I don’t even know how to express the level of my joy when “The Bachelor” finally makes it to the home date portion of each season, but suffice it to say that IT MAKES ME GIDDY. It’s like having a piece of chicken that’s been perfectly fried and then topped with avocados and black beans and Ranch dressing.
Which is to say: PERFECTION. In fact, I anticipated tonight’s episode being such good television that I made a special batch of guacamole for the occasion. I don’t mess around, people.
So.
At the beginning of tonight’s episode Chris told us that there would be one group date and two “very romantic” one-on-one dates. And also: THEY’RE GOING TO SEATTLE, Y’ALL.
(Just to tell you how obsessive I am: I paused the DVR when the girls were running to the limo because I wanted to have a full appreciation for Stephanie’s outfit. I mean, it is not every day that you can pull off a printed shirt AND a printed scarf AND a bedazzled cap AND some large hoop earrings.)
(If I had a bedazzled cap, I’d tip it in her honor.)
The girls arrived in Seattle, and Melissa got the first date this week (THOSE TWO ARE DESTINY, people). Jason couldn’t get away for their romantic night on the town because his little boy didn’t want him to leave, so he called Melissa to see if they could have a quiet night at his house instead. Melissa won me over FOREVER when she asked if she could wear her “stretchy pants.” Because that’s real life, people: stretchy pants and leftover pizza. Rock on.
Back at the hotel the girls were a little jealous that Melissa had time at Jason’s real house. And you know what? They should have been jealous. Because Melissa and Jason seemed utterly relaxed around each other, even though it got on my nerves that they just sort of pretended to eat their ice cream. Go big or go home is all I’m sayin’.
After Melissa’s date we found out that Stephanie, Jillian and Molly were going on the group date. The group date was a cruise around Seattle, and I would like to take this opportunity to give Stephanie a shout-out for breaking out the hooded faux fur vest for a boat ride. Even better was the fact that she actually steered the boat while wearing said faux fur vest, not to mention four very large rings, a feat requires that some skillz when you’re dealing with maritime matters, my friends.
If she had broken out some Rachel Zoe-esque sunglasses you would have heard my squeals of delight halfway around the world.
After the boat ride we were subjected to an exceedingly awkward interview at a radio station (DO Y’ALL THINK IT WAS STAGED? I COULDN’T TELL.) that involved copious amounts of oversharing and no small amount of cringe-worthy moments. They left the interview and headed out for a dinner date, where Jason called Jillian on the fact that she’s been holding back. But he also asked her who he’d meet if he went to her hometown (a question he didn’t ask Stephanie, BTW), and then they kissed while sitting awkwardly on a settee.
Jason took Molly on a walk around Seattle, and she made it very clear that it’s important to her to have her family’s approval when it comes to the person she’s dating. Molly seems totally confident where Jason is concerned, but I’m gonna make a bold statement and say that while he seems really attracted to her, he doesn’t seem as relaxed as he is with Melissa. You are welcome to disagree as long as you acknowledge that I’m right.
The last date was a one-on-one date with Jason and Naomi, and they went on an obligatory Bachelor airplane ride. I like Naomi because she seems totally comfortable around him, and she’s FUNNY, a trait we don’t get too see very in our lovely bachelorettes. But I think she may have given Jason pause when she essentially said that while she wants a long-term relationship with someone, she’s scared she’s not capable of it. Nonetheless, she told Jason that she had “THE BEST DATE EVER,” and then they snuggled up next to a fake mountain. Ah, sweet romance.
The next day Jason stopped by the hotel because he had some (more) questions for Jillian. So they went to some sort of ice cream shop and he asked his questions and Jillian tried not to cry and they kissed awkwardly across a small marble-topped table. I’M STARTING TO NOTICE A PATTERN WITH THOSE TWO.
Right before the rose ceremony, Jason and his purple shirt / purple tie combo sat down with Chris Harrison for a good ole fashioned therapy session. We learned a lot about Jason’s feelings during their chat, and I repressed the urge to scream at the television when he said “her and I” for the forty-fifth time. After he talked with Chris he pulled Naomi into the other room because he had questions about whether or not she was ready for the slower pace of family life. Jason followed up their conversation with about three big hugs, which immediately gave me flashbacks of last week with Shannon. NOT A GOOD SIGN.
