Well, there was ever-so-much on the line in tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette: two individual dates, one group date, and the five remaining guys get hometown dates next week. So basically it’s a reality television pressure cooker.
We began the episode with Jillian and the bachelors taking a train ride. The first individual date went to Robby, who started off their time together by showing off his sah-weet bartending moves. He followed up the bartending by throwing down a serious train-related pun (“I think I’m on the right track”), so clearly he is now one of my favorite people in the universe. He went on to tell Jillian that yes, he’s 25 years old and hasn’t been in a relationship in a while and doesn’t really have a job right now, but love has no age and love has no job.
Words to live by, my friends.
Words to live by.
After Robby shared his wisdom, he and Jillian (JILLIAN AND HIM) walked into another part of the train so that they could hang out on some sort of fur-lined daybed. Robby then told Jillian that he’d had lots of ideas for his career but nothing had really come of any of them. Jillian was understandably underwhelmed by his career uncertainty, she didn’t give him a rose, and THEN THE TRAIN STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND ROBBY HAD TO LEAVE.
I guess love also has no ride.
And then.
AND THEN.
Our resident snake-in-the-grass, Wes (I’m sorry if he’s your friend. He’s probably a wonderful person in real life. But in pretend-reality-TV life, he’s the most manipulative bachelor ever), confessed that he has a hidden agenda (YA THINK?) because he’s working on an album and craves the fame that he’ll take away from the show (note to Wes: considering I have watched every single episode of this show and cannot name even one rejected bachelor from any of the previous Bachelorette seasons, I THINK YOUR PLAN HAS SOME FLAWS). Then he snuck off to Jillian’s room and snuggled up to her and I had to look away from Snaky McCreeperson before my eyes started to bleed.
After Wes went away, Jillian and Jake spent some time together. Jake seems like the sweetest guy, but he comes across like he’s reading from a script when he talks – if there’s such a thing as overly sincere, Jake is it. In fact, he’s the Patty Simcox of The Bachelorette. He’s SO nice – to the point that it doesn’t seem real. Or maybe I’m just cynical. And it’s probably that last thing.
Jillian and Kiptyn also got to spend some time together, and it became crystal clear that with those two conversation is just a formality they have to endure so that they can justify making out. They have some chemistry.
And then.
AND THEN.
Tanner P cornered Jillian and they sat down in front of a fireplace and HE PULLED OUT SOME LOTION AND RUBBED IT ON HER FEET. There’s no way I could possibly chronicle everything that was COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DISTURBING about Tanner P’s reactions to Jillian’s feet, so let me just say that I was particularly troubled by his comment that her feet were a 9 1/2 but would be a 10 if she painted her toenails with Mango Mango instead of red.
Well sure. Sure they would. And it’s not at all weird for a guy to know the names of nail polish colors. That is completely normal.
Afterwards Jillian talked to Jesse and Michael, Tanner confessed to the guys that he told Jillian that someone had a girlfriend, and Wes told the group that since he was going to get the publicity from six episodes of the show, he’d pretty much gotten what he came there for.
Such a charmer, that Wes.
Jake went to Jillian and confessed that he was crazy about her, and Jillian responded by giving him an awkward kiss on the hand. He tried to kiss her, but she moved to the side and went in for the hug. Afterwards she had a one-on-one date with Reid. They went snowboarding and then had cocktails in the middle of some ice sculptures on the top of a mountain. Watching them sit in the middle of those ice sculptures reminded me of my absolute favorite thing about The Bachelorette: IT’S SO REALISTIC.
Then Jillian and Reid went to dinner, and I have to say that they had a quirky little chemistry in their conversation. I liked that he didn’t automatically say what he thought she wanted to hear. He wasn’t afraid to disagree with her (even to the point of saying he was “kind of against fondue” – ???), and that was a nice departure from the Bachelorette norm. Yay, Reid.
Once the rose ceremony rolled around, it was pretty clear that Jake and Tanner P were going to get the Bachelorette boot. But Jillian threw a curve ball and told the guys she had a few questions she needed to ask, and she pulled Michael aside to express her reservations about his age.
