The Rest Of The Story Has Been Censored Due To Inappropriosity

5 November 2009 by

After last week’s kinda-funny-but-nowhere-near-as-funny-as-the-week-before episode of “The Office,” I’m thinking we’re due for a humdinger (EVER THE OPTIMIST, I AM). I’m also hoping that we get to see Erin and Andy interact a little bit, especially after we found out last week that she thinks he’s the coolest person she’s ever met – even cooler than Marlon Wayans.

(And I don’t know how many of you watch “30 Rock,” but last week it made me so happy.)

(That has nothing to do with “The Office,” of course. But I just needed to say it.)

1) “Don’t mention it. You owe me one. You all owe me one.”

2) “That’s right. You’re a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. I’ll try again.”

3) “So open wide, Pam, and take a big ole spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. Take with food.”

4) “Pam? Aren’t you going to introduce us to Michael’s girlfriend?”

5) “I know. Isn’t that always how it goes?” // “Rarely. If ever.”

6) “That paper was never supposed to arrive.”

7) “Today’s about family.”

8) “Why did I even get in the car? I could have struggled. I have a whistle in my purse, and I didn’t even blow it.”

9) “You give me a gift? BAM! Thank-you note. You invite me somewhere? POW. RSVP. You do me a favor? WHAM! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.”

10) “Here’s a healthy fitness tip. If you clinch your buttocks together while walking, you can really take the pressure off your knees.”

11) “I am going to pre-emptively change the batteries in your wireless mouse.”

12) “You’re 58 years old? Congratulations.”

13) “I am not robbing the cradle. If anything I am robbing the grave.”

14) “I will make everyone’s tacos!”

15) “You like lame things. It’s a generational sort of gap between us.”

16) “I want you to enjoy that cake because I have something terrible I need to tell you, and I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing.”

17) “Who is Kafka-esque? I’ve never – I don’t know him.”

18) “There’s another woman – and her name is Italy. And skydiving. And bungee jumping.”

19) “It’s not my decision. It’s Mother Nature. And Mother has very strict rules about fer…tility.”

20) “What a waste of a day. I could’ve grown poison mushrooms that would’ve been this high by now.”

21) “I want to hit you. I want to hit you. We’ll do it after work. In the parking lot. I’m going to hit you as hard as I can.”

22) “Hey Pam. I heard about the hit. Just be sure it’s off of company property, right? Okay, well I think it should probably be okay.”

23) “PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS!”

24) “What are you sorry for?”// “So many things. I don’t know. It’s hard to choose.”

25) “Wait. Why are you limping?” // “I DON’T KNOW!”

26) “I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids. And I have a hover car and a hover house. And my wife is a runner, and it shows. And Pam and Jim are my best friends. And our kids play together. And I am happy, and I am rich, and I never die. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s enough for me.”

LIsten – that was one of my favorite episodes ever. It was the perfect intersection of Michael’s sweetness and his shallowness…everything we love about him and everything that drives us crazy. The whole break-up scene was BRILLIANT – especially since Michael’s kindness to Helene had finally won Pam over – and the sub-plot of Dwight and Andy trying to out-nice each other was hysterical. Loved it.

Did y’all love it, too?

Filed Under: TV Is My Friend

Sometimes The TV Wins

4 November 2009 by

This is one of those weeks where I’m so overloaded with stories that I feel completely incapable of blogging about any of them. And you know, now that I think about it, it’s just that type of can-do attitude that led me to great success in Algebra II when I was so overwhelmed by all the formulas that I opted not to study at all.

Ineffective habits die hard, my friends.

And honestly, I know that I should sit down and try to SET THE STORIES FREE, but it’s getting late and I just got home from choir practice and there’s a “Top Chef” reunion show on the DVR. And also: TWO new episodes of “House Hunters.”

So I guess what I’m saying is interweb, I love you, but the DVR beckons. As many of you know, I have some very specific television-related goals for 2009, and I want to continue to meet those goals. Because heaven knows I can’t fall back on Algebra II if I lose my TV mojo.

Anyway, I have some links I want to share, but before I do that, here’s a picture of Alex and some of his favorite people – my parents and my mother-in-law – before they left for Grandparents’ Day at his school.

I’d like to give special recognition to my mama, who put on her sunglasses long before she ever walked outside (WAY TO ROCK IT, MAMA), and then of course Martha has on a darlin’ jacket that actually had a full-length sleeve and not a 3/4-length sleeve. But I just noticed that my mama is wearing a 3/4-length sleeve, so let’s all breathe a collective sigh of relief that the 3/4-length sleeve was in fact represented at Grandparents’ Day.

I would’ve hated for it to be left out.

Okay. Links ahoy.

– Every single time I think about Shannon and Melanie finishing their book, I smile. Every single time. I am so proud of them.

– I loved Jon’s post about “Regret Cinema” so much that I think I said “amen” after I read it.

– Shane & Shane released their new CD, Everything Is Different, yesterday. I didn’t realize the CD was out until late yesterday afternoon, and OH MY LANDS I couldn’t download it from the iTunes fast enough. Their music never disappoints. You can check out the CD here or here.

