Six

17 June 2009 by

“Mama, if we were in the bad guy place, I would tell the bad guys that we were bad guys, too. I would not tell them that we were good guys because I would not want them to put us in their jail.”

“So, you would lie? Would that be a good decision?”

“Well, it would be a little bit of an emergency.”

*****

“Mama? You know how some people in the world don’t have voices that the rest of the world can hear? Well, they can still tell the Lord that they need food or water or whatever, and then the Lord will tell other people, and then those people will help them.”

*****

“Mama? I’m singing a song right now. I’m going to need a little bit of privacy.”

*****

“Mama? If you had gotten to be 38 and you hadn’t had me, would you be sad?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have known you – but I can tell you that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss being your mama for anything in the world.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted to miss you, either, Mama.”

*****

“Mama? Is bacon good for us?

“Well, I don’t know if I would say that it’s good for us.”

“But it IS tasty.”

Filed Under: Oh Howard

Crystal Light Challenge, Day 13

16 June 2009 by

This past weekend I was on airplanes a good bit, so I really upped my water intake. I have learned the hard way that flying without lots of water in my system is pretty much a guaranteed recipe for a headache. And so, when I’m traveling, I drink water almost exclusively because I want to feel good when I get where I’m going. I don’t want to be tired and worn down and headachey, and water helps me combat all of those things.

So here’s what I thought about yesterday, when I was patting myself on the back a little bit for how much water I drank this past weekend:

If I know that drinking lots of water makes me feel better when I’m traveling, why don’t I want to feel that good all the time?

Because it stands to reason that if water is a really good thing when I’m way up in the air, it’s still a really good thing when I’m on the ground. Right?

Filed Under: Rambling

Some Things Have Transpired

15 June 2009 by

Well, this is definitely the Bachelorette post that almost wasn’t because I haven’t been able to access my blog for the last four hours. I’d explain all the details except that I’d hate myself tomorrow for using terms like CPU and overload and dedicated servers. So just suffice it to say that the last WordPress upgrade was very, very unkind to me. Just like Dave was very, very unkind to Jillian on last week’s episode.

Did you see how I did that? Did you see how I connected my computer issues to The Bachelorette? Mrs. Scarbrough, my 10th grade English teacher, would be so tickled. Except that she’d probably think that watching The Bachelorette is tacky. And she’d probably write “awk” next to that last sentence because it is in fact incredibly awkward.

On second thought, maybe she wouldn’t be so tickled after all.

Tonight we joined Jillian and the bachelors in Whistler, British Columbia, a location that, oddly enough, was also featured on Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood last week.

(Perhaps I’ve revealed too much. I hope the fact that I not only mentioned Tori Spelling’s reality show but also happen to WATCH IT FAITHFULLY won’t change this thing we have going on here. Because we’re all pretty magical together, you know.)

(Anyhoo.)

The first one-on-one date went to Michael, who makes me laugh in spite of myself. He’s genuinely energetic and seems completely devoid of pretense. And on top of that, we get to see the words “Breakdance Instructor” underneath his name whenever he appears on screen. You can’t buy that kind of joy, people. Oh no you cannot.

Michael and Jillian went zip lining, which gave her the opportunity to scream a whole bunch. The good news is that the zip line in Canada moved way faster than the one Jillian and Ed tried out in LA (I’m telling you: that LA zipline moved about as fast as a robotic papaw in a slow-motion shuffleboard tournament). After the zip lining Michael and Jillian went to dinner, and back at the condo the guys tried to figure out who told Jillian that one of the guys had a girlfriend. While they talked, Tanner P. sat on the couch and looked like he wanted to throw up.

Ultimately Jillian gave Michael a rose, and the next day she met eight of the guys for a little snowmobiling. She and Robby had a heart-to-heart, and while they were talking Tanner P. and Wes trashed Robby behind his back. Funny thing: the behind-the-back trash talking made me like those two LESS THAN EVER. Later Wes put the moves on Jillian while he was sitting on a chair made of snow, and it really does blow my mind that Jillian thinks he’s genuine. I don’t know – maybe he is – but I can’t see it. Every single time he talks to her I halfway expect him to pull a CD out of his pocket, grin at the camera and say, “I agree with you, Jillian, and I wrote a song about that very topic on my latest album. If you act now, you can buy this CD – and get a special bonus CD – for the low, low price of $9.99. Plus shipping and handling, of course. Darlin’.”

After all the snowmobiling Jillian spent some time with Kiptyn and Reid, and then we found out that Ed’s boss gave him an ultimatum: leave the show or lose your job. All I could think when Ed was explaining his situation was “HE’S THE BEST ONE. HE CAN’T LEAVE. HE’S THE BEST ONE.” Jillian gave Ed the rose to reassure him that she wants him to stick around, but judging from the previews I just saw, I’m guessing that Ed’s going to hit the road in about 22 minutes.

