Must. Talk. About. The Bachelor.

I just watched last night’s episode of “The Bachelor.”


And I will present them in a numbered format at this juncture, oh thank you.

1) In examining the hairstyles of this season’s contestants, I noticed that there was a decided lack of bangs. A few of the girls had sideswept bangs, but there weren’t any Reese Witherspoon-ish bangs in the bunch. Was this some sort of hair anomaly? Or are bangs out? Or did the producers just want to make sure we had ample opportunity to wonder if some of the girls had been dabbling in the Botox? The mind boggles.

2) In general I think it’s probably bad form to meet a large group of strangers and throw down some compound curse words right off the bat. Might not be the best first impression. I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that I participated in some extensive curse word-related experimentation in my 20s, but I like to think that I would have stopped short of venturing into compound curse word territory on national television. Not that I was ever on national television, you understand. So I have no way of proving my hypothetical compound curse word restraint. But still.

3) When contemplating one’s options for cocktail attire that is to be worn on a reality television program (for some reason I want to type “programme,” because as we all know, I am deeply British), I feel it is wise and prudent – and here is where I must tread very carefully – to, um, make sure you can, um, you know, handle what you’re wearing. Because certain styles of cocktail dresses limit your undergarment options. And supportive undergarments? ARE YOUR FRIEND.

Which is to say: this is one instance where there’s no shame at all in being BOUND UP. And maybe – just maybe – the plunging neckline isn’t the best option. Just imagine the freedom of being able to lean forward! Or bend over! Or walk without worrying about whether or not one of your girls has escaped her flimsy, non-supportive perimeter!


4) What’s up with DeAnna showing up again? Anybody know what that’s about? Other than being a set-up for THE MOST DRAMATIC “Bachelor” EPISODE EVER?

5) I love it when the producers try to throw us “Bachelor” curve balls. First they sent out the voting-box-of-doom, and then they pulled the old switcheroo in terms of what they did with the results. Every installment gets a little bit more like a game show. Next season I will not be at all surprised if the ladies have to spin some sort of ginormous wheel and then compete in a Showcase Showdown.

On a group date. In a foreign country. While riding horses on the beach.

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  1. amen to all of your points! LOL!!! I don’t know what the deal is with DeAnna coming back. this will be her third season!

    have you ever been to to read each weeks recaps?! so great!

  2. i don’t even watch the bachelor but still had to pop over for a laugh.

    and sure enough, i laughed and nearly cried all the way through your point #3.

    love it.

    and now that i’ve had my boomama laugh i must go to bed.

    thank you.

  3. I too never watch The Bachelor, but this was hilarious. I did catch the last few minutes of True Beauty last night, and am thinking that one might be worth a looksee.

  4. Sarah Kate in WA state says:

    Oh, how I love a good BooMama television programme recap!! Thanks for the laughs! (My Tivo is currently paused at about minute 67 of the show…took a little e-mail/facebook break….now I’m off to go finish it!)

  5. You so said exactly what my husband and my friend said as we were watching it together…… just said it in a funnier way! She doesn’t blog……but I sent her your link……cause she just has to read it! So funny! She lives in PA and I live in MS……but we Survivor and Bachelor via phone each season!

  6. lol. so many great points!

  7. I didn’t catch the show, but hello? Isn’t there a young child involved this season? And when, WHEN I ASK YOU, was the last time you saw a MAMA prance around in high heels and a low-cut shirt? Hmmmm?!?!

    Those gals need to put on some elastic waist pants, a grubby old shirt, and walk around carrying a dish towel. THAT’S true love.

    On another note.

    My 2YO, quite speech delayed, has the hardest time w/ her vowels. “Bib” is her word of the week, and instead of the “short i” sound, she is substituting the “oo” sound. AND, while she says, “bib! bib! bib! bib!” she grabs at the “bib” area.

    I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

  8. “BIND ‘EM UP”

    ‘enough said, Amen

    and Thank you!

  9. stephanie says:

    i think deanna is coming back to tell him that batchelor relationships don’t work and not to bother proposing again. even though (his words) the third time should be the charm for him. and she is also coming back to be on t.v. again.

  10. It was a fun start, and this should be a really dramatic season, or should I say it will be an AMAZING JOURNEY. Lots of cat fights. My impressions this season is that although there are lots of boobs, most of them were real. One girl even had major stretch marks. Should be interesting.

  11. Deanna is coming back b/c apparently she & Jesse didn’t work out. She told him “I love you….I’m just not ‘in’ love with you.” And that she moved to L.A. and thinks she is all that and a bag of chips. But I kind of feel sorry for Jason b/c some of those women were very odd & peculiar looking. I’m with you with the cursing……’show a little class ladies’ but then again…..they did come on the Bachelor to find love.