The roses went to Jillian, Melissa (SHOCKER), Molly (I really need for Molly to quit laugh-talking when she accepts her rose each week) and Naomi, leaving sweet Stephanie to return to sweet home Alabama in her striped gown, pendant earrings and chandelier necklace. Jason had such kind words for her, and she was beyond gracious. I think HIM AND HER might be really sweet friends at some point down the road.
(Sorry. I couldn’t resist.)
Next week’s hometown dates are sure to be fraught with The Emotion and The Drama, but if the previews are any indication, we’ve got some good times in store with our merry band of Bachelor friends.
I mean, THEM and US have made some really special memories this season.
Oh yes. Oh yes us have.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who cringes at the grammar. It kills me. Seriously.
And while I was sad to see Stephanie go, I’m glad she gets to go back to Sophia.
All I can say about the radio-show interview: The kissing contest was nasty. If I were Molly and had to kiss him immediately after he kissed two other girls, I’d be gargling with disinfectant in the limo on the way home. *Blech!*
Sorry, but I hope Naomi is the next to go. The shape of her mouth makes me so uncomfortable I can hardly watch.
Tonight I realized two very important reasons why I could never be on The Bachelor. (other than the fact I am already married)
1. I could never kiss anyone for an extended period of time in a coffee shop.
2. I have no doubt I would get airsick in those small planes that the producers are so fond of using for dates.
Also, I really missed Nikki’s special qualities tonight. It’s just not the same.
Oh, the grammar. And I’m not usually one who fusses about the grammar like, say, AN ENGLISH MAJOR. Who would that be?….
I’m sad for Stephanie, but I have always felt like Jason was kinda going on a date with an older lady when he was with her. She was waayyy too mature for him. I also feel that Naomi is waaayyy to immature for him. She’s like a college freshman who really wants to party.
My faves are Melissa and Molly. I, too, cannot wait for the “meet the family” episode next week. I hope it’s as dramatic as the preview makes it out to be.
I’m betting that secretly you have a bedazzled hat, too, Soph.
How could he not go for the girl that wants to wear her stretchy pants?? You are right, thats real life right there! I still have Melissa picked to be The girl. We will see…. Can’t wait for next week!
Do you think the girls all become good friends in the house? Sometimes it seems that way and sometimes it looks like they are out to kill! I wish I knew somebody who had been in the house so I could ask them….
I didn’t see the show but I’m guessing that her stretchy pants weren’t stretching over quite as much as mine would have to. Which is why I would never wear them on a date. But good for her.
Yes, the grammar kills me too. “Her and I” is just bad news, whether it’s used as the subject or object. Just bad.
We and Us Alabamians had heard Stephanie would be gone this week, but we were glad that she was the classy girl and carried herself like a lady (since that is not the way Alabama is portrayed most of the time.)
When is Deanna coming back? That will definitely be THE MOST DRAMATIC rose ceremony us has ever seen!
Oh my word, I am laughing out loud at this! Oh yes, me is. How many nails can you hit on the head in one Bachelor post? Too funny, and I am totally with you on all of the above. :-)
I couldn’t wait to see what you had to say about The Bachelor tonight and by golly you didn’t disappoint.
I am so sorry, but Stephanie’s eyebrows (or lack thereof) alone would have caused me to send her home. Plus the fact that yes, she was a little older (looking) and she tried way too hard to be the mature, sweet woman in the house.
If any of ya’ll have been to Seattle (my son lives there), it’s a miserable, rainy, gloomy kind of town. Very beautiful, very green, but the skies are gray. Every day. On one airplane ride I asked the couple next to me how they survived. She said we have lots of those sun lamps around the house. She was from Hawaii. God forbid I would leave Hawaii and move to Seattle for ANYONE!! I’m just saying! Forgive me Seattle dwellers.
Me votes for Melissa also. Her and him make a great couple! ;)
Hugs,
Marie
p.s. I thought I missed the episode with Deanna (thx Kera) until one comment on here. Please tell me I didn’t miss it.