HE’S THE BEST ONE.

The final date went to Jesse. He and Jillian took a ride in a ski plane and then landed on a glacier (oh, if I had a dollar for every time I’d done that, I’d be FLAT DANG BROKE). They fell in the snow a whole bunch and seemed to have a lovely time. After their afternoon on the glacier (there’s a phrase you don’t hear very often), they went to dinner, got all flirty and cutesy with each other, and then Jillian gave him a rose in the hot tub.

Again: if I had a dollar….

The next day Ed told Jillian that he had to leave because of his job.

Y’ALL. HE’S THE BEST ONE. Seriously. Without Ed on the show, I could stop watching right now and never look back. Because now I’m pretty sure that Jillian will end up with Kiptyn and have a couple of children named Immileigh and Jaycub.

When it was time for the rose ceremony, Jillian decided that she didn’t need a cocktail party to help her make up her mind. And let me tell you: it was a good thing Jesse already had a rose because did anybody else notice that he was wearing a v-necked t-shirt – and ONLY a v-necked t-shirt – underneath his blazer? It was a bit of a fashion fail. In the end Mark went home without a rose, but it should have been Wes – if for no other reason than his completely disingenuous “I’m sorry about Ed – but I’m still here” comment when he accepted his rose. Because that comment? Made me want to kick things.

In conclusion comma I would just like to say that ED’S THE BEST ONE.

And now the whole thing is rurnt.

The end.

Filed Under: TV Is My Friend

Let’s Talk More About Pennsylvania

15 June 2009 by

Well, I just had no idea about Pittsburgh, y’all.

The hills. The green. The bridges. The water. The old churches. The charm.

It was all a revelation.

In fact, I think I’m going to be fairly obnoxious about Pittsburgh from here on out. Because I fully anticipate that the next time I’m at a restaurant and a waiter asks me what I’d like to drink, I’m going to look at him and say, “Never mind my drink. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT PITTSBURGH?”

I got home really late Saturday night, so late that it was almost Sunday morning, and then I sat up and talked to my husband until about 2:30. I had a lot of information that I needed to share – plus, you know, I HAD TO TELL HIM ABOUT PITTSBURGH.

I also had to give him a run-down of all my electronic equipment that had fallen into disrepair over the weekend. It was the craziest thing. My camera wouldn’t use any batteries for longer than 5 minutes before the battery light started flashing. My phone wouldn’t let me get anywhere near the internet (it must have told me to contact my service provider at least 80 times over the course of the weekend, and quite frankly I did not appreciate its tone). My headphones fell apart. There was a point Saturday morning when I decided that I might as well have traveled to Pittsburgh with a bag phone, a Polaroid Instamatic and a Walkman.

But even with all the technological mishaps, I had THE BEST TIME. Oh my word. It was a blast.

And with all that being said, I would like to show you a picture of one of our hydrangeas, mainly because hydrangeas have absolutely nothing to do with my trip to Pittsburgh and I feel that I owe you a hearty dose of COMPLETELY DISCONNECTED CONTENT each and every day.

Isn’t it so pretty? Doesn’t it make you want to get married just so you can make a bouquet out of those flowers? And do you think they have hot pink hydrangeas in Pittsburgh? I bet they do. I bet they grow on hillsides next to rivers with scenic bridges. And historic churches.

Anyway.

I’ll be back later tonight with a Bachelorette recap. I watched last week’s episode but never got around to blogging about it, and for the thirteen of you who care, I do apologize.

Which reminds me: do you think that tonight Jillian might take the guys on a fantasy date to Pittsburgh?

Because she totally should.

Filed Under: Rambling

This Will Make Your Whole Day

13 June 2009 by

Trust me.

It will make your WHOLE DAY!

Filed Under: Other Places

Crystal Light Challenge, Day 10

12 June 2009 by

I’ve always liked to think that while I enjoy caffeine, I’m not dependent on it. I know that might not make much sense, especially if you know how much I love my diet Coke and my Starbucks, but with the exception of a few days when I’m so tired that I rely on caffeine to keep going, I typically think that I can take it or leave it. That it’s incidental to me. That I could easily just drink Crystal Light or water and not miss the caffeine one bit.

Well.

This challenge is teaching me that I’m way more dependent on caffeine than I like to think. Right now I’m out of town, and I just ran down to the lobby in my hotel to get a little afternoon pick-me-up in the form of a grande Starbucks. Yes, I could have bought a bottle of water – but I wanted the jolt of caffeine. And I think the caffeine probably helps me mask the bigger question, which is why am I so stinkin’ short on energy by 3 or 4 in the afternoon?

Filed Under: Rambling
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