An Exciting Time Of Emotional Growth

Last night Alex and I were watching a show called “Blue Planet” on Animal Planet, and I was trying to brace myself because the narrator had made it clear that we’d be journeying to the bottom of the sea and I knew that THE CREEPY TEXTURES, THEY WERE COMING. For a while it was all crystal blue water and the occasional fish, but then (OF COURSE) the pressurized sea craft wandered into some lake-like area where there were all manner of creatures with repetitive circular features. There were even (I kid you not) blood red tube worms that were clustered in the shape of a chimney, and I’m pretty sure that it was the closest I’ve ever come to actually dying. I tried to shrug it off and be all, “Oh, it’s no big deal” since I would prefer not to pass on that particular ish-ah to the next generation, but I don’t see any way that God can get glory through a blood red tube worm. Don’t even get me started about the dead whale and the hagfish. I just cannot.

The good news, however, was that I sat through the entire TV show without having to jump up and leave the room. I’d call that progress. I also learned that a blue whale’s tongue weighs as much as an elephant, so maybe that little tidbit-o-knowledge will come in handy should I ever find myself in an impromptu “Jeopardy!” tournament. AS YOU DO.

(Just a little while ago we were watching a bunch of sardines move upstream, and the sight of all their little mouths wide open – the THOUSANDS of them – sent cold shivers down my spine.)

(I may need some counseling.)

Anyway. I actually have a question (well, three) to ask y’all. I’m working on a little something – mainly trying to flesh out an idea. So, if you don’t mind and aren’t too busy and I’m not interrupting you at a critical point in a Netflix marathon, would you answer these three questions in the comments, por favor? Answer anonymously if you want – or just make up a name.

1. On a scale of 0-5 (0 being not at all and 5 being LIKE CRAZY), how much do you struggle with comparison in your life?
2. Do you ever feel competitive as a result of the comparing?
3. In what areas are you most likely to compare yourself to other people?

Kind of serious, I know. But it’ll help me a bunch if even 20 people answer.

Thanks in advance for your help, y’all. Remember, if you’re at Mistletoe Market in Jackson, MS tomorrow afternoon or Friday, come see me at the SoDelta Candle booth. I imagine that we will have lots of time to visit.

Hope y’all have a great Thursday!

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  1. Jennifer S says:

    1. I am a 1 now. I used to struggle more, but after recovery, it is less.
    2. Sort of. A weird competitive – usually only happens in my head – rarely fleshes out in relationships.
    3. My kids and my house. We homeschool so it is a constant struggle because EVERYONE else compares so I often jump on the bandwagon. And I SO NOT a ‘cleanie’ so even when my house is as clean as it gets, it never seems good enough.

  2. 1. I’d say a 1-2 on everything normal and rational and a 5 on leg length.
    2. I can’t do much to extend the length of my legs so I don’t get
    3. I’m grateful to be at a point in my life where I’m pretty comfortable with my shortcomings and gain a lot of confidence when I see how happy my child is, but I can honestly say I have never outgrown my insecurity about my short unshapely legs.
    I don’t think I ever not notice legs- especially if someone is wearing leggings or jeans or a cute skirt that I could never pull off.

  3. 1. Hard to admit, but probably a 4.
    2. No.
    3. My body and financial status. Our family’s been hit hard by this economy, and I find myself trying to keep up the appearance of “we’re not as poor as our bank account says”.

  4. 1. 3ish (I realize that’s painfully exact)
    2. Not so much competitive. More like defensive.
    3. Marriage (“oh, she’s a much better wife than I am…”) and parenting “her kid is so well behaved and mine is climbing a flat wall)

  5. 1. Definitely a solid 4
    2. Extremely
    3. Appearance (someone who is thinner, who has better clothes/style), finances (everyone else seems to have lots of money to spend on seemingly random things…which ties into the first answer…money to spend on clothes, makeup, shoes, etc.). Interestingly, I will also compare in the opposite way where I can be judgy about how someone isn’t doing something as well as (I think) I can do the same task.

  6. 1. I am probably a go between a 2 and a 4 depending on what is happening in my life. If I feel good about what is happening in my life, I compare less, but when I am dissatisfied, I bring on the comparison
    2. Not outwardly but it might push me to work harder at whatever it is i’m comparing. I really try not to bring that into my interpersonal relationships because I have a family member who does it constantly so it makes me more aware if I do it, since I don’t like when the family member does it.
    3. Body image and career.

