Janna’s comment about whether or not mamas like to talk about topics other than kids reminded me of this article, which I’m pretty sure I forwarded to some of y’all last year when I first read it. (By the way, the article is a little “worldly” in terms of its description of marriage and all that goes along with marriage, so consider yourself warned.) :-)

But I think it raises an excellent question on top of Janna’s question, which is this: do we live in a society where people put their children before their marriages?

I think we do. And is that why we find ourselves talking about our kids so much? Because we give so much to that part of our lives that it supercedes everything else?

Now I totally get why people would say that the kids should come first. I get why people say that I should sacrifice myself and my identity for the sake of my child. And I do believe that God expects me to take my job as Alex’s mother very, very seriously, because 1) He called me to do it and 2) it’s a job that has eternal consequences.

But I think my first priority within my family – with God at the tiptop of the heap being a given – has to be my husband. And I think that for several reasons.

First, I think we do Alex a disservice if we put him at the center of our universe. If we sacrifice our relationship for his convenience, then I’m not sure how anyone comes out ahead in that deal.

Second, we want our child to see a loving, committed relationship between two people who genuinely enjoy one another. That kind of relationship doesn’t happen unless you put some work into it.

Third, if we put everything into Alex right now and nothing into our relationship with each other, what in the world will we be left with when the chick (or chicks, if that ever happens) leaves the roost?

And I recognize that all of those reasons are so much easier said than done.

Sometimes it’s so tempting for women to say, “You know what? I give everything I have to my children. And they touch me all day and pull on me all day and need me all day, and I don’t want for one more person – even my husband – to need me.” I have been there. I have no doubt looked at David like he had horns growing out of his head when he has snuggled up next to me after a particularly challenging childrearing day.

But just because I feel that way doesn’t make it right. Someway, somehow, I have to save room for him. I have to save a little room for me, too.

Last year when I emailed my friend NK the article that I linked to at the beginning of this post, she and I had a lengthy conversation about the author’s comment that she’s not “in love” with her children. I think that’s one area where we either disagree with her or have a serious semantics issue. Because I am in love with Alex. Most people I know are in love with their children. I don’t know how you could NOT be. Granted, it’s a different kind of love than what I feel for my husband. It’s like apples and oranges…both are fruits, both are good for you, both are delicious – but they’re just not the same thing (now is when I definitely wish I was better at analogies).

NK said that the reason her love for her children and her love for her husband are so different is because she relates to them differently, and I like how she explained herself. She said, “I have so many hopes and dreams for my children. But most of MY hopes and dreams are with my husband. The love is just as strong on each side…but it’s not the same thing at all.”

It’s a crazy balancing act, it is.

So to answer Janna’s question: yes, most women do like to talk about more than just their kids. Personally, I love to talk about my husband, and family, and friends, and books, and churches, and television, and music, and blogs. :-)

But it just occurred to me, as I finished that last sentence, that by the time I take care of David, and take care of Alex, and take care of me, I don’t have as much time as I’d like for the rest of items on my “favorite topics” list, and I should probably go a little easier on my sisters who are also in the parenting trenches, especially in regard to what they talk about at birthday parties.

It’s probably not a wise idea to hold other women to a conversational standard that I can’t even achieve myself.

I have long been fascinated by people who are cold all the time. You know who I’m talking about…usually it’s women who constantly hold their warm coffee mug up against their faces, who grab the sides of the mug as if their continued existence depends on soaking every bit of heat away from the coffee itself and into their permanently chilled bodies. These women are often seen donning scarves indoors and visibly shivering in office buildings where more often than not the thermostat is being controlled by a computer somewhere in India.

For the record, I am not one of those women.

And if you’re wondering why I’m even thinking about all of this, I have a very simple answer: because, well, it’s hot.

Now I know some of y’all enjoy balmy breezes and love to open your windows and let the fresh air pour into your homes. Some of y’all probably even enjoy sleeping outside, regardless of the fact there is no THERMOSTAT in the out of doors to enable you to CONTROL the TEMPERATURE. Some of you probably don’t even run your air conditioners, and you should know right now that the thought of someone having access to an air conditioner and opting out of using it creates a swirling vortex of confusion in my brain. Why? Why would you do that? Why?

Keep in mind that we’ve had our air conditioner on since the first of March, and we will turn it off in November.

Maybe.