  12. Oh, the girls. (And I don’t mean the contestants.) My mouth was agape at a couple of those pieces of cloth disguised as dresses. Holy Cow! But you forgot to mention one good thing about Jason . . . or Charlie . . . or Duke . . . or whatever his name is. This guy is 110% male. How do I know this? Because as one girl walked up (I think her cloth was black) his eyes were definitely NOT on her eyes–they were at the cleavage, and he didn’t try to disguise it. Hey, I figure that’s the “look” she was going for, and she got it!

  13. I’m totally hooked on the Bachelor this season – like every season! :)

    Good points, especially #3. I felt extreme fear that their girls were going to escape.

    And I can’t believe #4 either. Hasn’t Deanna exceeded the amount of seasons she’s allowed to appear on the Bachelor/Bachelorette? There has to be a quota!

  14. I think Deanna must have bought out the show and she’s just back cause she runs the show or something. I told myself I was not going to watch this, it would be too painful (from the previews); it would be too ugly, it would be too skimpy, too unclassy…..well, all the things YOU said it was!! But where was I–um,hum, right in front of Mr. bachelor himself, thinking some of the very same things you mentioned. It all seems so trumped up and insane, yet I find myself drawn to it like a rubber-necker looking at a car wreck! My oh my. What is this world coming to? Can’t the man just go to church and find a mother for his child????????


  15. Oh mercy, the lack of clothing. Cause that’s what all of us Mommy’s look like.
    What bugged me is that I didn’t catch all of the show but I caught a glimpse of a girl that I just knew from somewhere, but I couldn’t place from where. It drove me crazy all night long. I finally figured it out yesterday. It was Melissa, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and I recognized her from their reality tv show.

    Oh, and Deanna has probably figured out by now that her snowboarding fiance was NOT the right choice and now she is going to beg forgiveness and for 20 more minutes of fame.

  16. Oh, you crack me up. BIND ‘EM UP! (Of course some of us have nothing to bind, but we can dream big.) Anyway, I do think it is terribly tragic that ABC is allowing DeAnna to reenter the scene. And when I think about that sweet little Ty…oh, please let there be a sincerely kind Mama in that group!! BTW…I have a friend here who has a connection to the Alabama girl on the show.

  17. thank you for giving me a place to indulge my secret: i. am. hooked. on. the. bachelor. as soon as deanna re-appeared, my husband looked at me and said, “oh, you’re hooked.” couldn’t deny it.

    thought about getting a, ahem, “vision board” for a few until she didn’t get a rose. grin. and, what is up with quitting your great job for this schtick? jason is my fave bachelor of all time, but. still!!

    i feel better. this has been bottled up since monday night. thanks for your ministry!! :>)

  18. Make no mistake, this will be the MOST DRAMATIC BACHELOR EVER. I know that because our host Chris Harrison told me so.

    Also, per #3, it’s as if many of those girls have been watching “The Real Housewives” and decided to up the cleavage ante.

  19. “extensive curse word-related experimentation in my 20s”

    Love it….how hilarious!

  20. Go BooMama! Amen to all your points!!

    Let me tell you the good thing about a dvr…

    Say, Deanna comes back for a third installment of this show, and they clip from her to the naked girls by the pool to Jason crying over the balcony and then badaboombadabing a commercial… ya know what?

    I got rewind.

    And pause.
    And rewind some more.
    Jason’s actually crying over the balcony in the same suit and tie he’s got on in the clip of the final episode — they can’t trick me!
    Deanna’s in and out of there. Gimme a break! If she sticks around and he even THINKS about her, I’m done. She dumped you dude. For a snowboarder. On national television. She doesn’t deserve you OR your precious little boy.

    The cursing, the heavy drinking, the tatas floppin around — imagine, if that’s the way we found our husbands back then, where would we be today?

    (Probably on our third season of a reality television show.)

  21. I think D’Anna is there to fake everyone out…I think it is just to get people to watch!..Who knows!

  22. I was so about to check out of this show until Dee showed back up. HELLO – don’t you think she’s had enough? I guess not.

  23. I’m with stephanie on point #4. ABC is just yanking our chain and has used some clever editing to make us *think* that she’s come back for him. I think that when she says “It’s not too late” she’s telling him to learn from her mistake. Oh no, ABC, I’m not getting sucked into your MOST DRAMATIC EPISODE EVER ploy this year…

    Also, did anyone else find it hilarious that one of the girls from “Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making The Team” is on there? Apparently, reality tv contestant is now a career.

  24. This is great! I’m a fairly new “Bachelor” follower. Most of the time, I prefer “The Bachelorette” because the girls in the “Bachelor” usually SERIOUSLY annoy me…for some of the reasons you listed above. :) Can’t get over Deanna showing up either…tricky, I say. And am I missing something? Why do they give clips of of the proposal scene…we now know the girl he proposes to will wear a sky blue dress. Or do they switch that around, too??