  7. 1. about a 3.5
    2. Not really. Funny thing is I am always reassuring other ladies that all that they are, have done, or are doing is just perfect.
    3. I’ve typed this answer a dozen times and am ashamed at how shallow it sounds~ I typically compare my looks/body and my house to others (decorations, not size) and mostly I am comparing myself to those that “have it all together”, so I never end up on the positive side of things :)

  8. 1 – a solid 4
    2- Thankfully, no.
    3 – My home and finances. I’m a SAHM, which is such a blessing, but I do struggle with the loss of my notable financial contribution to our household — the one that allowed for home decor and “fun” purchases for all of us. I see so many friends and acquaintances who seem to be able to maintain that lifestyle even on one income. Just hate that this even bothers me — I know it’s so very material and trivial!

  9. 1. If I’m honest, most likely a 5. I hate it and it makes me miserable, but I have not yet gained mastery over this stronghold.
    2. It can. I do find myself trying to do as good or better than others.
    3. Mostly my homemaking skills, like organization, cleaning, time management. Right now I am a working mom and it seems like something always falls through the cracks. I short change my daughter so I can spend more time on the house trying to live up to certain standards I think everyone expects.

  10. 1. 2
    2. Not so much. Ashamed maybe but never competitive.
    3. How my kids act! Money (not how much but more how we use it). Do we have the freedom to eat out as much as so-and-so…

  11. 1) 3.75. I know I’m already comparing myself against the other answers. Maybe we should move to a 4 after all.
    2)Not competitive more trying to make others feel better while silently thinking I should be better.
    3) oh mercy, do you have a few days. I struggled with anorexia at age 19 and now I struggle with the opposite side. Sometimes eating disorders just change colors. I have spider veins (a LOT of spider veins) and have had them even as early as my teen years. I’ve always coveted those nice pretty un-purpley streaked legs but also hitting mid-forties has finally made me accept the things I cannot change. Slowly I’m learning to appreciate myself for the way God made me but yes, those comparisons still creep in my thoughts. After being a single mom until my son was 17 I’m now staying home and needless to say I agree with Kristen, the lack of financial contributions to the household really get me sometimes.

    4) Good thing you make me laugh all the time because otherwise I might need some therapy now. :-)

  12. 1. Currently, I’m at about a 3.
    2. Yes. It’s not in a “Oh….you have some fancy holiday cards….but they’re not as fancy as MY holiday cards” way but a “LOOK! I can do fancy cards, too!” kind of way. (does that make sense?)
    3. We just moved and while we’re getting to know our neighbors (who are all really great!), I feel the comparison for the simple things: clearing the leaves from our lawn, having the perfect dog who listens and doesn’t bark, having tasteful holiday decorations (I live on the block where the majority decorated for Halloween. I’m already stressed about Christmas), doing the perfect gifts for the neighbors….and just typing this all out I realize how crazy this all is.

    I hope this helps you and I’d love to see where this is going….because clearly….I am need of a reality check.

  13. I have been in therapy for almost two years, and my answers have changed in that time.


    1. I am still a solid 3 in that area and maybe veer toward a 4.
    2. I do sometimes have competitive inclinations…like I want to be THE BEST at everything and do everything right. I am actively working on this.
    3. Lots of work-related stuff. I also have trouble leaving my ego at the door at yoga, but I am getting better at making my yoga practice MY yoga practice. I also have some pretty significant food issues and have a history of engaging in a pretty negative internal dialogue concerning my weight. Again, I am actively working on it, and it’s getting better.

  14. 1. Kinda sad, but think I’m a 4.
    2.Not really. I go the other direction…retreating.
    3.Appearance, finances, kid’s behavior and accomplishments…on and on…

  15. 1. 2.5 (does that count?)
    2. Not outright competitive, but i always start to be in my head. Luckily I can catch myself before I get going.
    3. Mothering! The state of my home. Mothering. How i look. Did i mention mothering?

  16. 1. Two point five.
    2. Depends on who I’m comparing myself with. If it’s someone that I think I am better than, yes, I get competitive to prove my point. If it’s someone that I don’t think I hold a candle to, then I get defensive and negative about myself!
    3. Writing, ideas about how things ought to be done, teaching

    Whew! Some of that truth ain’t so pretty! But always good to look at myself and see areas where I need to grow.

  17. 1. On a scale of 0-5 (0 being not at all and 5 being LIKE CRAZY), how much do you struggle with comparison in your life? 3

    2. Do you ever feel competitive as a result of the comparing?
    Sometimes. I’ll go buy a new shirt if I don’t like anything I have and know I’m going to see a super stylish friend. But that may be more of a “I want you to think I’m stylish too” thing, not a competitive thing.

    3. In what areas are you most likely to compare yourself to other people? motherhood, as a wife, and looks (vain, I know).

  18. anonymous says:

    1. 3-4, even though I want to escape it, it is a mental battle that I continue to fight. I am very hard on myself about everything.
    2. I definitely have comparative thoughts, about relationships, material things, looks, body type, experiences
    3. Her husband does such loving things for her…she is so smart….she is so organized…she is so fun…keeping a running mental list of blessings (Ann Voskamp) helps combat this miserable thought stream, but it still seems to easy to have those thoughts.

