Everything Was Real. Except For The Parts That Weren’t.

My excitement about tonight’s finale has been dampened just a bit because I’ve been running fever for the last 24 hours and nothing sounds better to me right now than SLEEP, GLORIOUS SLEEP, SLEEP THAT RELIEVES MY BURNING EYELIDS. Not to mention that we’ve been planning for weeks for our super-fun-good-time friends the Whittakers to join us for tonight’s show, but we had to cancel our get-together because of the aforementioned fever, the fever that is evil and steals all the fun.

Fortunately the fever has no power over the cheesetacular that is The Bachelor finale. Oh, it makes the cheese a little more melty, but if you’ve been reading here any time at all you know that I’m not really one to complain about melty cheese.

I’ve been so focused on the question of who will get the final rose tonight that I sort of forgot about the part where Melissa and Molly will meet Ty and then meet Jason’s family. I am also understandably delighted that in the first five minutes of the show I get to see both girls do a full 360 degree turn in their evening gowns as well as seeing Ty play on the beach with some strange woman until his daddy shows up.

I feel that we’re off to an excellent start.

Melissa is the first of the two girls to meet Ty, and she and Ty seem to get along beautifully. I wish she wouldn’t use a baby voice when she talks to him, but I think we all know that if she actually becomes a part of Jason’s family, that baby voice will go away the first time Ty leaves peanut butter smeared all over her breakfast room chairs. That’ll put her in touch with her big girl voice super quick, don’t you think?

Next we see Melissa meet Jason’s family, and my first thought is honestly Oh, God love ’em, they’ve been down this road before. At least this time the road led them to New Zealand. Maybe that’s a sweet little second-time-around bonus for them. The subject of Jason not meeting Melissa’s parents keeps coming up again and again and again, and I can’t help but wonder if the producers couldn’t have worked out a private meeting at some point? I mean, would that have been too difficult to arrange? Because I’m thinking that all it takes to make that happen is, oh, A PHONE NUMBER.

Melissa’s visit goes off without any hiccups – she seems totally at ease and comfortable – so next up is Molly. I think Molly’s time with Jason’s family should be especially interesting because while she’s cute as a button and all, she doesn’t give off the same warmth that Melissa does. And since Jason’s family seems like the kind of people who would cry their eyes out every single time they sing “Happy Birthday” to one another, I’m thinking that warmth is probably pretty high up on their list of desirables.

This is just my opinion, of course. Seeing as how I don’t know them at all.

Molly seems super-nervous before she meets Ty, but within minutes everything is golden. They fly a kite, they jog, they sit on the beach. It does make me laugh a little bit that both Melissa and Molly think one day of good times with Ty equals MOTHERHOOD SUCCESS! – because as Big Mama and I have discussed once or thrice, those girls really need to be with Ty on a day when he gets a stomach virus to understand the full depth and breadth of parenting. I’ll even go so far as to say that they need to be with Ty on a day when he has a stomach virus and then Jason comes home from work and asks them what’s for supper and where are the clean towels.

That’s a recipe for the most dramatic Bachelor episode ever, my friends.

Molly meets Jason’s family and is very! wide-eyed! and enthusiastic! about how much she loves Jason! and how ready! she is! to settle down! Jason’s siblings and sister-in-law seem to love Molly, so Jason and his mama sit on the grass underneath a quilt and talk about who’s the better choice for him. Jason cries. His mama loves on him and gives him some advice. He cries some more. And I am convinced in this moment that I’ve never seen a finer two minute span of reality television in my life, oh thank you ABC.

Apparently Melissa and I are on the same page because she calls her parents and asks if they can talk to Jason on the phone. The only thing I’m wondering is why she didn’t ask them to do that very thing WHEN JASON WAS IN HER HOMETOWN, but hindsight’s always 20/20, I reckon. Then Melissa and Jason take a boat ride in the freezing cold rain and go back to her condo. She tells him that her parents want to talk to him, he is delighted, and I get a feeling way down deep in my bones that this is going to end badly for her.

I do not like that feeling, by the way.

The next day Jason has a date with Molly, and since it’s raining she takes charge and changes their plans (DO YOU PEOPLE REMEMBER ME TELLING YOU THAT SHE LIKES TO BE IN CONTROL?). I won’t give the play-by-play of their massage time, but afterwards they fix dinner and she gives him a book entitled “A Fairytale Love Story.” Y’all, I had such a moment of pure happiness when I saw that book because do you remember when Jesse made DeAnna “A Book of Thoughts”? I LOVED “A BOOK OF THOUGHTS.” And I think Molly took a play out of Jesse’s playbook, BUT WITH AN EVEN BETTER TITLE.

THIS IS THE BEST SHOW EVER.

Next Jason calls Melissa’s parents, and I so appreciate how he tells them “I know you aren’t comfortable with the cameras” while the cameras are in fact filming every word he says. And then, a black car pulls up, and I AM SO DELIGHTED by the sight of DeAnna Pappas that I have chills. Or maybe that’s just the fever. But let’s forget all that and please consider the following question: WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS SHE WEARING? Is she now selling real estate in New Zealand? Is that why she has on a business suit?

