Tall. Beets.

16 April 2009 by

Would you think my life was really sad and pitiful if I told you that I’ve been looking forward to tonight’s episodes of “The Office” and “30 Rock” all day long?

Yes?

Well. Then welcome to my sad, pitiful life. Where I not only watch TV – I blog about it!

All righty – here we go with the dueling paper companies on “The Office.”

1. “…now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of their love.”

2. “Michael, you know I can’t take this.”
“Yes, I do.”

3. “U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi…gooooooo Michael Scott Paper Company!”

4. “You’re so – focused.”
“Like a wolf. Thank you.”

5. “Let me be your traveling pants.”

6. “I. understand. nothing.”

7. “It’s like a girl says she’ll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon.”

8. “I am going to steal all your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you.”

9. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. – Bill Cosby”

10. “You sound worried.”
“And you have bad skin. Look, everyone, we’re all making observations!”

11. “I spent a month putting that Rolodex on his Blackberry. Which he now uses as a nightlight.”

12. “Master and Apprentice. Pitted against one another for the fate of the Greater Scranton Area paper market.”

13. OH MY WORD – Dwight’s green underwear.

14. “Dwight hit a bear. But he’ll be here in a second.”

15. “You have no idea what kind of an enemy you’ve created. You’ve unleashed a wolf.”

16. “Aaaaaand I’m closing the door.”

17. “ARE YOU SAYING YOU INVENTED PAPER?”

18. “SPIN MOVE!”

19. “I color code all my info…green means ‘go.’ So I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means ‘orange you glad you didn’t bring it up.'”

Oh, I did enjoy the Insider-esque sheananigans. This was Dwight’s best episode in a sweet forever, and pitting Michael and Dwight against each other as corporate rivals is brilliant. It was a great episode that was chock-full-o-one liners – and I will treasure Dwight’s quick costume change into his mustard shirt for the rest of my earthly days. It was like watching Superman run into a burning building. If, you know, Superman were a paper salesman.

By the way, if you’d like to hear Andy’s a cappella version of “You Can Call Me Al,” it’s right here. HILARIOUS.

What did y’all think?

Filed Under: TV Is My Friend

Linky Interwebby Awesomeness 04.16.09

16 April 2009 by

– Yesterday my friend Bubba sent me a text that said, “Have you seen the video of Susan Boyle?” My answer: “Who’s Susan Boyle?” Two seconds later my phone beeped with Bubba’s reply: “Google her.”

In the last twelve hours I’ve probably gotten six emails about Susan Boyle (thanks, sweet emailers!), and when I finally watched Susan Boyle’s video, I sat right here at the computer and cried.

– As most of y’all know, there were some tea parties yesterday. I read all sorts of stuff about the tea parties this morning, and I especially loved this post at This Ain’t New York and this post by Melanie. Regardless of your political leanings, you have to agree that it’s a mighty fine thing indeed that American people have the right to assemble and speak their dadgum minds.

By the way, yesterday afternoon I called Melanie approximately 15 times to get the latest play-by-play from P (let me tell y’all something about P: HE IS HYSTERICAL), and every single update brought me untold laughter and joy. Good grief I wish we were neighbors.

– Ever heard of The Noticer Project? Very, very cool. (via Annie)

– This post by Jon? Made me CLAP MY HANDS.

Filed Under: Daily Awesome

I Read A Book, Y’all

15 April 2009 by

I am a person with a widely varied and seemingly unending array of annoying qualities: I talk way too fast, I finish other people’s sentences, I let clean laundry remain unfolded for days on end, I repeat myself, I’m moody, I repeat myself, I procrastinate, I’m great at starting things but not finishing them, etc.

I also repeat myself.

Anyway, over the last couple of years I bet I’ve started twenty different books that I’ve never finished. It’s not that the books haven’t been wonderful. It’s not that the books haven’t been compelling. It’s just that I have the attention span of a four year-old who’s been hooked up to an IV of sugar and caffeine, so if I don’t HUNKER DOWN with a book and physically move myself away from all possible distractions, I’ll read 20 or 25 pages, set the book down to go fix a diet Coke, and before I know it I’ve cleaned out half of a cabinet in the kitchen and started boiling water for some something that I was planning to cook but completely forgot about because I decided that it was of the utmost importance to watch 17 minutes of “America’s Next Top Model” before moving a vase from my bedroom to the table in the foyer and then deciding to eat some Goldfish.

Well.