I watch The Bachelor every MOnday night with two girlfriends. We’re all married, have children, and looking for a little romanticism. While The Bachelor does provide a little of that, we spend all of our time trashing the show and LOVING it as the same time. I was sad to see Stephanie to go but they weren’t right together. Anyone notice how her eyebrows look painted on and also that her forehead never creased when she smiled or had any kind of expression on her face? It was like a steel plate! I am also very cognizant of all the accents from the remaining girls- I can’t get over it!
oh, how i needed this post!
I vowed early on that I would not watch it this season. I would not get sucked in…and there I was tonight, watching for the first time this year.
And it was all because I wanted to read your post later on.
But then they showed Naomi’s mama in the preview for next week and I’m not missing that for anything in this world!
I was looking forward to this post so much and I’m so glad I checked before heading off to bed! You describe every detail so perfectly and I am laughing out loud at your “full appreciation” of Stephanie’s outfit! You are truly hilarious. Thank you for the service you offer to the world! I am in 100% agreement that him will pick Melissa. She and he are great together. =)
Oh my word!! You are a bundle of laughs… I only got to see the rose ceremony, but now I don’t even have to watch the entire episode!! Your summary of the show is perfection!!! Though, I’m gonna watch the entire thing just to focus on the specific points you have made; it will make it that much more entertaining!!! Thanks for making me smile… everytime I read your blog!!!
Melissa??? Molly?? Melissa??? Molly???
Lets go ahead and make some predictions now. I’m thinking Melissa.
I got to watch just snipits of it last night (but have dvr primed for later today to see it all), but have I missed when Deanna’s coming back? wasn’t the clip of her at the house on the balcony with all the girls around the pool? and aren’t we almost done with the poolside girl talk at the community home? PLEASE don’t tell me I missed Deanna somehow! I so badly want to see him send him kick her to the curb!
????
You are soooooo right on!
“You are welcome to disagree as long as you acknowledge that I’m right.” Oh, how this had me cracking up! I’m so going to inject this into every possible conversation from this day forth.
And I have to agree with Trish: the kissing contest was DISSS-GUSSS-TING. There is NO. FREAKING. WAY. I’d kiss someone after two other people had. I about lost the cake I just ate when I saw that.
And it was good cake.
With homemade whipped cream.
there are only like three episodes left…where the heck is DeAnna?? Surely they won’t bring her back during the fantasy date episode!
Love it, love it all! That is all I am sayin’!
Can I tell you how much I heart the bachelor. Oh my goodness. And what about Melissa and Naomi having to listen to that pitiful radio interview back in their hotel room. Yikes.
I’m with you….Melissa all the way.
And, oh…to pull off Steph’s outfits…a girl can dream.
I’m with you on the “her and I”. And while I NEVER saw him with Steph (as he kept calling her) she is so gracious and mature beyond her 34 years. Maybe that’s why I kept thinking she was WAY older than that. :) Or maybe it was all the botox?
I have actually loved this season. Your post has cracked me up! I do think it will be Melissa and Molly in the final two. I also thought that Stephanie seemed like a mother to all of those girls. I kept telling my daughter (who was rooting for her because of her character) that he was not going to want a mother “to take care of him”. He wants adventure and well, you know.
I said I wasn’t gonna get sucked in to this again this season….well, I was foolin’ myself. Even my dh, him and me (!), we watch it together!
I am not surprised he sent Steph home, but I agree, she was just so gracious! And he and her may very well be good friends…that would be nice. I’ve often wondered if they all stay connected in any way???
Naomi HAS to be the next to go. My vote is for Melissa, but what’s gonna happen next week when her parents won’t meet him? Is that, too, orchestrated to fool us?????……..stay tuned for more of the Bachelor? Do you know someone who would make a great Bachelor…oh, sorry, got carried away! ;)
And yes, when IS Deanna coming on?
Suzanne
I want to know where the Deanna drama is? I swore I wasn’t going to watch this season and then I saw she was coming back so I had to watch. Did they trick me?
It’s defininitely between Molly and Melissa.