  25. I don’t usually watch, but had to come by here for a laugh :)… maybe I’ll have to peek in on The Bachelor this season. Thanks BooMama

  26. Is it wrong that I LOVED the stalker girl?

    Why do I feel like I know her? Oh… probably because I AM HER.

  27. Sometimes it just makes me sooooooooooo uncomfortable as each girl gets out of the limo and to watch what they try to say or do to make a first impression.
    Like salsa dancing???
    I’m afraid I would just get out say hi and walk on in. That’s the kind of skills I have. Probably why I was 30 when I got married. ha!

  28. I can never stand to watch show like that because it stresses me out to be so embarrassed for them. I just don’t know what their Mother’s were thinking when raising them.

    Love your post and I agree….bin ’em up!

  29. I meant “bind” (should finish my coffee before posting comments).

  30. So funny! I make fun of this show every year (right from the beginning) and, of course, every year I watch the darn thing, all in a trance and end up crying with them on the finale. I am hooked, no matter how corny. Watching the cat fights is fun in itself!

  31. Dear BooMama,

    How’d you get so funny? :)

    I can’t stand watching the Bachelor. . .I get too embarrassed for the contestants and I get too upset about their morals (or lack of!). . .but I love your blog and this post was a hilarious read!

    many thanks,
    Sarah Kate Branine

  32. I loved your post! I always end up watching too even though I am being a critic through the whole show. I’ll be back next week watching and griping AGAIN!! lol

    I agree with another commenter, I think Deanna’s return is just for a one time show. I bet she does regret her decision and I knew she would when she made it! Too bad!!

    I’m always amazed at some of the “oh so not a match” that these guys keep. You can look at some of these girls and KNOW she will NOT be standing next to him at the end!! Then there are others that he sends home that you think if he just gave her a chance he might be surprised??

    Question? What’s with the girl with the 14 month old?? Isn’t getting on this show a long process? What is all that about??? Whether she was married or not to the baby daddy she sure recovered fast to be on this show now.

    Last thing, I just have to add something to your last line:

    “On a group date. In a foreign country. While riding horses on the beach…in bikinis.” You know they HAVE to get as many bikini shots in as possible!!! Crazy!! :)

  33. HA – I tell you I swore I was NOT watching another episode of the BAchelor b/c they always end up not working out
    However, I happened across it and that Jason is just so cute so there I sat hook line and sinker
    Then when they showed DeAnna coming back and now I am really determined to watch the dern thing
    I am personally NOT liking DeAnna right now – as if …
    Love ya

  34. I don’t watch the show, but I have a feeling I’ll get waaaaay more out of your hilarious commentary than I ever would by sitting down and watching it. What will I do with the hour (half-hour?) you’ve saved me?! Bless your soul.

  35. We didn’t watch. Tried to watch… but because of our young impressionable 13 year old girl… who I am trying to instill to keep HER girls in proper bound up fashion… we kept having to flip for obvious above reasons…

    Glad to have your commentary.

  36. A big amen to the plunging neckline. Leave some mystery for the first group date, honey!

  37. Oh I was totally shocked about Deanna coming back. I knew she would never last with the snow boarder guy. They were just too different. But she did throw Jason over for him, so why come back?
    And AMEN on the clothing choices. Does this strike you as the “sleaziest” bachelor ever? Those girls all seemed a bit classless. I feel badly for Ty.

  38. I will be *PISSED* if Deanna showing up is a Bachelor set-up for ratings and not really because she still has feelings for Jason! Don’t toy with my boy!

    I think it’s insensitive of The Bachelor to even allow her to come back on.

  39. Oh. My. Word.

    Thank you for posting about the Bachelor, because every swinging season I vow not to waste my time. Then, like an addict fresh out of the Betty, the opening episode hooks me and I will have to have my “fix” through the season.

    Big Mama hit the nail on the head. Reality show people display a lot of cleavage.

  40. Couldn’t agree more. And, I’m so mad that I missed all the end drama. So Deanna came back?? How weird is that? WEIRD. Was this taped while she was still with skiier dude?

    Personally, I thought the girls were a bit weird, odd, strange, and scary!

    But, I love it and will joyfully watch every last episode!

  41. I didn’t watch the whole thing, but I liked the girl that was telling him how he could “create his own destiny.” That girl was over the top.

    Did she get the boot? I hope so.

  42. Oh, sister…this episode is phone-call-worthy. We could analyze this for hours.

    Here is what my brain was trying to process during the show:
    * Where did they find these girls?
    * What were these girls thinking when they got dressed? What? No mirrors?
    * Why do they all look so old? Stress? Desperation?

  43. Showcase showdown… :D that cracks me up!

    They’ve definitely found some interesting women for this season. One of the girls that I thought would be good right off the bat was sent home on Monday. And there are a few there that he definitely needs to get rid of quickly!

