Mamaw here wants to talk about flowers.

Because right now, before the dog days of summer hit and everything gets leggy and peaked and wilty, I am just a wee bit obsessed with flowers.

And plants. I’m a wee bit obsessed with them, too.

So here’s what’s going on around our house right now.

Our Home Depot had huge palm plants on sale for cheap dollars and thrifty cents, and D picked up a couple of them last weekend. We put one of them on our deck, and I love how the wispiness of the fronds contrasts with the bulkiness of the stalks.

By the way, that last sentence is a sure sign that any remnant of my early 20s self is officially GONE FOREVER.

Because in my early 20s I’d have been all, “What? I don’t get it. Looks like a big green tree to me.”

And then: “I think plants are, like, STUPID. Because you have to take care of them and stuff.”

Oh, yes. I WAS A TREASURE AND A DELIGHT.

Anyway. These lilies – oh my goodness. They smell divine. They light up my life.

(Sing it with me: “Wiiiiiiiiith sonnnnnnnnnnnng.”)

I mean, just look at all that pretty.

Then there’s hibiscus – one of my all-time favorites.

And mandevilla, which I’ve never had before but am LOVING. My fellas gave me two big mandevillas for Mother’s Day, and they have grown by leaps and bounds since D planted them. Can’t wait for them to fill up the trellises. I’ll probably just sit and sing to them until that happens.

And by the way, I should point out that my husband is the one with the green thumb in our family. He takes such great care of our flowers and plants. I just point and tell him where I want everything to go, and then he makes it happen while I gaze at impatiens blooms and drink a diet Coke.

So what about you? What have you planted this year?

The second half of last week felt like a big ole chop block. And when tough times hit, I start looking for the happy wherever I can find it. It makes the not-so-happy a little more bearable.

Here are a few things that made me smile.

1. Liz Lemon singing on 30 Rock – “And a man shall leave his mother / And a woman needs her bones….”

2. Matt Damon on 30 Rock – He was, in a word, delightful.

3. Flowers – Our hydrangeas are starting to bloom, and they’re gorgeous.

4. End of the school year – It’s time, y’all.

5. “I Dreamed A Dream” on Glee – Oh my word it’s beautiful.

6. The Bachelorette starts tonight. LISTEN – I KNOW. I KNOW. But it’s Ali and I thought she was DARLIN’ PLUS on the last one and I can’t wait to watch.

7. Alex’s end-of-season soccer party – Such a fun time celebrating his great coaches and teammates. Loved it.

8. Jimmy Needham’s “Moving to Zion” – I bought this last week, and SWEET MERCY it’s a good’un.

9. Going to a bridal tea – I have no idea why, but there’s something very comforting about visiting with friends and eating cucumber sandwiches and drinking sherbet punch.

10. Royal Apothic High Tea candle – This was a gift from some girls who mean a whole bunch to me, and the scent is mellow and comforting and lovely.

What about you? What are some little things that have brightened your days lately?

So there’s this thing I do in my head where I have imaginary conversations with people.

The conversations are almost always meaningless; they rarely concern anything that could be regarded as even remotely important. The common denominator is that they focus on questions I’ve always wanted to ask. You know, things like “Hello, Inventor of Popeye’s Fried Chicken! How do you get your crust so crispy and thick?”

Or “It’s lovely to see you, CEO of Coca-Cola! How many carbonated beverages do you consume in a day?”

Or “Hi, Miley Cyrus! So. Your new video? What’s all that about, sister?”

Anyway, yesterday morning I was putting on some make-up, and yet another imaginary conversation popped in my head. This one took place outside of a Large Cosmetics Conglomerate.

Me: “It’s nice to meet you, Sir or Madam. What do you do for Maybelline, exactly?”

Imaginary Person: “Oh, it’s nothing, really. I’m the person in charge of all the mascara brushes.”

Me: “WELLLLLLL. You should probably know that I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS.”

Because seriously? Have you ever stopped to think about how much time and energy goes into the conception, development and production of mascara brushes in this country? It boggles the mind. We are constantly being bombarded with new! and improved! brushes that will extend, lift, curl, separate, strengthen, thicken and define. And these brushes that are made specifically FOR OUR EYELASHES. Because it’s somebody’s job to push the limits of eyelash definition as far as modern technology will allow.

I don’t know why this fascinates me so. Maybe it’s because I’ve fallen for the Eyelash Dream hook, line and sinker. I’m forever trying new types of mascara in the hopes of finding The One that will maximize the impact of my seven whole eyelashes. It’s an epic quest with me, the cosmetic equivalent of looking for the Holy Grail. Or pulling the sword from the stone. Or finding someone on “The Bachelor” who consistently uses pronouns correctly.

And I guess I might as well tell you this: after I finish my pretend conversation with the person who’s in charge of the eyelash brushes? I want to (pretend) talk to somebody who names new mascaras.

I mean, come on. Lash Out? Lash Blast? Lash Discovery? Double Extend? Telescopic Explosion?

That’s an imaginary conversation that could last for a very long time, primarily because I need to 1) find out more about the creative process behind mascara-naming and 2) throw my suggestion for a mascara name into the ring.

Ready? Here it is.

LASHTACULAR!

No?

LASHAPALOOZA?

Maybe?

I’ll keep working on it.

I’m sure that the pretend person I’ll be talking to would tell you that these sorts of mascara-related things take time.

I would appreciate your prayers.

So I tried, y’all. I really did.

Back in the fall, I tried. I bought these.