My sister and I are betting on Stephanie being the next Bachelorette!
just sayin’…naomi’s kissin’ on “j” every 10 seconds or so seemed a little too desperate. it was like she was trying to convince both her & him :>) of the connection! it was either that or she was re-living her first date from when she was 15 (where all you do is kiss bc you have nothing to say).
and, i am devastated that i MISSED melissa’s hometown (dallas)taping as it sounds like she lives less than 10 minutes from my front door! aaaaaaaaccckkk!
Stephanie had the whole Boatin’ Barbie look down. The fur vest with the hoodie and the large rings were just pagent glory.
I look forward to reading your review of The Bachelor more than I look forward to watching the actual show. You are funny BooMama – hilariously funny!
Boomama- you are so funny! Love it all! Although, this season just hasn’t been the same for me since I accidently happened upon a Bachelor “spoiler” on the internet- which I totally believe to be true, by the way.
Reasons I love you today:
*you broadcast to the world that you watch The Bachelor. Scott and I watch it, too, but him and I don’t advertise it.
*you had guacamole last night- I was craving it for the most dramatic rose ceremony yet.
*you miss nothing when it comes to Steph’s wardrobe and uncanny ability to accessorize.
*you gave me a line I will now use on a regular basis in my marriage. “You are welcome to disagree as long as you acknowledge that I’m right.” Scott will love it, and him and I thank you for it.
We knew Stephanie would go eventually – she was too mature and he seems to want quirky – she is not quirky. Melissa is still my favorite but Oh MY the snippets from the home town dates makes it appear there will be a big negative (her parents are evidently intelligent people who do NOT want their family plastered on TV in the most awkward of all situations). The Naomi thing – I just apologize because I’m sure she is a sweet girl – but her snippet was totally BIZarre. Not keen on Molly – she is a BIT too much. Of course my living about 65 miles from Melissa doesn’t have anything to do with thinking she is the one. (You need toknow – I’m never ever at all right on these things) I cannot disagree with you Sophie – this week you NAILED it (and yuck on the kissing someone open mouthed right after seeing them kissing someone else – just nasty)
BooMama – you are the best! I just love reading your blog :)
THANK YOU!
LOVE LOVE LOVE your recaps! You are DEAD ON. The grammar – oh, my! Atrocious. The serial kissing – major yuk.
I have heard a rumor that he ends up with Melissa…hope it’s true. Naomi is too childish. Although Stephanie was a little to intense for me, I did admire the way she handled herself when she didn’t get a rose.
As always, BooMama, you’re the BESTEST!
While I think Melissa is great – I’m all for Jillian! I like that girl. And she looks super cute in everything! Please don’t get me started on Molly because I don’t like her & her whole “we didn’t sleep AT ALL!” and “I’m so tired” & I had to do the “walk of shame!” Puh-lease! I’m way over her & I hope Jason is too. But that may just be wishful thinking. He can’t seem to keep his grubby little hands off her. I hope it comes down to Jillian & Melissa because then I would be happy either way. But I still like Jillian more :) I hope Jason does too! :)
I have to admit I was sad, and yes even shed a couple of tears when he didn’t say Stephanie’s name last night… I love your commentaries though! I could not say it any better. She’s my vote for the next Bachlorette!
I was really impressed with how Jason let Stephanie go last night. He really affirmed her and handled it well. I hope she can find someone else.
Let me tell you that as I’m watching this last night…. all I could focus on was remembering your comments last week on Stephanie’s abundance of accessories. This week with her faux vest, RINGS, stripes, etc…. Oh My! Bless her heart! (And that’s from a northerner!) :)
Stephanie, I will miss your class, charm, and fashion choices. I predict that the producers will do all they can to convince you to be the next Bachelorette. If they do, I say to you, “Run! Run for the hills!” Instead, get on match.com like the rest of us. At least you won’t need Dramamine for your dates and can Google-stalk potential suitors in the privacy of your own home.
Okay so I don’t even watch this show on a regular basis, but I cannot get enough of your commentary. It makes my heart merry. And I am completely with you on the grammar. Please disregard my tendency to begin a sentence with a conjunction.
