The Fusion Isn’t The Only Thing That’s Frenzied

As long as I’ve known him – which at this point is the better part of three decades – my husband has loved video games, and with the exception of the PS3, he’s owned every major game playing console at one point or another. I, on the other hand, don’t even know what you call the piece of equipment that hooks up to the TV so that you can see the games you put in the disc drive thingy, thus my awkward use of the made-up term “game playing console.”

Given how far behind I am on the terminology learning curve, it probably isn’t a surprise that I’m not much of a video game person. I just don’t have the patience to sit in front of a TV for hours on end while I fight a series of space battles in order to return an orphaned alien named Thorzino back to his home planet of Microtundria. I would much rather use that time to do more worthwhile things, things like reading blogs and perusing celebrities’ Twitter feeds and watching marathons of “The Real Housewives of New York City.”


Before the young’un was born, David bought a game called Fusion Frenzy for the Xbox, and after watching D and our friend Benji play a round or four hundred, I decided I’d give it a try. Lo and behold, after a few weeks of obsessive consistent practice, I became pretty good at it (for the 2008 version of the same phenomenon, please see: Pathwords). I really looked forward to playing it every night after supper.

And then I had a baby and never played again.

The Wii has been a big hit in our house for the last couple of years, and every once in awhile I’ll feel all daring and kicky and jump in and play a game with my fellas. In fact, a few weeks ago I tried to play Mario Kart with Alex, and y’all, I was so horrible at it that my own child looked at me sympathetically, patted my shoulder and said, “It’ll be okay, Mama – you just need a little practice.” After our game was over I told him I was sorry that I wasn’t a very strong Mario Kart competitor, and he said, “Mama, has there ever been a video game that you really liked to play?”

WELL. Funny you should ask. Because AS A MATTER OF FACT, YES.


So I told him all about Fusion Frenzy and how his daddy and I used to play into the wee hours of the morning. He was fascinated. Then he asked if maybe we could play sometime, and since it’s totally a family game, I said that would be great. And then I started to sweat because OH, SWEET MERCY, THE PRESSURE.

This past Sunday afternoon Alex announced that he would LOVE to play Fusion Frenzy with me, so I asked David to load the game and put the TV on Mach 4 or Channel Frequency 2.09 or whatever setting the TV has to be on in order for the video games to show up on the screen. Once the game was up and running, I selected my favorite Fusion character, Naomi. Naomi always wears a bright orange track suit with a cropped jacket and platform sneakers, and I think that is so hysterical because it’s pretty much the exact same outfit I wear in the afternoons when I run my errands before I head to hip-hop dance practice. She also has jet-black hair and likes to kick people. Our resemblance is uncanny.

Alex thought the whole game was pretty much the most wonderful invention man has ever known (lots of people jumping and running through lots of tubes on lots of spinning surfaces = gold), and he was completely surprised by the fact that I was sort of decent at it. I was rusty, of course, but I managed to hang in there, and by the end of our four rounds, do you know what happened?

Why, Naomi came in first and stood in the winner’s circle – that’s exactly what happened. She stood in the winner’s circle with her bright orange track suit and her platform sneakers and she owned it. Oh yes she did.

Alex was playing as a skateboarder named Zac.

Zac came in third.

Maybe Zac needs a little practice.

I really did try to contain my excitement about beating my kindergartner at a video game, but ohmyword, I was BESIDE MYSELF. Now granted, since we’re trying to teach the little guy good sportsmanship and all that, I didn’t do a victory dance or anything; I just sat in my chair and said things like, “Good game, buddy! You did a great job!”

But in my head I was running around in circles, giving chest-bumping high-fives to anybody who’d take them and shouting things like “MAMA’S STILL GOT IT!” and “MAMA HAS MAD SKILLZ!”

And in addition to mad skillz, Mama also has a deep wellspring of widsom and maturity.


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  1. We don’t have a Wii. :( But my sister does, so when we visit my parents she brings it over. And I play Mario Kart until my thumbs are bleeding. The kids ask to play and I say no. The adults ask to play and I say no. I’m not very good at sharing. I’m also a mad Wii bowler. Which is funny, if you knew my family and were there when I said that the first time.
    What is this maturity you speak of?

  2. Every now and again I play the kindergartener in Mario Kart. She pats me on the shoulder and says, “You’re doing great, Mama.” Followed by, “PRESS B!!! PRESS B!!!!”