    Deanna?!?!! I can hardly wait to see how that plays out. It’s just not right for her to be showing up. She made her wrong choice last year!

  44. Great observations! If I could add one more… at the rose ceremony all the women looked so tired and slightly drunk that they could have passed for drag queens! Seriously, no woman should have to stand there so long she starts to look like a man.

  45. Jenny from VA says:

    I am so glad you did a Bachelor recap! I couldn’t believe some of those girls! And why are they leaving their babies to find a man??? And I can’t believe Deanna. I am mad at her and I hope she gets the boot! I am totally hooked..please do more recaps so that I won’t have to vent to my poor husband!! :)

  46. Ok….so now you have peaked my curiousity. I’ve never actually spent the time to watch it, but now I want to watch it. Maybe I can catch it next week!

  47. Alright. Being a faithful Bachelor-watcher myself, I have a few comments!

    #1, I’m with ya on the cursing woman. Not a very good impression she made, on Jason or the ladies, who will be her roommates.

    #2, Wasn’t the girl with the stretch-marky tatas and the plunging neckline the one who got the 1st impression rose? Or am I thinking of someone else?…

    #3, I think DeAnna coming back is just to warn Jason to take it seriously b/c she obviously made a mistake when she picked that snowboarder. I was devastated last season when she picked him! Seriously, I couldn’t sleep!

    #4, I can’t believe the woman with the baby actually LEFT her baby to come on the show!

    #5, I was starting to like Shannon (the dental hygienist) when they were interviewing her before the limo entrance, but MY WORD – the Bubba teeth were a bit much! Not to mention the fact that she’s a stalker!

    The good thing I did notice, however, was how this season didn’t have a terribly drunken woman giving her undies to the bachelor on the first night (as they did on the season with Matt Grant)! And that’s always good news!

  48. Too funny! I am a Bachelor fan and will be back here for your after the Bachelor followups!

    I have to agree on all accounts!

  49. Amen sister! I’ve never seen so many loose boobies in all my life- clearly modesy, decorum, and plain-old good taste was lost on this group. Your post was marvelous- well said and funny and I needed funny today!

  50. Most of those girls had trouble standing upright without the proper undergarents, much less leaning over.

  51. oh the trickery and shenannigans this season….


  52. Deanna’s back because she wants Jason … but I’m pretty sure SHE MISSED HER CHANCE.

    She broke up with Jesse a while ago, which seems to be around the time she went to see Jason. She had to know if he went back on the show he wasn’t pining for her.

    Ah, well. This show is totally my guilty pleasure. I’m totally rooting for Stephanie!

  53. this is so funny to me…i don’t even watch the show, but yesterday i was at my OB’s office, and even HE was asking me if i’d seen it! then he and one of his nurses proceeded to go on and on about it. must have been good! :0)

  54. Hilarious! And you didn’t even mention the “vision boards” or the stalker girl that knew his birthday and brother’s name. It’s like watching a train wreck!

  55. Yes and Amen!

    Lot of strangeness going on. And with one of the BEST BACHELORS EVER!

    It’s a bit difficult to get past the box of doom as you put it. And now that you mention it, where WERE the bangs? Hadn’t noticed until you did. But it is a bit strange. Is it subliminal?

    And WHY THE HECK “IS” Deanna coming back? She had her turn. Now leave fate, destiny the world of reality T.V. alone…you know? And let things just “happen”…

    See ya’ back here next Monday night?? ;)

  56. Oh my word girl! You CRACK me up! Especially #3. Seriously, do these girls not look in the mirror before they head out the door? And obviously, none of those women are friendly because what woman, who cares even an iota about the chicka next to her, would let her walk out the door looking like that?! Let alone in front of a guy who she hopes to get a date from? Sheesh. Mirrors are our friends… unless you’ve just woken up and in that case, avoid ’em like the plague. =0)

  57. Um, yeah I have to say I pretty much agree with you on all of that. And I don’t know about you but the widowed lady, yeah so unlucky for me I don’t-like-her!

    *sigh* I hate not being able to control everything, like who he ends up with. LOL

  58. oh and another thought, I am not sure if I like DeAnna this time around or not, considering she already dumped him…but let me just say she did to him exactly what was done to her…I wonder what it would be like for her to go through that again, b/c I think that is quite possible. I see the chance he’d want to keep her around, b/c he had feelings for her, but then in the end realize he can love someone other than her….and she goes at the end….man she would hate that…..

  59. I agree with 100% of what you had to say. Every little 100% of it. I am having a bit of a debacle over the DeAnna thing. I am very torn.

  60. I love your commentaries on shows… The Bachelor, The Office, 30 Rock… keep em’ coming!!! They always crack me up :)