God made us moms to keep everything “in check.” So much of it seems out of reach, and when I realize I really can’t do anything about it… I talk about it with my kids. They know exactly where I stand on things. I have a grade school son who loves football. Just imagine all the talking and changing of channels that went on in our home during Super Bowl Sunday! It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it! YOU GO GIRL!
dude, i feel the same way about the display windows of Victoria’s Secret (oh and the ads they mail to my house, nothing short of soft porn). I hate it so much I stopped shopping there, that and I feel like they market to little girls…
I have two young boys, and I get very aware of this type of media these days!
GOod for you for doing something about it.
Kate
I agree completely… not only with respect to sons, but also daughters. When our daughters are exposed to such images… oh the insecurities that develop. It is our responsibility to make sure they know how “photoshopped” and airbrushed those models bodies are. We have to make sure they know that those models are not representative of what “regular” women are going to look like.
I haven’t read the comments here so that may have already been said.
Great post, Sophie.
~Donna
Thank you and amen!
With my husband and I expecting our first child in just another month, I’m now thinking back on all the choices my parents in protecting and training me while growing up.
While some might see it as a bit “strict”, by setting such high standards for our family, my parents were allowing me to develop in a girl, and eventually a woman, that they could be proud of. And not only that, but someone that I could be proud of being.
I remember as a young child that there were not allowed to be any “bad words” said during tv shows. More than two words, and the channel was changed. Eventually, cable was gone away with completely because there wasn’t much besides trash on anyway. Even the so-called “children’s programming” wasn’t always suitable for children (and it’s even worse now!). Instead, I watched Veggie Tales and the Illustrated Bible Videos.
Sometimes, it takes even more drastic measures to protect your children. When I was beginning 5th grade and my brothers kindergarten, Mom and Dad decided to homeschool us. Best decision ever. A few years later and they moved to a small, rural town where I spent my 12-18 teen years.
Never once as a teenager did I get in trouble with the law, was grounded, drank or smoke, fooled around.. nothing. Why? Because I held MYSELF to a higher standard. I knew what everyone else was doing, but I wanted better for myself, because my parents gave me better, and refused to let me have anything less.
Good for you! Good for you for standing up for your family, protecting them, and essentially doing your part to make the world, or at least your small corner of it, a better place for them.
Thank you.
So proud of you – if all of us would dare to make a difference, we would notice THE difference in our world every day.
I remember when my boys were teenagers and I called the Victoria’s Secret “people” to have my name removed from their catalog mailing list. They seemed to understand why and complied with my request.
Great post Sophie. You may be too young to remember the TV show “Flipper,” about the dolphin, but I keep hearing the theme song…in honor of you flipping those magazines…
My best,
GA Jan
Amen, BooMama. For me, I just don’t want those images in my child’s head. Once they are in there, they can’t get out! And, being an Auburn fan, I find all the UA paraphernalia just as offensive! ;)
Very nice. I concur.
You tell ’em, Boo.
(Just wait until he’s 11, and you take him to the mall, and you have to spend an 15 extra minutes lapping the place so you don’t have to walk past Victoria’s Secret. Don’t get me started.)
Preach sister, preach! I have a 5 yo boy and a 17 month old girl and I am sickened by the sheer amount of garbage I have to try to shield them from. I’m with you on this issue and would happily join the “can we please stop showing graphic ads for horror movies during sports events” bandwagon as well.
You go girl! I wonder if the book company has come back to see how many post you have received on this.
My son just turned 19 a few days ago and he could tell you story after story about me turning magazines and I still do sometimes. When he was a wee tot, he didn’t understand my behavior, but as he became older he began to ask many questions. As I was turning the magazines over, I explained to him Satan’s plan for his life and others. He has told me there has been time he had to remind guys at college that women are people, not objects for their sexual gratification.
All you mom’s out there, keep turning the magazines over, but as your children age and become older, explain to them the reason why you are doing what you are doing.
Terrie
You are lucky you don’t live in England. The newspapers have topless women and bare bottoms for all to see, the magazines are totally explicit and tacky and show EVERYTHING on their covers, and I have rubbed my fingers raw from turning magazines around. Complaining is the only way forward!!! If you all don’t, it’s just going to get worse! I think I get this from my dad, who wouldn’t take us into the one newsstand in town that he knew sold porn. Go Boomama, and I hope you all join her!!!!!
Good for you! Doesn’t it just infuriate you? It is so hard, our oldest child is a son who is 13. There is way more out there for these young guys than there ever was for our husbands. I am sorry that SI was the main display for your favorite bookstore. But I am so glad that Alex chose “Miss Beth!!”
You are so right! I try to protect my little boy (7) too – we were in Sam’s Club today and there was that same magazine – right there for all kids in the world to see at the end of the book aisle just beside the kids books. I did plenty of distracting and rolled my eyes and shook my head.
I am a bit behind on blog reading, so I just got to this…last Spring I had a similar ‘issue’ over the placement of Cosmos with B**, S** and other inappropriate sexual words on the covers in every line we went through (Kroger, WalMart, Kmart) I successfully complained to management and got them removed or covered in every place. It was a reminder to me that speaking up still can change some things!
Hoping to get a glimpse of your sweet face in Atlanta in April!
I know I’m a little late with my comment…by like a week…but I totally agree with your post! The reason I’m commenting is I was once in a chain bookstore with some friends of mine, one male friend in particular was about 20 years old and offended by the cover of one of the magazines (I can’t remember which one it was, but it was more offensive that SI swimsuit) so he, like you, turned the cover over. Nearly immediately a store employee came over, turned the magazine back over so it’s front was showing again and gave my friend a hard time and nearly kicked him out of the store! I was not happy and decided not to shop that store ever again…they probably don’t miss me, but I don’t miss them either :)
BooMama,
I so agree. We ran into such a situation a few years ago at our local bookstore, and I spoke to the manager and I was pretty mad, which I regret now. I think your twitter first, then call the next day was a really good solution. The offending magazine was up front at the checkout, where we could not avoid it.