Flats. I bought flats. After almost ten years of being solely (sorry. can’t help it. the pun is irresistible.) devoted to any shoe with a chunky and/or wedge heel, I caved to the shoe trends, and I bought a pair of flats.

And do you know what else? I wore them. I really did. I wore them with my rolled-up boyfriend jeans. I wore them with my denim skirt. I wore them with black pants. I wore them with leggings.

And every single time I wore them, I felt like I might as well be walking around on my knees. They threw off my entire height-to-object ratio. My foot didn’t hit steps when I thought it should. My kitchen countertops seemed like they’d been raised two inches. I was 5’6″ again – not the 5’8″ or 5’9″ I’d gotten used to in bigger heels – and honestly, it was weird. It wasn’t life or death or anything that would even remotely constitute a real problem, of course, but it just felt strange.

However, I continued to wear them. Why? Because somehow I told myself that I needed to wear something more sensible and flats are in and I’m supposed to think that they’re cute even though they remind me of junior high and high school and the entire rainbow spectrum of the Connie shoe collection, NOT THAT I HAVE LINGERING 80s BAGGAGE OR ANYTHING.

Well.

In light of the fact that my beloved 4-inch Soda flip-flops went on to their heavenly reward after their complete absence of tread may or may not have caused a particularly humiliating skid off of our front stoop one rainy morning, I was in the market for a new pair of flip-flops this spring. And given my fall and winter “flats experience,” I decided that the new flip flops needed to be just a smidge higher than flats. I didn’t want 4-inch wedges again; I felt like I was somehow too old to buy something that funky (WHY? I HAVE NO IDEA. JUST FOR KICKS LET’S BLAME THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA.)

So I bought these. They seemed like a nice compromise.

They’re incredibly comfortable, and I know I’ll wear them like crazy this summer. But height-wise? They still left a little something to be desired. I mean, 5’7″ is great and all, and it’s certainly a step (sorry – it’s Puntacular ’10, apparently) in the right direction. But after I’d worn the new flip-flops for a few days, I realized that there was a wedge-sized hole in my heart that only a 3-inch heel could fill.

Earlier this week I was in Steinmarts because I had a Mother’s Day gift card that was BURNING UP my wallet, and I took a little stroll through the shoe department. I wanted to see if they’d gotten in anything new since my last Steinmarts visit approximately three days prior. Sure enough, I spotted a couple of pairs of sandals that I liked but that didn’t work at all because of my freakishly high arches (not to be confused with my unusually small ear canals).

ANYWAY, I was talking to Melanie during my shoe browsing, and when I saw a pair of kicky sandals that caught my fancy, I asked her to hold on so that I could take a picture and send it to her.

(What? You don’t do this? I daresay that I haven’t purchased shoes without a second opinion since 2002. Which is precisely the reason why Mel received this picture on her phone.)

(See what I mean about the freakishly high arches?)

(You could shield yourself from the sun under there.)

I was tickled when Melanie gave the shoes her stamp of approval, but more than anything I was BESIDE MYSELF at the thought abandoning my attempts to embrace the flat. Life is too short for pretending, my friends. As Greg Sumner once said on an episode of Knots Landing: “the heart wants what the heart wants.”

Neveryoumind that Greg Sumner was a fictional character on an 80s TV show. Clearly his wellspring of wisdom ran deep and true.

And for whatever it’s worth, my heart wanted these.

They’re bronze and chunky and just a little over-the-top. Sort of like me. Except for the bronze part.

The best part of all? I started off the week at 5’6″.

But today I’m 5’9″.

It’s good to be home.

Do any of y’all remember when Larry King wrote a column for USA Today back in the 90s, and the column was essentially a completely random list?

Apparently Larry inspired me.

– I thought Harry Connick, Jr. was charming and all-around wonderful on Idol last night.

– In case you were wondering, which I’m pretty sure you weren’t but I’ll pretend you were: one of my favorite things about HC, Jr. is that he still sounds like a New Orleans boy. His accent is strong, and it is good.

– Jonathan Waxman is my favorite on “Top Chef Masters.” He seems so humble and laid-back and encouraging.

– Three food items that are currently in heavy rotation in our house are homemade pizza, sauteed squash and broccoli and homemade Rice Krispie treats. Those items will continue to be in heavy rotation until I completely wear out their welcome and we don’t want anything to do with any of them for the next four to six years.

– I have been a fan of Gain for as long as I can remember, but the new Arm & Hammer Essentials Power Gel is giving Gain a run for the money in our laundry room. I KNOW.

– Tonight on “Top Chef Masters” (yes, that again), the chefs had to create a wedding buffet, and they all freaked out at the prospect of having to bake a cake. So then I started to think about what I would do if I had to bake a cake – without being able to look at a recipe – under some sort of timed competitive conditions (BECAUSE THAT WOULD TOTALLY HAPPEN). And I decided that I would bake a pound cake. I think we can all rest easy now.

– The other night I couldn’t sleep, so I watched the season premiere of “The Hills” (don’t judge me). Here’s what I wondered: why doesn’t somebody make a TV show about women who genuinely love each other and support one another and make each other laugh and GET ALONG? Do you think it’s because the people in charge of making shows assume that no one would watch a bunch of women being KIND to each other? That makes me a little sad.

– “Friday Night Lights” starts this Friday night. I cannot even begin to tell you how this delights me. When I saw the preview a couple of weeks ago, I CLAPPED MY HANDS. Welcome back, Tami and Eric.

Go Lions.