Okay. I really am working on deadline-y things. It’s been a good week in that regard (now I just have 6,000-ish words left), and I’ll be right back at it tomorrow morning. Or, if you’re feeling particularly punny, I’ll be write back at it.
I know. That was terrible. I do apologize.
Anyway, I hopped on here really quick tonight because I’ve been thinking about something all day (well, ever since I picked up the little man from VBS), and it’s one of those things where I’m dying to know how this situation goes in other parts of the country / world / etc. and so on and so forth.
Today, when I walked in the church for pick-up, I was on the way to A’s room when I saw a few of his friends from school. The first one said, “Hey, Sophie Hudson!” – and it made me laugh because oh, I do enjoy an outgoing child. The second friend said, “Hey, Miss Sophie,” which is probably the greeting that I expect more than any other because it’s pretty traditional here in the South (and most people say “Miss” in front of the name regardless of marital status). The third friend said, “Hi, Mrs. Hudson,” very sweet and official-like.
By the way, let’s hear it for children who look grown-ups in the eye and say hello. I AM A FAN.
I always introduce my friends to Alex as Miss First Name, but I’ve noticed that some of my friends introduce other moms to their kids as Mrs. Last Name. Since I grew up in a town where we weren’t very formal in terms of how we greeted adults, I’m most accustomed to Miss First Name (or even just First Name) – it feels homey and comfortable to me.
SO – here’s my question. What’s your preferred way for kids to address grown-ups? What’s the norm where you live? Do you have a preference one way or another?
Love,
Miss Mamaw
I grew up calling grownups Mr. or Mrs. Lastname. I always intended to have my own children do the same, but when my babies were learning to talk, we were part of a casual “house church,” and the other parents in the group had their kids use Mr. or Miss Firstname. I didn’t want to seem uppity, so I went along with it. Now I’m kind of glad, because while my kids are respectful of adults, they are not afraid of them or shy about talking to them like I was when I was a kid.
In the Midwest (WI/MN) – nothing! It’s just first names for adults – just as if we’re one of the kids and I DON’T LIKE IT.
Need some of you southerners to come “up” here to teach manners (not just to the kids but to the adults to show them how to teach their kids!)
What a great question! I am 45 yrs old – but I still call my parents friends by Mrs and Mr. but my friends kids either call me by my first name or Miss Jen – and I prefer it. I’m a conundrum of sorts I guess! I grew up in MD and it was Miss everything but my Mom HATED that. You called her Mrs. mmmm but then again, she was a teacher!
I’m so much more relaxed then that!
Miss J
I grew up in Minnesota and never called an adult anything but Mr. Mrs. or Ms. Last name. When I became an adult if they were next generation older they remained Mrs. Last name, even my mother-in-law was Mrs. Last name until the day I married her son, then it became mom. When we moved to the gulf coast in my mid thirties I really stuggled with children using any adults first name and adding a Miss or Mr. Before it. It just sounded so disrespectful. After fifteen years here I don’t cringe when I here Miss first name from a child but made my own children use Miss last name until that adult asked them to address them differently.
For teachers at school it is Mrs. Last Name. For all other adults it is Miss or Mr. First Name, with the exception of a few close friends and then it is first name only.
Born and raised in Bama. I’ve always called people Mrs. Last Name. My Parents wouldn’t let me call their friends (adults) by their first name. She said it was a respect thing. When that person says “Honey, call me by my first name” is when I started calling them by first name. It was weird though and I didn’t always do it.
I grew up on the east coast and we called friends and neighbors by their first name and teachers/acquaintances by the more formal Mrs. So-and-So. Living in the south, everyone is Miss First Name. We went with it when my boys were little and the world was their preschool teacher, but now we have reverted back to the more formal style.
I just hired a girl that calls me Miss First Name. It’s a bit weird in the workplace and it makes me feel old. I’m just gonna label it as unprofessional. Make sure the kids know to STOP addressing their elders that way when they, let’s say, leave college.
Definitely “Miss Becky”
We’re from north Florida and live now in north Georgia… my friends are all Miss First Name or Mr First Name to my kids.
With the exception of my closest closest childhood friend who they call Aunt Tammy.
Come to think of it, they actually call a few of their older cousins (my age cousins) Aunt First Name or Uncle First Name — I don’t know why, we’ve just always done that. We have lots and lots of cousins, but only just a few of them do they do that with. I guess it’s the ones they feel closest to?
Many, many years ago, when my children were little, my friends were introduced by their first name, with a little background. For instance, this is Susan. We went to high school together. I live in California, and we’re not quite as polite as you southerners. In fact some would call us heathens. My uncle married a girl from Florida, and we got the biggest kick out of her politeness and accent. I am not making fun. She was delightful.
