For what it’s worth, this video gives more insight into my sense of humor than anything I could possibly write. I don’t know what like-humored soul recorded this little gem, but I am most grateful. Sister and Liz, get out your microphones!

p.s. BooMama Tech Help: the video can be a little slow-loading, even on DSL, so you may want to start it, mute your computer, walk away for a minute, then come back and drag the play bar back to the beginning. Not that I have OCD or anything. Or control issues. Or anything.

I think Sister is right…lack of sleep has dulled my descriptive abilities. So I’m headed for the bed in just a second.

But I did want to quickly tell you what a goob I am. GOOB. GOOOOOOOOB.

My oldest friend in the world, Laura, called tonight to run some menu ideas past me for a little soiree’ she’s having this weekend. She told me that she was thinking about doing pork tenderloin but what sides should she do and yes, she loves sweet potatoes but her hubby, not so much, and we were essentially just shooting the foodie breeze.

So when we happened upon the subject of salads, she mentioned that her husband likes spinach salad, and I said….

I said….

I said, “Oh! There’s a recipe for that on my website.

On my WHAT?

On my WEBSITE.

Like I’m Google or something.

Like I’m some food “consultant” who provides all pertinent client information and price quotes on a custom-designed webpage.

Like I’ve taken the words “BooMama” and crafted them into a straightforward yet symbolic logo, something that will grow my brand and look great on my new line of herbs that come in tins and my special seasoning blends that come in a bottle with my picture on the label. You know me – I’m all about the merchandising.

I immediately died laughing and said, “DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?” We were very tickled.

Because a more accurate sentence would have been, “Oh! There’s a recipe for that on the Blogger McTemplate where I bore the living fire out of my tens of readers with vague descriptions, mixed metaphors, and lame puns. Stop by! You’ll feel a detached ambivalence about everything you read!”

After I got off of the phone, I told David what I said, and he shook his head and replied, “You. Are such a nerd.”

I am, y’all. I really am.

But thanks for stopping by “my website” anyway. I hope all the fancy graphics and interactive features aren’t too much of a distraction from all the astoundingly average writing.

I have had writer’s block all day today – I have started posts two different times and then deleted them, because apparently I’ve lost all ability to form an opinion, much less convey said opinion in an entertaining manner (and I realize that “entertaining” is a strong word for my humble little corner of the interweb).

Last night David and I got almost no sleep for no discernible reason except that when he tossed, I turned, and when I tossed, he turned. We would both dose off for 30 or 40 minutes only to be wide awake for the next 30 or 40 minutes and then repeat the cycle all over again. It was lots of fun, let me tell you. In the words of Beth Moore and Jeana’s post from yesterday, “NOT a blessing.” :-)

This next topic is completely unrelated to sleep so I won’t even bother to create a transition. I don’t talk about it much here (well, ever, really), but I work with teenagers a lot. I don’t make their business blog fodder as a general rule – I try to be very, very mindful about respecting their privacy and boundaries and whathaveyou. I love having the opportunity to invest in their lives and minister to them and occasionally counsel them. Contrary to the whole lack of sleep deal, it has definitely been a blessing. But earlier this week I found myself in a situation that was, quite simply, beyond me. I was completely over my head in terms of what to say and what to do and how to proceed.

I won’t go into the whole deal because I’m still trying to sort it out in my head and will probably talk about it in this week’s LBY post, but it has astounded me – ASTOUNDED ME – how God has taken three or four seemingly separate, seemingly “random” events in my life and woven them all together this week. It has been wonderful and humbling and even a little exhausting…and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all. And I tell you what – I have some staggering powers of description, don’t I?

By the way, re-read those last two paragraphs…not a single specific detail to be found. I’m starting to believe that vagueness is my specialty. I can’t imagine how gratifying it must be for you to read this blog and get to the end of a post and have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about. Be sure to add me to your Favorites!

Anyway, I need to go start supper while Alex is still asleep. Oh! That’s one specific something I can share. About a week ago I was sitting on the couch watching Paula Deen on television and Alex crawled into my lap, which he hardly ever does anymore. He snuggled way deep down into my chest (he calls my chest “Mama’s pillows,” by the way, and I’m not really sure if that’s healthy or not, but we’ll save that discussion for later), and slowly but surely he got very relaxed, and very still, and he went to sleep.

It was an unexpected, sweet surprise because I’ve totally gotten accustomed to him using my body as a jungle gym…something to climb, jump off of, run into, swing from, etc. But every afternoon for the last week or so, we’ve repeated the naptime ritual. I turn on Paula’s show, he yells, “MAMA’S SHOW!,” snuggles up, extends his arm so that I can scratch it, and then falls asleep after about five minutes. Of course I don’t even watch Paula’s show – I just watch him…I look at that sweet face and those chubby cheeks (though less and less by the day, it seems) and marvel at how his legs seem to be a foot longer every time he climbs in my lap. It has become my favorite time of day, because I know that it won’t be long until his snuggle window starts to close just a little bit. So while it lasts, I am soaking it up.

