A Mariah Carey Song Is Not An Option

Last night when I was watching the American Idol results show (bye bye, Lisa), I noticed that once again the judges pointed out the importance of song choice. Randy’s comment that the contestants need “to pick better songs” led to some deep introspection on my part that I feel on some level is entirely inappropriate for a 36 year old wife and mother. But I couldn’t help myself.

Here was (is) my dilemma:

If I were a contestant on American Idol next week, what would I sing? Keep in mind that the fact that I cannot sing is by no means a hindrance here in my personal la-la land.

And somehow this question has become all-too-real to me, like at some minute the AI producers are going to walk in my house and say, “Okay – time’s up. Tell us RIGHT NOW.” I feel an odd sense of urgency about my decision, because I’m, you know, INSANE.

Next week’s competition has a country theme, but my talent cannot be limited by genre. I just can’t work with that kind of process, people. Don’t try to put a fence around my level of singing talent. Because the dogs, when they hear me, they will have to run free.

So here are my top three options:
“Independence Day” – Martina McBride – my country selection
“Bring It All Together” – Natalie Grant and my BFF Wynonna – my contemporary Christian selection
“Hard To Handle” – the Black Crowes version – this is my “break out” song to show the judges how versatile I am

Yours? And don’t be shy. I know y’all. I have seen many of you sing into a hairbrush. So ‘fess up.

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  1. BooMama,
    The only problem with you singing “Hard To Handle” is the still unsettled and long-running dispute we have about the lyrics. Do you remember that? Now, though, I can’t remember what my position was (almost 20 years will do that!). I think it was a “pretty little thing”-“hey, little thing” controversy.

  2. Yes, I remember. I contended that it was “pretty little thing let me light your candle,” and you said it was “hey little thing let me light your candle.” I have consulted an expert, and almost twenty years later, I concede. Congratulations, my friend.

    Side note: I’ve never looked at the lyrics before, and based on what I see, I think the whole idea of me singing those words is, well, comical. So I may have to reconsider.


  3. I’m not sure what I would choose, but I really, really, really want to see (and hear) you sing “Hard to Handle” next time we come to B’ham. Oh, please?
    Speaking of inappropriate lyrics, do you remember the song by Kyper called “Tic Tac Toe”? It was a TAD bit sexually explicit, but I made my husband proud at a golf tournament party in Meridian (probably 4 years ago) as I sang it in a karaoke machine on stage. Sorry you missed it.

  4. Merritt says:

    I don’t know why you’re even starting this whole discussion b/c I’m still so mad that on the BR trip you would not even sing the duet from “Bye Bye Birdie” that you and Wendi were so good at in college!!! In front of your best friends!!!! I will not talk one bit about what you would sing on AI until I hear “Hi, Wendi…” coming out of your mouth.

  5. I don’t think they would allow me to sing the songs that I like on Idol (as if they would let me anywhere near the stage, for soooo many different reasons). My music tastes are probably a wee bit too eccentric (and at this point, old). I’ve always felt like if you listened to someone’s CD collection (or I guess in this day and age, IPod play list), it would kind of like listening to the soundtrack to his/her life. Wow, that sounded really existential, didn’t it? It’s been a long day.

    I’m actually too embarrassed to say what CD is in my car CD player right now, but do you think they would let me sing “Brandy” (1972) by Looking Glass? No, I didn’t think so.

  6. Merritt says:

    How about “You and Me Against the World” by Helen Reddy? I heard that yesterday and had forgotten how sweet it is.

  7. I completely agree with Boo’s country song choice– Independence Day. Then I think they might have to let T-Reils and I do “I am a Promise” or maybe “Chantilly Lace” How about “Delta Dawn” — Simon would really LOVE that now wouldn’t he!!!

  8. I LOVE “Brandy”! That is my quintissential childhood song. It reminds me of Mama’s green Oldsmobile 98 that Sister and Stacy christened as “The Flivver.” And Merritt – the AI thing is total pretend world. I would not sing “Bye Bye Birdie” because that was REAL LIFE, and I’m a chicken in real life. But I’ll muster up my courage and do a special “Hi, Wendi” performance for you in the near future. Promise. And Liz – I’ll sing “Hard to Handle” if you’ll sing “Tic Tac Toe.” I laughed this afternoon when “Dragon Tales” came on, thinking about your rendition of the theme song.

  9. You are too funny. I love your choices. I think I’ll concede and let you win.

  10. Well, for what it’s worth…seeing that I don’t watch this show, but noting that my motto is “Presentation Is Everything”…the first thing I’d do is get myself a KILLER sylist so that I would look gooooood. ‘Cause I can’t sing. But, if I could, I’d toss me some attitude around with my fine self by singing “Think”, and I would make The Queen of Soul, Miss Aretha Franklin, proud. For my country sound, I’d throw down with the best of them with either Tammy Wynette’s “D-I-V-O-R-C-E”…oh, yes I would, or wail out Gretchen Wilson’s “When I Think About Cheatin'”.

  11. Okay, sister,
    I have been lurking and laughing up until I read your comments, but I had to ask—Is there something we should know? “Think”, “D-I-V-O-R-C-E”, and “When I Think About Cheatin.'” I see a theme developing, here………….LOL ;)

  12. I can attest that Sister’s theme thankfully has nothing to do with personal circumstances, but she does love her a good country song. Whereas most people want to hear “pop” country – Sister likes her some Merle, Waylon, Cash, Loretta, Tammy, and especially some George Strait (he’s her celebrity pretend boyfriend). :-)

  13. Oh, let’s not forget George Jones. If I were a male contestant and had a voice like “The Possum”, then I would wow the crowd with “He Stopped Loving Her Today”. And win.
    And yes, George Strait has been my pretend boyfriend for 25 beautiful years.
    He’s all that and then some. :)

  14. If I sang a Possum song, I’d sing, “And the race is on and I hear pride in the back stretch, heartache, coming to the inside / My tears are holdin’ back and / tryin’ not to fall” – OH I LOVE IT.

  15. Or, “The One I Loved Back Then (The Corvette Song)”…
    Oh, she was hotter than a two dollar pistol/She was the fastest thing around/Long and lean every young man’s dream/She turned every head in town/She was built and fun to handle,Son/I’m glad that you walked in/She reminds me of the one I loved back then.

    And you gotta sing REAL, REAL deep on the “hotter than a two dollar pistol” part. :)