This Is All I Could Come Up With While I Was Procrastinating

So tomorrow our realtor is coming to our house and putting it on the market. It’s not particularly exciting news, I know, but it is a big thing for us because that means that somehow in the next twenty four hours we have to make this house look like we have walked around in Padded Socks for the past six years and only Gently Tippy-Toed on the carpet. Oddly enough, prospective buyers aren’t terribly interested in carpet that shows evidence of Stomach Virus ’04 or The Time The Dog Was Incontinent.

Go figure.

Also: I have long spoken ill of the flat paint that the builder used in our house. When we moved in the painters left us everything that was leftover, but when I tried to do touch-ups the color was lighter and didn’t look right at all. If I were my mother-in-law I would now say something like, “Well, maybe it was because it wasn’t a very taupe-y taupe, it was just more of a taupe, but not too much grey in it, and if the paint store didn’t mix it just right you might see a little too much yellow in it and it figures that the paint wouldn’t touch up right because I just can’t have anything and you know how every single time I find something I like it doesn’t work right, or it’s discontinued or they don’t have my size because I promise that I don’t try but I’ve lost some weight, I mean I haven’t meant to but it’s just because we’ve been staying busy around here and you know Mother and I don’t eat much, sometimes we just like to split a pimento and cheese sandwich and eat a Pringle.”

Sorry. Sometimes I start to miss Martha and it makes me feel better to talk like her for just a second.

Anyway, you can imagine what parts of my walls look like six years later, especially considering that for the last two a certain little boy has rubbed his sticky little fingers all over them. But I figure that whoever looks at the house won’t think it’s cute that one time Alex stuck his hand in a jar of peanut butter and then “made train tracks” on the walls in the dining room, so I figured I had to come up with a solution.

So this afternoon I marched right into the paint store, showed them the paint chip that I’ve carried around in my wallet for six and a half years, and asked them to mix up a gallon in their cheapest flat paint.

And can I just tell y’all? It worked like a charm. I hit all the high traffic areas, and they look great. You can’t even tell I painted.

So I’m revising my original opinion on flat paint. It seems that I was wrong. Flat paint, when mixed to the correct color specifications, is delightful.

Isn’t this riveting information? All this talk of home improvement?

Coming up in my next post: we’ll be talking about gutters!

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  1. I’m first! I’M FIRST! I’m NEVER first!

    Back to my comment: If there were a Prayer of Patron Saints Who’ve Sold Their Houses, I’d pray it for you.

    Happy first day on the market. May there be very few thereafter:)

  2. Looking forward to the gutters post (the house kind of gutters, I hope). My house has its own share of gutter issues. :)

  3. very glad to hear about the flat paint. Here’s hoping your house sells in good timing for your! *clinks coffee mug to monitor

  4. Curious: Do you or yours ever eat a tomato sandwich? Nothing else, just tomato and Hellman’s? Because you should.

    And if Miss Martha is eating STORE BOUGHT pimento cheese, don’t even tell me because it will ruin, RUIN the whole thing for me.

  5. Oh, and thanks to you my mind is now in the gutter. At least now I can blame you for it, whereas before, see, I didn’t have the excuse. So really, thanks.

  6. I never liked flat paint cause you can’t wash off the crayon without removing the paint. I think it’s much easier to hang frames around the “artwork”, but I guess that only works if you’re keeping the house. Same thing goes for the carpet. I often wondered why we even had floors. Dirt is the way to go. You know why cavemen didn’t have Rug Doctors? They didn’t need them!

  7. We are going through the same thing at our place. I just finished repainting the trim in my room. For the last three years it has been the color the previous owners chose: bubble gum pink.

    Flat taupe doesn’t sound so bad now, huh?

  8. Congrats! The last time I tried the paint chip match idea, it didn’t work. I have now started saving the paint lids that have the sticker with the paint formula. Or just saving the sticker,if I can get it off in one piece.

  9. PS That tomato sandwich sounds pretty good!

  10. Melanie – that saving the sticker thing is a total WFMW idea. Jeana – OF COURSE it’s homemade pimento and cheese with Hellman’s. Martha wouldn’t have it any other way.

  11. Huh!? Sadly, I look forward to your gutter post.

  12. I just feel better knowing there’s another living, breathing soul painting besides me, and if you’d also posted that you wear awful, paint splattered overalls while you did said painting, I’d feel even better. But I’ll take what I can get.

  13. That Time the Dog was Incontinent. Cracks me up.

    And sadly, I can relate.

    Glad you found a match. Happy Selling!

  14. I missed something…are you moving to that cute town where you can’t afford the ice cream after all?

  15. What gutter-talk ;) Prayers for a speedy and painless endeavor boomama. xoxo melzie

  16. It IS riveting. In fact I tease my mother that when our house get’s messy enough, we’ll just move. (We’ve moved three times already.)

    It works, you know!

  17. We too have gutter issues. The issue is that we have NO gutters. And, in the almost two years that we’ve lived in this house, we’ve been either too lazy or cheap to correct the situation. In fact, we hardly think about it until, of course, a torrential downpour occurs.

  18. riveting

  19. Whew. I need your levity today!

    In honor of such, I’m going to call a friend right now who always makes me LAUGH!


  20. I betcha boomama paints in SASSY paint clothes??!!!;;

  21. I do some design work, and I always use flat paint for ceilings to hide imperfections and egg shell for walls to reflect light and to more easily clean off peanutbutter train tracks. And most carpet usually needs to be replaced every 6-7 years anyway, so potential buyers are probably intending to do that anyway.

    Good luck on the sale of your house.

  22. Ok now that you have painted do you know what the realtor and most of the next few people who enter will notice “New Paint smell” so try baking some CHOCOLATE chip cookies. Baring that just put some drops of Vanilla Essence on a hot burner. (I used to be a realtor and I frequently staged houses) Good idea to let GM and GP take the Little one away. Nothing says “I might decide to back out of this deal” more than a Kid who might say something like “I will live HERE with mommy and daddy FOREVER” LOL (That killed one of my sales once)

  23. Gutters? The previous owners of our home took them off so the house would show better. Now, it’s gonna cost $1400 to replace them.

  24. You have me laughing, as always! Looking forward to the tittilating discussion on gutters!