How Do You Do The Things That You Do?

29 June 2009 by

I spent a substantial portion of yesterday afternoon watching a combination of HGTV and Food Network, and for reasons completely unknown to me, looking at all those different houses and kitchens made me think about the way I do certain things in my house. You know, things like how I slice an onion or how I stack my dishes or how I fold my fitted sheets or how I don’t wash my windows, well, EVER.

Never underestimate the power of home- and/or cooking-related television programming to inspire a serious bout of housekeeping inferiority, my friends. Beats anything I’ve ever seen.

And honestly, I don’t really feel that inferior. But I do think that I may do a few household-related things in a way that’s more complicated than necessary OR that’s just flat-out different from the norm.

So, as part of a deeply informal and completely unscientific surveying process, I have a few random questions for you, the people of the interweb.

1) How many days a week are you completely caught up on laundry?

2) When you load your dishwasher, do you load the silverware basket with handles down or handles up?

3) FINALLY – can you make up recipes off the top of your head? Or do you have to follow a recipe somebody else has written?

Clearly THE FATE OF THE FREE WORLD hinges on your answers.

So, you know, NO PRESSURE.

My crazy and I will be anxiously awaiting your responses.

Filed Under: Out Of Control

In Which I Change My Mind

26 June 2009 by

Last September I completely went against my beloved Southern heritage and took an uncharacteristically strong-ish stand against the state of Southern Living magazine, and truth be told I felt a little guilty about taking SL to task. I have loved that magazine since I was about twelve years old, and in retrospect I think that I may have let my emotions get the better of me. SHOCKING, I know. Honestly, though, I was sort of surprised by how strongly I felt about the SL issues at hand (punny lameness, AGAIN – I do apologize). I mean, I’m not usually terribly forceful with my opinions unless I’m saying something along the lines of HEY, BLOG PEOPLE, YOU REALLY NEED TO BE EATING MORE BACON.

Anyway, after I posted about SL last year, one of the SL staff members and I had a really interesting (and very congenial) behind-the-scenes discussion, and she assured me that there were great things ahead for the magazine. So I held on to hope, and earlier this year I did what I’d told her I would do and picked up a copy of Southern Living in a bookstore. I was so encouraged by what I saw that I actually renewed my subscription. And I have to tell you: after getting the last four or five issues in the mail, I really do believe that SL is as good as – if not better than – it’s ever been. I am beyond tickled.

So, just in case some of you who were around for last year’s SL brouhaha haven’t given the magazine a second chance, I thought I’d go on the official bloggy record and tell you why I’m oh-so-glad that I gave it another try. I’m so happy that, in the end, I turned out to be FLAT DEAD WRONG and SL turned out to be, well, Southern again. And I’m not doing this because anybody asked me to write a follow-up post, OH HEAVENS NO. I’m doing this because I want to. Because I mean it. Because I may have jumped the gun a little bit with my criticism back in September. And because when somebody gets Southern right, WE NEED TO AFFIRM THEM.

Here’s what I’m loving about Southern Living (in a handy list format, at that):

– The writing these days is so stinkin’ good. In the July issue there’s a first-person article about Mississippi’s Neshoba County Fair that made me clap my hands. There’s another article about 15 ways guys can charm Southern girls that made me HOWL. There seems to be a renewed emphasis on infusing the written content with lots of personality, and it totally works because it’s so relational. We Southerners like relational, you know. We love to hear other people’s stories. And we love to hear them in a distinct, original voice. Preferably with a “y’all” or nine thrown in for good measure.

– It seems to me that there’s more home-related content than ever. Even better is that there’s a real focus on what makes the interiors and exteriors distinctly Southern. I LOVE THAT. It’s a change that makes the magazine feel like an old friend again. Another thing I’ve noticed is that the featured interiors aren’t just super-traditional – lots of them err on the side of funky and eclectic. It’s a nice, contemporary change-o-pace.

– A few years ago SL started dedicating the first few pages after the table of contents to something called “Inspirations” – and it was fine. But now those pages are called “So Southern,” and they feature three or four super-easy, super-affordable ideas that you can use when you entertain or just want to spruce up your house a little bit. A couple of months ago they showed how to use old coffee cans as flower vases. It was an adorable idea, and it reminded me of something my grandmother would have done when I was a little girl. Line three or five of those down the center of a table, and you’ve got yourself a centerpiece. I bet my friend Lea Margaret has created some coffee can masterpieces already.

– The July issue features recipes for bacon pimento cheese and bacon pimento cheeseburgers. And I think that’s probably all I have to say about that.