Bad grammar aside (heehee), a great wrap-up Sophie! Thanks!! :)
It’s hard to wear a bedazzled cap with your side ponytail. I know, I’ve tried!
http://www.lazymoms.com
Oh, I started out being an original avid Bachelor watcher, but I have to say, the last few years of it have just gotten same old, same old to me. I wish some of those couples would actually LAST past about 6 mos. and actually generate into a wedding occasionally. I’ve missed several of the Bachelor series & didn’t keep up with all of them, but the track record is pretty pathetic. Thank goodness for Ryan & Trista, at least they have a sweet baby boy now.
Wonder what happened with Mary & the fisherman guy, whathizname? I thought THEY would make it to the altar for sure, but I haven’t heard.
So, I watch some of the episodes, but don’t know all the scoop anymore. I guess I’ve just gotten bored with the whole reality TV thing over the years. I did watch most of last night’s episode though. My hubby came in at the end & started making fun of the tears and drama & I had to laugh!
I promise you that I laughed all the way through your post!! You are so funny and I wish we could watch an episode together. I do a great commentary throughout the whole show!! lol
In my humble opinion I think that Melissa and Jason are as you say: DESTINED to be together! I am a little nervous about her parents not wanting to meet him. Hmmm…drama, drama, drama!!
Also, when is Deanna making her appearance?? I hope they don’t leave that for the final show!!
Anyhoo, on to American Idol and Hollywood week!!!
BooMama: Seriously, Chris Harrison (who goes to my gym here in SoCal, by the way!) has nothing on you. No siree…I absolutely live for your Bachelor recap every Tuesday morning and laugh all the way through it. Bless Stephanie’s heart; she has such a sweet spirit but we all knew she wasn’t “the one” for Jason. I wonder if enough people will write in that they’ll make her The Bachelorette one of these days? She could do with a bit of a make-over and less accessories, for sure, but the girl is as nice as she can be.
Just wanted to thank you for giving me a Tuesday morning pick-me-up each and every week. You should be doing Next Comic Standing!
You make me laugh. Me and You catch the same grammatical errors… :) I can’t help it, though I’m not proud of the fact, I LOVE THIS SHOW…there. Confessed for all the world to see.
I was just introduced to your site and wanted to say that I LOVE your blog!!! This is my first full season of the Bachelor and your updates are hilarious! Thanks for posting! Since I am Canadian, I am cheering for Jillian!!! I think she’s cute and real!
Is anyone else glad they’ve brought back the Chris Harris’ therapy sessions at the end? He’s low-key, but I really like him and how he seems to really root for the bachelor/bachelorette.
The seasons where he said little more than “This is the final rose,” and “Take a moment and say your good-byes,” were a lot less interesting to watch.
When I was watching last night, I yelled to the TV, “FOR the LOVE just eat your ice cream”, and then I told my husband that I hope BooMama mentions this!
And to add to Big Mama’s reason as to why I could never be on The Bachelor (other than the fact that I am already married) is that they never seem to get to eat their food on dates!! And I love me some food!! :)
I can’t believe this TV show is doing this to me, but I was sad when Melissa told Jason wouldn’t be meeting her parents next week. I mean really, it’s just not the same meeting her best friends and not sweet Grandma.
Poor Stephanie and her fashion flubs! She and Jason were never meant to be. Somebody in Alabama needs to help her find a sweet southern gentleman for her to kiss up and down! Loved your post. My guess is the final 2 will be Molly and Melissa. Noami needs to go next!
You are stinkin’ hilarious. I love every bit of your southern-ness. Being an SEC girl myself (TN now displaced to N. VA) it just feels like home reading your posts.
Stephanie was too tall and too southern. It takes a special man to marry a girl as tall as he is (just ask my husband). He’ll end up with Melissa. She’s small enough to put in his pocket.
Oh, and as an aside. Have you ever heard the term “Sowcoon” used for a big storm? My daddy has always used it…as in “there’s a sowcoon coming, you kids better git in the house!”. My husband (yankee) swears it’s a totally made up word that only my family uses. I fear he may be right but figured if anyone had heard it, it might just be you.
Thanks.
And keep writing.
It’s your gift.
I am totally diggin’ THE BACHELOR this season but Jason simply MUST stop saying the word “like” so many times in each sentence. It makes him sound like a dope.