And if I manage to form an opinion between now and bedtime, I’ll be sure to share it.

I’m about to have a little geekery going on.

I know y’all have seen the thing at the bottom of my posts that always says, “Trackback (0),” but I haven’t known what it was or how to use it, so I just ignored it. Well, last night I was reading Janice’s blog, and I was excited to see a post about what trackback is and how to use it.

So I’m going to try to “trackback” to the post on Janice’s site and see if it works. This is going to be a fabulously exciting technological adventure.

p.s. It worked! If you click on the link to Janice’s site and scroll down, you will see that I left a trackback. I am so proud of myself. And I think this is so that she can know I linked to her in my post. I think. :-)

Right now I’m re-reading To Kill A Mockingbird, as I do almost every spring. In simple terms, it is my very favorite book in the history of all time ever. That’s a pretty fancy critique, isn’t it? Anyway, yesterday I came across one of my favorite lines from the book, which occurs when Jem recounts Miss Maudie’s reply to his offer of chewing gum: “…she said no thanks, that – chewing gum cleaved to her palate and rendered her speechless.”

Now y’all, that’s Southern.

I was thinking about Jem’s comment this morning, and it reminded me that I have never seen my very own mama chew a stick of gum. I’ve seen her tear the teensiest piece off the end of a stick of Doublemint and chew that, but a whole stick of gum? Forget it. Sister and Stacy will vouch for me on this one.

Mama has never used Miss Maudie’s explanation to justify why she doesn’t chew gum, but she definitely has her own little Southern eccentricities. And I got a little tickled when I started thinking about them.

1) She has never, to my knowledge, worn blue jeans. Or any denim, for that matter, with the exception of a blue chambray dress that came with a matching jacket.
2) She always, always wears pantyhose. And I’m fairly certain that she’s never worn a pair of pants to church.
3) She cooks three hot meals a day. Three. hot. meals. Every day. Every. single. day.
4) If she goes to the grocery store, she will have on her make-up, and she will be wearing an outfit. You can bank on it.
5) She won’t drink out of plastic because it “burns her lips.” By the same token, she will not use an insulated coffee mug. She says they taste like metal. So only china or crystal for her.
6) For the first eighteen years of my life, I never ate off of a paper plate, because Mama would not buy them. We used china at every single meal. Period.
7) Until I was around eleven years old, I did not know that cake mixes existed. EVERYTHING Mama baked was from scratch. Still is.

And then there’s my mother-in-law, about whom I could write a novel or nine, as her distinctly Southern qualities know no bounds. To wit, here are some of her more amusing Southern-centrities:

1) She does not know how to fill up her car with gasoline. When she comes to visit and actually drives herself (which has happened approximately four times in nine years of marriage), she can’t make the return trip home until David follows her to the gas station and fills up her car.
2) As far as I know, she has never washed her own hair. She has a standing appointment with Betty every Friday at 10:00, and I am still convinced that for Martha the worst part of Hurricane Katrina was that Betty’s shop was without power and therefore Martha could not get her weekly wash and set.
3) When she was eighteen and about to leave for college, her daddy offered her a car. She refused it because she didn’t like the make and model. She rode the bus to and from college instead. Oh yes she did.
4) She is the only person I’ve ever known who eats two Pringles and considers that a serving. On the rare occasions when she eats a sandwich, she will open up the Pringles, take out two, and eat only those two. She has hang-ups about how women should have dainty appetites, but I double-dog dare you to get in between her and a Krispy Kreme donut.
5) She feels certain tasks are impossible for her (in addition to filling up the car with gasoline). Some of those impossible tasks would include changing lightbulbs, setting clocks, resetting odometers, and participating in any form of do-it-yourself project.
6) She will not use a hammer. Southern women, in Martha’s mind, don’t swing at anything.
7) She cannot sit down for a meal in a restaurant without saying the following: “These portions! I’ve never seen such large portions! Have you ever? I mean, I just can’t imagine anyone eating such a large portion!” Then she eats her three bites of food and sits there until the waiter comes back, at which point she says, “These portions! I’ve never seen such large portions! Have you ever? I mean, I just can’t imagine anyone eating such a large portion!”

