Me?

Watching the TV in the kitchen. Laptop at the ready.

Flipping between CNN and ABC. Obsessively refreshing Twitter.

Planning to make cookies if necessary.

What about you?

What coverage are you watching? Are where are you watching it?

A humorous diversion.

With luv.

There was a program at the little guy’s school today, and a few weeks ago he made it known that having all his grandparental peeps in attendance was very important to him. They were sweet enough to rearrange their schedules so they could be here, and it was apparently the BEST! DAY! EVER! for a certain five year-old.

Of course, tomorrow will also be the BEST! DAY! EVER! for him, because he’ll wake up and find a stray Skittle on a rug or his first glass of milk will really hit the spot or, who knows, he may even get to play with a Hot Wheels car for two minutes before he leaves for school.

Anyway, the grandparents drove over and the child was delighted and after this morning’s program we all met back at our house for some lunch. I knew – because she mentioned it to me last night at supper – that Martha had a Steinmart(s) gift card that was burning a hole in her pocket, but I figured that since the election is tomorrow they’d hurry home so that they could make sure to arrive at the polls at least six hours before dawn. However, Daddy assured me that they weren’t in a hurry, that they had plenty of time to hang out for a little bit, so after lunch I said eight words that were absolute music to my mother-in-law’s ears:

“Martha? Would you like to go to Steinmart(s)?”

And y’all, her reaction was so tickled-to-death-animated that I wanted to call the Steinmart(s) corporate office and say, “Hey, big shots? Your next commercial? IS AT MY KITCHEN TABLE.”

So Mama, Martha and I went to Steinmart(s), and for a solid hour Mama looked at the Christmas decorations and Martha looked at jackets. We were in separate parts of the store for most of that time, but eventually I saw Martha making a beeline for me. She was holding two jackets – both of them animal print – and while she was still, oh, ten or twelve feet away, she started listing the attributes of both:

“I mean, can you believe? Aren’t these darlin’? Just darlin’? Oh, they’re DARLIN’! And look! I could wear this one with my black pants or my brown pants, or LOOK! I COULD EVEN WEAR IT WITH THESE PANTS! I could wear it with so many things, just so many things! And I already have several shirts that I could wear underneath this one, I mean I could do white, or black, or even this rust color right here, or maybe even a dark brown, don’t you think? Don’t you THINK? DON’T YOU THINK?”

About that time (OH! SOMETHING SHINY!), Martha spotted the Christmas decorations that Mama was holding and she just had to see them! Because they were perfectly beautiful! PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL! Because remember that bowl? On top of her buffet? Those decorations would be JUST THE THING in the bowl on the buffet, OH MY WORD, DON’T YOU LOVE THEM? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING MORE WONDERFUL?

And then my head exploded and I fell out in the middle of the holiday aisle and died.

Later, when I was alive again, Martha asked me if I wanted to look at purses with her. Since I’m a girl and all, I agreed, and I was checking out a particularly cute tote bag when I heard Martha say, “Oh! You have to see this! You’ll love this! Come see this!”

I made my way around two huge sale tables so that I could “see this,” and when Martha was finally in my sights I couldn’t help but giggle. Everything about her screamed I AM COMPLETELY CAPTIVATED BY MY TRIP TO STEINMART(S), so I pulled out my camera and took a picture right there in the middle of the handbags, oh yes I did, and what’s even better is that Martha was so busy sharing all the things she loved about one purse in particular that she didn’t even notice. Apparently not even THE BLINDING FLASH could rip her attention away from the wonder of that bag. It was a sweet sight to behold.

Needless to say, I assured her that yes, the purse was DARLIN’! Just DARLIN’!, and for the next five minutes she gazed at that purse and said, “I found what I wanted! I’m just so excited because I found what I wanted! Can you believe that I found what I wanted? Oh, THIS IS MORE FUN!” And while she didn’t skip out of the store after she’d used her gift card, she did have sort of a fresh bounce in her step. I couldn’t help but smile.

In fact, she and Mama both were so energized by their excursion that we also stopped by Tuesday Morning and Home Goods, thus completing a Discount Store Trifecta in just under two hours.

Oh, they’ve got skillz, y’all.

Make no mistake.

They’ve got skillz.