Futility In The Key Of Khaki

Well, I spent most of this afternoon consumed by the fact that I couldn’t find a pair of Alex’s khakis, neveryoumind that I had vivid, distinct memories of smoothing out the khakis and walking in A’s closet and hanging up the khakis this past Saturday while I was on the phone with a friend.

So here’s what I did in an effort to track down the missing pants.

1. Looked in the little man’s laundry basket just in case I’d imagined the whole hanging-up-the-pants thing.

2. Looked in the dryer to see if they’d gotten mixed in with a load of towels.

3. Looked in A’s closet.

4. Looked in the basket where I put all of A’s shorts – just in case I’d confused khaki pants with khaki shorts and OH MY WORD WHO AM I AND WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME?

5. Looked in my closet to see if I’d accidentally hung up the pants with my stuff.

6. Looked in A’s closet again.

7. Paused briefly in my quest to find the khakis in order to season some asparagus and put it in the oven.

8. Looked underneath the currently deflated inflatable chair that’s on top of the ottoman in our den because quite frankly a larger-than-average horse could hide under that thing and we’d never, ever know it. Unless of course the horse decided to whinny. But since khakis can’t whinny, I decided it couldn’t hurt to double check.

9. Looked under the bed in the guest room because, well, I sort of like to think of the bed in that room as my giant laundry basket.

10. Decided that 2011 is going to be my year to enter a crazy contest and WIN IT ALL, BY DIGGITY.

11. Looked in one of the suitcases we took to California.

12. Looked in A’s closet again.

13. Looked in a stack of pajama bottoms that I was about to put away.

14. Looked in a folded fitted sheet that is currently residing on the floor of the guest room because, well, it seems happy there.

15. Greeted my husband when he came home from work and then said, “Have I told you that I CAN’T FIND THE KHAKI PANTS?”

16. Looked in my laundry basket again.

17. Looked in the laundry room again.

18. Served supper to my family while talking about the fact that the two pairs of lighter-colored khakis were in the washing machine, THEY WERE IN THE WASHING MACHINE, but the darker-colored khakis were still NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.

19. Poured a Diet Coke over some delicious crushed ice because not even my search for the khaki pants could prevent me from enjoying THE FINER THANGS IN LIIIIIFE.

20. Walked back to A’s bedroom and wondered, If I were a pair of khaki pants, where would I be?

21. Reached the conclusion that it was probably unwise to, you know, ASSUME THAT THE PANTS COULD THINK AND MAKE INDEPENDENT DECISIONS.

22. Folded some more clothes while D was talking to someone on the phone, and as soon as he hung up I said, “I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND THE PANTS.”

23. Looked in the dryer again.

24. Contemplated asking the people on Twitter if they had any idea where the pants might be.

25. Looked in A’s closet again.

26. Found the pants hanging in A’s closet in the exact spot where I thought I remembered putting them this past Saturday when I was on the phone with a friend, OH THANK YOU.

So that was pretty much my afternoon / early evening.

And needless to say, the little man will be wearing those khaki pants to school tomorrow, OH YES MA’AM HE WILL.

Crazy in Alabama

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  1. We once looked for Danny’s lost billfold for days. After we had canceled all the cards and got him a new driver’s license, we found it.

    In the pants he had been wearing. That he had checked numerous times.

    It was in the pocket WITH THE POCKET HANGING UPSIDE DOWN so he hadn’t touch it when he did his countless pat downs of his pants.

  2. This happens to me far too often. I seriously have started to wonder if I need some type of intervention on my clothing sorting/putting away because it seems crazy that I can’t find the article of clothing I am looking for, when I need it.

    I spent, no lie, 1 solid hour looking for bloomers that matched my daughter’s dress. I found myself cursing the joy of dressing a little girl, while simultaneously cursing myself for not being able to keep track of my little girl’s clothes….perhaps I’m just not cut out for all this cuteness?

    So happy you found them. Are you sure you want him to wear them so soon though? Seems like you would want to bask in the glory of knowing where they are for a few days. That type of certainty is priceless.