DeAnna tells Jason that she should have looked farther down the road than “fun,” and she tells him not to follow his heart but to lead it. I have absolutely no idea what that means, but I really don’t care because I’m so puzzled by her jacket. Is it shantung? Is it taffeta? The mind boggles.

Jason picks out a ring and then stands on his balcony and tries to make up his mind. I don’t know about y’all, but I can’t help but think “CAREFUL! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, CAREFUL!” when he’s holding that ring so close to a two-story drop off. MIND THE DIAMONDS, YOUNG JASON. MIND THE DIAMONDS.

Then Molly and Melissa put on their prom dresses, and Jason and Ty put on their suits. I keep waiting for Jason to run crying into the glass wall on the balcony, but it never happens. I can’t help but feel a sense of disappointment, but I get over it quickly when I see that Molly is the first one out of the limousine which, as we all know, is Bachelor Doom (except for that one season where they faked us out, but that is water under the reality television bridge at this point). Jason tells Molly that he has to let her go, and she tells him that he’s made a mistake – a big one.

Then her eyes turn into daggers of fire and all of New Zealand goes up in flames.

Molly leaves, Jason cries, and we finally see the balcony scene. He seems geniunely heartbroken. Meanwhile, back in the limo, Molly says that Jason has made a mistake about five times, and she doesn’t blink at all. I am frightened.

Melissa arrives and looks like she wants to throw up a little bit. Jason tells her that he’s in love with her, and I just appreciate so much that she screams when he goes down on one knee. Then he gives her the final rose, she’s the happiest girl in the world, he’s the happiest man in the universe, Ty runs out to see them and they live happily ever after.

Or do they?

We jump straight to “After The Final Rose,” and we immediately find out that Something Is Awry. Jason says that he and Melissa aren’t right for each other. And not only that: he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Molly.

I AM NOT VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS.

Because let me tell you something: it is double-dead-dog wrong for a man to go on national television and blindside his fiancee’ with the news that he’s breaking up with her. Double-dead-dog wrong. YOU CAN’T DELIVER THAT KIND OF NEWS IN PRIVATE? So Jason gives Melissa the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” line, and she makes no bones about how angry she is at him. She hands him the engagement ring, and I’M SORRY, THE LEAST HE COULD DO IS TO TELL HER TO KEEP IT.

(I can’t even get over what a train wreck this is.)

(Because this is a train wreck of epic, gigantor proportions.)

(And I feel like I shouldn’t be watching because it’s all so deeply personal but yet I cannot turn away.)

Chris leaves the set to give them a moment to themselves (with the cameras rolling, of course), and Melissa tells Jason to leave her alone. She storms off, Jason cries some more, and something deep down inside me thinks that Jason might have some issues he needs to address before he asks Molly to give it a go.

Melissa is far more gracious than she should be when she’s in the limo, and Jason continues to cry back in the studio. Chris walks back in and says it’s time for Molly. I sit right here in my living room and wonder if it’s okay to be watching this, HOW CAN I BE WATCHING THIS, THESE PEOPLE MUST BE ROBOTS AND CLEARLY WE’RE ALL BEING PUNK’D. So Molly goes through the whole I-still-have-some-questions-for-him / I-still-have-feelings-for-him scenario with Chris, and Jason comes back out and after about two minutes Jason tells her that he’s ended things with Melissa and could they maybe have another chance and maybe GO OUT FOR COFFEE OR A DRINK SOMETIME.

REALLY? COFFEE OR A DRINK? BECAUSE SIX WEEKS AGO SHE WAS RUBBING YOU DOWN WITH MASSAGE OIL AND NOW YOU WANT TO GET SOME COFFEE?

Then Jason says that he doesn’t want to live his life with regrets and that “all we have is today, and when I think about living in the moment, it’s with you.”

(I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING IF MOLLY WOULD HIT HIM WITH A PILLOW RIGHT NOW. JUST HIT HIM WITH A BIG OLE PILLOW. But instead she’s holding his hand. And then they kiss and THIS ALL SEEMS SO INAPPROPRIATE.)

Chris brings everybody back to “reality” by pointing out that America is watching this, and America is floored. Jason acknowledges that what has happened “isn’t the classiest or coolest thing” (YA THINK?), but then he tells Molly that he’s still falling in love with her and it will never stop. Then they kiss and hug some more.

(I need some more Advil.)

Cue soaring music.

Couple exits stage right.

And scene.

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Comments

  1. You summed it up perfectly! Cheesetacular! I felt very awkward watching the After the Rose show, really. Does Molly really want such a confused man?

  2. I’m floored. My husband and I watched this, but truthfully, all I could think the whole time was “What is Sophie going to say about this?!” I think there are some serious issues this Bachelor needs to address before he moves on, or is it moves back, I don’t know. I’m still confused.