  19. 1. I will say 4 because comparison seems to be an automatic response in so many situations for me, but, thankfully, I can also say that God is graciously and gently guiding me to see the destruction with this thought pattern. After the initial comparison, I now often give thanks for what God has entrusted to me, recognize his blessing in my life, and can then let go of the negative thoughts.
    2. 1
    3. home, appearance

  20. With everything else, probably a 2. With this issue, 6 or 7! I compare myself constantly with my weight and other people’s as it is something I’m ashamed of (I’m officially obese, need to lose 75 pounds or so). I’m not a competitive person by nature, and in this realm and with some health issues that are contributing to this problem, there is really no one to compete with. If there was, I wouldn’t try, due to fear of failure.

  21. 1 or 2
    Right now comparing health (been going thru some health issues with hubby)

  22. 1. I would say most things a 1 but on my fitness level/body/appearance a 4.
    2. Nope. If I did get competition about it, it might spur me to get out and walk or exercise. Nevermind that I just had my sixth baby.
    3.Clothing or style-I love looking at fashionable mamas.

  23. 1. Probably about a 3
    2. No, not particularly. In most cases it would take more effort on my part that I have in me, which would then result in more comparison!
    3. Generally trivial things – home decorating/cleaning/organization, cooking abilities, sometimes parenting skills/activities, mental health.

  24. 1. Oh, a solid 4 on the bad days, maybe a 2.5 when I’m really on top of the world.
    2. Not competitive with/against others, it’s more that I use their achievements or talents or looks or what-have-you as a stick to beat myself with. Only competitive when watching “Jeopardy,” because – as you’ve noted – one might find oneself in a Jeopardy situation at any moment.
    3. Homemaking (or lack thereof, in my case), marriage relationship, accomplishments, organization, cooking skills, flat stomach.

  25. 1. 2 on good days, and 4 on bad.

    2. I sometimes feel competitive due to comparison. Mostly I just feel inadequate.

    3. A). My mothering abilities.
    B). My home and other “things.”

  26. Susan berry says:

    Excited you are coming to mistletoe in Jackson but sad I won’t be there when you are!!!
    I’m coming to early opening in the morning. Don’t think my feet can hold out until you arrive!
    Love love your book! Keep reading it and giggling! Want to get some for Christmas gifts!
    Safe travels!

  27. 1. I’m old and tired, so maybe a 1.5.
    2. I do compare myself a tiny bit.
    3. My size/weight issues. (I’m working on it!!!)
    STOP watching Animal Planet. Too weird!!!

  28. Anonymous says:

    1. If I’m truly honest I would say about a 4.. My first thought was, “oh I don’t struggle that much with comparison. But when I truly think about it… I really do compare myself with others a lot..
    2. I’m not sure competitive is the right word for me… I tend to justify & become prideful in other areas when I feel like I don’t measure up in certain areas… Like if I have a really fit & skinny friend & I automatically start to compare my overweight body to hers… I will have this inner dialogue with myself that says ” Well she may be skinny but my marriage is better than hers!” Ugh!!!! That is so hard to admit…
    3. I struggle in the areas of my weight, decorating the house, having the right clothing, money.

  29. 1. Probably a 1.5
    2. Not usually- unless its work.
    3. Comparing myself to other women – in terms of thinness. It never causes me to de-friend someone, act ugly, etc… just a stream of thoughts about how I don’t like my shape. Too bad most women do the same thing – probably even the ones I am admiring. #loveyourself #Godmadeyou

  30. Hmmm…
    1) about 3.5
    2) not really with anyone but my family (is that normal??)
    3) appearance (especially weight/prettiness), kids’ behavior

  31. 1. 5
    2. Yes, very much.
    3. Appearance (weight & clothes) & home.

  32. 1. at least a 4. Some areas get more analysis, some less as I get older.
    2. made me off-the-charts competitive in my 30s and 40s – now in my 50s and just don’t have the energy to keep up with that. In a strange kind of way, I have been grateful for the odd motivation of it.
    3. Weight (because I’m larger than every woman I know), hair (mine is thinning so am very self-conscious of that), clothing (not expensiveness, but how well outfits are put together compared to my pitiful efforts), level of spiritual fitness (I’m pretty sure everyone has a better prayer life and study disciplines than I do), and home decorating skillz (our house looks like a college apartment and I envision Southern Living.)
    It’s really late at night and I’m pretty sure I didn’t do my commas and parentheses properly. Feel free to come at me with the red pen.

