I’ve been thinking lately about the fact that Alex may be an only child. Because I was not a girl who sat around dreaming of her 4.5 children with alliterative names, it was not my life’s mission to have kids as soon as I got married. And because David and I married a little later than most and then waited five years to start our family, we were running a little behind the baby train from the get-go.
Now Alex is three, and I’d love for him to have a little brother or a little sister, but, well, he may not. I’m a little older, the odds aren’t as much in our favor, and he very well may be the only one.
But let me be perfectly clear: if he is the only child we have, we will have been blessed beyond any measure of what we could’ve ever asked for or dreamed.
The little man is, as they say, the bomb.
It does make me a little sad, though, to think that Alex may never have a brother or sister. I tell D. all the time that I have honestly ENJOYED my sister and my brother (not to mention the people they married)…and because they’re 14 and 10 years older, respectively, I’ve never had much of that sibling rivalry thing with them. More than anything, they’ve been my friends, and I don’t want Alex to miss all the good stuff that goes hand-in-hand with a sibling relationship. I hope he doesn’t have to.
But the other morning, as I was getting dressed, feeling a little conflicted about the possibility of no more children, I remembered what a huge – HUGE – role my friends have played in my life. Because Sister and Brother were out of the house, basically, from the time I was seven, it was just Mama, Daddy and me for my elementary / junior high / high school years. I never felt like an only child – far from it – but I was never a part of a house full of kids. And my friends totally filled that void for me.
As I started to absorb that thought, standing in my bathroom with dripping wet hair, I found myself praying for Alex. Because if he is an only child – which is certainly not my “perfect” scenario but definitely one that’s increasingly realistic – I pray that he has friends who will be like family to him. Just like mine have been.
I pray that he has a Laura to walk with him, laughing, through every stage of life.
I pray he has an Emma Kate to hold him accountable and to encourage him in his faith (I was going to say, “and to swap shoes with him,” but that might be a little strange if two guys, you know, swapped shoes. However, Emma Kate and I swapped shoes just yesterday, and we agreed that mine were definitely the more comfortable even if hers were cuter).
I pray he has a Merritt who will always listen, who will always find the humor in a situation, regardless of the circumstances. And who will, when all else fails, do a goofy dance that makes him wet his pants.
I pray he has a Daphne who will listen to his weird theories and philosophies, who will encourage him to read and write and think – and who will always laugh at his jokes.
I pray he has an Elise who will keep him honest, a Tracey who will hug his neck when he’s blue.
I pray he has a Liz who will never, ever judge him; a Wendi who has loyalty that knows no bounds; a Lea Margaret who reminds him of the beauty of heritage, and family, and place.
I pray he has a Bubba, a friend who loves him so unconditionally and so fiercely that it humbles him more with every passing year. I pray he has a NK, someone who will reach out to him when he moves to a strange place – and help him feel at home.
I pray he has neighbors – just like we do – who share the same faith and who can be trusted with everything, from a drill bit to a house key to a three year old child.
I pray he has a spouse who is absolutely devoted to him. I pray that when he’s with her, when all else fails, he’ll be able to sit next to her, in the complete quiet of his home, and know that he’s in the presence of his very best friend. And that they’ll laugh together. I pray her family loves him like he’s one of their own.
I pray that whether siblings are or are not a part of his life, he will feel so totally blessed, so completely loved, that he’ll long for the day when he’ll be able to extend that love to and through a family of his own.
I pray he’ll see God’s hand so clearly and so personally in his life that he’ll never question His faithfulness.
And I pray that his life will be very full, and very rich, indeed.
Even if he’s the only one.
Awww, where is my box of tissues??? Gosh, I am sooo emotional these days…however, I understand what you are saying, there comes a time when we have to make the decision whether to have more children or not and quite frankly it’s been weighing very heavily on my heart right now.
Although, I have more than one child I came from a family of four and unlike you I have dreamed of a big family. My delimma is that I am a horrible pregnant person – nausea, vomiting, placenta plevia with the last one and I’ve been hospitalized both times. Not to mention both c-sections too. So I just have to decide is my health going to carry me thru it again? I’ll pray for the both of us that our hearts will be calm about whatever decision we make.
Maybe he will be like his Uncle Stacy and get the “WILD GENE”. Now be sure to keep Alex “hemmed up” in only church activities so when he goes off to school he will be “wild as a buck”.
College? Who said anything about college? We’re gonna have that boy in full-time vocational ministry by the time he’s 15. :-)
I’m kidding, of course.
Encouraging as always, my brother. :-)
Comforting thoughts. I still dream of having another, even though I’ve had a tubal ligation, and I’m 40, and my husband says we’re too old. Maybe I should just volunteer for the Preschool Sunday School position at church (praying about that).
My daughters would prefer to be only children. They like being separated.
Kills me. I guess it’s kinda like wishing you had curly hair instead of straight or vice versa, only a lot harder to change.
Remember what you use to tell me about those ECS kids from Memphis who went to State. It was like letting a “cat out of a bag”.
That’s a GREAT prayer. No matter if somene is an only child, 1 of 17 or somewhere in between, the stuff you prayed for is some important stuff! :D
BooMama,
First, you made me cry, which made my nose run. Thanks. :-) This post is so good. You should either have it handwritten in caligraphy and frame it, or print it up in a pretty font and frame it to hang in Alex’s room.
Then, Stacy’s comment made me snort….Out loud….It hurt!! Hee hee. :-)
Yes, my brother…the king of making sure that things never, ever get too serious, even if he must stir the pot a bit to distract from something emotional. :-) Thing about it is – and don’t tell anyone – of the three of us, he’s the most tenderhearted. Really. But I won’t say more than that because it would embarrass him. :-)
I loved that you saw each of your friends in a unique way – and saw how they fill the gaps in our lives. Our next door neighbors have one boy they had later in life; he’s 10 now and this year they got him a puppy. We cant tell you how fun/sweet it is to see the two of them romping through the creek, he rides his bike and the puppy chases him.
I also loved you seeing that someday his spouse will be the final addition to his life. Loved loved your perspective, and your tender mommy heart. He is obviously blessed to be loved by you. xoxoxo
Oh my…Well, I am one of those ECS kids from Memphis who went to State. Sometimes there is nothing like a wild past to bring one back to the fold! :-) No regrets on this end!
But oh, sweet Sus, you were always an angel. :-) Because you were a year ahead, you always had a star in your crown as far as our class was concerned.
And I agree with you – if a little wildness is what it takes to break us down and humble us, then it is all good in the end.
Since my brother went to Ole Miss, he doesn’t have a good perspective on how sweet we all were at State. :-) Our “wild” was staying out until 2 in the morning doing donuts behind the Sigma Chi house. SCANDALOUS! :-)
That Susan! She WAS a WILD child. Still is, from what I hear. ;)
Boo. I loved this post! Alex is one fortunate little boy to have you as his mother. And I am blessed to call you my friend!
:)
What a wonderful post. I am having thoughts about my little man growing up with no kids in the house – as you know all the others are grown. Thanks for your perspective!!!
Alex is just so unbelievably blessed to have you and D for parents!! You know, my Dad is an only child and he turned out to be an incredible man. Alex has a Mom who consistently prays for him — he is BLESSED!!