In Which You Will Understand Why Roger Ebert Will Not Be Soliciting My Services At Any Point In The Near Or Not-So-Near Future

23 January 2007 by

In keeping with my pledge to start watching movies again, we’ve seen several over the last four or five days. I decided to write down my reactions because, well, everybody needs a goal.

Please keep in mind that as the mama of a very active and chatty almost-four year old, I have the attention span of an inebriated gnat and therefore may have missed a critical plot point or nine. However, in my defense, I did at least try to pay attention to the sequence of events instead of just closing my eyes and listening to all the pretty music. Tempted though I was.

Ocean’s Twelve

I’m a huge fan of Ocean’s Eleven, so I was understandably excited about seeing some of my favorite characters in action again. And sure enough, I found all of them in the sequel, this time trying to pull off the theft of a Faberge’ egg at a museum in Italy (I think? Maybe? I know it was in Europe. Does that count? Do I get points for being on the right continent, at least?).

But as I watched the movie unfold, I found myself coming back to one sustaining thought: sometimes it’s better to leave well enough alone. The sequel is nowhere near as good as the first one (by the way, D. and I were in Las Vegas when the first one was being filmed, and we spent the better part of an afternoon at the Bellagio watching them – and by “them,” I mean “the fancy actor people” – shoot the scene where Casey Affleck and Scott Caan are being thrown out of the casino, but that’s a post in and of itself, although I can quickly settle one critical detail: Clooney in real life? EASY ON THE EYES).

Also: Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta Jones are the anithesis of on-screen chemistry, the place where romantic sparks go to die.

Failure To Launch

Matthew McConaughey is playing a very Matthew McConaughey-ish character named Trip, a 35 year old guy who still lives at home with his parents and then falls head over heels for Carrie Bradshaw.

Or, you know, Paula. At least I think that was the name of Sarah Jessica Parker’s character. Sort of a Carrie Bradshaw-lite, if you will.

Anyway, there were lots of scenes designed to show off Matthew’s phenomenally chiseled abs, and lots of random incidents of Matthew being bitten by animals (this was supposed to further the plot HOW, exactly?), and the movie was set in Baltimore, apparently, but it took me about seven Google searches to figure out that information, what with there being a scene with the guys on surfboards (I was unaware that Baltimore has, um, waves), in addition to a scene at a Zephyrs baseball game, even though the Zephyrs play in, you know, New Orleans.

All that being said, I’d have been willing to suspend disbelief if the movie had been good. Or funny.

But it wasn’t. At least not in my humble opinion.

Mission Impossible: III

Tom Cruise is playing Tom Cruise as only Tom Cruise can (oh, they say his name is Ethan Hunt in the film, but make no mistake: he’s all Tom, all the time).

And he’s FABULOUS!

Loved this movie. It’s directed by JJ Abrams, the creator of Alias and Lost, so I figured I was in for a treat what with Alias being one of my favorite shows of all time and all. This film actually felt a little bit like an Alias episode at times (especially with the flashback structure), but what surprised me was that even though it’s technically an action movie, I really cared about the characters and felt invested in the outcome.

Philip Seymour-Hoffman was a brilliant villain…in fact, everyone in this movie was great. It’s thoroughly entertaining, and I’d recommend it without hesitation. Unlike Ocean’s Twelve, this sequel is the best of the MI lot, in my opinion.

An added bonus? Spy stuff! I’d watch it again and again – especially the scene at The Vatican, which is way cool and oh-so-creative.

Loved it.

Next in the queue: Little Miss Sunshine

Filed Under: TV Is My Friend

Prayer Request For Kelli

23 January 2007 by

Update: if you haven’t seen the link over at Barb‘s by now, here is Kelli’s update on her medical situation.

I got this email from Kelli late last night – and asked her permission to share it with y’all. 

“I talked to the Dialysis group today, and it appears that my home dialysis solution has stopped working. This basically means we have to move to Hemodialysis this week. From what my brain can assimilate at this point, I will have to have overnight staysometime this week to have a permacath  inserted in my arm, and will start hemo the next day. This will be a 3x week, out of the house, sit in a hemo unit at the hospital for 3-5 hours, until transplant deal.I’m not happy. In fact, I cried for only the third time since this all started. We made an emergency appt with the Dr. for today at 3pm ET to ask our hundred questions. The bottom line, though, is that once you start hemo the clock ticks harder and faster. So, frankly, I’m scared.

