A few days ago Barb mentioned that she’d been making my recipe for blackeyed peas fairly often. Since then I’ve had several people email me to ask if I’d share the recipe.

And please understand: the term “recipe” is generous, really, because I think I make blackeyed peas a little differently every single time. As long as you soak them ahead of time and use some sort of salted pork product when you cook them, it’s almost impossible to mess them up.

Also: I realize that some of you might be reading this and thinking “Ewww! Salted pork product? Like bacon? Won’t that add a bunch of fat to my vegetables?”

And to answer your question: why, yes, yes it will.

But in my opinion, cooking peas or beans without a little pork is like ordering pizza without cheese. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO SUCH A THING?

Anyway, I had big plans to take lots of pictures of my blackeyed pea-cooking process, but I just lost the will, frankly, because I’m tired. However, I did manage to take a picture of all the ingredients I use, and I will share said picture with you at this juncture:

So.

Does anyone notice what’s missing from the picture?

That would be the peas.

And, oddly enough, a bag of peas is an integral part of a recipe for, you know, peas. Unless you are a wizard. In which case you could just wave your wand and make a big pot of peas using only a bag of cotton balls and some dryer sheets. Which would no doubt be something to behold.

See? I told you I was tired.

So if you’re not a wizard, it would probably be a really good idea to include a one pound bag of dried blackeyed peas (not frozen) when you make this recipe. Or else you will just end up with some highly seasoned water. And while the water might be somewhat tasty thanks to all the PORK FAT, it probably won’t be very filling.

Here’s what you do.

Pour the bag of dried blackeyed peas into a boiler that contains 6-8 cups of water. Bring them to a gentle boil over medium high heat. Don’t crank up the heat because the peas can scorch pretty easily (she says, having learned that lesson the hard way). Let them boil for 2 minutes. Take them off the heat, cover, and leave them alone for an hour or two.

After the peas have soaked for at least an hour, pour them into a colander and rinse thoroughly with cold water. Put them back in your boiler (or your crockpot), cover with 6-8 cups of water (I usually do 8 because I like to cook them a long time), and then add all your seasonings.

And while I don’t really measure how much of each seasoning I use, here’s my best guess:

2 tsp. salt (more if you like)
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper (more if you like)
1 Tbs. Worcestershire sauce (sometimes I use it; sometimes I don’t)
1/2 tsp. Cavender’s Greek seasoning
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/8 tsp. red pepper
3 slices thick cut bacon, quartered

Throw all the seasonings in the pot – and bring the peas up to another gentle boil. Reduce heat to a low simmer, and let them cook for 1 1/2 – 2 hours. Or longer. Make sure not to stir them too much or you’ll break the peas and end up with a very tasty bowl of mush.

They’re even better if you cook them the night before you’re planning to serve them (which I’m doing right now), let them cool, put them in the refrigerator, and then bring them up to a gentle simmer for about 30 minutes the next day – right before you’re ready to eat. And then? OH MY WORD AT THE TASTY GOODNESS. As far as I’m concerned, some blackeyed peas with a hot skillet of homemade cornbread is a meal in and of itself. So delicious.

Happy 4th, y’all!

Big Mama has graciously agreed to share her green sauce recipe with the internets. She also mentioned that she would love to say that she has never eaten an entire bowl of this stuff by herself, but that would be a lie.

And I would just like to add: ditto.

Green Sauce

3 medium size green tomatoes, coarsely chopped
4 tomatillos, coarsely chopped
1-2 jalapenos,coarsely chopped
3 small cloves garlic
3 medium size ripe avocados
4 sprigs of cilantro (I think the cilantro is optional. But I’m not much of a cilantro fan.)
1 tsp. salt (more if you like)
1 1/2 c. sour cream

Place tomatoes, tomatillos, jalapenos and garlic in saucepan. Bring to a boil, then lower heat and simmer 15 minutes.

Remove from heat and let cool slightly.

Peel, seed, and slice avocados, then set aside.

Combine tomatillo mix with avocados and (OPTIONAL) cilantro in food processor until smooth. Add in salt and sour cream, then mix well.