  33. 1. A pretty solid 4 most days…that really makes me sad.
    2. Not too competitive …I never seem to measure up so I just feel inadequate.
    3. So many areas…intelligence, my opinions, my taste in clothes and decor, am I significant, do I have anything to offer. I am too darn old to still have these thoughts but the enemy knows where to attack!

  34. 1. I am going with a solid 3.75.
    2. Not really. I have never been very competitive. I also don’t like conflict. To me the two go hand in hand… (so instead I just settle with negative self-dialogue). (But I’ve recently started seeing a therapist! So ask again some time!)
    3. Ironically, I often compare myself to others regarding outward appearances of confidence. Or extroversion… We just moved to a new city and its HARD to make friends when you are an adult! So hard. I’d like to be one of those mom’s on the playground after school who seems effortless and open and friendly and outgoing. For me it is work. And also STYLE. Don’t even get me started – I wish I had style. And longer legs – word to your mother, I wish I had longer legs.

  35. 1. I’m going with a 3.7
    2. Not really competitive…never have been
    3. I constantly compare and berate myself over my weight. I’ve always struggled and you’d think Id learn to eat less, move more. But I constantly compare myself to others. I do realize in the big scheme of things, I could wrestle with SO much more in my life- but my unhappiness lies in my weight. Just being honest.

  36. 1. A 5! I hate that!
    2. I’d like to compete but can’t afford to play
    3. Weight, fashion, gourmet food, knowledge, social circles, cars, home and home decor, home services, college and retirement savings, travel, ok – everything

    P.S. I’ve decided Pinterest is the devil’s favorite app

    • I’d like to add that I’ve been working on using that ‘5’ energy to compare my life in a different direction – to those in the world who have so much less than me in health, faith, and possessions. It’s a lot easier than stopping comparing altogether, and a lot more peace-inducing!

  37. 1. 4 ( but that’s progress from 5! And that was a battle)
    2. Yes….sigh
    3. Achievement, weight/appearance, home…….sigh and sigh)
    – each day is a bit different

  38. 1. I am about a 2.5. I try to pretend like I’m not. But I am if I’m honest.
    2. I don’t usually feel competitive, just deficient.
    3. These vary – sometimes an area gets me and then other times I’m fine. Other’s “Perfect kids”, weight, home, etc. The kid one is huge for me. My teenagers struggle. I want ones that love Jesus and are always engaged with me and respectful… Hmph.

  39. 1. 4
    2. I don’t think so.
    3. Finances….Life has been difficult due to the failing economy. Husband has had a huge cut in pay and changed careers. I went back to work. YUK! Home…..Again, the economy has caused changes. Overall family happiness and having it all together and having successful kids. (Wow! I’m a mess……)

  40. 1. Probably a 4.
    2. Defeated was the first thing that popped into my head.
    3. Weight, clothes, looks, job, success of children, house, talents and abilities.

  41. 1. 1. it used to be much higher. with a deeper understanding of who i am in Christ, and AGE (i’m now almost 52 and it just doesn’t matter anymore!) the number has come way down. thanks to HIM.
    2. i don’t think i do.
    3. physical fitness/body is prob the only one anymore, and thankfully it’s not too much. really, this issue DOES get WAY better as you get older. perspective is a wonderful gift!

  42. 1. At least a four
    2. More down than competitive
    3. Parenting, friendships, the way I’m perceived by others, my housekeeping.this is one of my biggest struggles and no lie, last night I was doing the dishes and thinking man I wish I was more like so and as clearly as can be God spoke to my heart.. He made me, He gave me all my personality traits and He doesn’t consider them flaws.. He accepts me and doesn’t want me to be just like so and so, He just wants me to be like Him. It. Was. A. Word. I then sat there and sobbed while scrubbing pot and pans.

  43. 1.3
    2. Not really competitive; more likely to just give up.
    3. Compete against what I think my life should be like vs comparing to others….good kids, clean house, contentment….

  44. I did not read the above comments, well, so I don’t compare myself to them!

    1. On a scale of 0-5 (0 being not at all and 5 being LIKE CRAZY), how much do you struggle with comparison in your life?

    Going with a brutal 3-4 on this one. Even if I’m not actively thinking about comparing, I’m always sizing myself up, particularly in body size, shape, did I do my hair right etc.

    2. Do you ever feel competitive as a result of the comparing?

    Mildly, but mostly competitive with myself.

    3. In what areas are you most likely to compare yourself to other people?

    Body size, shape, kid behavior, I tend to lean towards pride when my kids behave better than someone else’s.

  45. 1. If I’m being completely honest here….I’m a 5. I know that’s bad, I just haven’t been able to stop it. I’ve been trying though, that’s a good step, right?
    2. Competitive?….not sure….I guess…except in my mind I never win so I’m not sure that is competitive or just failure.
    3. Absolutely everything on any given day. Sad but true.