God has done miraculous things this week. I know he can get me through this. In my heart. However, my head, right now, is straggling behind. Thank you for being a support system.”

Also: Kelli’s kidney is only functioning at 7% right now. Please keep her and her family in your prayers. 

Filed Under: Lovin' On People

So A Vase Walks Into A Bar…

22 January 2007 by

As planned, the weekend found me participating in exciting activities such as washing clothes, folding clothes, putting away clothes, and hanging up clothes. I know you hate that you missed the minute-by-minute details of it all, but never fear: Us magazine came by and took some pictures and will be chronicling the whole Laundry Spectacular in their January 29 issue.

Just to, you know, remind Britney and Paris about what underwear looks like and all.

GOODNIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!

The weekend really was great, except for the part where D. and I had a bit of a disagreement Saturday morning after Alex started screaming crying because the FedEx man didn’t stay here long enough for them to have a lengthy conversation. I signed for the package, and when the FedEx man started walking back up the driveway, Alex started screaming “BUT I WANTED TO SAY GOOD MORNING, MAMA! I WANTED TO SAY GOOD MORNING!”

I tried (unsuccessfully) to calm him down and then he threw open the front door and tried to chase the FedEx man up the hill. So D. used Stern Voice to tell Alex to come back inside and I was all “don’t be too hard on him, he just wanted to be friendly” and D. was all “I think it’s probably a good idea to teach him that he shouldn’t chase after strangers,” which, in retrospect, is an excellent point, but at the time all I could think about was that my child was upset because he didn’t get a chance to ask the delivery man how he was doing on a fine Saturday morning, oh bless his heart.

Good times.

But I did get a few little decorating projects done around the house, and I did play trains with Alex, and I did watch lots of movies, and I did stay in my pajamas a shameful amount of time. I also went to TJ Maxx (twice!), Ross (back tomorrow!), and Old Time Pottery (want to go back right now!) because I’ve been on the hunt for some big, bright, funky vases to go on top of the cabinet behind our bar.

Now you may not realize this, because I certainly wasn’t privy to this information until we bought this house, but apparently people who built homes in 1974 didn’t even try to conceal the wet bar behind doors. They just put the bar in the corner of the living room and made it a focal point, hence the need for accessorizing.

To wit:

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And now that I’ve actually uploaded the picture of the bar and examined said picture closely, I feel that a few clarifications might be in order:

1) Yes, I do blog from the bar. And what you see on the computer is the draft of the post you’re reading right now, which really makes this particular image just like a house of mirrors, people. It’s a house of mirrors!

2) The brass thing with the pinecones in it (to the right of the computer) has absolutely no business being on the bar. But I was moving stuff around this weekend, and I didn’t really have anywhere to put it, so I just stuck it there. However, now I feel that it might give our guests the impression that, as they enjoy their favorite beverage, they should feel free to snack on not only pinecones but dried gourds as well. Which is neither very appetizing nor hospitable, now is it?

3) Yes, that’s a cross you see hanging behind the bar. Why? I don’t know – maybe I was trying to give the bar area a certain Baptist charm? Like yes, we’re Baptist, and yes, we have a big bar in our living room, but we have the cross hanging back there so it can make all the fire water holy?

Have mercy.

4) There’s an empty wine rack. What’s the point? Because it’s cute, maybe? But if there’s no wine, isn’t it sort of a needless accessory? Have I become more Baptist than I ever dreamed?

(Answer: no. Because if that were the case, I’d have all the wine hidden under the cabinets so y’all couldn’t see it.)

BADA-BING! THANK YOU!

5) If you look very carefully through the glass on the second door from the right, you’ll see juice glasses. ORANGE JUICE GLASSES. Behind the bar.

Clearly I am undeserving of the bar amenity.