Serve with your favorite tortilla chips – and if the chips happen to be warm, all the better.

Eat until you’re sick.

D. has always done a great job of keeping my computer up-to-speed. He faithfully checks for software and security updates, downloads them, installs them, and generally I am none the wiser.

Of course, if left to my own computing devices, I would probably be trying to blog from a circa 1987 PC with an amber monitor and a four year-old version of MS-DOS. And a floppy disk drive.

So night before last D. checked for updates while I was watching a movie (“Breach.” Not half bad. In fact, I would recommend it.), and in the middle of updating, the computer crashed. So we re-started, and the computer decided it would be fun if it re-started again. By itself. Without us touching anything even remotely in the vicinity of the computer.

I’m telling y’all – these computers are filled with microchip-sized elves. And from time to time they get angry, and quite frankly they act out.

Long story endless, last night the computer wouldn’t recognize my camera when I got ready to upload some pictures. And then it wouldn’t recognize my iPod. And then it wouldn’t recognize the USB ports at all, and if you’ve spent any time at all with a computer over the last couple of years, you know those USB thing-ys are kind of important.

D. did a little research online, consulted your various and sundry Mac websites and forums and message boards and whatnot, and based on the information he found, he realized that he was going to need to re-format the hard drive.

Those last four words? They fill me with fear and trembling.

So last night, while I watched – and I am not exaggerating – six episodes of “House Hunters” in a row (I do enjoy the OnDemand service now that it seems to be functioning properly), D. backed up my iTunes and iPhoto files (over 7,000 pictures – can anyone say “FIRST CHILD”?), and began the re-formatting process.

OH MY WORD IT TOOK A SWEET FOREVER.

It was after midnight when D. finished installing all the software, and then he spent the better part of this morning transferring all my files back onto the computer. Which means I could not check the email or read blogs or write new posts.

Surprisingly, I didn’t twitch very much at all.

I just blinked a little faster than normal.

And I did make something kind of fun for lunch because, well, I had ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, and while I don’t know if it’s terribly original, it’s definitely terribly tasty, so I’ll pass it along to you.

Crispy Pizza Taco-Type Things

6 small tortillas (I used Mission Carb Balance)
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 tsp. dried sweet basil
1/4 tsp. dried oregano
1 1/2 cups marinara sauce (I used Newman’s Own)
1 pound ground sirloin, seasoned to taste, browned and drained
2 Tbs. butter
1 sweet onion, sliced fine
1 cup grated mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup grated Parmesan

Preheat oven to 475 degrees.

Spray two baking sheets with Pam, then place tortillas on baking sheets.

Combine olive oil, basil and oregano. Brush mixture on top of the tortillas. Then cover the surface of the tortillas with marinara sauce (use as much as you like, making sure to leave a little room at the edges so that you have a little bit of “crust” to hold onto when it’s time to eat).

Melt butter in a skillet over medium heat, then saute’ onion slices until they’re almost carmelized.

Layer tortillas with browned ground beef, onions, mozzarella and parmesan (some fried bacon would make these even better, by the way). Place in oven for about 8 minutes – until cheese melts thoroughly and the edges of the tortillas are crispy.

Take out of the oven and fold in half so that the pizza resembles a really big taco.

Listen to your husband say that you’ve combined all of his favorite foods (olive oil, beef, marinara sauce, onions, cheese) into a crispy delicious shell.

Run to your computer and tell the internets all about it.

Because your computer works again.

And all is right with the world.

Well my word. I had no idea the words “congealed salad” would cause such confusion.

Or, you know, the word “squash.”

So for the record, you use YELLOW SQUASH (some people call it “summer squash”) to make the Squash Supreme.

And a congealed salad is what some of you are calling “Jello salad.” This just happens to be one instance where Southerners are not brand-specific, which is odd now that I think about it because we are, after all, the people who refer to every single kind of carbonated beverage as “a Coke.”

Anyway, as penance for all the congealed salad confusion, I will now share with you my very favorite congealed salad recipe. I love it because if I’m going to eat some kind of sweet salad with my meal, it might as well do double-duty as dessert. And this recipe does just that.