So do you know what happened next?
Jake and Tanner P got the boot.
And Wes made it another week.
But according to the previews, Jake – along with his pilot uniform and his roller suitcase – will be back next week to set the record straight about Wes. It’s a confrontation that’s sure to be fueled by common sense and level-headed thinking.
Oh, who am I kidding? It’s totally going to be FRAUGHT WITH THE MELODRAMA. Not to mention record levels of incorrect pronoun usage.
I can hardly wait.
oh, it’s the show I HATE to love……me and him, yes, we both watch it, but it’s so contrived…….I don’t know how much longer I can stand it!!! :)
Suzanne
Love it! Thanks! I couldn’t watch it because my husband just had to watch UT play in the College World Series.
I’m sure this was a total typo but it screamed out at me:
“I’m sorry if he’s you’re friend.”
Sorry to be a total typo Nazi but I just had to tell you! LOVE your blog!!
I would hate to break this to Tanner P. But I think Mango Mango has been discontinued!
Just wanted to clarify for you Americans, that not all Canadians have pronoun problems. Him and I is driving me nuts!!!!
Mallen
Oh my, creepyville on the train! I just can not think of a worse kind of awk-WHARDD! All that kissing and handing holding and leg wrapping, man, she is an affectionate one!
I laughed at the ice sculpture set up because I knew you would. Enough with the winter sports!
Anyway, I can’t stand Wes, and I think Jillian is in way over her head on this show.
I have no idea what she will do with this last batch of home visits, but if I never see her in a hot tub again it will be too soon!
She is adorable and cute, but I laughed so hard when she let Tanner rub all over her feet because I knew we were all thinking… Mango, Mango??
I adore your posts on the Bachelorette! I am an avid watcher, and your take is both hilarious and matter-of-fact. Thanks for watching bad TV with me (even if, of course, you aren’t really with me!).
Does anyone else smell a rat with this whole Wes drama? It just seems so. scripted! Even if he did have ulterior motives, why on earth would he tell them to the camera? I would totally not be surprised this this was something the producers planned from the beginning and Jilli was in on it! Why else would she keep him around… they don’t seem to have any chemistry at all!
OK so maybe I sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist. :) You gotta wonder, though…
I’m not sure what’s worse. The melodrama or the incorrect pronoun usage. Shiver.
I heart Reid. He totally reminds me of Matthew Perry, but cuter. With great hair. And those glasses…
Fetish? Well, just strange. Yet I’ll miss him. As I put it on last week’s recap over at ihategreenbeans (because this week’s isn’t up yet and I WAITED UP FOR SOMETHING!)….
Oh Fetish… don’t you worry. Dallas is a big city and I’m sure there’ll be plenty of women who don’t run after Jake. I’m sure you’ll find all manner of women coming out of the woodworks. All The Single Ladies…. If you liked it, then you shoulda put a TOE RING on it. Woahh oahh oahh woahh oahh oahh!
I cannot believe you just made a Patty Simcox reference….that, BooMama, is why I love you!! Yes, you and I are hopelessly devoted to random pop culture, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. Thank you for brightening my morning.
I miss Jake already… I love the nice guys! I about screamed when she said “wes” at the rose ceremony, even though I feared that she would. I feel so badly for her when she looks back at all the times she said that she’s a really good judge of character and she knows Wes is there for the right reasons. UGH! Poor little Jillian. Who’s as cute as a button, eh?!
Bait and Switch I say! Regarding last weeks promo for the “certain problem” a bachelor has. And Tanner P dropping his drawers?! THAT was a deal breaker, ladies! And “love doesn’t have a ride” HYSTERICAL!!! Thank you for that! Mango Mango? Didn’t know if I heard it correctly the first time. Summer TV just doesn’t get any better!
Thanks for the update. I made the mistake of watching the Jon and Kate misery (and TLC needs to do the right thing and cut them loose.)
Baaahahahaha. Love has no ride. You are a laugh a day.
Love your recaps. I don’t even watch the show and am hooked to your recaps! Ha! My favorite thing about this one was the “And THEN’s” You are a hoot!