6) Check out the light fixture. It came with the house, and it makes me want to sing the theme from “Cheers.” As an added bonus, it has a dimmer, which really creates some romantic mood lighting when you’ve sidled up to the bar to drink a little OJ from one of those juice glasses with big yellow flowers. Or when you’d like a glass of pretend wine from the empty wine rack.

Never let it be said that we don’t know how to entertain with style, my friends.

Anyway. To get back to my point (just so you know: I had to scroll back up to the top of the post, re-read what I’d written, and only then was I able to discern what my original point was), I wanted some funky vases in bright colors to go on the top of the cabinet behind the bar. I mean, if I don’t have any wine to offer our visitors, the least I can do is to say “LOOK! PRETTY COLORS!”

And I found just what I was looking for:

img_1432.JPG
     

Thus concludes the most pointless post in the history of the internet, brought to you with pride by yours truly.

It has been my distinct privilege to assist you in wasting your time.

Filed Under: Out Of Control

Lookie Here, Internets!

22 January 2007 by

Lookie here!

And for the eleventy thousandth time:

THANK YOU.

Filed Under: Lovin' On People

Naptime

21 January 2007 by

img_1438.JPG

Try though he might, Superman fails to escape his sleeping captor’s clutches.

Filed Under: Family Fun

Teleconferencing Fun OR: How PayPal Ended My Bloggy Break Within, Like, Three Hours

19 January 2007 by

I promise that after this post I really am taking a break. I promise. But I have to say this right now because it’ll hang over my head all weekend if I don’t because I’m OCD like that, which I’m sure is a huge surprise to y’all.

AHEM.

A couple of y’all have emailed me to tell me that you’ve received phone calls from PayPal verifying your donations to Kelli. I didn’t think too much of it initially because we did raise a bunch of money in a short period of time, and I actually think it would bother me more if PayPal didn’t try to make sure that everything was on the up and up. So I just sort of chalked up their phone calls as “one of those things” and figured everything would be fine. And yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a big stamp that says “NAIVE” and I am currently pounding it all over my forehead.

Because around 6:30 tonight I got an email from Frannie, a sweet lady who reads and comments here regularly, and she relayed to me a phone conversation that she had with a man named John from PayPal. When I got to the part of Frannie’s email where she mentioned that John said he’d been unable to get in touch with me to verify the legitimacy of my “charity,” I went all Julia Sugarbaker in the middle of my living room and immediately picked up the phone to call PayPal.

Here’s a tip: the PayPal voicemail system does not understand a Southern accent. At one point I responded to some question by saying, “No,” and the voicemail man said, “I understood you to say, ‘I don’t have an account.’ Is that correct?”

Now I know my drawl is bad, y’all, but I don’t think that even I can give the word “no” six syllables. I can do four at best.

So after navigating the maze that is the PayPal voicemail system, and after I explained the nature of my concerns to a kind lady named MJ, I was connected to a delightful young man named Ryan (seriously: PP customer service reps are some of the nicest people ever). By this point I had called Kelli on my cell phone so that I could get all the verification information on the PayPal account since I had asked her to change the password and security stuff a couple of days ago (so that I would no longer be up in her business), and oh, poor Ryan. I am afraid that he got an earful from me. It was a very Southern earful, and a very polite earful, but it was an earful nonetheless. I was pretty upset.

And let me be clear: I’m not upset that PayPal is calling people to make sure they authorized the donations that showed up on the For Kelli account. I think, if anything, that’s very wise, especially considering that this is the internet and fraud is rampant and you really can’t be too careful. But what stuck in my craw was the statement that PayPal had not been able to get in touch with me, when no one from PayPal has called me, no one has emailed me, and certainly if they have any concerns about the money we raised this past Tuesday, no one from PayPal has bothered to communicate that to me.

And Ryan, bless his heart, said absolutely nothing to ease my mind. He said things like, “you’ve done all you can do up until this point” and “I can’t say whether or not we’ll be calling more donors” and “I completely understand but this is just part of our checks and balances.” I told Kelli later that I halfway expected him to follow up his “you’ve done all you can do” comment with “UNTIL THE TRIAL WHEN YOU’RE ON THE WITNESS STAND.”