  3. Excellent recap! You sure do make me laugh after such an awful ending to the show. All I could think was, is he not going to regret making a complete behind of himself on national TV – because that is surely something he should regret!

  4. I could not – repeat – could not wait for your take on the whole night. You did not fail me!!
    Jason is a pretty good actor I think. Lots of crying and gnashing of teeth. As soon as he put Molly in the limo I knew he had made a mistake.
    But to break up with someone on tv and then 15 minutes later to be kissing someone else (did Molly look surprised and sorta green?) is just crude. He had just finished telling America that he and Melissa had spent every HOLIDAY together and we all know what that means. And surprise – Melissa did not look heartbroken to me despite her protests that she was.
    Molly run – run to the nearest limo. He’s used!! Well used!!
    And Deanna? What the heck? All season we’ve been waiting and 2 minutes is all we get. I thought it looked like an Avon lady dress but you might be right – maybe real estate. lol
    In all fairness I did want Jason to find someone and live happily ever after. But now I just want him to be gone!!

    Hugs,
    Marie
    p.s. Do you suppose ABC pays for the rings? Cuz really who can afford a ring with 170 smaller diamonds and one huge one?

  5. Brittany says:

    What could the After After show bring us tomorrow night???

  6. I didn’t watch any of this season (oh who am I kidding, I haven’t watched since Trista picked Ryan), but I feel like I know the story after reading all your recaps each week.

    I read online somewhere that the whole scenario was staged anyway. It was wicked obvious that he loved Molly for awhile, but the producers wanted to make dramatic TV so they forced him to pick Melissa. Thus setting up the lame after the last rose show that was on tonight (which I did watch the last 30 minutes of-can I please have that part of my life back now?).

    I don’t know how true it was, but I believe it. You just can’t make that stuff up in real life.

    Of course, you probably already knew all this and I’m just really late to the dance. Oh well. :)

  7. And now I shall go take a shower, because I just feel icky. Voyeurism isn’t my thing, but I just couldn’t turn away. <>

  8. I guess all the rumors I heard were true. I completely agree, how in the world could someone go on tv an break off his engagement. That is just SO WRONG on so many levels. I feel so sorry for Melissa, but I am so glad she left him have it. I wish she would’ve slapped him across the face. I honestly believe that Molly and Jason had been seeing each other behind Melissa’s back. They just emphasized too many times that this was the first time they had seen each other since New Zealand and she was just too comfortable with the whole situation. Anyway, I am DONE with this show. It is just morally wrong that ABC allows someone to do that on TV. Poor Melissa!

  9. Pure craziness is what I thought when it was over! I couldn’t believe I sat there on my stinkin’ couch for 3 hours for THAT! Wow!! You always make me laugh so I had to come here to get a smile. Craziness!!!!! They’ll be doing the After the Final Rose–Part 2 without me tomorrow night. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t say he’s changed his mind and can’t quit thinking about Deanna now!! lol

  10. Ha! I’m with the others who couldn’t help but think, “I can’t freakin’ believe what I’m seeing…what is Sophie gonna have to say about this???” Melissa is well rid of him.

  11. I would have given anything for Molly to have said, “You mean you dumped Melissa right here on this sofa just minutes ago? I would never ever go out with you you sorry, sack of saltines.” Or anything along those lines. Really? Why would you go back with him.
    LOVE your write up. I think Molly was secretly upset that this would preclude her from being the next Bachelorette.
    And you think he can do anything without, “all this”?? It seems like he thrives on the “all this” part and breaks down without it!

  12. P.S. LOVE the title to this post!! :)

  13. Why, oh why do I enjoy a train wreck?
    Feel better soon, Sophie.

  14. Well, Boo. Your illness has brought out a whole new level of hilariousness. I was so entertained by this post that I might send your fever a “Thank You” note.

    And if Molly HAD hit him with a pillow, I would’ve stood up and cheered like it was an Auburn touchdown.

    I hope him and her’s (sorry, had to do it – I must be channeling Jason) relationship is trouble free because it’s pretty clear that he runs in the face of conflict. And cries, too.

    And DeAnna’s outfit made her look pregnant. Just sayin.

    Can’t wait for Part 2 tomorrow.

    Robyn

  15. Kelly in Minneapolis says:

    I, also, was thinking, “I can’t wait to read Boo Mama tomorrow!” while watching :) I just can’t believe it!

    Now my dilemma is– do I want Jillian or Melissa to be the next Bachelorette!?

  16. The entire time I was watching the ATFR, all I could think about was how I couldn’t wait to read your posting on this. You did not disappoint!

    How truly inappropriate for him to break up with her on national TV like that. We have definitely sunk to new lows with this one. How sad

  17. I don’t know how I came upon your site…someone through someone through someone I’m sure. But, I have to tell you – since I first read one of your Bachelor recaps…I honestly look forward to reading your blog more than I look forward to watching the show! I was breaking out my computer tonight before the show was even over in anticipation of your commentary. :) So thank you…for making Monday nights even more entertaining! Hope you feel better soon!