  46. 1. 4
    2. Yes
    3. Social skills

  47. 1. On a scale of 0-5 (0 being not at all and 5 being LIKE CRAZY), how much do you struggle with comparison in your life?

    Have to say 4-5. It is all my inner voice seems to talk about

    2. Do you ever feel competitive as a result of the comparing?

    Yes, but I typically don’t act on it, however I am sure my non verbal communication gives it away.

    3. In what areas are you most likely to compare yourself to other people?

    Weight, style for home and clothing, ability to do so much and make it look effortless

  48. 1. At least a 4, probably a 5.
    2. Not in the sense of wanting to be better than or to “beat” someone. More like just feeling like I’m equal to others. Usually feel more like I don’t belong.
    3. Home life (husband, kids, home cleanliness/decor). I’d say weight, but I don’t compare, since I am larger than all the women and men I know. I’ve given up on that.

  49. 1. 4
    2. Not competitive. More like depressed.
    3. Body, homemaking or “domestic” skills, i.e. cooking, cleaning, crafting, decorating; even that I’m not “spiritual” enough around some people. I know, crazy huh.

  50. Laura McG says:

    1. 1. But,I am in my 50’s now. Ask me this 25-30 years afo it would be a strong 5
    2. No. See #1
    3. At this stage in life I am most likely to be comparing my USEFULNESS more than anything. I want to be of use, of service to my church, my community, my world. Much more so than years past.

    • Becky in 'Bama says:

      I’m with Laura M. – once you hit the 50’s (yep) values and comparisons kind of tail off. The kids are grown and gone – can’t mold them. BUT now the grandkids are here, and they are perfect as we all know. Competitiveness is still around, but not the stuff most women note here (except maybe my job and an effort to keep it). I am somewhat SHOCKED at the multiple, multiple (did I say multiple) references to body size, clothing, long legs. We are a people consumed with outward beauty.

  51. 1. 4
    2. Sometimes…not really…I don’t know…
    3. This is terrible, TERRIBLE, but what I think I compare most is intelligence and degree of crazy. Terrible, I know. I will often think, hey, I may be a little nutty, but at least I’m not like so and so! And I use my education to feel superior – that’s not something I like admitting. And it’s not like I went to Harvard or anything. :)

  52. 1. I would have to say a 2.5. It’s definitely something I have struggled with more as I have aged. I might have compared myself to others when graduating from college and moving on to the real world etc. But other than that, I never really compared myself to others.

    2. Yes. I think the competition comes about without me even realizing it sometimes.

    3. DEFINITELY body image. And I REALLY dislike that. I’m very conscious about projecting a positive body image and such when I’m around young girls (family members, friend’s children), but then I catch myself comparing my appearance and body to others. What the heck, Whitney!

  53. 1. On a scale of 0-5 (0 being not at all and 5 being LIKE CRAZY), how much do you struggle with comparison in your life? a heavy 4
    2. Do you ever feel competitive as a result of the comparing? absolutely
    3. In what areas are you most likely to compare yourself to other people? looks and body image

  54. 1. 3
    2. No, not really competitive but I would say inadequate…to be honest
    3. Body, House….decorating….

  55. 1. 3 (depends on what I’m comparing)
    2. Very competitive
    3. As a homemaker (keeping an organized, well-run home – I call it the Martha Stewart complex); and physically (but with people my age – I’m not comparing myself to 20 somethings. That ship has sailed and sunk).

  56. I am a “1” on most things. I don’t really compare material things—like clothes, houses, trips, etc. I am probably a “5” on “quality of life” things. My husband travels every week for work, and I work full time. We have 2 elementary age children. So, when it comes to the amount of time that other moms get to spend with their children, or the just “hang out” time they get to spend with their family, or the personal time they get for themselves to workout, watch TV, etc—I get quite jealous and stressed about measuring up for the sake of our family.

  57. 1. 4
    2. I don’t think so. Mostly it is just a mental battle.
    3. Body image, finances, house, family, career, clothes, how I am not as funny or likeable as so-and-so.

  58. 1. Lately it has been a 5 big time!
    2. No real struggles with it becoming a competition.
    3. Appearance and body image

  59. Renee Wheeler says:

    1. 4
    2. Yes, but just a twinge
    3. My weight/appearance and my house. I just wanna wear a badge that says “this may not look like much but have you priced real estate here?”!!

  60. 1. Depends on the day. On good days…I’m a 1, on most days….7!! lol THAT’s how bad it can be sometimes.
    2. Only at work. (I work in sales, so healthy competition can make for a big paycheck!)
    3. Weight, finances, home…. again, depends on the day.