This has been an issue of great debate in our household, as I was born and raised in southern California and have ALWAYS addressed my parents friends by their first names. And no one was offended! Now my Texas-bred husband wants our kids to address adults in the very polite and formal Mr./Mrs. Last Name. My compromise is throwing in a ‘Miss’ before the first name, but here’s the hilarity… Our kids will now refer to a married couple as ‘Miss Sally and Mr. Miller.’ Females follow Mom’s rules, males follow Dad’s. At least they follow rules!!! :)
This is an interesting discussion. Growing up we were pretty informal. My husband is in the Army and so our friends and neighbors have always been rank, last name and Mrs. Last name. So we also did that at church – Mr, and Mrs. Some churches we have been a part of (from the midwest to northeast and south) there are people who everyone calls Miss first name, Brother first name, Mr first name. These people are usually legends and we just went along with it. Now that my kids are teenagers and in the youth group, most of the adults that help out go by their first names. Some are Miss P and some are Mr and Mrs. Last name. Funny that the ones that go by their first names are sometimes on the same maturity level as the teenagers. I didn’t say that. :) But I will say that in my observations that it does not seem to hinder relationships between the kids and the adults. One thing that does drive me crazy is that the kids in the choir at my daugher’s school call the choir director by his last name. Like “Jones”. Like he is a football player or something. I will also say that my husband does not like to be called Mr first name. Maybe it is beause he has a rank but Mr is just fine with him too. Most of the kids at church just call him COL. They think he is great. Over all kids should always be repsectful to adults and those in authority over them. I belive it will take them far in life.
When I was little we usually knew adults as Mrs. Last Name (teachers) or just first name if it was informal. Recently though, southern PA is apparently considering itself “southern” and Miss First Name is all the rage. It’s what we call people at church, daycare, etc. I like it – it’s a good mix of showing good manners toward someone older than you and being friendly enough to know their first name :)
it’s “miss first name” all the way, from toddlers to teenagers here in georgia!! i LOVE it!!!
Some of my friends let their kids call them by nicknames, usually shorter versions of their names. I noticed the same kid’s friends switched from Miss First Name or Mr. First Name to the nicknames as well. Since then, seems that they talk less formally and more freely. (Maybe it’s a way to get more information out of them.) My husband and I want to be called Mom and Dad. We prefer for our kids to continue to call our friends with the Mr. and Miss but they are old enough now that they will do what they want to :) Except for the sixteen year old who is still at home.
Growing up in the Pacific NW, I was raised to call my friends’ parents Mr./Mrs. Last Name. I’d have to agree with a few other commenters that on the West Coast, things are much more casual now, and it’s not uncommon for kids to call adults by their first name. I just couldn’t get past the respect factor, so when we had kids, we started using the Mr./Miss First Name with close family friends. (I’m just slightly obsessed with all things ‘Southern’, and I always thought it sounded so sweet.) It caught on with several friends in our circle when our kids were young. For those we’re not as close with, it’s Mr./Mrs. Last Name. Or “Coach” or “Pastor” So-and-So. Never just a first name. And for a few of our close friends w/ Hawaiian ties, it’s Uncle/Auntie First Name.
i always introduce as mrs. until they tell me otherwise…am from nc and all our preschool teachers were miss…i kind of feel that is not the way to go…i wasn’t raised on the first name thing
Miss First Name here in rural northeast Louisiana…although we started an “Aunt first name and Uncle first name” tradition among some of our closest friends. It spread throughout our church and I’ve been Aunt Leslie to kids around here for years!
Well, Ms Sophie
Where I come from….it’s always Ms First Name UNLESS it’s a school teacher that the child will be seeing at school. Then we use last names. Or if the teacher is YO MAMA’S best friend–then you call her Ms First Name!
Make sense?
I’m from S. Florida (by the way).
Now I live in Indiana and it drives my family crazy that kids just call adults by their first names and NEVER USE YES MA’AM or YES SIR!!
Sacrilege! :(
I am pro Miss First Name, all the way! 1.) Because it’s not 1945. 2.) I don’t like the idea of kids feeling the need to be rigid or fake around adults, because it will probably hinder their maturity in a lot of ways. It’s still respectful but not overly formal. 3.) My last name is Johnson. So there goes any unique or distinctive quality associated with me whatsoever.
Here in IL, most kids call adults by their first names. I usually instruct our girls, if they are speaking to, say, a Sunday School teacher or elderly person in our church, to say Miss or Mr. First Name. Usually if the adult is closer to my age, and has kids that are the age of my kids, they are called by first name.