  3. I was betting on the DREADFUL POCKETS AT THE CORNERS OF THE FITTED SHEETS to be the culprits. I cannot count the number of clothing items that they have consumed just here in my very own home.

    They are relentless.

  4. This is too funny! I tend to lose clothes, too. And I’m like you about finding them: the day entirely stops until they’re located! But my worst lost item story is…well, there are two, and they both involve cordless phones. One was lost for months and finally I found it in the trunk of my car. With the other missing phone, we could hear it beeping in some far-away location but couldn’t track down the beep. We finally trailed it across the yard, over a barbed wire fence, and out into the cow pasture…where our dog had buried it.

  5. Just so thankful to know that I’m not the only one with those types of stories.

  6. Crazy in Kansas thanks you for sharing, because now she knows she’s not alone.

  7. Oh, this made me laugh!

    I just spent the weekend at my parents’ house with my kiddos. While eating dinner, we put the baby in her bouncy seat with her pink pacifier in her mouth. When she started to fuss, and I got her out of the seat, I could not find the pink paci. We searched EVERYWHERE. I checked my pocket at least a dozen times, I had the 3yo climb under the table, I looked under the table, we picked up the bouncy seat and turned it upside down. NO PINK PACI.

    The next night, we had dinner at my brother’s house. I went to get the bouncy seat out of the back of my suburban, and there was the pink paci right smack in the middle of the floor. I have NO CLUE how it got there!

  8. I feel your pain – these types of disappearances happen all to often in our house!

  9. I had this exact search, except mine was for a missing pair of ae jeans which belong to my 17 year old son. I took it a step farther, called the ex to make sure he hadn’t left them at his house, nope. My next call was to a friends mother where he had spent the night, nope. Found them…I had hung them in my husband’s closet while on the phone with a friend, not even kidding.

    Your crazy twin in IL.

  10. Are you sure you aren’t writing about an experience that happened to me?? I’m sure you must be…well, except mine involves my 23 year old and 75 pounds lighter than me daughter.

  11. At least you found them! Isn’t it horrible how it consumes us completely until we’ve found what we’re looking for. And just now I had the thought of the Father looking for that one lost sheep. I guess it’s not so horrible after all.

    My favorite, well not favorite, but you know what I mean, incident of searching for a lost something was a set of car keys. I had not seen them for about seven months and had mostly forgotten about them figuring they were in the landfill somewhere. Then the weather turned cold and I pulled out my winter coat…they were in the pocket. My cell phone got put up in a coat in the closet this winter. Thankfully it was fully charged and rang until I could locate it!

  12. I totally thought this post was going to end with you saying that A had them on at school the whole time!!!
    Glad you found them, along with some of your lost sanity!
    Please know that you are not alone…we have all done something similar.

  13. You are not the only one!

  14. Ah…the joys/pains of multitasking! Done it a thousand times. Glad you found them, tho!

  15. Beautiful, just beautiful. Does my heart (and emotional state) good to read stories like this from people other than myself.

  16. Ok, I’m a lurker, but I have to come out of the closet to comment on that one. (Sorry. I couldn’t resist.) Anyway, this has so happened to me before! Not in my son’s closet (yet) but in my own. I will have absolute recollection of hanging a shirt, won’t be able to find it for ages, then there it is, right where I thought it was! I am so confused by this phenomenon.

    Anyway, found your blog via Big Mama. Love reading you ladies, keep up the good work! :)

  17. I had the same encounter with a pair of white Capri leggings….not mine, that would just be scary. They belong to my daughter. Took 2 days before I found them…sigh
    Crazy in Virginia

  18. Oh my goodness! Have you been to my house lately? That’s the story of my life LOL! Hubby and I do this all the time…usually w/ our own stuff too. Glad to know I’m not the only one.

  19. Margaret says:

    i hung my black cotton gown in my husband’s closet and he finally got tired of moving it and told me where it was. Fortunately, I had not mentioned losing it to him.