And in case you were wondering, I’ve never seen Martha chew gum, either. Or wear jeans, unless it was “this cute little denim jacket that I got at Steinmart, and it was just darlin’, just darlin’, but I didn’t really like the way the embroidery – see, there’s embroidery all across the front of it but it’s floral so you know it’s real cute, REAL cute – only I didn’t like the way the embroidery came down over the buttons on the cuffs, so I got my friend who alters things for me, well, you know the one who used to alter things for me died and I was just sad, just so sad about that but I had to find someone else because nothing fits me straight out of the store because my shoulders are so narrow and everything I put on just flops straight down over my shoulders so I got the alterations lady to re-do the cuffs for me and now the jacket is just adorable and I love to wear it with my new red pants, you know the ones that I got at McRae’s on sale, only of course they didn’t fit me right off the rack, and that reminds me of the time that Barbara Walker found a lampshade she really liked at Fred’s, because you know her house burned….”

Happy Wednesday, everybody. Y’all come back now! Ya hear?

We’ve got us a country theme tonight, which means that Bucky will perhaps be more unbearable than usual, and I’m wondering how in the world the contestants are going to relate to Kenny Rogers, who, bless his heart, is hanging on to his youth with everything he has.

Taylor Hicks – “Take Me Home, Country Roads” – Just for the record, I sang this song at my kindergarten graduation, which means it’s been around for way too long for anyone to care about it anymore. I don’t like this song for Taylor, because it has about three notes, and he can’t show off vocally. I would’ve liked to have seen him do a little something with some soul to it…like an old George Jones song, or even a Tim McGraw song that has a little kick to it. Or Garth Brook’s “Baton Rouge” – that would have been a GREAT Taylor choice. I love Taylor, but there was nothing special about this performance.
Mandisa – “Any Man of Mine” – Now I am a Mandisa fan, but the song didn’t suit her at all…I think Shania Twain picks songs like this one because they involve a great deal of “talky notes” – meaning she doesn’t have to SING that much…but Mandisa can really sing, so she should. The part at the end, though, where she had something to do, was good.
Elliott Yamin – “If Tomorrow Never Comes” – I thought this performance was interesting. Because people so associate this song with Garth Brooks, it was interesting to hear just a little bit of an R & B twist on it. Bubba said last week that Elliott seems to be one to watch, and I think he’s right.
Paris Bennett – “How Do I Live Without You” – She’s in big-time territory, seeing as how Miss Trisha Yearwood AND LeAnn Rimes recorded this song, so she’s at a disadvantage in my book from the get-go. It was a rough start, and a little rocky in parts, but I appreciate that she sang this song “straight on” – no unnecessary runs, good and strong at the end.
Ace Young – “Tonight I Wanna Cry” – Is he capable of doing anything besides looking earnestly into the camera? He’s gonna have to mix it up at some point…maybe move around the stage a little? He stays in his one spot and tries to hypnotize us with his unblinking eyes. David just said, “If he were on the radio, I would turn it off.” So there you go.

Hey. We are officially bored by this week’s Idol. So we’re going to start predicting what the rest of the performers will sing to liven up the proceedings. We make our own fun, you know?

Kellie Pickler – I’m predicting she sings a Faith Hill song. David predicts “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” or “Fancy.” And ladies and gentlemen, David nailed it. This could have been a great song for her, but it sounded like it was in the wrong key for her…too high, maybe? And she gave the word “town” more syllables than I do.
Chris Daughtry – I predict that he sings “Hurt” by Johnny Cash. David predicts that he’ll sing “Picture” by Kid Rock. We’re both wrong – he picked a Keith Urban song, “Making Memories of Us.” How much do I love that he’s not SCREAMING AT ME? What a refreshing and delightful change. It’s nice to see that he can do something a little different…and I think people enjoyed this performance.
Katharine McPhee – David and I both predict that she sings a Martina McBride song. We were so wrong – she picked “Bringin’ Out The Elvis In Me,” one of my least favorite Faith Hill songs, even if she is my BFF. The problem with this song is that it’s impossible to sing along. I will say that she sounded good singing it, but it’s not a fun song to begin with, so, you know, eh. But, I do think Katharine found a way to play to her strengths. Hopefully she won’t be in the bottom three again.
Bucky Covington – David and I don’t even care what Bucky is going to sing, unless it’s that Trace Adkins “Honky Tonk Bedonkydonk” song, which could quite possibly be interesting in a train wreck sort of way. But he picked a Gary Allan song, “Best I Ever Had.” I dislike this song so much that I can’t even write about it. Plus, it was just a boring performance. And now we’re fast forwarding through it to put us out of our misery. HE SHOULD NOT BE IN THIS COMPETITION.

There’s a little interweb rumor that next week is Prince week – and goodness knows that sounds more interesting than what we’ve heard the last two weeks. Somebody has got to step in and help these people pick some decent songs. Please. Because one more week like the last two, and I’m just not going to care anymore.

Should go: Bucky Covington
Will go: Ace Young