Some Thoughts About Crackers

I’m at the beach for a few days, trying to catch up on some writing, and I brought Hazel with me so that I’d have a little bit of company. What this means is that I’ve spent most of today looking at some variation of this –


– which means that I’ve had to dig deep in the chew toy treasure chest that I brought down here with us. It hasn’t helped that it’s stormed all day long, so I couldn’t take Hazel outside for longer than about five minutes because 1) rain and 2) wind. I wish I’d taken a picture of her early this morning when the wind was whipping off of the Gulf like crazy; she didn’t not understand that particular natural phenomenon and finally just sat down in the grass and looked at me like, “NO MA’AM – I AM NOT A FAN OF THIS.”

However, I am happy to report that she’s sleeping now. And I think we can all agree that IT IS ABOUT TIME.

Since it’s just gonna be Hazel and me for the next couple of days, I have approximately zero plans to do a lot of cooking. That is why I arrived here armed with plenty of cheese and crackers. I’ll throw a rotisserie chicken or some sliced turkey in the mix every now and again, but by and large it’s gonna be cheese, crackers, and probably some roasted asparagus because heaven forbid that I go more than three days without an asparagus fix. That would be terrible.

Anyway, there are three kinds of crackers in attendance with Hazel and me (no, wait – there are four if you count the good, old-fashioned Triscuits), so I thought I’d highlight the pros and cons of each since I spent the last hour telling Hazel to quit trying to bite my toes and I’m really starting to doubt if I’ll ever finish the chapter I’m working on.

(This is one of those situations where I’m making light of it but seriously questioning my judgment in terms of bringing a puppy on a writing trip.)

(It has been a lot of barking, y’all.)

(So I’m going to talk about crackers in the hopes of lowering my blood pressure.)

(If talking about crackers doesn’t work, I may try to scrounge up a nerve pill.)

1. Blue Diamond Almond Nut Thins – Smokehouse


These crackers really do taste like the Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds. It’s the same smoky flavor, and while they’re a little bland on their own, they’re delicious with any sort of spinach-artichoke combo. They’re also really good with parmesan cheese. I like this type of cracker a lot (a sesame or nut thin), and these don’t have the weird flavor that some of them do.

Will I buy them again? Yes.

2. Crunchmaster Multi-Grain Crackers – Sea Salt


First of all, I can’t help but be tickled when a cracker’s brand name is Crunchmaster, and these crackers definitely live up to the name. They’re great for dipping but even better with cheese, and they’re a perfect cheese ball cracker (yes, there is such a thing) because they’re on the smaller side and don’t crumble. Every time I serve these, people comment on how good they are and want to know where they can buy them. I’m assuming that there are other flavors, but I don’t think I’ve seen them at the Publix.

Will I buy them again? Yes.

3. Cheez-It Grooves Zesty Cheddar Ranch


I bought these crackers on a whim because, well, I am powerless over a new Cheez-It product. I normally don’t like anything Ranch flavored (other than Ranch dressing, of course – and those Snyder Buttermilk Ranch pretzel bits) because it always tends to taste so artificial, but I took a chance on these because like the old John Lennon song says, “Give Cheeze-It a chance.” Or something like that. Unfortunately, though, I really don’t care for these (grieves me to say it, it does). They taste almost fruity to me (maybe I’m drinking too much Crystal Light while I’m here?), and I can’t imagine wanting to dip them in anything. I’m just a Cheez-It purist, I think.

Will I buy them again? No.

So there you have it – my deep thoughts about crackers. And in all seriousness, I sure would appreciate your prayers over the next few days. I’m not sure if lots of writing, lots of rain, and an active puppy are the most ideal mix. But if Hazel will cooperate and I can knock out a couple of chapters, I’ll let her have ALL the crackers before we go home.

Not really. But I will get her a new chew toy. And surely that will be at least as good.

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  1. Thanks for reviewing some gluten free crackers. I have been trying to eat gluten free, and I do find I feel better. It is so great to know a couple kinds that have been tested by a cracker conessouir (sp?) and given your stamp of approval.
    I seriously will say prayers for you, because I am so looking forward to your next book. I loved your first one so much!

  2. Hey Sophie! Are you going to host a basketball tournament bracket contest this year? You do know my Gators are the number one seed, right?