  3. I’ve always heard that video games are like riding a bicycle, right? Many congrats on your sweet, sweet victory!

  4. I think you should go buy an orange jacket like Naomi’s… I bet you’ll walk through the grocery store a little differently with that thing on!

  5. You go girl! Fuzion Frenzy in da house!

  6. Mama rocked da house!
    Snapz girlfriend ;-)

  7. That’s funny!

  8. I love reading your blog….however I hold you responsible for my addiction ..I visited Pathwords….and I am HOOKED!!!
    You may have to start a Pathwords Anon

  9. OMG… this is hilarious! I was never a video game girl either, until I got sucked into this game as well… WOW it is so addicting! haha I’m glad I’m not alone! :)

  10. well, speaking of laughing your head off…thank you so much, that post just made me laugh and laugh. My husband is also a video gamer and a time or 2 (or 400) I’ve been known to sneak downstairs to the game area during nap time and practice my game so that I can be somewhat competitive in his world…it hasn’t happened yet!

  11. This post made me laugh too, and cringe just a little because I can so relate. Thanks for the chuckle today. Have a great Tuesday.

  12. BOO.. BOO.. MAMA.. (as the slow clap starts…and we hoist you on our shoulders and RUN into the parking lot….)

  13. Well, I’ve never heard of Fusion Frenzy likely due to the fact that, for the sake of our marriage, my husband is not allowed an X-Box. I did cave and allow the Wii last year, only because someone offered to give it to us for free and who am I to turn down free stuff?

    My son kicks my tail in Mario Kart. Not just sometimes – all.the.time. I do not know the feeling of standing in the winner’s circle. I do not have mad skillz or, really, any skillz. So, I say thank you to you who are able to stand tall for all of us non-gamers and defeat the kindegartners. I salute you. Now, the question is: how long until he is able to come back and give you a good old fashioned smack down?

  14. So, would this be the equivalent of staying on the Wii Fit after my kids go to bed in order to beat my son’s high scores on all the events? My precious EIGHT-YEAR-OLD son? What does that say about A. my maturity level and B. my level of physical fitness that the only person I can beat is my second grader?

  15. HEHE – I love Mario Cart although with 2 boys I hardly ever get to play it
    I did try the “water” level and about lost my testimony
    I was so angry at that Dern stingray!!
    Can you tell I really should not play Wii
    I am WAY too competitive :)
    So glad you “still got it”
    Much love

  16. Boomama…you rock!

  17. This cracked me up.

    The first time I played Mario Kart I was totally confused as to why the dang thing would turn right or stay on the track. Turns out, I was holding the controller backwards. However, even once I remedied this situation – I still cant turn right or stay on the track :-)

  18. Oh, how my kids love Fusion Frenzy (and the 2nd one too!) It’s addicting!

  19. Sophie, I am laughing until I can’t breathe. Sort of like what happens when I have to walk up 3 flights of stairs at work! Ohhhh the humanity of getting whooped by the children in video games….I have NEVER been a video game girl – even when it was “pong” I was bored, it made no sense, and I would rather read *(edit – now that would be spend countless hours reading blogs on the internet). My son, too, had consoling words for me – “It’s okay mommy, you can do better if we play again.” That was at age 6. Recently I beat him playing some incarnation of Madden for Xbox – he says how did you score that touchdown like that – I said, ummm I pushed all of the buttons because I couldn’t remember what was “run”. Oh well, it’s all about being in the winner’s circle when you’re the mom! Thanks for another great post and laugh.

  20. My sons and I love to play Star Wars Legos…super fun!

  21. Mama’s in the house, y’all!! Oh yeah. Uh Huh! Break it down.

    I love how you make me chuckle…and I love the wonderful words you make up–you really should re-write some Webster’s.

    PS I beat Super Mario 4 on my son’s Gameboy :0) and Sonic, too.

  22. Bernadette says:

    You, Boo Mama make me laugh

  23. But a move, BooMama! Show who’s in charge!! This is awesome. I, however, do not subscribe to the ideology that videogames are like riding a bike. I used to think I was pretty darn good… and even my “old games” I still get blown out o fthe water…

  24. Oh, yes. Two thumbs up on the Star Wars Legos. My husband has a PS3. It plays Blue Rays too….

    My son, who is 3, kicks my butt with the Virtual Fighter 5.

