Long-Time Listener, First-Time Caller

I don’t know why I seem to forget from year to year, but this is the week when the state of Alabama just LOSES ITS MIND. The fact that college football is just right around the corner seems to put some extra spring in people’s steps, and there’s lots of speculation and analysis and all-around giddyness. When I was running errands this afternoon I had three different conversations about the Bulldogs within a 30 minute time span, and it just tickled me to no end since we’re normally not really on the radar when it comes to Bama and Auburn fans’ preseason thoughts.

BUT. This year the Bulldogs are coming off a strong 2010 season, and SUPPOSEDLY we’re going to be pretty good. However, any State fan knows that the inclusion of the word SUPPOSEDLY is essential; we’re unaccustomed to things like accolades, hype, rankings, etc., so as always I’m approaching the upcoming season with a cautious optimism. Granted, there’s more optimism than usual on my part, but EASY DOES IT. Better to be the quietly confident team that surprises everybody than the trash-talking team that’s 0-4 come October.

All that being said, let’s go ahead and enjoy this little treasure, shall we?

Tonight at supper D and I were talking about the joys of sports call-in shows during this time of year, mainly because everybody fancies themselves an expert even though they’re ultimately just talking about a bunch of hypotheticals and unknowns. Today I actually rolled my eyes when I was listening to one of the early morning shows because it was all so, I don’t know, UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. I didn’t transcribe the conversations, so I don’t have any direct quotes, but I will say that it all made about as much sense as this:

Caller: “Well, um, I was just wonderin’, y’all. If Coach Saban got bit by a saber tooth tiger on his way to practice today, do you still think that Gene Chizik would start Barrett Trotter at QB this Saturday?”

Long-Suffering Radio Host: “Gosh, I haven’t really thought about that scenario, but why would something about Alabama affect the QB situation at Auburn? I don’t really understand…”

Caller: “Well, I’m gonna tell ya, Jay. The saber tooth tiger was a dangerous animal. And if it did bite Coach Saban – I’m not sayin’ that it will, I’m just sayin’ IF IT DID – then I don’t think Coach Chizik could feel safe playin’ Barrett. What with the saber-tooths on the loose and all.”

Sweet mercy I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

And finally, in the event that Texas A&M might perhaps maybe HYPOTHETICALLY find itself feeling right at home in the SEC at some point in the next few days, I would just like to (HYPOTHETICALLY) say “WELCOME, AGGIES.” I think the (HYPOTHETICAL) A&M move is great for them and great for the SEC. And quite frankly I would be tickled to (HYPOTHETICALLY) see a little more maroon in the conference.

Not to mention that Melanie and I would host a whale of a tailgate shindig when State and A&M (HYPOTHETICALLY) play each other in their first (HYPOTHETICAL) intra-conference game.


College football starts in less than 72 hours, y’all. We’ll have our 2011 DipTacular on Wednesday. And yes, in case you were wondering, it really is the most wonderful time of the year.

Giddy up.

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  1. I love this post. I have to turn the channel sometimes on those sports call in shows because I get so embarrassed. Your recap was spot on.

    I’m a member of the “tails tucked” Vol nation. Just hoping we a)win a few games, and b)stay out of any more trouble.

    I could shed a tear just thinking about Rocky Top and some ro-tel…

  2. Love it! We’re a football family and my husband and I just roll our eyes at the callers!

    Also? Can’t wait until kickoff! UGA takes on Boise for our opener.

  3. Meredith says:

    Roll Tide Sophie!!! It truly is the most wonderful time of year, unless you live in a house divided like I do.

  4. I’m just going to say it. You make me wanna love college football. Although frankly I wouldn’t even know where to start. I am, however, looking forward to DipTacular 2011 with great zest and enthusiasm :)

  5. All I have to say is Gig’em Aggies.

    Oh, and Whoop!

  6. Two words:

    GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. I’ll be in Memphis Thurs PM wearing Maroon & White; tote’n my Chi-O Cowbell from the 1980’s – GO DAWGS!!!

