Jack Bauer’s Going To Be Ticked When He Realizes That He Has To Spring Forward

9 March 2009 by

So right now it’s 9:48 in the PM, only my body thinks it’s 8:48, which means that while my head is thinking, Oh, I should be getting ready for bed, my body is thinking, Do we have any brownies? I think maybe I should make some brownies.

I am resisting the brownies, however. Mainly because we don’t have any brownie mix. But if we did I think we all know that I’d be licking batter off a spoon instead of typing this here post.

Ish-ahs. I got ’em.

I was a little apprehensive about how tonight was going to pan out for me TV-wise since “The Bachelor” is over and Molly and Jason have ridden off into the proverbial reality television sunset (FOR THE TIME BEING), but I have to say that tonight’s offerings did not disappoint. I watched “24,” which is actually really good this season if you’re willing to suspend all disbelief and accept the fact that sure, bad guys sporting jaunty camouflage hats could easily overtake the White House using only a hydraulic drill, a laptop and some assorted weaponry.

And if you completely accept the fact that if the president were located in some sort of safe room within the White House, it would be completely impossible for the vice-president to determine her whereabouts by using one of the six hundred computers at his secure remote location.

(I mean, seriously. The president has been taken hostage and the vice-president is really going to say, “Do we know if she’s in the safe room?”)

(HOW ‘BOUT YOU WALK OVER TO THAT BANK OF COMPUTERS AND SEE IF THE NATIONAL SECURITY CODE TO SEAL THE TITANIUM DOOR OF THE SAFE ROOM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED, CAPTAIN BRILLIANT?)

(I’m sorry. Perhaps I am far too invested in this particular storyline.)

Anyway, I watched the first half of “Dancing with the Stars” before “24,” and I watched the second half after, mainly because I could not wait to see Melissa from “The Bachelor.” If you watched you know that she performed beautifully, and I don’t think there’s any doubt that she’ll make it through to the next round.

However.

I need to say something.

The costume that they made Melissa wear?

WAS HORRIBLE.

I mean, it’s bad enough that she had to go through the final rose ceremony wearing that Dwight Schrutian mustard-colored shift dress, but tonight’s turquoise costume was just flat-out insult to injury.

I couldn’t decide if the sleeves reminded me of lattice or overlapped noodles that had fallen victim to a bedazzler. And then there was the turquoise faux-tattoo nestled in the small of her back that beautifully complimented the complete absence of fabric around her stomach, not to mention the big honkin’ turquoise rose in her hair that reminded me of something Dottie West would have worn on an album cover back in 1974.

Frankly, I just think the girl has been through enough without the fine people at ABC Wardrobe making her look like she’s a contestant in the 1982 Miss America pageant. I honestly wondered for a few minutes if the costume people were so short on time that they made her wear Nancy O’Dell’s costume, but then I decided that couldn’t be the case since Nancy tends to wear shorter skirts AND showing that much stomach would not be appropriate for a hard-hitting journalist from “Access Hollywood.”

However, I do think that Nancy would have totally worn that big turquoise rose – perhaps at the base of a tasteful chignon. Or maybe even as an accent to a sweeping side ponytail. Her hair versatility is quite inspirational, you know.

So now I guess I’m going to get in the bed (it’s 10:39! no! it’s 9:39! WHERE ARE THOSE IMAGINARY BROWNIES?) and pretend like I’m tired and then not sleep and then be completely worn out again tomorrow morning (WHO DREAMED UP THIS TIME CHANGE NONSENSE?).

Hope y’all have fun pretending like you’re tired and then not sleeping, too.

Filed Under: Rambling, TV Is My Friend

My Time Change Haiku

9 March 2009 by

“Spring forward,” they say.
But it’s more like a drop kick
Into exhaustion.

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

It’ll be nice to read things that make me laugh while I fight to keep my eyes open.

p.s. Yes, I am 117.

p.p.s. Love, MeMaw

Filed Under: Rambling

If You Like It She Can Put Your Name On It

6 March 2009 by

I’m one of those people who is a SUPER DUPER fan of personalized items. Whether it’s a diaper bag or a clipboard or a box of stationery, I think it’s 462% cuter if it’s monogrammed.