  20. THANK THE LORD I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE! Losing stuff make me crazy and my family knows it. It is like a freak show at our house when mom is on the hunt for a lost shoe, stuffed animal, etc. My son lost his stuffed dog that he has slept with since he was a baby. It was gone for months. I made everyone “filter” the leaves when we raked last fall so as not throw the dog out with the brush in the event he had taken it outside. My husband finally found it tucked away on his work bench and I cried like a baby….much to the amusement of my family.
    I did lose my car in a parking garage at the public museum. Had it not been for God’s gift to mothers….the key fab that causes the horn to honk….I’d still be walking up and down the aisles with 4 children in tow.
    I can’t even tell you how you have made my day!!!!!

  21. I lost my favorite pair of leggings. They are the most perfect pair of leggings ever made and admired by all. I tore my house apart looking for them. I had resigned myself to the fact they had some how disappeared and replaced them with a less than perfect pair. The other day I was cleaning out my daughter’s back pack and there they were stuck to the back of her little navy sweater!

  22. Someone may have already said this, but I was expecting you to say…”As Alex got ready for bed he took of the pants he was wearing…the Khaki pants I’d been looking for all day!!” Or something along those lines. :D

  23. Ironing my husband’s shirt this morning I couldn’t get the the crease in the sleeve to lay flat. Finally realized there was a sock stuck inside the sleeve, obviously tucked in there by tumbling in the dryer. The mate to that sock (his favorite purple argyles) has been on top of my dryer for weeks waiting for a reunion. Felt silly when I thought about all the places I had looked for that sock. Love your crazy.

  24. Well, I have a pants story…Went to San Francisco on vacation in 1981 and having been to Disneyland and Carmel for a week before making it to SF, I decided to do some laundry. 5 days later, while packing for the return trip. couldn’t find a pair of pants. After looking (and looking) finally returned to the laundry, and LOW AND BEHOLD…there were 7 pairs of our pants STILL IN THE WASHER!!! How lucky was that?

  25. My best story is still the time my husband was running around the house looking EVERYWHERE for his keys to no avail. Until he realized they were CLUTCHED UNDER HIS ARM the entire time he was searching…

  26. The inner dialogue is priceless. Priceless, I tell you. Thanks for a morning laugh!

  27. I really hoped that I would get to the end of this post and you would realize A had been wearing the pants in question all day long. ;)

  28. OH MY WORD I cannot explain how many times I have done things like this. I truly understand all the feelings and emotional rollercoaster that goes along with this type of ordeal.

  29. Dana Orsbun says:

    You just made me laugh out loud in my office. Love your blog and am always looking forward to reading it everyday.

    Thanks for making me smile.

    ps I’m an okie living in ark. love college ball like you do!

  30. Glad you found the khaki pants, or as our older one calls them, “tacky” pants.

    I am even more in awe of you because you mentioned a folded fitted sheet. Mine can best be described as wadded-up fitted sheets. But then, I come from a long line of wadders.

    Happy Tuesday!

  31. Amy from Austin, TX says:

    So glad to know I’m not alone in the Crazy! :)
    Crazy in Texas…Amy

  32. Oh, sadly, the stories I could tell. Mostly they involve keys which usually are found in my purse that’s in my hand or in my sweatshirt front pocket (seriously, if I’m only taking stuff to the thrift store, do I have to dress up?) while I’m doing the crazy “IF ANYONE HAS SEEN MY KEYS, PLEASE SPEAK UP” Dance. Of course, we also have a 3.5 year old who since he’s been mobile has lost: 7 sippy cups, the small attachment to my vacuum cleaner, multiple pieces of clothing (he strips at any given moment), a dust-buster (yes, the small appliance), and a huge stack of corn tortillas (I have no idea). Not one of those items has ever been found. And we are not hoarders, so I should have found them by now. It’s not just my imagination, people, crazy lives here!!