  18. Thank you for yet another reminder of why I don’t watch this……it’s like crack,,,just say NO, people!

  19. Jason obviously has some problems of his own he clearly needs to figure out. Lets see how many ladies he can string along in this entire process. Poor Ty, he must be so confused.

  20. A final, excellent, insightful, hilarious recap! I think Molly should be seeing major red flags! Run, Molly, run!!! Honestly, if he can’t help his feelings now, he’s never going to be able to. And he’ll have no problem dumping Molly for the next lovely thing that crosses his path. So sad.

    I honestly wonder if the same thing would have happened with Molly had he chosen her in the first place? Would we have watched Jason dump her for Melissa tonight?

  21. Is it bad that the whole time I was thinking, I can’t wait to see what BooMama says about this: in fact I said it out loud and my friends asked, who in the heck is BooMama? Clearly they are missing out on the best Bachelor recap in history!!!
    Hope you feel better soon!

  22. Colleen says:

    Oh My lanta – how much of this is totally staged – even though Chris insists that it’s not – maybe Jason and Molly had not talked – but what about e-mail and/or facebook?

  23. watching Jimmy Kimmel now and Jason thinks spending 6 weeks with Melissa is a lot of time to spend w/ her and their conversations were not the same as they were on the show. Really? He needs counseling and what will the surprise be tomorrow? Jason says that Mel knew exactly what was going on. Have mercy.

    I hope you are feeling better tomorrow!!

  24. I have so many thoughts, but I will leave you with this one for now.

    I am convinced that DeAnna’s luggage must have gotten lost on Air New Zealand and the ABC intern had to run out to Petite Sophisticate to buy her an outfit.

  25. Love your recap…I would have laughed out loud if not for my sleeping hubby beside me in bed. While we were watching, I told him, “BooMama’s gonna have a hay day with this one.” And you did. Thanks for making all the weirdness so funny!

  26. Sending you some link love (all 5 of my readers) because this is why I love you so! You said everything I was thinking! I had to tivo it and my husband called(who’s out of town) right as he proposed to Melissa, and I said, “Can you BELIEVE IT!!!! I mean, I KNEW he was going to pick her!!” And he said, “Have you watched the after show?” in a not so excited voice and then said, “Oh, Man! BooMama is going to have a GREAT post about this one!” It was at that moment that I knew that I would NOT be happy! And, my word, I can’t believe that I am up at 12:15 sending a comment!! Thanks for always making us laugh… even when sad, sad things happen on reality TV.

    Feel better soon!

    (and Melissa should have punched him! and kept the ring!)

    (and don’t you think they all already knew? everyone was WAY too calm!)

  27. I should be in bed!!! But I have to say that I could not agree more with what everyone has said… and THANKS to you Boo mama for keeping reality TV really real… Oh my heck, I think I wanted to jump through the TV and of time and slap that man!

    Feel better soon!!

  28. At least Melissa called him a bastard under her breath, to his face, on camera. It’s the least he deserved.

    I have a longstanding theory that there’s always a reason these successful, rich, handsome bachelors are still single. Dating after 30 ain’t pretty in reality, nor is it good in “reality” world.

  29. And whaddya wanna bet he gives the same ring to Molly?

  30. Myself and another Annie (that you know and love) watched the entire disaster tonight and were cringing through the whole After The Rose business.

    It was horrible in the ‘It’s burning a hole in my soul but I can’t take my eyes away’ kind of way.

    And dear ABC, if you think you’re going to convince me that Jason and Molly have not spoken since they left New Zealand, you never really knew me. Cause I saw that look in her eye. That “are we going to be able to pull this off” look. Oh it was there.

    Melissa is a sacrificial lamb. Jason is a punk. And Molly needs to run. Fast.

  31. I have to admit, I watched the finale and “After the Rose” Finale thingee specifically so I could be up to speed when I read your recap. I love your recaps (really whether I’m following the show or not).

    Here’s my probably-less-invested-then-those-who-followed-the-show-from-the-beginning take on things:

    Melissa: Should’ve kept the ring and pawned it for something PURDY. (Because now you KNOW Doofus Head is gonna give it to Molly. Or at least try to.)

    Molly: She so should’ve bopped him in the head with the pillow. (I thought that was where we were headed when she started laughing, and almost eye-rolling, when he asked her out for a coffee.) If she wants such a “confused” man, more power to her. You know he’s gonna get “confused” again and call up one of the other chicks from earlier in the show. I would’ve had to scream “GROSS!” and run screaming for the hills.

    Jason: Gag.a.MAG. The boy’s front little plop ‘o hair made me wanna yak a in my Corn Pops.

  32. During the middle of the show, my husband, who was “busy” playing solitare, and “not watching” the show, looks up and says, “Hey, go to that one blog and see what she’s saying about all this!” We both laughed out loud at your commentary. Thank you for making this less painful to watch. In all the awkward moments I kept thinking, BooMama is gonna have a hay day with this.

  33. Rutheee says:

    Thank you (and your fever) for making this the best show I have never and will never watch. Just thank you.