– I told somebody the other day that in the last few issues, the word “Southern” appears on the pages of the magazine over and over again. That tells me that the powers-that-be are making an effort to remember their core audience. In July’s Letter from the Editor, I counted the words “South” or “Southern” SEVEN times. She gets it, I thought. And it made me want to go ring my cowbell and watch SEC football and fry up some chicken. With cheese grits on the side.

– My only “however” is that there is still one thing about the “old” SL that I still miss: the stapled binding. I LOVED IT SO.

So. In an effort to BE CONSTRUCTIVE and not divisive and survey the general lay of the Southern Living land, I’m just wondering: have any of y’all noticed SL‘s renewed commitment to All Things Southern these last few months? Have you, like me, had an SL change-o-heart? Or am I the only OBSESSIVE CRAZY Southern Living reader among us?

It’s okay if it’s that last thing. I can handle it. I’ve also been an obsessive crazy person about cream cheese, grilled flank steak, Mississippi State basketball and, well, MY HAIR in days gone by, so I’m perfectly comfortable with the OCP label.

(And if you’ve never read Southern Living in your life, a thousand apologies for this post.)

(I’ll be back to my regular talk of fatty foods and TV tomorrow.)

(Promise.)

Filed Under: The South

I Could Sing Of That Corn Forever

25 June 2009 by

I knew deep down in my butter-clogged heart of hearts that we would have some mighty fine food while we were at the ranch. So when Ree arrived at The Lodge on Tuesday night with this tray – and about five others – I knew we were in for a treat.

Oh my mercy. Were we ever. Because that’s a big bag of avocados, my friends.

Avocados are one of my love languages. Along with tomatoes and black beans and sweet potatoes and steak and do you really want me to finish this list? Because it could take awhile.

So. Here’s the skinny about the food (OH, I am loaded with punny lameness today).

Monday night we ate a bunch of appetizers because we had a LOT of TV to watch and a big meal would have taken away from our TV time. And let me just tell you: we did some TALKIN’ BACK to the TV. I was especially vocal, mainly because I can’t seem to shake the feeling that if I just talk loudly enough, I can convince the people on the screen to listen to me. Please remember that I have never claimed to be rational and/or even remotely normal.

Ree brought us some cream cheese-stuffed jalapeños that were wrapped in bacon, and we WIPED THEM OUT. I think there were two left the next morning. And I think there were zero left after we’d been awake about four minutes. So we had the jalapeños and some really great salsa and tortilla chips and mashed avocado with chopped tomatoes on top and a whole bunch of cheese. It was perfect.

Tuesday at lunch we warmed up a pasta dish that Ree brought us Monday. I don’t know if the recipe is on her blog or not, but it was pasta shells, broccoli, asparagus, zucchini and yellow squash COVERED UP with the most delicious white sauce I have ever eaten. Somehow it managed to be hearty and light all at the same time. Shannon and I talked about it the whole time we were eating. And I know that it was totally healthy because hello? Did you see all those vegetables I just mentioned?

Since Melanie and Shannon have already written about Tuesday night’s supper, I’ll just add this: it was one of the most fun meals of my life – one of those times when the people and the conversation and the food were a happy, happy blend. The only thing that would have made it better is if all of our husbands could have been there. However, Marlboro Man was a mighty good sport to hang in there with us – even though he was outnumbered four to one – and he didn’t seem the least bit fazed by the way Mel and I TALK VERY LOUDLY AT THE SAME TIME when we’re together.

(By the way, Mel and I met Shannon’s hubby for the first time Sunday night, and we were crazy about him, too. The three of us talked about SEC and Big 12 football for about two hours, and I just think that’s the most fun – when you meet a friend’s husband and think oh, y’all TOTALLY belong together. Makes me love my friends even more when I get to know their sweet husbands.)

(Anyway. Where was I? Something about supper?)

Okay. Pictures. I only have a few because I was very busy with all the eating and all the talking.

This is officially the first time I’ve posted a picture of a raw slab of beef on my blog, but I just think that when you see butter slathered on top of meat, you need to document it. Treasure the moment. Preserve it forever and always so that future generations can testify to the goodness of butter and beef together. Amen.

Bready bread bread. Filled with all manner of buttery breadish deliciousness.

And here is The Best Corn I Have Ever Eaten In My Whole Life, And That Is Saying Something Because I Have Put Away Some Corn In My Time. I know the picture is blurry. I think it’s because my hands were a little shaky in the midst of so much corn-related excitement.

The whole meal was so stinkin’ good. And the company was even better. We all had some OPINIONS. OH-PIN-YUNS. So much fun.

And do you know what I really, really miss about The Lodge today now that I’m safe and sound and sitting in my pajamas back home in Alabama? Besides all the fun, funny friends, of course?

This refrigerated drawer.