And yes, that is a very scientific number.

So it’s really no wonder that when I look at the personalized tiles at Engraved Euniques, my heart starts to flutter just a little bit. The tiles add a great touch to your indoor or outdoor decor, and they can be customized any way you’d like.

baptism8x8

allinthefamily16x8

gracecrosspersonalized8x16

See?

SASSY, aren’t they?

Needless to say, I’m oh-so-delighted that Kaye at Engraved Euniques has graciously offered to give away a personalized tile to one of you. If you’d like to be eligible to win, here’s all you have to do (ANOTHER RHYME!):

1. Click over to Engraved Euniques and look at all the great tiles that Kaye has designed.

2. Come back here and tell me which one is your favorite.

3. That’s it!

This giveaway will close Wednesday, March 11th, at which point I’ll draw for a winner using random.org.

Have fun, everybody!

This giveaway is now closed.

Filed Under: Rambling

Random Randomness With A Dash Of Randominity

23 February 2009 by

1) Over the last couple of weeks I’ve gotten some really sweet emails. And the emails usually say something like “I feel like I’m supposed to pray for you but I don’t know why” or “I noticed you’ve been writing about TV a lot lately and I’m just wondering if everything is okay” or “Hey. Have you seen this picture of some bacon?”

Seriously, y’all. People are doing a whole lot of bacon-related projects right now. I’m just grateful that the bacon hasn’t killed me and I’m alive to witness this bacon-laden period of American history.

Anyway. I just wanted to say hey, thanks for those prayers. I appreciate them more than you know. And yes, I’m writing about TV a lot lately (though I’m not sure if I’ll be writing about The Bachelor tonight because it’s the Women Tell All deal and therefore doesn’t really lend itself to synopsis, so I’m just going to wait and see) because it’s a good distraction for me and because I’m sort of sick of myself and wrestling with the whole blog thing right now.

(It’s okay. Really. Every six months or so blogging and I have a bit of a sparring match. We usually emerge closer than ever. But right now? Blogging and I are struggling, to be really honest.)

(Not so much the write-y parts of blogging.)

(More like the parts of blogging that I don’t enjoy.)

(We’ll talk more about this when I’m feeling less jumpy.)

2. This past weekend the little man and I went to Memphis to celebrate my sister-in-law Janie‘s 40th birthday. We had a deeee-lightful time, and as always, these two fellas were the first ones up on Saturday morning. I think they share an early-bird gene.

Anyway, I took the early birds’ breakfast orders Saturday morning, and Alex could not quit talking about how happy he was that sausage was on the menu.

So, for the record, my favorite things about motherhood:

* hugs
* singing together in the car
* when the boy wants to play cars and I convince him to use my back as a racetrack because OH, IT IS RELAXING
* more hugs
* shared love of pork products

3) Last night I flipped open my calendar to see what we had on deck for the week.

NO WORDS for how happy that makes me.

Even if I had to write in a soccer practice this afternoon. Because MY WORD AT THE NOTHING.

I plan to enjoy every second.

Have a great week, everybody.

Filed Under: Rambling

Bless Him

19 February 2009 by

This past Monday afternoon I drove Alex to a friend’s birthday party. Once we got there, we went through our usual routine: parked the car, grabbed the gift, reminded the child to BE A KIND FRIEND, then climbed out of the car and joined the festivities.

However, I soon realized that this party was different. Because about three minutes after our arrival, I noticed that the other mamas? WERE LEAVING.

Y’ALL. It was a drop-off birthday party – a first for us. And I don’t want to overstate my delight, but I think it may have changed my life in countless wonderful ways. I mean, I enjoy a large group of screaming five- and six-year olds as much as the next uptight person, but people, we’re talking TWO HOURS OF ALONE TIME. TWO HOURS. OF ALONE TIME.