Cranberry Orange Dream

Top Layer:

1 1/2 cups boiling water
1 package (8 serving size) raspberry Jello
1 package (8 serving size) cranberry Jello
1 can whole berry cranberry sauce
1 1/2 cups cold water
1 15 oz. can Dole mandarin oranges, drained

Middle Layer:

1 8 oz. package softened cream cheese
1/4 cup sugar
1 8 oz. tub thawed Cool Whip

Crust:

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/4 cup sugar
1 stick melted butter

Stir boiling water into Jello mix in a large bowl until completely dissolved. Add cranberry sauce until melted. Stir in cold water. Refrigerate about 1 1/4 hours or until slightly thickened (consistency of unbeaten egg whites). Gently stir in mandarin oranges.

While Jello is setting, stir together all crust ingredients and press firmly onto the bottom of a 13×9 inch dish. Refrigerate until ready to fill.

Then, beat cream cheese and sugar in a large bowl until smooth (I use a mixer for this). Gently stir in Cool Whip.

Spread cream cheese mixture evenly over crust. Pour Jello mixture over cream cheese layer after you’ve added the oranges – before it’s fully set.

Refrigerate 3 hours or until firm. Garnish with additional whipped topping, if desired. Chopped pecans are great in the Jello mixture, too.

I do hope that’s helpful.

And, as always, it is my pleasure to serve the internet, one clogged artery (and / or sugar coma) at a time.

Thank you and have a lovely evening.

Last night Big Mama told me about this burger place in her town that serves tostada burgers. Apparently you take two tostadas, load ’em up with refried beans and cheese, put your hamburger patty in the middle of it all, and pure delicious goodness is the result.

Needless to say, I have not been able to stop thinking about this thing they call the tostada burger.

And how I would put a WHOLE sliced avocado on mine. Perhaps even a dollop of sour cream.

Then, to add insult to injury, this afternoon on Guy Fieri’s new Food Network show (repeating tomorrow at 4:30 central), he featured some of the best burger joints in the country. I was folding clothes while I watched, and I almost had to use a clean dishtowel to wipe the drool from my face. There was this one place that puts 1/3 pound of cheese on every burger, so when the cheese overflows onto the griddle it crisps up like a potato chip.

I may have grown up in the Methodist church, y’all, but when I saw that cheddar cheese hit that hot griddle, I almost lifted my hands in praise right there in the guest bedroom.

Anyhoo, it’s pretty much a given that we’ll now have to have some form of burger for supper tonight – because if we don’t, I will dream about them and wake up at 3 in the morning and fire up the grill just like all the other perfectly normal people who obsess about something until it takes over their lives and renders them incapable of sleep.

So in the spirit of fueling my obsession, tell me this, internets: what’s your favorite burger?

Is it one you make – or one you buy?

I always say that my favorite burger is the last one that D. cooked for me on our grill, but now I’m thinking that tostada burger over in Big Mama’s neck of the woods might just change my mind.

Now y’all know that I love to cook.

But, by and large, I do not like to bake.

And I think the primary reason I struggle with baking is because, well, IT TAKES A SWEET FOREVER.

However, I saw Barb’s post last week about a coconut cake that she made, and it was so beautiful that I thought it would be a great gift for a couple of my friends. Since I would rather bake a cake than make cookies – because I’m sorry, in the time it takes to make 4 or 5 dozen cookies from scratch I could WRITE, EDIT AND REVISE A NOVELLA – I decided that I’d try my hand at baking Jamie’s Coconut Cake.

It took me a full week to work up the will to proceed.

On Monday night, I tackled the recipe for the first time. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t beyond my culinary capabilities – and aside from leaving out the vanilla and having a little trouble getting the layers out of the pans, it seemed to go okay. I thought the end result turned out pretty well, so I took it to a friend and decided I’d make another one for my friend Leigh’s birthday.

So yesterday, I baked Leigh’s cake. And I took pictures. Because if I’m going to bake, then I’m going to kill two birds with one stone and get a blog post out of it, too. Oh yes ma’am I am.

Here’s what I did.

Right after breakfast I took two sticks of butter out of the refrigerator so that they would be room temperature by the time I started the sixteen-hour cake-baking process. I did the same with four eggs.