  25. TOO FUNNY! Back in “the day” when video games were still things you mainly played at the pizza place or convenience store, my (future) hubby was obsessed with several shooting/alien/thingys. The only one I could get into to pass the time while he defended planet earth was Ms. Pacman. I wasn’t that good at it, but I kinda liked it. Someone finally suggested to me that the reason women liked Ms. Pacman is because she’s not shooting/killing anything — she’s eating! Eating dots and the occasional piece of fruit with a mighty gulp. I guess I should’ve been insulted by the suggestion on behalf of womankind, but it actually had a ring of truth!
    Congrats on your victory!

  26. But still more impressive were your skillz with the Spiderman underwear lay up. I still applaud you on that one.

  27. Pardon me. . . that should be BATman.

  28. My husband is a gamer. At this moment, he and K- are playing the Game Cube (which I wanted to call Game Box.) He wanted it for his birthday, and told me a place where I could purchase it pre-owned. (Hubs doesn’t care about such things as new.) Well, I had to buy a gift card because I think I oozed disknowledge and the sales guy was trying to sell me everything in the store.

    As for me? I’m an old Atari only person, thank you. I want my low resolution graphics were a blocky guy runs over blocky alligators, blocky ponds and swings from blocky vines to get to the blocky prize. If you’ve got that, I’m there! :)

  29. This is so funny! I, too, completely stink at most video games and my kindergartener also feels sorry for me and tries to help but there is just no helping me!

  30. Okay- well between you and me- I am on my way up to the playroom right now to try to get my Wii age down AND to master MarioKart. You must try the Mario Bejiing Olympics- it is my favorite game and also try Power Rangers (we have on PS2, not on Wii) it’s a lot of fun to play with the boy and fairly easy to beat (I only say that because after 5 months, it was the only video game I EVER conquered.) Happy gaming!

  31. Why do you keep calling it “Fusion Frenzy”? The box indicates “Fuzion,” yes?

  32. This is the most well-written post I’ve read in a LONG time!! Thanks for sharing your story. Oh, and I’m in the same boat in my house. My 1st-grader KO’s me in Wii boxing practically before I’ve even lifted my virtual gloves! AND when he serves in tennis, he aces me every time. How does he DO that???!!

  33. What a hilarious post! Congrats on beating the kindergartener with your mad skillz! Enjoy it – it just may be the only time!

  34. My hubby and daughter often tried to trick me into playing Fuzion Frenzy… I can still hear the cyber taunting ‘where is the competition’ ;)

  35. It’s almost midnight and I’m trying to read this without waking the whole house. But, it’s DARN HARD to swallow a guffaw! Thanks for the chuckles!

  36. Oh, I can so relate! My kindergartener beats me every single time in MarioKart. He looks at me with pity in his eyes, and then I hear say to his three year old brother “mommy is not very good at playing wii.” Sigh. Out of the mouths of six year olds.

  37. I don’t have kids, but if I did, I would so do the same inside-my-head dance. : )

  38. HYSTERICAL!!!! Seeing as though my “brain age” has taken a heavy dip since having child #2 a year ago, I am still trying to master the Leapster with child #1. You make me howl, Boo Mama!!! Thanks! I needed that!

  39. Love me some Pathword! I got 4th place amongst my friends. Although my #1 friend has a high score of 1650. That’s so far out of my league! I’m happy with 4th. But, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try to be number 3. Okay, gotta run…

  40. We sometimes have “Wii Family Night” and I provide the comic relief.

    Mario Kart=disaster.

    My 8-year old was screaming “Momma! You’re going backwards!!” Yeah, that takes skill.

    Don’t even ask about my Guitar Hero abilities.

    But I love me some Pathwords. I AM the reigning champion in our household!

  41. This made me laugh quite a bit. You see I’m actually on my Wii posting this!! Mario Kart is the all time best game ever. If you would like another game to try that has no real point, no skills neccessary, and is totally addicting…. Animal Crossing. I will sadly admit that I took most of today off and played it. But on a good note, I was able to pay my mortgage off and save enough to pay off my remodel that will happen over the night!! So plenty accomplished (;

  42. You mean to tell me they’ve come out with something newer than Atari? Really? (OH REALLY??)

    I can play Pong. Or whatever that dumb game is called where the pixelated blob bounces back and forth from one side of the screen to the other.

  43. How funny. I give you 3 snaps in a “Z” formation. You rock!