  61. Karen Ward says:

    1. Probably a 3 here
    2. Not really a competition – more like upset with myself because I don’t “measure up”.
    3. Weight/appearance

  62. 1. On a scale of 0-5 (0 being not at all and 5 being LIKE CRAZY), how much do you struggle with comparison in your life? A couple of years ago, maybe a 3 or 4 but today I would say 0.
    2. Do you ever feel competitive as a result of the comparing? As of now – No
    3. In what areas are you most likely to compare yourself to other people? None. Life is not about what people think we are supposed to be or who we need to compare ourselves to – it is about being worthy and courageous, compassionate and belonging and when you realize that you no longer struggle with identity you can enjoy joy and gratitude into your life.

  63. 1. I’d say 1-2.
    2. Competitive, not usually. Inspired to try something new, definitely.
    3. Looks would be one area. The other is knowing the right thing to say in any situation. I have friends who seem to just know and whatever they say just fits right in. I either hold back or blurt out and usually regret (mildly) both.

  64. 1. I’m usually a 1. I think it helps that I’m homeschooled because I don’t feel the peer pressure as much.
    2. Sometimes. It varies.
    3. Oh dear – coolness, fashionability (is that a word?), beauty… Lots of stuff. This is a struggle for me.

  65. Comparison is a huge issue with me. I’m constantly comparing how I look, what I have, my spiritual walk, etc…. with other moms.
    It is so bad that I even look in the cars next to me in the parking lot and chastise myself for not having a neater car interior.
    Comparing my husband to others also caused problems in my marriage. However, I have prayed through that issue and it isn’t really an issue anymore.

    1. Off the scale
    2. Not a competition with someone else but I just get down on myself. When I was in high school and college I competed with others in academics.
    3. Appearance, being in shape, Christian walk, accomplishments of children, travel, how busy I am ….

  66. 1. 3
    2. YES, I’m super competitive at anything so when I compare myself or my life to someone else, it can get ugly. Luckily, I’m usually able to have some reason and say you know, my life is pretty awesome. Most of the time.
    3. I seem to compare myself with appearance or finances. Basically, ‘surface’ stuff. I see someone gets a new car and it makes me want a new one even worse. My old clunker is paid for so I must have some perspective. I also tend to get jealous of people who seem to ‘have it together’ or have a spouse that is super helpful with the kids, etc. Mine works shift work so he’s gone a lot.

    Whew. That was not fun to admit!

  67. 1. Scale of 1-5… maybe a 3.
    2. I’m not competitive. I’m more likely to get down on myself and feel like a loser than feel competitive. I just give up and think “I could never be like that”
    3. Organization of life and home. Decor of life and home. Clothes. Weight. Status/health/development of children… specifically if people feed their children uber healthy food. Mostly cause my child eats 5 things on rotation and vegetables equal poison in her mind.

  68. Julie Reynolds says:

    1. Used to be a 5 now about a 3.75 or 4 depending on whether its a good hair day or not!
    2. yes, at times but mostly I just get hyper critical of those I don’t measure up to ( I know its terrible, I’m working on it.)
    3. weight, appearance, finances (oh to be debt free), biblical knowledge – spirituality??, just measuring up

    Hope this helps Sophie!

  69. 1. Scale of 1-5…4
    2. Yes, at times.
    3. Appearance (weight, body shape, hair, clothes, place in life, etc…)

    Apparently, I have MUCH to work on :-)

  70. 1. Definitely a 5!!
    2. I don’t get competitive. I have actually found myself ithdrawing from other people. (Wow…. that is sad)
    3. Being a 40 year old single mom (my child’s father is no longer in her life so I am completely alone in raising my child), I compare myself in many areas, relationship status, finances, the things I can provide for my child, is my child not getting the advantages that she needs to help her be her best because I can’t provide them, etc. It is a constant struggle!! I see/hear about other people’s vacations, fun they have as a family, etc. and I am just trying to provide the basics.

  71. I’ll say I’m a 3…I compare a lot in some areas and others I could care less. The main 2 areas for me are clothes/appearance and how my house looks. I grew up overseas and feel constantly like I’m still learning the “rules” for living here…even tho it’s been 20 yrs. I look to other women to figure that out. I don’t really get competitive tho…

  72. Rhonda Rhoades says:

    3- I know that’s middle, but I will confess to comparing myself in looks/body and to other’s who do what I do. (Ministry wife and worship leader)
    I can get competitive/ comparative about it in my mind and truly hate it. Pride is the reason and it destroys relationships and keeps me from worshipping because ofthe distraction

  73. Hi – interesting poll!

    1) 2

    2) Not really.

    3) Work performance and family interactions (holiday participation, long- distance communication . . . )

  74. 1. 4 (or maybe even 5 on a bad day, if I’m being truthful)
    2. Absolutely, and I hate it.
    3. Weight/appearance, work performance, and to a lesser extent, friendships.