I began to squirm uncomfortably when Tanner felt the need to drop his drawers. My 14 year old and I watch the show together (me reiterating the disclaimer each time “This is not realistic, please do not take away any dating tips from this show”). Not exactly a great moment for us. Even worse when Jillian felt the need to comment on the “size of his package.” Now that Jake is gone – poor, sincere and nice-as-pie Jake, the heart of the show was just gone. We were ever so relieved to see that he shall return – in his pilot’s uniform – to save her from the plotting-and-scheming Wes. It does strike us as a bit odd that he’s basically telling the cameras his plans – cartoon villainy.
One more episode worth watching and then I don’t give a hoot what Jillian does. She didn’t pick either of the only two guys worth picking – Ed and Jake. She’s not very smart – hopefully she’ll touch her tongue to some cold, metal object soon. THAT would be entertaining.
Thanks for the recap, Sophie. Lurve your blog.
Ok here’s what I am wondering – did you see the end of the “what’s coming soon on the Bachelorette” segment? They alluded to the fact that someone comes in at the end and tries to sweep her off her feet – like an unexpected someone – could it be ED? Hmmmm….curious minds want to know!
I’ll be tuned in as well. Sigh. I tell myself every time that I won’t watch, and every season… there I am with my glass of wine.
As long as Tanner is gone, though, I’m good. Wes I can handle. Tanner? Not so much…
next week? next week i’ll be in india – and the next week. but then i’ll be in america, where i can actually watch some bachelorette. i’m thinking it’s gonna be mighty lame when compared with your play by play.
SNAKY McCreeperson is SOLID GOLD.
You are so hilarious and I love your blog!
you know, I don’t watch this show. But really look forward to your recap..it’s really all I need. lol
I have to laugh- at the end of the show, I wondered what you would have to say about it!
I LOVE Jake. I’m ready to get Team Jake shirts made up.
I’ve also decided that this whole thing is as rigged as the NBA Finals. She’s going to keep Wes, and then the good guy (hopefully Jake) is going to come in and save the day! If only that commercial plane was a white horse, we’d be completely satisfied.
I agree with all that leg wrapping- Or maybe it’s jsut hard to imagine wanting to snuggle and lay around by the fire when it’s 100 degrees outside? You know, here- in reality.
Last night was not a good night for all the Texas boys – Robby, Tanner, and Jake. She kept the one Texan who is a supreme loser. Does that guy seriously think people are going to buy his music after watching his evil ways? So do you think Ed is the one who the previews indicated is going to come back and try to sweep her off her feet on the last day?
I would much rather read your commentary than watch the real thing! I’m not much of a t.v. person anyway, so I skipped this week. Jillian does like to sip that wine and kiss the guys. Another plus to reading your commentary is that I don’t have to listen to her squeal!
I’m still trying to like Jillian… I really am. I want to have some connection with a fellow Canadian girl, but apart from all the awesome Canadian locations, I am left wanting :(
She was so grief stricken over Ed that she needed someone to cheer her up, so she picked light-hearted Robby for her first 1 on 1 date. The reason she then threw him from the train? He wasn’t SERIOUS enough… Come on, girl! Decide what it is you want!
So long, Tanner P is for Perv… I liked cute pilot Jake, but he got on even my nerves last night.
My new faves? Kyptyn and Reid. Reid was a laugh a minute last night.
Here’s what I’m looking forward to… the recap show after the finale, where Jillian gets to watch the footage of all the times she talks about what a good, sweet, honest guy Weasel-Wes is.
That Patty Simcox reference made me practically pee.my.pants.
I guess love also has no ride!
LOL! I agree that Jake sounded scripted, I wonder if he tries that hard in real life?
Great recap!
Nice wrap up, I have to agree on all fronts. Did you notice that every time they cut to an interview of Tanner P. they played circus music in the background? More than appropriate. That temporary look into the foot fetish world was way more than enough for me to ever need to know about. And he acted all offended when he got booted, like she’d ‘put out’ or something by letting him massage her feet in front of the fire place… bizarre.