The fact of the matter is that I don’t like to be hot. I’m okay with it when I know to expect it, like if I’m chasing Alex outside in the middle of July or if I go walking at noon when it’s 101 outside with 98% humidity. But I do not feel that it is God’s will for my life to ever, EVER be hot when I’m indoors. In fact, I do not feel that it is God’s will for my life to ever exist in an environment with a temperature above approximately 72 degrees, because He loves me and wants for me to be happy so that I can glorify Him. I can do no glorifying when the thermostat reads 73 or higher.

I feel that God understands that.

Eight or nine months ago David replaced our downstairs thermostat with one of those fancy digital thingamajigs that enables you to program the temperature of your home at all points in the day. He bought the silly gadget because he thought it would take the ambiguity out of our temperature interpretations (I read the old one by the top of the red line; he read it by the bottom; I imagine we were supposed to use the middle, but oh well). Anyway, it’s hard to argue temperature when you see “71” on an LCD screen.

The problem, however, is that we’ve never figured out how to work it. It has a mind of its own and decides that in the early mornings our house should be 75 degrees, then 73 degrees around noon, and then back up to 75 degrees around 3:00.

75 degrees at 3 o’clock in the afternoon?!?! INDOORS?!?! That is the craziest crazy talk of all the crazy talking I’ve ever heard.

It stresses me out because I feel that the very essence of comfort in my own home has been compromised, and as such I am waging war on the thermostat beast. My project for this weekend is to convince the stubborn thing that our house will be 70 degrees. Period. Unless I decide to override the system while I’m cleaning the house and take ‘er down to a comfy 68.

My friends Elise and Daphne are my total soul sisters on this issue. Elise keeps her thermostat on 68 in the summertime, and when I asked her one time how she afforded the summertime power bills with three boys constantly going in and out of the house, she said, “It’s a matter of priorities. We may not have the fanciest cars or the fanciest house, but we’re always going to do two things in our home: 1) eat and 2) be cool.”

It almost brought tears to my eyes, so beautiful were those words, so close to my heart were her sentiments.

I WILL conquer the thermostat. I WILL find a way to create an uncompromsing level of air conditioned comfort in my house. And when I figure it out, y’all are welcome to visit and experience our comfortably cool indoor environment.

But if you’re one of those women I mentioned at the beginning of this post, you might want to bring a sweater along for the ride.

I’ve seen several items in the news over the last week or so that explore why American Idol contestants from the South seem to fare better than their competitors from other regions of the country. Birmingham alone has ties to four finalists: Ruben Studdard, Diana DeGarmo (born in B’ham; raised in Georgia), Bo Bice, and now Taylor Hicks.

Some people speculate that it’s because we throw our kids in church choir early on and “make” them sing…some people say it’s because the South enjoys such a rich musical history in terms of blues, gospel, jazz and country…some think it’s because we’re more “rural” than the rest of the US and have nothing better to do than sit around and watch reality television shows.

I don’t really have a problem with any of those theories, though I’m surprised that last one didn’t also say, “watch reality television shows while they bite their toenails in their run-down trailers as they simultaneously sip moonshine, play the banjo, and smooch on their cousins.” I have some issues with the way the media portray the South, if you can’t tell. (Total aside: Daph, do you remember how Anne Harris always stressed in our comm. classes that “media” is the plural of the singular “medium” and therefore takes the plural verb? I’ve never forgotten that. Riveting information for the rest of you, I know.)

I’ve only seen one person mention what I think is the real reason Southern contestants do so well on American Idol: we enthusiastically support our own in this part of the world. Being Southern is such a huge chunk of our identity that we tend to rally around fellow Southerners. We love a “small town boy / girl does good” story, and since the normal six degrees of separation are whittled down to around three for us, we feel like we know the people who are competing. And since we feel like we know them, we vote for them, because they’re practically one of the family. I don’t know if those of you who have never lived in the South can fully understand it, but we are fiercely loyal to our place and to our people in this (red)neck of the woods.

Someone – I think on ew.com – mentioned that one factor in Southerners’ AI success is that we can be charming, as evidenced by the fact that it’s much easier for a Southern presidential candidate to win over Northern voters than vice versa. Of course I find Southerners to be charming, but I’ve never lived anywhere besides Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana, so I see the world through deep fried glasses. I assume that all people in all parts of the country are charming and warm and hospitable, just as we are down here.