I really been trying to cut back on my Diet Coke consumption, but every single time we opened this drawer, I could have sworn that I heard angels sing.

Peppy, caffeinated angels.

With cartons of Land O’ Lakes butter in their hands.

Filed Under: Bloggity Fun

Resisting The Urge To Title This Post “Where The Wind Comes Sweepin’ Down The Plain”

23 June 2009 by

Yesterday Melanie, Shannon and I embarked on a little road trip to visit Ree. Even though the four of us have emailed back and forth and forth and back for what seems like forever, we’ve never gotten to sit down and hang out and talk nonstop and eat bacon. So yesterday we hopped in the car, drove out to the middle of nowhere, turned right and left and left and right and then drove a bunch more miles. Then we waited for a horse to cross the road. And then we drove a little farther. And when we finally caught our first glance of this wide expanse of land, we gasped.

Seriously. I still have not found the words to describe how gorgeous it is. But when I find the words, I will share them.

Anyway.

Last night Ree told us that we were going to get up early today, “work cattle” and maybe even ride a horse if we wanted to. Melanie was all about some horseback riding, but since the last time I rode a horse my forehead had an unfortunate mishap with a tree limb, I decided that I’d pass on the horse-related activity. Shannon agreed. So we both woke up this morning after Melanie left to make her acquaintance with Peso The Wonder Horse, and we donned our ranch-y shirts and blue jeans. While we hummed “Oklahoma.”

Because cliches are important to us.

Oh, and I should also tell you that last night, when one of Ree’s daughters told Melanie that she was going to be riding Peso today, I misheard the horse’s name as “Queso” and spent the better part of twelve hours absolutely delighted that Melanie was going to get to ride a horse named Cheese.

If I ever write a book set in the Wild West, I think that will be my title: A Horse Named Cheese.

Anyway, Ree picked up Shannon and me around 6:30 this morning, and we rode out to a pasture where there were a lot of cowboys and lo, even more cows. As soon as I saw Melanie I knew that her horseback riding experience had left an indelible imprint on, well, the top half of her legs, but she perked up when she realized that I had her sunglasses with me (I’d impulsively picked them up on my way out the door because it was so stinkin’ bright outside). Apparently even cowgirls need their tortoiseshell Jackie O shades.

For the next couple of hours we watched the cowboys (and Missy!) brand and vaccinate calves. We tried to stay out of the way and in the blessed shade, but the whole process really was fascinating. Those men work HARD – I mean, they essentially wrestled livestock for the better part of the morning, and it was so evident within the first five minutes that they absolutely love what they do. It was hot and they were covered from head-to-toe in I-don’t-even-want-to-think-about-what, but they were a happy bunch. So were the kids. And everybody was so nice to us, especially considering that my obnoxiously large sunglasses coupled with my Adidas tennis shoes practically screamed, “HELLO! I AM A TOURIST FROM ANOTHER PLANET! I HAVE COME TO WATCH YOU WITH YOUR COWS AND YOUR HORSES IN YOUR PASTURES!”

I tried to take lots of pictures, but let me tell you: it is HARD to take pictures of cows. There’s virtually no shade in the middle of the pasture, so the sun beats down on everything and creates a glare and renders my little point and shoot camera pretty much useless. Plus, cows move. They move a lot. So I have a new level of appreciation for Ree’s photography, because suffice it to say that I didn’t really get the same results that she does.

For example.

Stunning, isn’t it?

Oh, I do have a gift.

There was so much memorable stuff about the morning – the sound of all that cattle, for one thing, because WHO KNEW THAT COWS WERE SO NOISY – but I think what I loved more than anything was just watching how everybody interacted, everybody helped out, and everybody managed to have fun doing some seriously dirty work in the midst of some seriously mind-numbing heat.

And the kids found a baby turtle.

And somebody was maybe a little on the sleepy side when he put on his boots this morning.

And finally: do you think I could fit this little one into my luggage?

Because if so, I’m totally taking him home.

Filed Under: Bloggity Fun

I Think I Can I Think I Can I Think I Can Get A Rose

23 June 2009 by

Well, there was ever-so-much on the line in tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette: two individual dates, one group date, and the five remaining guys get hometown dates next week. So basically it’s a reality television pressure cooker.

We began the episode with Jillian and the bachelors taking a train ride. The first individual date went to Robby, who started off their time together by showing off his sah-weet bartending moves. He followed up the bartending by throwing down a serious train-related pun (“I think I’m on the right track”), so clearly he is now one of my favorite people in the universe. He went on to tell Jillian that yes, he’s 25 years old and hasn’t been in a relationship in a while and doesn’t really have a job right now, but love has no age and love has no job.

Words to live by, my friends.

Words to live by.