    As I said, I will never watch it, but if you tell me what the commercials were for I will buy one of everything just so you can keep blogging about it.

  34. I would rather have had him pick DeAnna than Molly. I’m completely disgusted with him. Poor Melissa… And the fact that Molly kissed him right there after he dumped Melissa? She’s as bad as Jason in my book. Ty must be terribly confused. I know I am!

  35. Melissa says:

    James 1:8 A double minded man is UNSTABLE in all his ways.

    Nuf said.

  36. I’m dying! Oh my goodness; it was a train wreck and I can’t believe I wasted 3 hours of my life watching!! He doesn’t what he wants. And guys woudl be hard pressed to “forget” a massage like that. Please. We all know.

    Hope you get to feeling better Boo.
    lovingly,
    rachwinn

  37. I’ve never seen an episode of the Bachelor, but I’ve loved reading your recaps. Oh, how I wished Molly would have punched him.

  38. Amen Melissa with quotation about a double minded man! We (my DH tolerates this Bachelor thing every season)said when He Who Shall Not Be Named somewhat smirkingly (smirkingly? – the English deconstruction it is spreading!)said he didn’t have any particular religion “this isn’t a good thing”. Yep – a man who doesn’t love God cannot love someone else. Melissa was such a cutie – (a tad needy but ain’t we all?) and the control freak he picked – hmmm – ya think he found loving two women so exciting and AMAZING – ’cause he was messing with two hot women at one time? I’m glad I have bible study tonight and won’t succumb to the train wreck redux – another HOUR of this?

  39. Jenny F. says:

    Great recap BooMama! Your words were my words last night… How can you break up with your fiance on national television?? But then… How can you do a lot of the things they did on national television?? I too felt like I was invading their privacy and yet I could not walk away. I’m a bit disappointed in Mr. Jason. It all seemed so cheesy and unreal. Time will tell if he can keep Molly around. I hope that you will be feeling better soon. We had the nasty flu for a few weeks in early February. Take good care!

  40. First of all…hope you are feeling better! Fever just stinks.

    Secondly and Fourthly…you don’t wanna know the things that came out of my mouth last night. ;) I was so worked up by 10:00 that I thought I was going to need a Tylenol PM. I wanted to SMACK HIM. And, then get tshirts that say I smacked Jason Mezineck. I’m still irritated over it. And, I want to hear from his ex-wife. I think she knows a lot. And poor Molly better get the heck out of dodge.

    Excellent recap. And, who was the lady playing with Ty on the beach?

  41. Oh my goodness! I just wanted to shake Jason. I think he came across as a total idiot and I second, third, etc. that Molly better be running in the opposite direction of him. He doesn’t have a clue what he wants or needs and is obviously totally unable/unwilling to do the work part of a relationship. FYI, Jason, real life isn’t helicopter rides and oily backrubs. What a dork.

  42. Amy in TN says:

    I could not WAIT to read your recap this morning. I really liked Jason and felt that he was truly torn and just had to pick one of them. But seriously, why did he break up with Melissa on the show? Why did he not have that conversation with her before they went on the air? I think that is one of the most low-down, dirty, just plain mean things he could have done. If he really cared anything about her, he would have talked to her in private then they could have given their sides of the story that night. I didn’t have a preference for one girl over the other, but Jason…what you did turned every woman who has ever been dumped against you! And what about Ty??? How confusing is it for him to meet DeAnna, then have Melissa be part of the family, now she’s gone and here is Molly??? You are right BooMama, he has issues!

  43. Last night’s show was like a decapitated head rolling down the highway. You know you shouldn’t look but for the life of you you can’t turn away.

    Much like Kristi, I too felt as if I needed a shower.

  44. Oh my…I am laughing out loud at your post! It is the best recap of last night’s show.
    I think Jason nailed it when he said “Maybe I wasn’t the right person for this show”. Although…I personally don’t think this show is gonna produce any good results; I mean 1 couple married and having a family out of 13 Bachelors and 4 Bachelorettes??!!!

  45. I’m just glad somebody else felt it was a train wreck. I am disgusted with his (Jason’s) behavior. After believing him a decent man- now I’m not so sure. I think you are right about his “issues” that he maybe needs to work on first, before “having his shot” with Molly.

  46. i think my exact words were, “Jason’s an idiot” and then I turned off the tv and went to bed before Molly even came out. I will never watch the bachelor again.

    (until next season)

    Poor melissa.

  47. I don’t even watch the show and I’m floored!

  48. I’m sorry you have the fever! It’s been going around up here too. Thanks for the great recap, I was another one who was thinking about you last night while watching. Duh, Jason – of course things are going to be different after the show. This was my first Bachelor season, and it may have been my last. I don’t know if I’ll watch the “After After” show, I might just wait for your recap!

    Feel better soon! Hope your little man “helps” take good care of you!

  49. You did a great recap. You failed to mention Molly’s excessive nodding! that went along with her enthusiam! The after the rose thing ticked me off!! What a jerk he turned out to be. I wasn’t the biggest Melissa fan, but she seemed more genuine than Molly. Every word she said, he deserved. Wonder how long Molly and Jason will last?