Your commentary is the best and if Chris Harrison is reading your blog, Chris, you really should hire Sophie to do live commentary…priceless.
One more Tanner P comment…when he showed his “stuff” that topped off the weirdness of this man, that and the nail polish thing.
Gotta love the show and the drama, drama, drama!
Love ya,
Patty
“Love has no job…” I was DYING!!!! I paused it and said “what in the world?!?!!?” I was SO over him!
One thing I noticed too… Michael kept saying – I want that rose… not the girl but the ROSE. He must have said it 4 times. Sometimes I feel the bachelorette is all about the competition *between* the guys and not for her hand….. Wes HAS to be a TVland plant – he’s just too despicable.
Signed,
from austin – but I don’t know that rat.
Brilliant, as usual :) I forgot to watch last night but now I don’t have to. It’s more fun to read about it here anyway!
Jake! Ah, he’s just so nice and cute. He kinda looks made up, doesn’t he?
And pronouns people, please! Get your pronouns right. It’s not that difficult even I have that one figured out… well, usually.
Thanks for the recap I totally missed last nights episode because I was watch Jon and Kate annoucement. All the drama and Thank god Tanner P got the boot, what a wierdo.
Wes what a snake, how can she not see it????/
I stumbled across your blog because I was Googling the name of Tanner P’s favorite nail polish! MANGO MANGO! I could not remember but I’m so glad you documented it so I could include it in my post:
http://blog.thehouseofbachelorette.com/2009/06/23/bachelorette-jillian-says-good-bye-to-foot-loving-tanner-p/
So happy to find other fanatics out there!
You kill me! I look forward to Tuesday’s Bachelorette commentary every week. As soon as Tanner P discussed the mango, mango toes I knew it was going to be on the topic list. I was wondering if his statement of ‘now that she knows I’m blessed’ would make the cut…but I think that’s a memory we’d all like to forget.
You’re funny! I am sure you have heard that before, but if you’re like me, you just can’t hear it enough. :)
Have fun at the ranch.
The next couple of weeks look like reality TV GOLD.
“I guess love also has no ride.”
You make me laugh. Loud.
What will I miss at the end of the Bachelorette season? Your recaps! Love.Them.
Your review was hilarious and a perfect recap of the episode. I’m rooting for Reid, he’s my favorite.
I started reading your hilarious recaps a few weeks ago and now wait avidly for every Tuesday’s episode. Love them!!
DH and I have been on vacation for a few days and I missed the first 3/4 of Monday’s show. Since he didn’t want to do the touristy thing I was interested in I informed him he would just have to watch the last part of TB with me.
So . . . am I the only woman in America that yelled out “NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!” when Jillian gave Wes a rose instead of Jake? Do you think the guests in the neighboring rooms of the posh resort we splurged on were wondering what was going on in our room? You can probably tell I’ve been rooting for Jake as my #1 pick. He’s too “perfect?” Seems to me he has the qualities she SAID she wanted in a husband. Now she wants something different. Yeah, I can just see Wes in the best friend role in 50 years. Not.
I loved Jillian and was sorry when Jason M sent her home last time around. I’m wondering what happened to that Jillian. Before she started her season didn’t she comment on no more sexy hot tub scenes she would have to explain to her dad? Wow. It’s so much worse.
Also, isn’t she is indulging in the same trick that Deanna did when she was the Bachelorette? DP insisted she was looking for one thing in a guy (all of which Jason had) then changed the rules in the middle of the game without telling anyone and choose someone more exciting, which as we now know didn’t last long at all. So Jillian started out wanting a “best friend” to grow old with. Now she’s changed her mind and decided to indulge in her love of Country music and the Texas “bad boy.”
Poor, silly girl. All the kissing and stuff must have scrambled her brains. She has traded the reality part for a fantasy. Can you see Wes settling down and having the responsibility of a family in a couple of years? Does anyone honestly think he wants to give up his “groupies?” After all he’s done to promote his career in the past few weeks? Are you kidding me?
I can’t see a happy ending for our Bachelorette, but I’ll watch to the bitter end just to see the heavy drama. Except for the Fantasy Dates. Yuck. Way too much information. In fact, I’d swear off this program totally except that I think knowing the background for BooMama’s recaps make it more fun.