We moved here for my husband’s first pastorate, and everyone addresses him as Pastor Paul. I love it. I even grew up (in IL) calling my pastor by his first name only. It was just accepted that kids all did that. I like hearing people call my husband Pastor Paul or even just Pastor. Heck, sometimes I call him that, when I’m feeling sassy. ;)
I’m the opposite of Ms. Sloan above. I grew up in Atlanta, and we always addressed our elders as Mr./Mrs./Miss Last Name. If we knew them well, we simply used first names, even for people many years our senior, but only if they told us it was OK for us to do so. Now I’m in a smaller town in South Georgia and most people say Mr./Miss First Name. Folks older than me say it to me. It was weird at first, but now I’m used to it.
Well, I prefer to called by my first name. Mrs. Last Name makes me uncomfortable as I consider it my MIL name. However, here in NJ most people use Mrs. Last Name.
I grew up in the mid-west calling everyone by their first name.
However, shortly after getting married we started moving around a lot with my husbands job and realized how very differently this is handled from region to region. I clearly remember calling a woman barely old enough to be my mother (I was 26 at the time) by her first name and she looked shocked. I learned quickly to not use first names!
We play it safe and have taught our children to say Mr/Mrs. Last Name, because you can never go wrong with that one. They are sometimes told to call someone by their first name-which we then allow them to say Mr/Miss First Name. We get comments on their good manners, but never corrected for their bad.
Eight major moves later, our last name policy has served us well!
Crazy how many comments on this. I love it. I grew up in Georgia and it was always mrs last name. When I moved to Texas I found that many of my friends introduced me as miss Kim. I taught my kids mrs last name though.
ooooooo-weeeee! Opinions and traditions abound on this one!
We’re in Oklahoma and our family’s general rule is for adults our age(ish) and younger, we say Miss or Mr First Name. For adults my parents’ generation or older, we say Mrs or Mr Last Name. I don’t know how or why we started doing it that way, but that’s how we’ve always done it!
(and by “we” I mean MY little family. But I would say the vast majority of my friends’ children call me Miss Megan.)
I was born and raised in Georgia (still here and hope to be forever!) My husband and I spent just a short time in Charlotte after we were first married. I was raised to use “Miss First Name” to close/good friends and “Miss/Mrs. Last Name” to people where we had a more formal relationship. I never called an adult by their first name and still can’t do it with more senior ladies that were my parents’ friends….even though I am grown with two kids of my own now! One of my daughter’s firends is from Venezuela and she called me by my first name at first…but has now adopted the “Miss Lisa” that all of the other girls call me. And we always use “yes ma’am” and “yes sir” then and now!!
I am so a big fan of children calling by Miss First name. In our homeschool group all children are taught to call the parents – Mrs. Last Name and Mr. Last name. I have some friends who let their children call adults by their first name-not a fan. I feel it is a sign of respect, and we have earned the right. I do slightly try to correct them, especially when they parent is not around.
I prefer Miss Amy. My last name is hyphenated and most adults can’t handle it. Up north (meaning above the Mason Dixon) people aren’t real formal that way with their kids. It kid of drives me crazy. Sometimes I’m only introduced to people by their first name, but my daughter has been told that people are Miss — or Mr. — for so long (she’s 8) that she refers to adults in that way without my prompting. Since I’m nearly on staff with all the PTA obligations at school, I am referred to in a variety of ways by children and staff alike. As long as it’s nice, I’m good with it!
You KNOW if your mama walked in my house right now, I would greet her with a “Miss” in front of her fist name, and I’m 42. There’s no way I would call her by her first name only (at least not to her face). :)
We’re Mrs. Last Name people, pretty much without exception. I prefer for kids to call me Mrs. Last Name, but I’m not at all offended if kids call me “Mrs. (or Miss) Shannon”. Honestly, I really don’t like it when kids call me “Shannon”. (I know, it’s purely cultural, and I’m not so uptight that I’d ever make an issue of it.) But I think it’s a respect thing.
The flip side of the question is this: Your introduce your child to someone and say, “Junior, this is Mrs. Johnson.” And Mrs Johnson says, “Oh, no, please call me Mary.” That one always stumps me–I explain it’s a manners thing with us, and if they just really insist I compromise on “Miss Mary”. But I don’t budge any further than that. I tend to think that should be the parents’ call, not the name-bearer, don’t you think? That’s a tough one.
Last thing (evidently I have a lot to say on the topic)–I interact with a lot of teenagers at school and church, and I usually insist when they graduate from high school they start calling me “Shannon”. They usually recoil in mock horror, but it’s actually kind of a fun little milestone to give a kid.