After Robby shared his wisdom, he and Jillian (JILLIAN AND HIM) walked into another part of the train so that they could hang out on some sort of fur-lined daybed. Robby then told Jillian that he’d had lots of ideas for his career but nothing had really come of any of them. Jillian was understandably underwhelmed by his career uncertainty, she didn’t give him a rose, and THEN THE TRAIN STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND ROBBY HAD TO LEAVE.

I guess love also has no ride.

And then.

AND THEN.

Our resident snake-in-the-grass, Wes (I’m sorry if he’s your friend. He’s probably a wonderful person in real life. But in pretend-reality-TV life, he’s the most manipulative bachelor ever), confessed that he has a hidden agenda (YA THINK?) because he’s working on an album and craves the fame that he’ll take away from the show (note to Wes: considering I have watched every single episode of this show and cannot name even one rejected bachelor from any of the previous Bachelorette seasons, I THINK YOUR PLAN HAS SOME FLAWS). Then he snuck off to Jillian’s room and snuggled up to her and I had to look away from Snaky McCreeperson before my eyes started to bleed.

After Wes went away, Jillian and Jake spent some time together. Jake seems like the sweetest guy, but he comes across like he’s reading from a script when he talks – if there’s such a thing as overly sincere, Jake is it. In fact, he’s the Patty Simcox of The Bachelorette. He’s SO nice – to the point that it doesn’t seem real. Or maybe I’m just cynical. And it’s probably that last thing.

Jillian and Kiptyn also got to spend some time together, and it became crystal clear that with those two conversation is just a formality they have to endure so that they can justify making out. They have some chemistry.

And then.

AND THEN.

Tanner P cornered Jillian and they sat down in front of a fireplace and HE PULLED OUT SOME LOTION AND RUBBED IT ON HER FEET. There’s no way I could possibly chronicle everything that was COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DISTURBING about Tanner P’s reactions to Jillian’s feet, so let me just say that I was particularly troubled by his comment that her feet were a 9 1/2 but would be a 10 if she painted her toenails with Mango Mango instead of red.

Well sure. Sure they would. And it’s not at all weird for a guy to know the names of nail polish colors. That is completely normal.

Afterwards Jillian talked to Jesse and Michael, Tanner confessed to the guys that he told Jillian that someone had a girlfriend, and Wes told the group that since he was going to get the publicity from six episodes of the show, he’d pretty much gotten what he came there for.

Such a charmer, that Wes.

Jake went to Jillian and confessed that he was crazy about her, and Jillian responded by giving him an awkward kiss on the hand. He tried to kiss her, but she moved to the side and went in for the hug. Afterwards she had a one-on-one date with Reid. They went snowboarding and then had cocktails in the middle of some ice sculptures on the top of a mountain. Watching them sit in the middle of those ice sculptures reminded me of my absolute favorite thing about The Bachelorette: IT’S SO REALISTIC.

Then Jillian and Reid went to dinner, and I have to say that they had a quirky little chemistry in their conversation. I liked that he didn’t automatically say what he thought she wanted to hear. He wasn’t afraid to disagree with her (even to the point of saying he was “kind of against fondue” – ???), and that was a nice departure from the Bachelorette norm. Yay, Reid.

Once the rose ceremony rolled around, it was pretty clear that Jake and Tanner P were going to get the Bachelorette boot. But Jillian threw a curve ball and told the guys she had a few questions she needed to ask, and she pulled Michael aside to express her reservations about his age.

So do you know what happened next?

Jake and Tanner P got the boot.

And Wes made it another week.

But according to the previews, Jake – along with his pilot uniform and his roller suitcase – will be back next week to set the record straight about Wes. It’s a confrontation that’s sure to be fueled by common sense and level-headed thinking.

Oh, who am I kidding? It’s totally going to be FRAUGHT WITH THE MELODRAMA. Not to mention record levels of incorrect pronoun usage.

I can hardly wait.

Filed Under: TV Is My Friend

Linky Interwebby Awesomeness 06.22.09

22 June 2009 by

So I haven’t posted any links in, oh, a couple of weeks? A month? A span of time far too lengthy for someone who used to post links daily?

But it’s summer. And summer’s aa little on the hectic side. A thousand pardons.

Anyway, today I thought I’d share a few. Links ahoy!

– Veronica’s post about when her husband cooked pork chops is really about so much more. Loved it.

– Amanda’s post about marriage is a good’un. Oh mercy is it ever.

– Jon’s post about a reality show reminded me to climb down off of my soapbox, already.

– Lisa sent me this link – and I HOWLED. It would be BEYOND perfect for Martha – she would adore it.

Have a great Monday, y’all!

Filed Under: Daily Awesome
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