By the way, I’m sure you think I’m overreacting. I probably am. But y’all know I have great paranoia about being taken advantage of by a RING OF THIEVES, not to mention the whole being misunderstood thing (especially when my integrity is on the line), and let’s just say that Ryan, completely unbeknownst to him, triggered both of those fears tonight during the course of our conversation. I was more than a little rattled by the time I got off the phone with him.

So then I immediately called Kelli because she’s all smart and level-headed and stuff. Turns out that PayPal called her yesterday, and she spent twenty minutes verifying her identity with a nice lady before PayPal would release the funds that were donated to her. And again, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND PayPal’s checks and balances. It’s just not much fun when you’re the one being checked and balanced.

Kelli had the bright idea that we call PayPal with both of us on the line. I thought that was an excellent plan, and luckily Kelli knows how to place a three-way call because if it had been up to me I would’ve had to resort to the two-phone option (“KELLI, THE WOMAN AT PAYPAL JUST SAID…”). We were connected to an absolutely lovely woman named Jackie, and just so you know I will be THANKING THE GOOD LORD for her for the rest of my days.

Kelli very eloquently explained our situation: she needs a kidney, her insurance runs out at the end of January, I set up a place for people to make donations, people gave way more money than we ever expected, and now we’re a little concerned because 1) PayPal is making Kelli jump through some extra hoops in order to get her money, yet her COBRA payment is due on the 25th and 2) the phone calls that the PayPal people are (very wisely) making might could be worded a little differently so they don’t cause undue alarm to the people who donated to this little bloggy lovefest that resulted in over $9,000 in donations.

So.

Jackie said that she didn’t believe that any more phone calls would be made to people who donated. However, if you do receive a phone call from PP, just know that they’re trying to make sure that you willingly donated to For Kelli. That’s a smart thing for them to do. Both people I talked to tonight said that they try to be very vigilant about making sure that people don’t use PP for fraudulent purposes, and they do check up on any charitable cause that is run through their website. I’m way on board with that. However, I’m still not on board with John saying that he’d been unable to contact me, especially considering that I practically wear my computer on a chain around my neck so that I am never away from the email.

Bottom line: Kelli has now jumped through almost all of the PayPal hoops. She is having to do some extra verification because of the amount of money involved (a new PayPal account plus a large sum of money raised over a short period of time equals BIG RED FLAGS with the PayPal people), so please pray that they’d have all that ironed out by the time her insurance payment is due.

I did have a couple of good laughs during our phone call, however. One was when Jackie said she couldn’t tell who was talking, Kelli or me, and I said, “JACKIE. I’M THE SOUTHERN ONE. FROM ALABAMA.” I don’t think Jackie thought that was as funny as Kelli and I did.

And then the classic comment was from Kelli: as she was trying to very graciously relay the details of her attempts to access the funds so she can pay for her insurance, she said, “Jackie, yesterday I pretty much had to explain to the other woman I talked to which way the pine trees in my yard are leaning in order to confirm my identity. I mean, c’mon, Jackie – I’m dyin’ here.”

There was a little pause for effect, and then Kelli said:

“LITERALLY!”

And Kelli and I hooted and again Jackie didn’t seem to see the humor in it at all.

But by the end of the phone call Jackie was completely awesome. I think everything is going to be fine. They have my blog address, my email address, Kelli’s personal information, Kelli’s medical information, and the oh-so-critical information about which way the pine trees are leaning in her yard. It’s all in the interest of protecting the tenderhearted charitable givers of the world, and in the end that’s a very good thing.

One more thing before I go: y’all placed a tremendous amount of trust in me to donate over $9000 to a cause that I mentioned just a little over a week ago. I do not take that lightly. So if you have any questions or concerns about your donations, about PayPal, about how we set up everything, about what exactly the money will be used for – ANYTHING – please do not hesitate to email me.

And if I don’t answer your email right away it’s because I’ve probably run down the road to pick up some fried chicken or something. But I’ll get back to you just as quickly as I can.

Sorry for such a long post, but I felt like all of that needed to be said.

And I’m returning to my bloggy break now.

See y’all later.

Filed Under: Rambling
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