  50. I, too, could not wait to read your recap! What a train wreck. I think Jason’s popularity in America just crashed and burned.
    I also shared your nervousness when he was holding that ring out on the balcony. I’m sure someone from Neil Lane was holding a parachute underneath him.

  51. I do believe our Jason could stand some counseling before he dives into another attempt at a relationship. But then again, I’m not a professional…just a viewer WHO IS APPALLED AT ABC!!! But, of course, I couldn’t stop watching. Mind boggling!

  52. Boomama, I don’t regularly watch the Bachelor, but I have followed along here, so imagine my delight when I caught the last 5 minutes last night and saw that Melissa was the one! My first thought was “Boomama will be SO HAPPY!” And then, I watched the After the Rose. OH MY. I had to run into work today to log on and see what you had to say about that. Oh, the shame.

  53. Like everyone else, I am not only hooked on this seriously sick show, but couldn’t wait to read your take on it. I was floored. Really, even though I love to watch it I hate it at the same time, but after this show I am convinced more than ever that it is not real…or that they pay these folks some big money to create this kind of drama. Jason could not be that mean, could he? How could he do that to Melissa? It has to be staged…even the mean women(except the one woman who is nice, although her name fails me at the moment…I hate that)on The View said that this was what was going to happen. If Molly will have him then I feel very sorry for her. She has as many issues as Jason if she still wants him…just weird. Seriously weirder for me is that I even care. Maybe I have issues :)

  54. Well now what’s left? I suppose tonight he dumps Molly and they bring out Jillian and he asks HER for ‘another shot’.

    Sigh.

  55. Oh Mama. Your fever didn’t stop you. Now see, you did watch way more of it than I did last night.

    God bless you for your input. I think that Jason needs to be tied to a telephone pole and women need to stand around and flog him with something. Then the question came to me. Did he get paid extra for this “new territory” on the Bachelor? I mean, did he drama-it-up for extra cash? Just sayin’.

    Hope that you feel better. With the fever, at least we don’t need to worry about your being cold in all that snow!

  56. Boomama,
    you are HILARIOUS!!! I have never seen The Bachelor, but reading your post made me want to come over to your house and curl up on your couch to watch it with you!! YOU ARE SO MUCH FUN!!!!!

    Jessica

  57. I thought the whole thing was just so staged. There is no way that Jason and Molly have not talked since New Zealand. She was playing the game too. What kind of guy blindsides his fiancee on national television? It would be one thing if he wanted to end it but why do it publicly? I guess because it makes for good tv? That is super shady. Jason and Molly deserve each other.

  58. Courtney says:

    I could barely concentrate on the show last night for thinking ahead to your post today! And you did not disappoint! You summed it up perfectly with the cheesetacular comment.

  59. Except the parts that weren’t, indeed. Hated the onscreen breakup but she clearly knew it was coming and could prep herself for it. And she told us the problem–he wasn’t willing to fight for it. I skip every episode until the ring anyway (your recaps do plenty to keep me up to date) so I don’t know whether Ty’s mama died or just got tired of Jason. I would imagine the latter and she and her girlfriends had themselves a little party last night and are hosting a brunch for Melissa this morning with a cake that says “Sorry I Couldn’t Tell You Before But ABC’s Legal Team Has All the Money.”
    And NO WAY was Molly not in contact with him. No way would anyone have that kind of pre-interview if she weren’t confident in what would happen next. I am all with Annie–they were in cahoots.
    Finally, I have kind of been waiting for this to happen with some Bachelor/ette. It seemed clear that it was such a contrived situation (duh) that under pressure, Mistakes Could Be Made. But oh, Molly, look out for yourself. Men are what they do and this guy, for all his seeming sensitivity, has quite a track record of thinking, Oh, wait, never mind. Get out now, sweeite. And Melissa–not your fault. Go home and find someone kind AND decisive.

  60. “REALLY? COFFEE OR A DRINK? BECAUSE SIX WEEKS AGO SHE WAS RUBBING YOU DOWN WITH MASSAGE OIL AND NOW YOU WANT TO GET SOME COFFEE?” Seriously though!

    Great recap and I couldn’t agree more. It definitely made me want to medicate and I’m not even sick!

  61. Great recap. =} I get that people make mistakes (he didn’t marry her at least), but 1) You don’t break up with your fiancee on national TV. 2) You also don’t do it by saying that you should have picked the other girl all along. 3) You don’t then ask the other girl out and kiss her while the body is still warm.

    I wonder if Brad paid Jason some large sum of money to make him look like less of an ass. It worked.

  62. Run Molly! Run as far and as fast as you can.

  63. Two things:
    A) something must be wrong with me because as I watched the show with my missus, I must’ve been the only American NOT automatically thinking, “What will Boomama say?”
    2) As a man, I’m embarrassed by Jason’s perpetuation of the stereotype that guys are unable to commit and get bored once the excitement wears off.
    iii) LuAnn’s comment about the decapitated head rolling down the highway was a beautiful picture.