Once I got ready to start the baking after lunch, I arranged all the ingredients in a lovely little display so that I could show y’all everything required to bake the cake. And then I remembered that I needed to butter and flour my cake pans, and I completely forgot to take a picture of the ingredients.

So I was off to a rip-roaring start.

I made the cake from scratch because that’s what my mama has always done. Plus, I figured that if I blogged about making the cake and made reference to a cake mix, Mama wouldn’t be able to show her face at Sunday School this week because OH, THE DISGRACE OF IT ALL.

The only other cake-baking transgression that would be more severe in her book is using margarine instead of REAL LIVE BUTTER. And if I succumb to that cardinal sin – well, the next thing you know I’ll be running around town wearing white shoes after Labor Day and saying “you guys” instead of “y’all.”

So first I buttered and floured the pans.

I’m pretty sure that the pan stuff alone took me about an hour or an hour and a half.

Then I whipped the REAL LIVE BUTTER until it was fluffy.

And added some sugar.

Adding the sugar created a dilemma because I am right-handed but wanted to take a picture of me actually adding the sugar into the batter because it seemed like that would be proper protocol for a baking post, but there is no way I could take a picture with my left hand, so I had to add the sugar with my left hand, and y’all JUST CAN’T IMAGINE HOW TRAUMATIC THAT WAS.

The directions said to let the sugar and butter combine for six or seven minutes, so while that was going on I decided to sift some flour.

(I wasn’t just sifting flour for kicks. I actually needed it for the recipe.)

Then I added eggs – one at a time – even though I don’t understand why you can’t just throw all four of them in the bowl at once. I also cracked the eggs one by one into a glass because that is what Paula Deen does. She always cautions her viewers to make sure their eggs “aren’t bad” – but how would one know, exactly? Would said “bad egg” wear a dark cape? Would it sport a sinister smile? Would it have horns?

It was about this point in the baking process that I was ready to quit. Because I’d been in the kitchen for 45 minutes and there still wasn’t a blessed thing to eat except for a bag of sweetened coconut flakes and some vanilla extract.

But I persevered. I added my flour and coconut milk (ALTERNATELY! you have to add them ALTERNATELY or apparently THE CAKE WILL EXPLODE).

(Disclosure: I am not actually adding the flour in the above photograph. I have the spoon propped up on the side of the bowl, because NO WAY was I going to try to use my left hand to add flour to a metal bowl with a spinning paddle inside while looking through the viewfinder of a camera. I AM NOT A GYMNAST, PEOPLE!)

(However, I totally added the coconut milk with my left hand. Because I am graceful in the tradition of an ambidextrous swan.)

Finally, I added some pure vanilla extract (seriously? if I used imitation vanilla flavoring? my mama would believe with all her heart that she had failed at motherhood) and poured the batter into the cake pans.

At which point I had to move onto phase two: making the filling.

Said filling consists of sour cream, sugar, coconut and a little milk.

Or, as I like to call it: a light snack.

Once the cake layers were done, I poked holes in them so that the aforementioned filling could seep down and create even more delicious goodness:

I mean, I think that looks like a finished cake, don’t you?

But oh, no. There was icing to be made. Icing that had to be cooked. In a double boiler. While using an electric mixer. For seven minutes.

I doubt I have to explain why I was only able to take one (out of focus) photograph during the icing-making process.

And really, nothing screams “SUMMER FUN” like boiling water, hot steam, an electrical cord and a large digital camera.

Fortunately, I escaped the icing-cooking phase of the process with no electrical shocks or severe burns, so I’d say that’s a baking victory, wouldn’t y’all?

And then, the final phase:

(obligatory puns about “icing on the cake” / “taking the cake” go here)

(obligatory groans at the bad puns go here)

Coconut goes here:

ISN’T IT PURTY, Y’ALL?

And seriously – seeing the finished product made the whole baking extravaganza worthwhile.

Plus, it was fun to surprise a sweet friend on her birthday.

In fact, Leigh loved the cake so much that it made me want to bake more often.

And do y’all know what? I felt that way for a whole five minutes.

I surely did.