  33. Ha! I, like so many others, can totally relate to this story.

    We have a toy hauler/camping trailer that we took to the beach last summer for vacation. Upon return from vacation with our small family, the in-laws, the sister-in-law with her 3 children, and a cousin with her 2 children, we sorted luggage, cleaned out sand toys and began to do laundry. Upon completion of the doing laundry that following week, I discovered that my favorite jean capris were missing. NOT ONLY were my jean capris missing, the tank top, bra and underwear that I wore with the jeans on the trip, were also missing! Everyone checked their luggage, no one was claiming to have my favorite pair of jeans. :( It was days later that we decided to look behind the built-in laundry hamper in the trailer that we discovered all of my missing clothes along with a pair of Hurley jeans that belonged to my son, in a size 12 month….he’s 3.5 yrs old now! Gotta love it! :)

  34. Crazy in Indiana felt like we were reliving my weekend – how did you know what I did? LOL.

  35. Have mercy! My own personal CRAZY is catching!!!

    #10 blessed me like you wouldn’t believe! You crack me UP, girlfriend!!!

  36. Peejoe's Mama says:

    My entire blog was devoted to mishaps like this. My mind is completely gone now and I don’t even try to blog about the stuff anymore!

  37. This is literally a laundry list (LOL :)

    Have a great day!


  38. Mmmm hmmm.. that was the devil right thar.

  39. Hilarious! I’m the same when I can’t find something. It irks me to no end. Normally, I’m an organized person so it’s just a burr in my saddle when something is not where I think I left it. :)

  40. I just knew that was where they were! That happens to me all the time. I have no idea why. It’s pretty frustrating, but at least it translates funny in blogland :)

  41. This has nothing to do with losing anything…except maybe my mind. I have found myself (not once, but TWICE) walking up the sidewalk toward the front door pushing the unlock button from my car’s keyless remote in the direction of the deadbolt. Not even kidding.

    Crazy in Texas,

  42. Oh gosh…you sound like me. I did this same thing last week looking for one of my daughter’s shirts. It consumed me for like 6 hours.

    We went to Chuy’s immediately after church Sunday. When we were walking in, I thought of you! We had to wait for a few minutes, but it was so nice outside that we didn’t mind one bit.

  43. That’s not crazy. That’s a PARABLE, sister!

  44. This was a delightful take ON MY LIFE! I’m thrilled to be part of the crazy with you! It’s good to know you’re not alone, isn’t it?

    Look at this way: it could BE MUCH worse like, for instance, you could be MY HUSBAND and periodically return the pitcher of tea to THE CABINET or return the phone IN THE FRIDGE or the remote even, IN THE FRIDGE. So our crazy, altogether different from my husband’s crazy. Let me know if you reach that level.

  45. This….has made my day.

  46. You were totally living my daily existence. How can this happen??? Nearly everyday!

    And you have encourged me that maybe I am not quite as crazy as I beat myself up for being, because your narration sounds completely normal to me :)

    Nearly everyday I live this scenario….. I totally get this circus act with the Khakis.

  47. I’m commenting on your husband buying an inflatable chair and using it for x-box, which is totally what my husband would do. I’ve been campaigning unsuccessfully to get rid of his bachelor-bought, black leather overstuffed sofas since we got married (so, six years now).

    I’ve officially given up, as they are incredibly comfortable for TV-watching (and, apparently, x-box). In fact, we just decided to buy a faux leather (ie, vinyl) ottoman from Target to complete the den ensemble. Yes. Faux leather.

    It makes him happy. Happy husband means happy wife. Even with the faux leather.

  48. We bought a new house, left closing and my husband got on an airplane and I went to take the kids to the new house to look around. When we were leaving I couldn’t find the keys anywhere. Assumed they were in my purse and so I locked the back door lock and left. Searched for DAYS for the said keys. My husband ended up BREAKING out a window of the door to unlock the house to look for the keys.

    Mind you, I checked my purse OVER and OVER and OVER.

    Finally, in desperation I said … “Bill, I’m not going to do anything else today until I find the keys!” As I was saying that I stuck my hand back down in my purse and there they were, in the little cute front pocket for my phone (which is why they didn’t fall out when I dumped my purse). There were like five keys on that ring. HOW COULD I NOT FIND THEM?!?

    Crazy in Houston

    PS Maybe we should start a support group. :)

    PPS Here is the story: http://i-get-to.blogspot.com/2010/11/72-hours-later.html

  49. Been there. Several times.