    Have you said to Hazel yet “it’s a good thing you are cute!”? And she is so so cute. How is Alex doing without her this week?

  3. Good luck Sophie!!! Sending up prayers for you!

  4. Ruth Story says:

    Get Hazel a braided “Bully Stick”, it will keep her busy for hours!

  5. Crackers and cheese along with anything else sounds amazing. Easy and tasty! Good luck on your writing!

  6. Julie R says:

    Prayers going up for you!

    I’m curious as to where you are at the beach with a puppy. We always go to Orange Beach, but this year we wanted to bring our little King Charles Spaniel with us, so we had to venture into new territory (an on-the-beach townhouse in Navarre Beach). My sister offered to “dog sit” but we’re the weirdos who want to take the dog everywhere with us.

    Good luck with your chapter…I’m sure once the creative juices start flowing, you’ll knock it out in no time.

  7. WIsh I was writing a book on the beach by myself! Wait-I just wish I was at the beach, alone OR with someone. Hazel is precious- ALMOST makes me want another puppy. Love the cracker reviews because they are my weakness. Have some fun but do work because there are a lot of us out here waiting on your next book. No pressure :)

  8. prayers for a productive few days!!!! may the stories & the words flood your heart & flow easily!!!! :)

  9. I love allthe flavors of the Blue Diamond crackers. They are also really good with Hummus.

  10. Nancy D says:

    I saw those Crunchmaster crackers at the Publix this weekend and was intrigued. Didn’t buy them because my husband’s working on the Daniel fast for lent(or longer! yikes) and didn’t want them in the house to tempt him. I couldn’t bring myself to do the fast with him, but I did at least refrain from buying the crackers. They, along with your next book, will be on my list for post-fast. Praying for words, time, inspiration, and whatever else you need!

  11. Hazel has such good manners. What a dear!

  12. I’m living vicariously through you today…not Hazel ( although she did give a touch of puppy fever, which was quickly quenched when baby girl came home from State with her 70 lb black & tan hound puppy ), but the crackers. Three weeks on soft foods makes me carve a good crunch. I’m off to buy some crunchmasters!! I can eat them in two weeks! Happy writing girl!

  13. The nice little old lady at the Publix yesterday afternoon had samples, so we HAD to stop.
    She was so cute (in a satanic way – temptation!). AND we HAD to buy a box of the crackers she was peddling: Cheez-It Grooves – sharp white cheddar. Thanks to this post, I remembered they were in the pantry and they may not survive until N gets home from school! She was also peddling samples of new Pringles – the Southwest Ranch were divine until the over-the-top salty taste hit my taste buds. Hey Pringles – keep the ranch; easy on the salt!!!
    Happy Writing

  14. Meredith says:

    Hahaha! You never cease to crack me up! I’m so glad you were able to get away for a writing trip! I would eat cheese and crackers for dinner every night if I could. However, my husband would not be a fan. I just roasted up some asparagus so we’d have some for sides for a couple dinners this week and purchased another rotisserie chicken. Great minds think alike! Oh, and I love your pup. SO SWEET! I hope you get lots of writing done and sweet Hazel gets to go outside when it’s not raining. My pup hates the rain too!

  15. Push through those two chapters and enjoy your crackers. You can do it! I can’t wait to read it when you’re done!

  16. Thanks for the crackers review. I don’t know how you’ll get much done with a baby to take care of. ;)

  17. The Cheese its that are white cheddar grooves are pretty good.

    • I agree. The white cheddar grooves are really, REALLY good. The ranch are really pretty terrible, and I have never said that about a box of Cheeze its. We did not even finish the box at our house, and that is a big deal.

  18. I to came here for a possible bracket beat down, but am now dismayed to see the Cheez It Grooves were not up to par. Maybe the white cheddar is better.

  19. Wow! Now I really want some crackers!!! But to justify your snacking Mama always said the beach makes you hungry. :-)

  20. Bought and have almost demolished a box of Nut-Thins (Sea Salt) singlehandedly thanks to your post :)

  21. Give it another year or two and Hazel will be the perfect book writing companion. Have you seen what Amtrak is doing with their new writers’ residency plan? It would be perfect for you!

  22. Bought a huge box of crunch masters at SAMs today. Delish!

  23. I love all the Nut-Thins crackers. They’ve got a couple new ones out really good.

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