    • Lol, up until last year I was still wearing my TECH CHI-O shirts to the games even though I graduated in 2006. This will be my second season in a row pregnant so it no longer seemed appropriate to rock the sorority shirt!

  8. Always great to keep expectations moderate, however, it’s also really fun to be unbeaten right now. In September, we start off w/ Oklahoma – #1, then Boise State (also top 10) and finally, Oklahoma State! (Top 10 too!) As the smallest school in Div. 1, The University of Tulsa has its work cut out! Perhaps the DipTacular will sooth my soul!

  9. I’d be remiss if I didn’t say…

  10. Counting down the days here and getting all our maroon out and up….and as soon as I find the extension cord our amazing enormous inflatable BULLDOG will be greeting all our Arizona neighbors who probably scratch their heads and say “hmm….” each football season!

  11. It might hit 112 degrees a few hours before kick-off, but I will be happily sweatin’ it, cheering on my ASU Sun Devils!

  12. I *big puffy glitter* heart the radio call in show lunacy! Seems to me as soon as the radio host says “welcome to the show, caller” good sense is automatically removed from the callers life! I’m so ready for some football!!
    Roll Tide Roll!!

  13. Oh Sophie I know exactly how you feel! As a diehard longtime South Carolina Gamecock, the hype surrounding our season and a #12 ranking has me breaking out in hives! In the past that type of media hype has been a sure fire way for us to go 4-8! :-) Looking forward to the diptacular!

  14. Well, those quotes made as much sense to me as ANYTHING in sports…. is it really football season?!? I wish I cared…. I REALLY do….. I’m the weird girl who DOESN”T GET IT in spite of my best efforts. ;)

  15. That caller scenario?? For realzzzzz!! We have an almost famous radio talk show here in Chatty called (wait for it) Sport Talk and I swear I’ve heard that same exact conversation!!

    Oh and GO VOLS!!

  16. I know what you mean. But I’m a lil’ north of y’all.

    Let’s Gooooooooooooo Mountaineers!


  17. I’m such a weirdo. I listened to sports call-in shows when I was a kid and had baseball/football posters plastered all over my bedroom walls in 6th grade and listened to every Reds game on the radio and watched every football/basketball game you could watch without having cable. I got even nuttier in high school and college.

    And now, at 35, I barely even care. I get my sports fix from your blog alone. :) And I LOVE your title. EVERYONE says that–what in the heck!?!? And now we do it in the blog world. Long time lurker, first time commenter. Goodness.

    And I don’t know about saber-toothed tigers, but when we were in Alabama on our zoo trip, someone told the girls that there were cougars in the wild there, and they got pretty nervous any time we got out of the van.


  19. My perfect day includes a call from Tammy to Finebaum – seriously makes me giddy.

    ROLL TIDE :)


  21. Okay, I will find a way to be at a (hypothetical) A&M/State tailgate and game should that ever happen.

    Go Mean Green!

  22. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Feb-Aug is the longest time of the year for me! I LOVE college football, however I’m a Texas Tech fan so I don’t have a whole lot of hope for my Alma Mater this year. Who knows though? Maybe Tuberville will make some magic happen.


  23. GO STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. Let me just say how much I miss those sports talk radio shows you are talking about!!

    We recently moved to Athens, GA from Tuscaloosa, AL and I am having withdrawal from the Paul Finebaum Radio Network. I may just have to get online and listen in this afternoon to lessen the symptoms!

    And I can testify to the ludicrous nature of some of the phone calls…

    I will be a Bulldog fan this fall (they are paying the bills after all) but, in the privacy of my own home, I may still secretly cheer on the Crimson Tide. And fortunately, this season, the two teams don’t play each other, so I can do so with a relatively clear conscious!

  25. Debbie in Tennessee says:

    Love your blog. Always a reader, seldom a commenter. But, it is almost, “Football Time in Tennessee”. We are bitten by the college football bug bad! To sit over on the hill and listen to the call in show live before the game is an honor and a tradition, you get to not only hear the callers on the phone, but actually participate if you want with a live question. (Not that the callers on the phone are not live, but you know what I mean.) All of this, the Vol walk and the Pride of the Southland Marching Band, on a brisk autumn afternoon…a piece of heaven on earth! Go Vols!
    Love and Blessings to you.