No kidding: as soon as I told Alex goodbye, I wanted to drive to the cul de sac at the end of the street, screech out some celebratory donuts and then honk the horn repeatedly as I drove back past the party house toward my totally unanticipated but much-appreciated afternoon-o-freedom.

IT’S A NEW PARENTING DAY! GLORY!

A couple of hours later I picked up the little man, and clearly he had not left the confines of the bouncy/jumpy/slidey apparatus for the entirety of his birthday party stay. We said our goodbyes, hopped in the car – and just as we were driving away, he announced that he had a stomachache. Because I’m Mother of the Year, however, I gave absolutely no credence to his stomachache claims. I just figured that either 1) he’d had too much cake at the party or 2) he was trying to get out of eating chicken and broccoli for supper.

I had no intention of falling prey to his kindergarteny schemes.

But when we got home, the unexpected happened: the little guy took off his shoes, walked back to his bedroom, stretched out on his bed and covered up with a blanket. Since that has happened approximately, oh, one time in his whole life, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that The Sick, It Was Coming.

Long story long, he woke up around 10 that night and told me he thought he needed to throw up. But then he said he didn’t need to throw up. And then he said, “Wait! I need to throw up! I don’t want to throw up! I hate to throw up! I’m scared to throw up, Mama! And you know what, Mama? My grandmother calls it ‘vomit!'”

And then he turned his head and threw up and/or vomited for what felt like, oh, approximately twenty five minutes.

Suffice it to say that there was a whole lot of sickness from 10 Monday night until 10 Tuesday morning, and now that I think about it, I realize that’s totally how parenting works: two hours of free time Monday afternoon; twelve hours of Throw Up Duty Monday night. It’s an Irrefutable Law of Motherhood.

Alex finally fell asleep again around 2 Tuesday morning, only to have another round of All The Vomit hit about an hour later. After I’d gotten him a fresh cold cloth and sufficiently disinfected the sickbay, he looked up at me with his tired little eyes and said, “Mama? Aren’t you going to say it?”

“Say what, buddy?” I asked him.

“Aren’t you going to bless my heart?”

So I leaned over and rubbed his little head and said, “Bless your heart, baby. Bless your sweet little heart.”

And he smiled and closed his eyes and dozed off again.

I stood there for a few seconds just looking at him, and as I straightened his blanket and picked up the towel that I’d used to wipe his face, I couldn’t help but think that sleep or no sleep, sick or no sick, there’s pretty much nothing better than getting to share life with that little guy. I am so thankful that I get to be his mama.

And he blesses my heart. Every single day.

Filed Under: Family Fun, Rambling

Dave Barnes Giveaway Winners

16 February 2009 by

I had high hopes of posting these Dave Barnes giveaway winners earlier, but our internet has been out of commission (I KNOW! THE NERVE!), and so I couldn’t access the comments or the random.org or blah blah blahdety blah blah why I don’t I just hush with my bellyachin’ and tell you who won?

Sound good?

Excellent.

All righty. Here are the ten winners of a fayncee new copy of Dave Barnes’ DEEEELIGHTFUL “You, The Night & Candlelight” EP:

16 – jamie b
47 – jineen
56 – Kaye
60 – Lindsay
144 – Cheri
157 – April
230 – 3msmama
266 – Catherine Clare
270 – Staci
309 – Carla

And here’s our grand prize winner – who gets a $50 gift card, a copy of the EP, AND a phone call from the one and only Mr. Dave Barnes himself:

77 – Liz

Winners, you’ll have an email from me very shortly with instructions about how to claim your prize. If I don’t hear from you within 48 hours, I’ll draw for another winner.

Congratulations, everybody – and if you didn’t win, know that you can still pick up some Barnesian musical goodness over at iTunes (right now the new EP is only $3.99, and I’m sorry, THAT IS A BARGAIN). Also, be sure to check out Dave Barnes’ tour dates, because I can tell you from experience that if you’d like a fun night out with your hubby or your friends, seeing the Dave Barnes in concert is all you could ask for and more.

Happy Monday, interpeeps!

Filed Under: Rambling
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