I mostly get Miss First Name, but I would WAY rather they call me Mrs. Last Name. Only one family of kids does it — they are by far my faves :)
Definitely “Miss First Name”
I’m in the SW corner of Ohio, and I teach my kids (ages 5 and 9) to address adults as Mrs. Last Name or Mr. Last Name……. BUT…… most of their friends seem to call adults by first names, and most adults introduce themselves to my kids by their first names.
I would never have dared to call a non-family adult by their first name when I was a kid! :) And, I admit, it still surprises me when my kids’ friends address me by my first name.
And here’s a rule-gone-weird: in my husband’s family, all relatives are referred to as Aunt and Uncle based simply on being older, not on relationship. “Uncle Bo” might actually be an older cousin. It drives me crazy!
I was raised to call all adults and friends’ parents Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, and I still do as an adult. I just can’t bring myself to call them by their first name plus my Mom would shake her head. I know most of the kids now say Mr. and Mrs. First Name.
MS
I’m a firm believer in “Miss So-And-So”, myself, too. But, folks up here in New England seem to swing the pendulum for the fences. They either insist on “Mrs. So-And-So” or on first names.
I’m a firm believer in “Miss First-Name”, myself. Up here in New England, though, folks seem to swing the pendulum for the fences. It seems to be a fairly firm “Mrs. So-And-So” or “Call me by my first name. Please!”.
Oh my…….I am definitely in the minority here. I really dislike the whole Miss first name thing. It just sounds weird and off to me. I much prefer kids just call me Mandy. I grew up calling most adults by their first names. We had a lot of close family friends and I can’t imagine calling them mrs./Mr. But we have realized that we need to be careful in how our kids address adults because not everyone feels the same. We have started to just ask people how they would like to be addressed. So far everyone has different answers :). Oh and we are from Ohio.
DEFINITELY Miss (first name). Mrs. (last name) seems a little too formal, and using just their first name seems to not give proper respect for their elders, k.w.i.m.?
I live in CA and work in a school setting, so we are always addressed as Mrs. Last Name. I have several children that I take care of on a daily basis who call me Miss First Name. I don’t really mind either way…the funniest way I’ve been addressed is “Matt’s mom, Matt’s mom!!” I suppose we answer to most anything after a while…
I grew up in Wisconsin. Most everyone called parents by Mr/Mrs Last Name. When it was a close family friend, then kids calling adults first names was acceptable – but they had to be CLOSE family friends. When you first met a grownup, you were definitely going to be using Mr/Mrs Last Name. ;)
I live in Houston area now and it’s Miss/Mr First Name – but if the person is a bit older, I have my kids do the Mr/Mrs last name because I just can’t call a senior by their first name. I think old habits die hard.
I was raised with Mr./Mrs. Last Name.
My husband was raised with First Name.
Our boys use Mr./Mrs. First Name with friends we know well, and Mr./Mrs. Last Name for more formal relationships. And *always* ‘yessir’ and ‘yes ma’am’.
This is funny because I had this discussion a few years ago with someone from the Queen City. I almost always introduce my children to my friends as Miss So-and-So, unless they are over a certain age (I don’t know what that age is – maybe my parents age??) So in our discussion, this person said to me how much she LOATHED being introduced to children as Miss So-and-So and that she thought it was disrespectful and downright shameful that “young” parents had adopted this custom. In her mind it was just a travesty. She made it clear that she MUCH preferred to be Mrs. Last Name. I made a mental note that if I ever introduce my children to her, I’d better use her last name.
Let’s say the name is Mary Brown. If it is a good friend of mine that my kids are around alot they say Miss Mary, regardless of marital status. If it is an acquaintance, then it is Mrs. or Miss Brown, depending on marital status. I live in the Pacific Northwest.
Here in MA, I like the whole Mrs Last Name thing. Although, the whole Miss First Name thing I like too. Just NOT the Only first name.
Did I make any sense??
Generally, my kids call everyone Miss or Mr. First name, or by their title(Pastor Keith, Doctor Sharon). Unless it’s a teacher or a very formal situation. I introduce myself to kids as Miss Cindy. They call relatives by their first names or nicknames except for some older relatives such as great aunts and uncles.Then we will throw in an aunt or uncle so and so. My granddaughter calls me CiCi, so all of her friends call me Miss CiCi. I think it’s cute.
I am from the Northwest. If we knew the adult well, we were generally taught to simply address adults by their first name. Then, I moved to the South. I have lived in East Tennessee and Northwest Arkansas. In both places, I noticed children were generally taught to address ANY adult by Miss _______ (married or not).