  26. Whoop!!! :)

  27. GEAUX TIGERS! Can’t wait for Dip-Tacular!

  28. If A&M does hypothetically get in the SEC and you and Melanie do have a tailgate, PLEASE let me know so I can come crash it! My good friend who is an Aggie lives in Starkvegas now and I know she would be up for it too. We’ll even bring dip!!! GO DAWGS!!!!

  29. I live 20 minutes from UT’s Neyland Stadium but I”m a lifelong LSU Tiger fan. And I really actually hope Nick Saban gets bitten by a Saber Tooth Tiger, or trampled by a Woolly Mammoth would be just as nice.
    Geaux Tigers!

  30. WAR rrrrrr EAGLE!!!!!!!!!

  31. One Word: GEAUX!

  32. Roll Tide! Loved your post today. It made me smile!

  33. Oh, Sweet Mercy! I’ve wanted to jump out of the SUV speeding down the highway to get away from the radio at times. And eye rolling? Let’s just say it’s a good thing they don’t really get stuck that way as my sainted mother used to threaten. I usually love the host and guests, but the callers can make me heave a mighty sigh and as one bright little girl said, “Make rainbows with my eyes.” It’s a rare treat when one uses proper grammar.
    And the SEC? I worry it’s getting a bit too big for its own britches.
    Love, WooPigSuzy

  34. Thanks for sharing the Fight Song!! Made me so happy! My boys have had their cowbells out “practicing” the past couple of nights. (It’s a little game we play called “Now You’re Allowed to Ring It, Now You’re Not.” It’s really just like being at a game…only not.) Can’t wait ’til the first home game!!! Let me know if you’re going to some of the games so I can see you!!

  35. Yes please! Aggies to the SEC. If you have tailgate let us know! I’m an Aggie and can’t wait to have some awesome SEC tailgates.

  36. My hopes rest high on our Bulldogs. We’re only willing to pay for basic cable; they must make it to network coverage each week.

    Oh, and other day Annie said, “Mississippi State is in Heaven.” Yes, baby girl. Yes, it is….

    • Lol I’m a Texas Tech fan and we only have basic too! Sadly we are actually paying $9.95 to watch the webcast this weekend, it would be a lot easier if we made network!

  37. Gooooo Dawgs. I can hardly contain my excitement for the Bulldogs starting a great season tomorrow. I have even ordered brand, new (one chrome) cowbells for this season. Sophie, come hang out with me and your old buddy Mart at our tailgate sometime. We are the first tailgate past the stadium on the way to the Alumni House. We would love for you to join us. We will be on the lookout for saber tooth tigers. Let’s Let the DAWGS out!!

  38. Bless you… I just found your blog through… crap I can’t remember. Well anyway. Your description of Alabama is spot on (my spine just shivered!) I love this state because of those silly people that act like they know what they’re talking about, ESPECIALLY when it comes down to the religion that lasts from August to January (occasionally year round for the die hards ) known as, you betcha, football. It’s especially rough since I live in Land o’ the Tide. I guess that’s what to expect when you live on the northern end. :) War Eagle!

  39. GOOOOOOOO Dawgs! Sic em!!!! That’s the REAL dawgs, from UGA!!!

  40. Gig ’em! We (not so hypothetically anymore) appreciate the welcome. I go to A&M, and might have to come creep on your tailgate :)

  41. bahahahhahahahhahaha…

    boomama! that is hysterical! you know, just in case there’s a saber-toothed tiger on the loose.

    i’m getting back into the swing of things, what with my reading my blogs and all…just catching up now to yours.




  1. […] She writes about Cheez-Its, good music, and college football among other topics. I loved “Long-Time Listener, First-Time Caller” at the start of football season about the “hypotheticals” of call-in shows. If […]