I’d love to hear if y’all have any theories about the Idol deal. If you live in another part of the US (or a completely different country, for that matter), what’s the hospitality temperature of your area? Warm, lukewarm, or frigid? Do you feel “rallied around” where you live? If you were on American Idol, for example, would you feel like you had the support of not just your town but your entire REGION behind you?

Meanwhile, I’ll be on the front porch practicin’ my hog callin’ if anyone needs to find me. ;-)

In the late afternoons when I get ready to start supper, I inevitably have to find some way to keep Alex occupied, mainly for fear that he’ll make his way upstairs and try to flush Rescue Heroes down the toilet or slip out the back door and befriend our neighbors two streets over. So I usually pull a chair up close to wherever I’m chopping or stirring, fix him a sippy cup filled with the delicious beverage of his choice, and let him play with various and sundry kitchen utensils. But not knives. We have a strict no knives policy due to the “cutting” and “stabbing” that can occur.

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve given Alex “tasks” while I’m cooking, like dicing onions or slicing potatoes. Oh I’m kidding – did you people not read about our strict “no knives for toddlers” policy? Seriously, I let him push the button on the food processor, or I ask him to get the cheese out of the refrigerator, and this past weekend I even showed him how to crack an egg. He is game for whatever – just as long as I don’t try to keep him out of the kitchen.

Tonight I made beef stroganoff, and since it’s not a recipe that depends on exact measurements, I asked Alex if he wanted to season the flour I would be using to dredge the meat.

“OKAY, MAMA! Want dinosaur?”

“Dinosaur” is Alex’s little apron (featuring, oddly enough, a dinosaur decal on the front) that Publix sent him on his third birthday (join their Kids Club if you haven’t…they send great gifts for kids, all in the name of suck-them-in-while-they’re-young marketing).

So I tied “dinosaur” around his neck and waist, and then I started handing him seasonings: paprika, salt, pepper, garlic powder, Greek seasoning, etc. Based on his reaction, I may be creating a bit of a culinary monster.

He poured and he stirred and he poured some more. I had to take out a little of the garlic powder (he got a little heavy-handed with it), but I must say that by and large his seasoning instincts were outstanding. :-) I also let him season the meat with salt and pepper, but that big bowl of flour held his attention…he wanted to put “more, Mama! More!” into the mix.

Everything actually turned out great taste-wise, and as we ate our supper tonight, Alex told his daddy all about the “pepper-ika” and how he “stirred the bowl” and how “yeah, yessir, I help Mama with supper.”

I just wanted to freeze time at that very second and savor the moment where a three year old would have the world’s sweetest smile on his face because he got to spend a little time standing on a chair, wearing a promotional item from a grocery store, mixing not even 50 cents worth of ingredients together, and loving every single second of it all.

It’s the little things, as y’all know.

Heather tagged everyone in our LBY study group to do a list of 10 simple pleasures in our lives. Making this list is surprisingly easy for me, because remember: WE ARE ALWAYS HOME. So our entire existence is essentially a combination of simple pleasures peppered by my weirdness…a veritable carnival-o-fun for all involved. But with no clowns. There are never, ever clowns at my carnivals-o-fun.

That being said, I give you “10 Simple Things I Enjoy.”

(Alternate title: “‘Cause I’m Chill Like That”)

1. Hearing Alex laugh. When he gets really tickled at something and goes into the belly laugh, my heart explodes just a little bit.

2. Driving in the car by myself, with the music of my choosing playing loudly as I sing along.

3. Taking a long, hot shower after a hard day’s work in the house or in the yard. David’s laughing at the “in the yard” part, because I’ve worked in the yard approximately twice since Alex was born. But I do work in the house a lot.

4. Praying with Alex, especially when he has “add-ons” after we say, “Amen.” It usually goes like this: “Oh, wait! Thank you for blueberries. In Jesus’ Name! Amen! Oh, wait! Thank you for friends. In Jesus’ Name! Amen! Oh, hold on, Mama. Thank you for…”

5. Laughing at the most random line in a TV show or movie, and realizing that David is laughing, too, and knowing that we’re probably the only two people in the world who think that particular thing is funny, and that is why we’re married.

6. COOKING!

7. Reading a book that I can’t put down, and when I have to put it down, all I can think about is picking it up again.

8. Singing in church. I’m SO not a singer, y’all, but I love to make a joyful noise. It’s not always joyful to those around me, however, because as I mentioned, I’m not a very strong singer.