A few weeks ago I found out (from a book review – not from a publicist or publisher) about a new book called The Help, and I read an excerpt on Amazon. I was immediately hooked. The book takes place in Mississippi, my beloved home state, and it’s set in the early 60s, a time period that’s always fascinated me. However, if you’ve been lurking around here awhile you know that my interest in a work of ficton set in the early 60s is pretty uncharacteristic because, as I’ve mentioned several times before, I don’t like to read things that take place too far in the past because the lack of air conditioning stresses me out. I don’t like to think about people being really hot. It makes me nervous.

Feel free to add those last three sentences to my list of annoying qualities.

Anyway, despite the fact that the book takes place during a time when I knew that people were going to be BURNING SLAP UP, I still wanted to read it. And over the last three or four days, that is exactly what I’ve done.

I finished it this afternoon. And I cried like a baby. I wish I could buy a copy for all my friends.

The language in the book is a little more colorful than I expected (though I can hardly blame the characters since they were in fact BURNING SLAP UP), and there were a couple of scenes where people said such hateful things that it made me squirm a little bit. But the characters in this novel got so far up under my skin that when I wasn’t reading, I missed them. I LONG for a sequel to this book because I want to check in on them and see how they’re doing. I want to make sure they’re okay.

And you know what else? As a girl who has spent her entire life in the South, I am a STICKLER for accurate Southern dialect. I cannot stand it when an author’s interpretation of Southern is “Well, mah word, dahlin’ – I think I’ve got a case of the vapahs.” A real Southern accent is just as much about the rhythm of the speech as it is the pronunciation of the words. So I was tickled to find that the dialect in The Help is DEAD ON. It’s wonderful, really. I laughed out loud more times than I can tell you because the voices in this novel are so distinct and real – they sound just like home.

So. That’s what’s been going on around here the last couple of days. I’VE BEEN READING. A WHOLE BOOK! And it was delightful.

What about y’all? You read anything good lately? Anything great? I’d love to see your suggestions.

In case, you know, I get on a bit of a reading roll.

Filed Under: The South

American Idol, Top 7

14 April 2009 by

Tonight on American Idol the contestants are singing songs of the cinema, and Quentin Tarantino is the guest judge. Um, maybe I’m overlooking the obvious, but what’s he going to do, exactly? Teach them how to emote more? Teach them where to stand? Teach them how to appear interested when the judges are talking?

I’m telling you: I just don’t understand these fancy TV shows and all these fancy directors with all their fancy Hollywood ways.

Anyway, it should be interesting to see what songs everybody picks, though so help me if anyone sings “My Heart Will Go On” I cannot be held responsible for my actions, especially considering that my actions will probably involve some loud screaming and then subsequently pulling out all the hair on the right side of my head while I set my toes on fire.

Alison Iraheta – “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” – I don’t know what it is, but everytime I hear this song I want to put on a red and white polka dotted dress and sit under a tree with Ben Affleck. It’s the funniest thing. Anyway, this performance of Alison’s was way too overwrought and screamy for me. I think it was a good song choice for her because it has the whole rock vibe thing going on, but it almost felt like the song got away from her and she was playing catch-up. Didn’t love it.

Anoop Desai – “Everything I Do I Do For You” – My first thought when Anoop announced his song choice was that I’d better run and grab some crackers since he was about to bring on the cheese. But I have to give Anoop credit: he took a song that, honestly, I pretty much despise and made it fairly interesting. He gave it a little bit of an edge, but at the same time he kept it understated, especially at the end. I thought this was one of his best performances, and nobody’s more surprised by that than I am.

[BTW, excellent call on only having two judges speak after each performance. TWO IS PLENTY.]

[Which begs the question: are four judges even remotely necessary?]

Adam Lambert – “Born To Be Wild” – This whole thing reminded me of something that you’d see in Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was too much screaming falsetto. (Okay, I just heard Simon, and HE TOTALLY SAID THE SAME THING ABOUT ROCKY HORROR. It’s like we share a mind.) Bottom line: the only reason tonight’s performance was memorable for me is because I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Yes, he’s talented. But he just doesn’t seem to sing a lot of stuff that I enjoy – at least not so far.

Matt Giraud – “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman” – To me, Matt is strongest when he goes with the whole Robin Thicke / Justin Timberlake thing – and he totally had that feel for the first half of tonight’s performance. But as soon as the orchestra joined in, things went a little haywire. It became this weird cross between karaoke and a piano bar and R&B, and it was a wee bit trainwreckian. Way too much going on. I think he would have been way better off if he had just kept it simple – no orchestra, no falsetto in weird places. He’s way better than what we saw tonight.