And why in the world am I taking this so seriously?????? (Please don’t answer that. lol)
PS: Please try to overlook any pronoun and spelling infractions!
Snakey McCreeperson, LOL!!!!!!
I don’t even WATCH this show, but your recap amuses me so!
Oh, I love your rundown of the Bachelorette! I have this week’s episode still on my DVR to watch, but I just could not look away and had to spoil it for myself. I agree with you 100% on your perceptions of each of the guys. I totally hope Wes goes soon….eewww. He was cute at first, but once you get to see that other side of him that isn’t sincere he just becomes icky.
I think I am rooting for Kiptyn at this point. Jake was adorable, but I get what you mean when you say it’s like he is reading from a script…he’s just too perfect. He will make a great catch for someone though!
You are too funny! Speaking of the “realistic-ness” of her date with Reid, I thought the ice sculptures looked just like the type of place the White Witch from Narnia would have loved.
I’m a sucker for this melodrama, too. I’m just afraid she’s going to send away all the good ones (of whom there are hardly any left) and pick Wes. Yikes!
I promise right here and now to never ever ever purchase any music by Wes. When I saw that he’s introducing her to his band next week, it was absolutely the last straw for me. He’s the biggest jerk in the world in my book right now. He knows she likes him, but has no respect at all for her feelings. Poor, sweet Jillian.
And poor sweet Jake. I liked him. Of course, when I was dating, I never liked nice guys either. But from my couch, seeing all that I see of all of them, I really liked him.
I was glad to see Tanner go, and I didn’t care too much for Robby either. I think it will come down to Jesse and Kiptyn, which are both good fits for Jillian, in my opinion. Wes needs to be exposed for the weasel he really is. And Mike is so dear and funny, but I don’t think he’s the one. I like Reid, but I don’t think he’ll be in the final two.
I Am I wrong that Wes is getting paid to stay? I heard from a friend that some of these men are being paid to stay-Wes being one of them. If so, too bad Ed was not paid more monies! He seemed cute!
And who in the world does Wes think will buy his music after watching him on this??? Who would buy something from a slime ball like that? Seriously, someone needs to speak up and I hope that’s what the previews show Jake doing.
Speaking of Jake, oh, I was soooo sad to see him go! Yay, that he’s coming back! My hubby thinks that finally shows something about him. I caught a line somewhere in amongst review blogs (I think) about him not being sure of himself and I finally figured out why I like him so much. He’s like me! Although I am not sure that he and Jillian are right for each other I still like him!
Tanner is just ew, and I’m glad he’s gone.
I kind of like Michael. I think they might actually do well together. Reid is just kind of weird.
And finally… I keep thinking. What do we really know about these guys? I mean we don’t know how they spend their free time. I wish they got to choose what to do on a date to show Jillian who they are! Kyptin is all mouth (in the kissing sense) and Jesse is too quiet (although have you noticed how TALL he is???).
That’s all from our peanut gallery this week!
hahaha… I was dying reading your commentary! SPOT ON! This show is so ridiculous (you’re right, think ice sculpture lounge… yeah. that’s normal. haha) but is SO my guilty pleasure. I really like Jake… I can’t wait for the drama of next week when he returns… flight uniform, roller board and all (again, completely necessary). “Love has no ride”… haha Loved it all.. can’t wait for your next commentary!
I feel as though I have met my long-lost, separated-at-birth twin sister! I too sit and scream at my tv screen each week, in hopes that Jillian will come to her cuckoo Canadian senses about that skeevy ol’ Wes! And each week girlfriend lets me down bad. I have liked Jake from the beginning but he does indeed need to loosen himself up just a tad. Of course it is too late now because big Ed will be back in town next week! Keep up the good work of making me laugh so much that my son wonders what I’m up to…
I love this! Quote of the night has to go to Tanner P: “Now that I’ve felt how soft her toes are, I’m ready to take her home to meet my family.”
I love your summation of the show. (That’s a word, right?) Can’t wait to see what happens next week!
Have a great weekend!