  75. 1. 4
    2. Yes, competitive but also sometimes judgemental
    3. Career, looks, marriage, family/kids, homemaker skills (ie. cooking, cleaning, decorating)

  76. 1. If I am cutting myself some slack, a 4. In reality, probably a 5. It is probably one of my greatest struggles.
    2. Sometimes- usually in my head more than outwardly. Perfectionist tendencies lead to comparisons and competition- I want to be the best. This can apply to anything- having the cutest outfit, bringing the best dessert to the church potluck, etc.
    3. Appearances (myself, my home, my family, my work, my cooking, my creativity)

    We often think that comparison is focusing on others, but it really is a self-centered endeavor (look at #3 again for proof- my, my, my!)

  77. I have been thinking about a blog post on this same topic lately! I see so many of my friends just being controlled by comparison issues that come from social media.
    1. about a 1, seriously. I have no idea why.
    2. No. Except for that one time when I was trying to win my now husband.
    3. When I do get to thinking I wish I had something someone else had, it’s a skinny body!

  78. Mackenzie says:

    1. 4 sometimes 5. Depending on the person/day
    2. Not really “competitive”. It usually just perpetuates my constant feelings of inadequacy.
    3. Weight/appearance, mothering (thank you, Pinterest! I can’t even throw my kid’s birthday party without fearing it won’t be good enough without custom blackboard chalk hand written tags on everything, striped paper straws and matching candy in apothecary jars. Wow. Sorry. That one’s been pent up for a while…), job performance, my children (namely, their clothing. I cannot afford “boutique” outfits for every day), etc. Obviously this is a huge issue for me. I hate it.
    *side note: My copy of Beth Moore’s book “So Long, Insecurity” is well-marked and dog eared on almost every page. It helped me identify the root of my insecurity. It’s still a daily battle but knowing My Father loves me in spite of my self/shortcomings (and he finds them beautiful.) is a huge comfort.

  79. 1. Solid 4.
    2. Yes indeed.
    3. In areas of my life where I feel insecure, I compare and compete. The parts of my life where I feel secure and complete I feel absolutely no need to really compare myself because I am content with those areas. There is a tip for you….
    I feel very insecure about my house because it needs updating and I don’t have the funds to make it into the magazine home I would like. I don’t have the time nor really the skills to be a do it yourselfer so I compare myself to people that can go in and in a weekend lay a floor. I then beat myself up further for not making enough money to hire it done, and then I really get going and start thinking that I just really a big old loser all around. And then I go to dark place that at least I have a home and start feeling superior to people who are homeless, because at least I didn’t mess my life up that badly. Then I start thinking well at least I am not a Pharissee.. because some people are so Judgmental. Geez!! What a mess and what a vicious cycle. Compare and Compete.

  80. This is really crazy …. I don’t compare myself at all or compete with others. I compete with myself. The younger version of me. My weight, athletic ability, running times, distance, strength. How crazy is that???

  81. 1. Yes- 5
    2. Yes- very competitive
    3. I struggle the most with this when I’m reading blogs or Instagram feeds. I’ve given up FB altogether.

  82. 1. It’s hard to admit, but probably a 4.
    2. I am not competitive but it’s not like I have mastered the effects of comparing; I usually just retreat in discouragement.
    3. I am trying to think of an area that I don’t compare..
    I struggle most with my weight and competency; somehow those seem to be linked in my brain, and yet this connection seems ridiculous if applied to anyone else. Definitely my house, even though The Lord has blessed us with a house dedicated to Him, it never measures up to Instagram or Pinterest. Probably, my kids; my lack of being able to bless them with opportunity & ministry as others do. The list could go on, cleanliness and neatness of my house, educating my kids, goodness it’s amazing to be this old and still struggling with this!!

  83. 1. 4.5
    2. Not competitive – I feel like a loser which is SO SHALLOW I KNOW
    3. #1 – body image; #2 – my kids behavior; #3 – house, car

    At first I considered typing a 5 then actually typed a 4.9 but then changed to a 4.5 — clearly I’m wacko crazy but I do feel I’ve grown a bit in that area. That’s just seriously sad.

  84. 1. 1
    2. Almost never
    3. Memory – quick recall – like being great at Jeopardy.

  85. 1. A 3. Before I turned 30 it was a 5. Something about that age made me chill out a little bit.

    2. Sometimes. It depends on the situation.

    3. Work, body image, material possessions

  86. 1. I’ll say 1.
    2. Not so much, mostly compete with self.
    3. Hmmm, probably parenting skills.
    Comparing is just such a waste of time!!From my experience those who seemingly have it all together, don’t!! My newest favorite quote is “Just be yourself, everyone else is taken.”