– Earlier today (at AllAccess) I blogged about something fun that’s going on next Friday. Even better: you can join the fun from the comfort of your couch. WHAT COULD BE MORE DELIGHTFUL THAN THAT?

– JMom wrote a post a couple of weeks ago that I’ve continued to think about ever since I read it. It hit me right where I’m living.

– The Compassion bloggers are headed to El Salvador this Sunday. Please keep them in your prayers!

And now, my “Top Chef” / “House Hunters” chariot awaits.

See y’all tomorrow!

Filed Under: Daily Awesome

I Wasn’t Planning To Write This Post

2 November 2009 by

A couple of weeks ago I got a copy of a new CD in the mail. Normally getting new music makes me do a little hitchkick in the driveway, but when I saw that Steven Curtis Chapman’s Beauty Will Rise was in the envelope, I sort of pushed it to the side of the kitchen counter and tried to ignore it. If that sounds harsh, I don’t mean it that way – it’s just that I knew that it was his first CD since his daughter Maria’s death about 18 months ago. And as a mama – well, I knew the music would probably be jam-packed with some tough emotions. Honestly, I didn’t want to go to that place. I just didn’t.

Well. This afternoon I got an email about a live chat that SCC is doing on Facebook Tuesday night (here’s the link if you’re interested), and I Twittered (tweeted? oh, technological jargon, I LOATHE YOU) about it because I thought it sounded like something that would be an encouragement to people. And by the way, if that last sentence makes it sound like I’m some Mary Sunshine person who walks around all day looking for ways to encourage people, BE YE NOT FOOLED. It’s just that I think that the Chapmans’ story is one that God is using to minister to a whole bunch of folks, so I thought I’d share the link.

Now. I believe that’s plenty of overexplaining for one day. You’re so welcome. It’s completely free of charge, by the way.

Anyway, tonight after supper David and Alex went in the living room to watch a TV show, and as I walked through the kitchen, the SCC CD caught my eye. It was still on the corner of the kitchen counter. Still scaring me a little bit. But for the first time since it arrived in our mailbox, I knew that I wanted to listen.

Oh, y’all. I am so glad that I did.

The songs on this CD aren’t easy. Just knowing a teeny tiny bit of the pain behind the lyrics makes it almost incomprehensible that someone could write and sing through that level of heartache. But the result of SCC’s vulnerability in the midst of an incredibly difficult season is an absolutely stunning CD – full of questions and declarations and hurts and hopes. The tender heart of God is all over it. It’s honest and raw and real and heartbreaking and encouraging. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it.

You should also know that the CD booklet-thingy (yes, that is the technical term) unexpectedly threw me for a little bit of an emotional loop. The third song on the CD is called “SEE,” and SCC shares the story behind the song in the liner notes:

Shortly after Maria had been carried away to Jesus, all of us, and particularly Caleb and I began to talk about how desperate we were just to “SEE” something…a dream or a vision…anything that would help confirm in some tangible way what we were holding onto by faith, that Maria was truly “okay,” and even more than “okay,” that she really was safe in the arms of Jesus. It was a plea that I heard us all say several times in those first hours…”God, please just let us “SEE” something!”

He writes about how he found an unfinished drawing on Maria’s art table the day after her death, and then:

I turned the page over and was completely stunned to find a word written on the back in Maria’s handwriting. To any of our knowledge she knew only 6 words that she could write…but there on the back of the paper she had written in all capital letters the word “SEE.” Even as one who is usually careful not to attach more meaning to something than it deserves, I was and still am completely convinced that this was a precious gift from the broken heart of our Father in Heaven delivered through our daughter’s own hand the very morning before she left us for Heaven…. And it was our Father’s way of saying, “SEE with eternal eyes, SEE that I have your little girl safe and sound with me, and SEE by faith My promise of the day that’s coming very soon when I will make everything new and wipe every last one of these tears from your eyes.”

I’ll pause for a second so that you can go grab a tissue. Really. It’s totally fine.

Here’s the thing. I tend to keep things light and happy around here because I enjoy light and happy. But sometimes life is stinkin’ hard. Sometimes life feels like the complete opposite of light and happy. I know that there are all sorts of trials and issues and doubts represented among the people who read here – and as someone who has wrestled with her faith a time or ninety, I know how hard it can be to see God’s hand in the midst of unexpected or even unthinkable circumstances.

But you know what? God’s there. He really is. He’s faithful. And He loves you so much.

I have no idea why I felt like I needed to write this post. It’s way longer than I ever intended for it to be, and it’s not particularly, you know, CLEAR. I’ve never met Steven Curtis Chapman, and I’m about 261 kinds of positive that he’s never heard of my silly blog. But make no mistake: his transparency and his candor have blessed my heart tonight. Blown me away just a little bit. And I can’t help but think that if you’re struggling right now – with a relationship, with grief, with illness, with unbelief, with whatever – the lyrics from these songs will bless your heart, too.

And I guess that is all.