  64. I am dying laughing here! I can’t wait to show my husband this post when he gets home. You are hilarious! We watched it last night and sat, dumbfounded, on the couch as he and Molly kissed and were all gooey-eyed. Ugh, poor Melissa. That was all so incredibly inappropriate. I figured something was up when he cried his head off after letting Molly go. One more thing, can you imagine how Melissa’s parents feel about this, they are probably thanking their lucky stars they didn’t appear on camera after all. Also, Molly’s parents, I am sure they can’t be too pleased with the turn of events either, I am sure they probably don’t have too much respect for Mr. Jason at the moment. What a mess!

  65. I was so excited to get to work this morning so I could read your recap.

    Girl. I agree with you: “I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING IF MOLLY WOULD HIT HIM WITH A PILLOW RIGHT NOW. JUST HIT HIM WITH A BIG OLE PILLOW.”

    While Molly can’t deny her feelings (I mean really. Who is she kidding? Of COURSE she still loves him. Hello!), I too wanted to see her pick up a couch pillow and say “You big doofus! You dumped me and now you want me back?”

    Thanks for your recap. As always–it’s the best! : )

  66. Don’t have time to read all the comments, but just let me say this is how I felt. I totally agree with you. It’s like we spent all season buying the ingredients for a fabulous chocolate cheesecake, painstakingly with love added each ingredient, baked it, took a few bites and enjoyed its full flavor and then THREW.IT.UP. Blech, blech, blech……the Bachelor is now dead to me…..blech.

  67. And THIS is exactly why I never watch that show anymore! Ugh, mentally exhausting!!

  68. There are no words to fully captivate the feelings I have. Melissa was my choice from the start, but now seeing what kind of guy he really is makes me glad that Melissa got out. I do not think I will watch the Bachelor again and I can’t believe that they put it on TV and to make matters worse, I CAN’T BELIEVE I WATCHED IT!!

  69. Hey Folks
    Sure it sucks, sure it was a train wreck of epic proportions. But cut him some slack. We’re all quick to say “Oh, come ON! These people can fall in love with cameras rolling in SIX weeks?” But then we all recoil in anger when they actually DIDN’T fall in love in six weeks. Also keep in mind that their contracts REQUIRE their relationship to unfold in front of the cameras. So that means- you wanna break up with Melissa? We’re on in five, four, three, two…
    Besides, I never loved Melissa myself. So this all works for me. :)

  70. I missed last nights episode but knew I could coutn on you for the best play by play ! thank you !

  71. Southern Gal says:

    I commented on the last post before I saw this one.

    A recap:

    Not a fan of this show. Now I know I never will be.

    Thank you.

  72. Janet (aka JT) says:

    My hubby summed it up like so: “He said he couldn’t stop thinking about Molly because after he had had sex with Melissa a few times, he had used her up. He was done. Time to move on. He’s disgusting, end of story.” That’s coming from a man’s perspective, so I’d say I have to agree. Poor Melissa! I hadn’t watched all season, but watched last night because of the hype, and felt like I needed brain bleach afterwards. My word, ABC, my WORD!!!

  73. First of all I cracked up when Chris started talking about how they chose to not have a studio audience to make it more “private and intimate for the parties involved.” Um, yeah, only thousands across America were watching!

    I really wanted Molly to turn him down, that would have been some great drama right there. Although, if she had Jason would have probably bawled his eyes out while Chris comforted and consoled him. That would have been a great treasure to watch.

    Tonight I’m expecting Jason to tell Chris that Molly has changed since their “reunion”, and he can’t get DeAnna off his mind. To which (cue the music) DeAnna will walk out, kiss Jason and run off the stage, or jump into a pool with him. Ahhh, it’s love, true love.

    Thanks for the recap!! I loved it!

  74. I am so dissapointed that ABC allowed all that to happen on camera. That is private! Best line ever…is Deanna selling real estate in New Zealand now? LOVE IT!

  75. Lindsey says:

    This was nuts!!! I kept telling my husband last night..I wonder what Boomama will say about this!

    I love a sensitive guy as much as the next girl but, JASON CRYS WAY TOO MUCH!

    I have tonight’s episode recorded as well as Jimmy Kimmel from last night. This is just too much for me!

  76. I just DIED when Jason asked her to go out for coffee or something. DIED LAUGHING!

    Poor Deanna – her one shot back into reality TV and that is the outfit she wore.

  77. I think in todays After the after the rose, Jason will say he made a mistake and he had wanted Chris Harrison all this while.

  78. I’m cracking up at your hilarious recap. Did anyone happen to catch Jason on Jimmy Kimmel Live? It was great. Jimmy held nothing back. Jason said that he and Melissa couldn’t be alone and that he had to tell her on TV. I’m thinking he could have found a way to break her poor heart in person.

    And did you notice Jason’s response to Chris’s question, “Are you still in love with Molly?” It was along the lines of “Um, yeah, sure.”