And just so you know–generally, I found that in the South children are much more polite. It is expected. Lots more please, thank you, yes ma’m, yes sir. We’ve now moved back out West, and I am missing that.
This is a great question! I’m from New York and I strongly prefer children to call me by my first name. I’m a kindergarten teacher and I work at a private school that allows each teacher to choose what she wants to be called. So I have my students call me “Sam.” (Short for Samantha) I introduce myself to my kids’ friends as Sam, but when other parents call themselves anything different, of course I have my kids say that.
As a child I would never call an adult by their first name. It is always Miss first name or Mrs. last name in an authority situation. But then I started realizing that I call most every one, older and younger alike Miss/Mr first name OR I run their entire name together. EX: My friend’s husband is DaveMoore…all one word. Weird.
I have my children say “Miss/Mr. First Name”, and that’s how most of the people I know have their children say it where I live (Chattanooga, TN), but I don’t really have a preference over “First Name/Last Name”.
I taught Blake to say Hi Miss/Mrs last name and said it was ok for him to call the person whatever they said to call them. Like if he said Hi Mrs. Hall and I said please call me Jackie then it was fine for him to call that person by the first name. But, I’ve been called Miss Jackie, Mrs. Hall ect. I let the parents dictate how their children call me and don’t change it. If the parents are teaching them manners I’m all for it! There is a huge lack of it these days. Although I honestly don’t care what I’m called as long at it’s not an ugly name.
I’m more for the please and thank you bit myself. And if a child doesn’t say it I will prompt them no matter who’s child it is. I guess that’s rude on my part though huh. ;-)
I was raised to say Mr/Mrs. Lastname here in Canada. Now that we’re all grown up my friends’ parents have all told me to call them by their first names, but when you’ve called the Mr/Mrs Lastname your entire 34 years, it’s hard to change, so I still call them that way. For my kids, it seems that everyone just lets you call them by your first name.
At my son’s daycare it’s all Miss. Firstname..which I find so weird, to me it’s either Mrs/Miss Lastname, or just a first name. With his actual school teacher it’s Mrs Lastname. It seems all my sons’ generation just call the others’ parents by their first name which is less formal and okay with me because it makes me feel younger.
Here in Louisiana it’s miss/mr first name, and ma’am and sir are required. I have teens and I would probably have a heart attack if any of their friends called me by my first name only.
We’re teaching our kiddos to say Ms. First Name. Some of our friends do last name.
The wierdest thing to me is that I’m expected to call my inlaws Mrs. First Name and Mr. First name. That’s odd to me. It’s as if I’m not even part of the family.
I’m slap dab in the middle of where you’re from and where you live now, and have been known as Mrs. Kelly (first name) ever since I became a mamma. I’m fast approaching 50 and still, that’s what I’m called by 2 or 3 generations of kids. I like it.
Growing up in Wisconsin, it was always Mrs. last name. In adulthood, I now have a really hard time transitioning to first names for those women I am still friends with but who were my friends’ moms when I was young.
In Texas, where we lived for three years, everyone called me Miss Cara. I have never in my life been called Mrs. last Name. It would sound so odd to me.
Now in California, it’s (not surprisingly) just first names. My daughter calls all my friends by their first name and her friends call me by my first name. Every once in a while I slip and say something to her about “Miss Amy” or someone and she looks at me like I’m a little crazy, since she was born here and has never experienced the “Miss first name” phenomenon:)
Love all these comments- so fascinating. I grew up in Washington state and my parents taught me to use Mr/Mrs Last Name. But now I live in the South and just love love love the Mr/Miss First Name thing. It seems so much friendlier. I would never correct a child if they addressed me in another way (that seems tacky), but I prefer to be called Miss Zoe, and that’s how I introduce other adults to my kids. Mr/Mrs Last Name sounds so remote and stodgy to me, and it also makes it more awkward when kids grow up and you want to transition to first names.
Manners and regional differences are so fun!
Just reading this post, a little late. But I had to chime in that my dad called his mother-in-law (my Mamaw) by Mrs. (last name) until the day she died. In my family, it would have been scandalous to use her first name! Lots of kids now call me by Miss (first name), so I am getting used to it. I am not a fan of kids calling adults by their first names only, though. But I think it’s neat how we all sort of adopt what we our families are used to!
Growing up we usually addressed adults Mr/Mrs Last name. Most kids address us by first names, but since I was a school teacher eons ago, I still have people who are now into middle age addressing me as Miss Last name.
Miss Genie works for me.