  87. 1). I’m a 2
    2). Not so competitive except with myself
    3). Mostly on parenting skills and appearance

  88. 1. Probably 4
    2. Not competitive maybe disappointed when I don’t measure
    3. Body image, lifestyle, kids behaviors and social set

  89. 1. 3-4
    2. more like defensive that I don’t measure up in my own mind
    3. Since I’m an ole retired lady now, I reflect often that I haven’t done as much as I should have with my life – AND – body image, always, body image, my entire life. I’ve never been pretty or thin enough!!!

  90. 1. On 99% of stuff, I am a 2. But when it comes to mothering, I am a 5+.
    2. Not competitive, just not good enough on the parenting front.
    3. If you couldn’t already tell…..motherhood!

  91. 1. I’d say I was a five, and now am a 3. I have been actively trying to stop doing that.

    2. Yes and also jealous and “less than”. Not Good in any way, except when it makes me exercise.

    3. The perceived success of their children

  92. No issues with comparison, not sure why. I am possibly just too lazy to be worried about it.

    I am definitely in awe of people who are good housekeepers, though. Complete and absolute awe. But I don’t beat myself up over my lack of those skills.

  93. Christiana says:

    1. Probably 3
    2. Not really. I mainly stress about it in my mind, or vent to my husband…who usually says that he likes me just the way I am. Yup, he’s a keeper! ;)
    3. Mothering and how much more other wives/mothers seem to get done in a day.

  94. 1. On a scale of 0-5, how much do you struggle with comparison in your life?
    I’d say a 3 at this season of my life

    2. Do you ever feel competitive as a result of the comparing?
    Yes! I’ll think “well if SHE can do that, then I can do THIS better” instead of just cheering for her cute self and moving along with God’s plan for ME

    3. In what areas are you most likely to compare yourself to other people?
    Motherhood, marriage and blogging/writing (the areas I’m most passionate about)

  95. maaaybe a 2

    i don’t think competitive, i would say it prompts me into actually getting busy.

    i can’t narrow it down to one single thing…decorating, being a better Christian, bettering myself, maybe i don’t compare myself, i just look to better myself? it may be the same thing, it may not be…i might need help with this! hahaha!

  96. My 7yo JUST told me this morning that a blue whale’s tongue weighs as much as an elephant. I feel like we’ve just bonded, you and me. And also, a giraffe’s hoof print is the size of a dinner plate, fyi.

  97. 1) 4
    2) Very! The Hubster often says, “Remember, it’s an exhibition, not a competition; no wagering!”
    3) Appearance (weight loss, hair, clothes, you name it) and child-rearing (my kids behave better than yours, mine make better grades, mine are prettier – awkward, since they’re 12 year old boys – etc.)

    Thanks for asking!

  98. 1. Barely a 1. This (thankfully) just isn’t a struggle for me. When I see someone with a talent or gift (or really excellent clothes) that I admire, I generally think “Wow! That’s so cool that so-and-so can do that! I want to be more like that!” and if it’s important to me, I pay attention to that quality and try to emulate it.
    2. Rarely.
    3. I compare my clothes, my figure, my hair, my home, my job, my kids, my husband, etc. etc. I think comparison is an unavoidable human trait. What I DON’T struggle with, however, is the urge to “win” or to feel inferior because someone else does or has something better than me. I think that the main reason I don’t have trouble with this is that I believe we all have our good stuff and our problems, and I wouldn’t trade my good stuff for someone else’s good stuff. I’m also pretty sure that at the end of day most of us would also choose our own problems over someone else’s. So, I can appreciate and admire someone else’s good stuff without feeling bad about me not having the same or better quality.

  99. 1. I think I am a solid 2 at this point in my life.
    2. There have been times when comparison led me to compete, but those feelings have definitely subsided with age.
    3. my spouse, my children, my home, my cooking, my wardrobe, my job, my looks, my health, my weight,…

  100. Yikes! These are serious questions!!!
    1. Probably a 3. I’m retired now and I don’t have to worry about the “work” thing. I was a principal and the comparison thing was the biggest stressor in my life. I mainlined chocolate.
    2. Yes-but life is simpler now for me
    3. Comparisons generally deal with truly insignificant issues like will my water aerobics class like my workout better than those of others (see-I said life was simpler). Or does this make me look old (or too fat). And how do those women have such flat stomachs??? And they “look” so much more organized in their daily life. Mostly I try to remember that the Lord loves me imperfect as I am. And He doesn’t care that I wear flip flops, jeans and sweatshirts all the time with my hair in a ponytail. :-)

    • And as I was driving back from swimming, I thought how tough it is to be a mother. And wife. You see, the world still expects us to be perfect people with perfect children, cooking great meals and being really together. It is SO nice these days that ladies just like you admit that you are not perfect. Phew! Finally some truth is getting out there and it supports and helps all of us. Thanks!