9. Taking naps with Alex in the afternoons.

10. Having a rare night or weekend alone with David. The toddler is awesome and all, but I crave and need those times when it’s just the two of us.

Are you surprised by the almost complete absence of sarcasm?

I am. :-)

Let me know some of your favorite simple things in the comments. And if you have a blog, consider yourself tagged.

Tonight is “American Songbook” night, and after the agonies that were Queen night and country night, please, for the love of pete, SING SOMETHING, people! I have such high hopes for tonight because the songs themselves are so memorable…and I don’t think I have another week of Idol disappointment in me. So fingers crossed, and away we go.

Chris Daughtry – “What A Wonderful World” – Could it be that Mr. Daughtry is actually going to sing AND NOT SCREAM? And with only the accompaniment of an acoustic guitar? It’s EXACTLY the performance that he needed. It was subtle, classic, and he shined. He could record this song as a single tomorrow and have a hit. Awesome. I’ve been tough on him the last couple of weeks, but he had A Definite Moment tonight. Here’s how much I liked it: I didn’t type at all while he was singing. Not a single letter. David just said that we could actually hear the depth to CD’s voice tonight because I don’t know if I mentioned it, but he wasn’t screaming. Loved it.
Paris Bennett – “Foolish Things” – See, I think Paris does best when she keeps it simple. The last month or so she’s been all over the place, trying to show us how “versatile” she is. But tonight, she stood on stage in her simple suit, toned down make-up, with nary a hint of jewelry, and she flat nailed her song. This performance reminded me of why I liked her to begin with – and of what she SHOULD HAVE been doing all along. Good for her.
Taylor Hicks – “You Send Me” – OH MY WORD I adored it. It was so controlled at the beginning – but not boring at all – and the arrangement at the end of the song was PERFECT for Taylor. I had a smile the size of Texas on my face at the end of his performance. Simon said it was “magic” – and I agree with him. I had chillbumps almost the entire way through the song. WHOO, Taylor! Soul Patrol! :-)
Elliott Yamin – “It Had To Be You” – I love this song, for what it’s worth. And Elliott’s voice is ideal for this genre of music. As I’m watching him, I’m thinking that he would have fit right in with the Rat Pack – and he reminds me a lot with Harry Connick, Jr. Once again, the arrangement was great for him, because it gave him a chance to show off a little bit at the end. Simon’s right, though – Elliott doesn’t have as much “likeability” as the other contestants, so a great performance may not be enough.
Kellie Pickler – “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” – There is absolutely no way that Kellie won’t make it through to the next round, because I have contended for several weeks that she could get on stage and sing “Blah blah blah blah blah” and receive more votes than anyone. It was just so obvious, though, that vocally she’s out of her league compared to the other contestants. And somehow she got about two measures ahead the music and forgot her lyrics. I do appreciate that she knew that she “butchered” the song and didn’t make excuses…which is kind of refreshing in this era of “performers” who think they’re all that and a bag of chips.
Ace Cannon, er, Young – “That’s All” – Is the ponytail his way of trying to pull off “suave”? I don’t understand. I do appreciate that he stepped outside his normal “earthy” look, and I will say that this performance was his best in several weeks. BUT, like Kellie, he’s not vocally at the same level as the other contestants. But he didn’t seem to do the whole wide-eyed / deer caught in headlights routine as much, so that’s, um, positive. I guess.
Katharine McPhee – “Someone To Watch Over Me” – This song is one of David’s favorites, so we may have to replay it later and do a little dancin’ in the living room. :-) And young girls of America, TAKE NOTE OF HER MODEST ATTIRE and the fact that she looks STUNNING. She did a beautiful job with the song…in fact, I don’t think anyone could sing it any better. Best performance in a night of great performances.

Here’s the thing. Tonight was far and away the best of the season, because the SONGS were far and away the best of the season. David made the point that when these songs were written, melody was so important because the songs were heard on radio and records – “performance” and “image” didn’t factor into the entertainment equation the way that they do now. The lesson, I think, is that good songs make good singers great – and that was so apparent tonight. Plus, the contestants had more TIME, so they didn’t have to do such cut up versions of their songs. It was an enjoyable night indeed.

Should go: Pickler
Will go: Elliott, I’m afraid – though I wish it would be Ace Cannon.