  79. Thanks for the great recap! I missed the show last night because I had Bunko! But I wasn’t even concerned because I knew your recap would explain it all. You did not disappoint!

    I hope you feel better soon!

  80. I have loved your Bachelor recaps. Hubby & I were just wondering, if the show ended 6 weeks ago, what HOLIDAYS have they spent together? Valentine’s Day & President’s Day?

  81. Tammy H. says:

    If I hadn’t watched it myself, I would think it was your fever talking!! What’s next??! Are they going to bring Jillian out tonight and ask her for another chance? Did you watch Jimmy Kimmel last night? He had Jason on and really let him have it. He made fun of him the entire time – it was great – Jason so deserved it! My husband watched for the first time last night. He asked if he had a “man card”. The TEARS Jason – please NO MORE TEARS!!!!

  82. Jeanine says:

    omg! i was using words to describe jason that i haven’t used in a long time. i even cried when melissa was in the limo and being so grown up about it. i feel SO bad for her. what deanna did to jason was NOTHING compared to what he did to melissa. he’s such a JERK! i wish i was there to beat him with a shoe or something. but most of america today is like him. they rely on feelings to dictate their actions. that’s why divorce is so high. like melissa said…the first time they have doubts, they run away. it’s sick. he’s never going to find “happiness” because his happiness is fleeting. it’s not concrete. what a dog.

  83. Just so you know, I only watched this train wreck because you sucked me in with your great recaps!!! And it was TERRIBLE!!!

    Umm…so terrible that I could not turn away…

    :)

  84. The after the rose ceremony made my palms sweat. Run. Molly. Run. The boy has ish-ahs!!!!!!!!

  85. OK. I repent of my “decapitated head rolling down the highway remark”. That was a bit unseemly. I also repent of watching The Bachelor because,for me at least,I think some repentance may be required.

  86. I was told I must come on over and read your summary of Bachelordom. So of course I ran and did not walk (well as fast as this ol key board would take me) to see what your take on it all was. Thank you for the good laugh. You summed it up so much better than I! I VOW not to ever watch this show again, well after part two of the After the Rose Show of course.

  87. “…mind the diamonds, Young Jason.”

    Peeing my pants. That was great. I love this here blog.

  88. I am sooo with you on “minding the diamonds” – I kept expecting him to drop the ring then watch it plink on the floor and fall off the second story balcony.

  89. Jason cries waaaaaaayyyy too much for me!!!!!! No sympathy from this girl. Don’t you know that Melissa’s parents are so glad they didn’t take part in this whole fiasco???

  90. I didn’t watch it last night, but caught the early a.m. recap from Rick & Bubba. Yes, they are Bachelor enthusiasts too, so I feel like I was there, LOL. I am, however, going to tune my DVR for the “after” whatever show that is on tonight. What a fiasco!!

  91. i don’t even watch this show anymore but Sophie, that was the BEST RECAP EVER! i laughed and laughed. You are a jewel, even with a fever!

  92. I agree with everything you said…and think Jason is a big ole cry baby! He was getting on my nerves terribly last night…and it had to be fake? Didn’t it? Surely, the network begged him to be this evil for ratings sake?! Surely.

  93. I felt compelled to stay up and watch Jason on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” and was relieved to find out that Melissa and Jason were “not together” before the first ATFR. In fact, they discussed whether she should wear the ring or not. Jason said he felt horrible about having to do the on-air breakup thing, but was contractually obligated.
    The whole business is sick and wrong – obviously it’s totally unnatural to be dating (seriously dating) TWO women the day before you propose to one of them. It’s a recipe for disaster, and a happy ending would be a screaming anomaly…

  94. Here’s Chris Harrison’s take on the whole deal:
    http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/03/chris-harrison.html

  95. I was so mad and I was thinking what would Boo Mama be saying. I think it was all staged, he knew before the final rose ceremony that he would pick Melissa and then dump her for Molly. You can totally tell it was staged. And for Molly to go back to him as his second choice, I hope she gets a backbone. I don’t plan on watching any more Bachelor’s. I hope Melissa finds a worthy man.

  96. O-K, I must confess that I did not watch the Bachelor this season…I just read your posts! This one kept me in suspense, but for only 10 minutes, versus the 2 hours on tv. You wrapped it up well and although I don’t have a clue of what Melissa looks like, you had me pulling for her. I spent 2 hours watching 24 with my hubs and then 2 hours trying to calm down, so I could sleep.
    Hope you feel better soon.

  97. Thank you for the excellent recaps so I don’t actually have to watch it. :o)
    Can’t wait for Part 2 tomorrow!

  98. OMG- that was a great recap!! Haha! I totally agree with your take on DeAnna’s outfit – I said outloud, “what is she wearing?!”. Also, after she left I felt a little stunned, and wondered if that was necessary that she fly all the way to NEW ZEALAND to tell him to lead his heart… ABC totally set us up.

  99. I liked Jason. And now I don’t.

    But on the plus side – your recap was fantastic :-)