Danny Gokey – “Endless Love” – I SO appreciated Danny dialing it back a little bit for the first three-quarters of this song. He had a little bit of a rough start, but he recovered well, and I thought he did a very touching interpretation of a song that takes me RIGHT BACK to when I was in elementary school and had no idea what the movie was about but I thought Brooke Shields was really, really pretty and I begged my mama to buy me the sheet music so I could learn to play the song on the piano. And now I have shared a memory that absolutely no one cares about, but I really don’t have anything else to say about Danny’s performance so thank you the end.

Kris Allen – “Falling Slowly” – THAT WAS STINKIN’ BRILLIANT. It was restrained and confident all at the same time – not to mention that there wasn’t anything shrieky or showy about his falsetto. I thought it was a home run. LOVED IT.

Lil Rounds – “The Rose” – I think she picked a good song, and I think the little bit of gospel influence in the arrangement was a great call. However, the unfortunate part of this performance was that pitch-wise she was all over the place. This could have been a big comeback for her, but in the end it fell short. It was definitely better than the last three or four weeks, though.

I have to say that the playing field seems much more even now that we’re down to seven. My favorite of the night was definitely Kris, and I think that Matt is probably in a wee bit of danger. Lil was the weakest, I think, but since she hasn’t been in the bottom two before, I doubt she finds herself there tomorrow night.

So. What did y’all think?

If you’d like to add your own AI post to the Mr. Linky, please leave the permalink to your specific post and not your general blog URL.

Filed Under: TV Is My Friend

The Day I Almost Fired Myself

13 April 2009 by

You know those days when you sort of feel like you’re firing on all pistons as a mama? When you pretty much have things under control and you’re not easily rattled and you manage to meet your family’s needs without feeling like you’re losing your mind?

Well. Today was not that kind of day for me. Today was the opposite of Effective Parenting. Today was Parenting FAIL. Today was PMS (which, by the way, SEEMS TO GET WORSE EVERY YEAR) mixed with a kindergartner who didn’t just push my buttons – he sat on them. And then, when I couldn’t take it anymore and I said something to the effect of, “PLEASE LEAVE MY BUTTONS ALONE NOW, THANK YOU,” he was all, “What? I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, beloved-mother-of-mine. I’m nowhere near your buttons. Why, I didn’t even know you had buttons.”

And then my head exploded.

Anyway, thanks to our rocky morning and afternoon, I spent a chunk of the day feeling like the worst mama in the world, and the kicker was that feeling that way ended up just making me irrationally angry because of the aforementioned HORMONAL IMBALANCE THAT HAS COME TO ROB ME OF ALL PLEASANTNESS.

It wasn’t until I was cooking supper that I finally started to feel the tension leave my shoulders, and while the little guy was sitting at the kitchen table I caught a glimpse of his face that reminded me of what he looked like when he was about 18 months old.

I found an odd sense of comfort in the fact that even though we may have an occasional bad day, I really can’t stay frustrated with that boy. Not for any real length of time. He’s smart and funny and tenderhearted. He’s delightful. I love him to pieces. And hello, DO YOU SEE THOSE CHEEKS? THOSE CHEEKS ARE DELICIOUS.

Not to mention that if we made it through that 18-24 months phase, we will make it through this one, too. Because do you know what this phase has over that one? THE ABILITY TO REASON – which, my word, cannot be overestimated.

So by bedtime we were back on fine and harmonious terms again, and after we read a book I said, “You know what, buddy? Today was rough. But we’re family and we love each other and we forgive each other and tomorrow will be better. I’m so glad I get to be your mama.”

And God bless him, after a day that had taken its toll on both of us, he hugged me and said, “Thanks, Mama. I’m so glad that you’re my son.”

Quite frankly my mood was so erratic today that I wouldn’t blame him for being a smidge confused, but when he realized what he’d said, he started to giggle. Got downright silly, in fact. And I’m so grateful that we got to end the day with a little bit of laughter. We both needed it.

And tomorrow will be better.

It really will.

I just know it.

Filed Under: Oh Howard

Linky Interwebby Awesomeness 04.13.09

13 April 2009 by

I’m a little focused on house and home today, so here are some house-y and home-y links.

– I LURVE this post on the importance of family rituals. Such great ideas. (via Nester)

– I’m always fascinated by how other people seem to find all sorts of wonderful treasures at yard sales, and Rhoda is the champ. All of her finds are great-looking, and I’m well-aware that I could have gone to the same exact sales and come home with, I don’t know, a broken wooden spoon.

(You ever feel like you’ve lost your decorating mojo?)

(I feel like I’ve lost my decorating mojo.)

– Um. Southern Living is giving away a house.

Filed Under: Daily Awesome
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