Have a great Tuesday, everybody.

Edited to add: just found out that you can listen to the whole CD on Rhapsody. For free.

Filed Under: Jesus Music

Poochy Wan Kenobi

2 November 2009 by

So we started off with this:

And then the wheels started to spin:

And then we ended up with this:

The good news is that the force was with her for the remainder of the weekend.

Filed Under: Family Fun

Join Your Gangster Pumpkin On His Pallet Truck Of Doom

29 October 2009 by

I still have such happy memories of last week’s episode of “The Office” that I’m almost a little scared to watch this week’s for fear of the inevitable funny letdown. You know, because I’M INSANE AND ALL.

But seriously, how do you top an episode where someone puts a listening device in a duck (MALLARD) as a decoy for the listening device that’s in the pen? And how do you top Jim saying “IT’S ALL GOOOOOOD”?

I guess that tonight’s the night when we see if it’s possible.

1) “This is the spookiest warehouse in the world, kids. Whoa. Scary, huh?” (loved Darryl’s delivery)

2) “This is a surgery with an octopus and a burn victim.”

3) “We’re selling success.” // “And paper.” // “That’s sort of secondary.”

4) “Sherman Blinds & Rugs, Suite Two-Oh-Two.” (I adore Andy.)

5) “Sounds like somebody has a case of the definitelys.”

6) “I date models. Face models. My girlfriend? On a scale of 1 to Giselle? Uh, a 9.”

7) “David Wallace called. He said you made a big splash at the meeting.”

8) The Do Not Mock List – CLASSIC

9) “I know the best teacher – her name is Miss Janet.” // “YEAH – on Clearview Avenue!”

10) “This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some people say that I eat like a squirrel.”

11) “It’s like a little foot just high-fived me…message received, little soybean.”

12) “Oh, I guess I’m a loser. A LOOOOOO-HOOOO-HOOOO-OOOOOOO-SER. Too far!”

13) “I gotta get my goin’ out on.”

14) “Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But. Because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So actually Jim is my enemy. But.”

15) “What’s up, lifeguard?”

16) “He’s like the coolest person I’ve ever met.” // “Yeah – he’s like Marlon Brando.” // “Oh. Do you mean Marlon Wayans? Because he is.”

In the end this episode wasn’t as laugh-out-loud funny as last week, but the whole koi pond ordeal managed to humiliate both Michael and Jim – for two completely different reasons – and by the end of the episode our two co-managers were starting to interact like – dare I say it? – a team. Who’d have thunk it?

Plus, we got to hear Andy say my new favorite quote: “I gotta get my goin’ out on.”

That alone made the whole thing worthwhile.

What did y’all think?

Filed Under: TV Is My Friend

I’m So Tempted To Make Another Pun With The Word “Latte” In It

29 October 2009 by

Tuesday afternoon Alex hopped in the car after school and announced that he wanted to go to the bookstore. Since his love of reading brings me untold volumes of happy, I told him we could absolutely stop at the bookstore – but Mama needed to make a quick detour first.

Three words: pumpkin spice latte.

After all, I’ve had the PSL on my mind for the last week, and a trip to the bookstore seemed like a perfect excuse to try one. Plus, I figured that if I only got a tall, the mid-afternoon caffeine would probably wear off before bedtime.

I am very logical and think-y, you see.

So I made my way to the nearest Starbucks, pulled up to the drive-thru and ordered a tall PSL. And you’d better know that I got the whipped cream, because what, what could possibly be the point of having the whipped cream option and saying no thank you, MY WORD.

When I was getting my debit card out of my wallet, I remembered that I still had a Starbucks gift card with some money on it. Granted, it was probably all of 54 cents, but EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS, people. I drove up to the window, and as I started to hand over my cards, I realized that I knew the girl who was working at the drive-thru.

We chatted for a few seconds, and then I said, “Hey – do you mind checking to see what’s left of this gift card?”

She grinned and said, “Don’t worry about that today.”

And I was all, “Huh?” and she was all, *smiles,* and I was all, “What?”

AND THEN SHE HANDED ME MY COFFEE AND TOLD ME IT WAS FREE.

And then I thought, “THE INTERNET WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS.”

I mean, what are the odds? That I would try my very first PSL and then not have to pay for it?

You can imagine my delight.

After I thanked my friend approximately 22 times, I drove off and took my first sip. It was nothing like what I expected. My fear was that it would be syrupy sweet, but it wasn’t at all. I was surprised by the amount of nutmeggishness (totally a word), but I didn’t think that was necessarily a negative even though I’m not typically a nutmeg fan. So I took another sip, thought about it for a minute, and then I said (out loud – just like Alex cared), “Hmmmm. That. is. interesting.”

And it was, y’all. It was interesting and tasty and delightful. I don’t think I could drink one every single day – I like my coffee a little more straightforward as a general rule – but it was a deee-licious coffee treat. I was tickled by how much I enjoyed it.

So there you have it: I’m officially on the PSL bandwagon.

Up next: peppermint mocha.

The excitement just never stops, does it?

Filed Under: Rambling
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