Miss America Viewing Party 2012

All righty, everybody. I’ll go ahead and warn you that I’m going to update this post an obnoxious amount while the pageant is on, so between my wordiness and incoming comments, we’re all going to have to refresh the page from time to time.

I know. It’s not exactly a fancy plan, but it’ll do, hopefully.

See y’all in a few minutes!

As a point of order, I would just like to mention that I washed my face a few minutes ago but was so excited that I forgot to put on moisturizer. So I made it back to the TV in time for the pageant, but my face is now about to crack open. MISS AMERICA IS WORTH THE SACRIFICE.

Oh, wait – I am unfamiliar with this off-site introductory business. I LOVE MISS ARKANSAS (“called a hog”). These puns are magnificent.

I think the Las Vegas Visitors’ Bureau had a say in how the introductions are done. And yes, Miss Idaho totally called herself “a hot potato.” Also: I was unaware that Marky Mark is a sweet treat. But BREAK IT DOWN, GIRLS, with the dance moves.

I know I’m partial, but Miss Mississippi looks fantastic. And listen – all these old-school opening statements (“having fun is always the Maine event,” “from the home state of Nike, here tonight to Just Do It”) are making me clap my hands.

God bless Chris Harrison. He really is a perfect host, don’t y’all think?

There’s a Head Judge? WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!?!

Top 15 is silly, but nonetheless, we have Miss Oklahoma, Miss South Carolina, Miss Florida, Miss New York, Miss Iowa, Miss Texas (WHO IS DARLIN’), Miss Virginia, Miss Illinois (“There she creates, there she gives”), Miss Arizona, Miss Alabama (YAAAAAAAAY!), Miss Tennessee (WHO IS ALSO DARLIN’), Miss Wisconsin, (COMMERCIAL BREAK), Miss North Carolina, Miss California (sidenote: I don’t really need for my Miss America to be edgy, nor do I want her to manipulate the media, but I understand that I am old), and Miss Louisiana.


You know what I’d love? A good production number.

This is sort of like watching The Hills if The Hills took place on a really big stage. With crowns.

Swimsuit competition? I miss those old one-pieces that looked like they were made of vinyl. And looking at all these six-pack abs reminds us that I’ve got some pimento cheese in the refrigerator. I think I’ll go make me a sandwich.

I miss the three-point turn.

I think it might lead to some ish-ahs if you’re eliminated right after the swimsuit competition.

Three blondes left. The hair color tide, it is a-turnin’.

Now that is just mean. For girls to have to line up behind the girl they want to stay? OH MY WORD SO MEAN.

I just said this when I replied to an email, but clearly that whole “stand behind the girl you want to save” thing was designed by a man. A MAN WHO HAS NEVER BEEN A GIRL IN JUNIOR HIGH.

Dear Miss Illinois: You are gorgeous, but Miss America does not use the phrase “sex appeal.” And I LOOOOOVE Miss South Carolina’s gown.

Dear Miss Texas: Your gown is perfection.

A Person Who Shall Remain Unnamed just texted me and said, “Alabowma.” SO GOOD. And I thought everybody looked gorgeous in evening gown, by the way.

Y’all? Is she dancing to a Prince song?

Talent: Miss Arizona (cute routine, strange music), Miss Illinois (maybe not the most difficult routine, but certainly better than I could do, you know, EVER), Miss Oklahoma (IRISH STEP DANCE, AMEN), but I’m having a hard time concentrating on the talents because I’m obsessed with the strange facts and can’t stop thinking about how Miss Illinois is AFRAID OF WINDMILLS.


Miss Texas (very talented at piano as well as her ability to sit gracefully in a dress with a slit cut up to her hip), Miss Wisconsin (some opera something or other), Miss New York (oh, this is my kind of Miss America vocal, yes ma’am), Miss Louisiana (it’s like an Ann Margret number in toe shoes – I don’t mind it – and she ALMOST SWALLOWED A DIAMOND), Miss Tennessee (bonus points for singing something from Cats in Italian), Miss Iowa (You Raise Me Up – a crowd pleaser), Miss California (appears to be LEGIT as far as her ballet skillz are concerned; her interpretation of the black swan was very EDGY, I have to say). :-)

My prediction for Top 5: Texas, Louisiana, Tennessee, California, Oklahoma – what do y’all think?

Top 5, for real: Wisconsin, Oklahoma, Arizona, New York, California (I’VE NEVER BEEN LESS ACCURATE). In my humble opinion, Miss Texas and Miss Louisiana should’ve been in the Top 5.

4th Runner-Up – Miss California
3rd Runner-Up – Miss Arizona
2nd Runner-Up – Miss New York
1st Runner-Up – Miss Oklahoma
Miss America – Miss Wisconsin

Well, that was just so fun! More fun! It was just so much fun!

Thanks, y’all, for being the best commenters in the whole wide ever. I had the best time with y’all!

(I still can’t believe Texas and Louisiana weren’t Top 5.)

(I’ll try to get over it.)

(‘Night, everybody!)

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  1. Yahoo! Can’t wait!

  2. I’m so excited! Go Miss Texas!

  3. Carolyn F says:

    Can’t wait! Let’s hear it for those mid-atlantic girls!

  4. Present!

    And let me add I already like Miss D.C. Her 90 second video was precious!

  5. Carolyn F says:

    Anyone else getting the stink eye from their hubby about commanding the TV?

  6. JustBetty says:

    [ hyperventilating ]

  7. Here we go!

  8. Go Miss Oklahoma!

  9. Carolyn F says:

    Miss Colorado’s mom was a Miss America.

  10. I don’t think I can support this dancing on the Hoover Dam business.

  11. There are some cute Southern girls, as usual!

  12. Miss Kansas is cute!

    • Agreed. I immediately announced, “Oh. She’s precious!” to my husband who could not care less.

  13. Carolyn F says:

    Miss Michigan is pretty.

  14. I love these intros. Some are so clever.

  15. Yeah, I like the intros on stage a lot better than these outside locations.

  16. Carolyn F says:

    Mary Margaret from Mississippi — how is that for a southern name!

  17. I’m here too! After that intro Miss Mississippi will be hard to beat! Oprah AND Elvis!

  18. I’m loving the dresses!

  19. Where is MIss Texas?!?

  20. Not sure that I get the dancing in the background. Is it working for you?

  21. Well, hailing from the great state of North Carolina I had NO IDEA we had America’s first mini golf course…

  22. I’m loving the intros! Miss Alabama nailed it….home of champions!!!

  23. An educational event—I didn’t know Deleware only had 3 counties!

  24. Where was Miss Maine???

  25. JustBetty says:

    this out-of-alphabetic-order thing is messing with me

  26. Did she say “home of Family Guy?”

  27. I miss the old-school parade of states. In order.

  28. I definitely prefer the intros in alphabetical order.

  29. JustBetty says:

    [[[ sweet little miss wyoming. her mama was one of my college roommates! ]]]

  30. OK…Yahoooooo!

  31. Great twist: vote someone back in! wow!

  32. Washington had a great tag line with the Starbucks comment. I love Ark TN and SC

  33. Interesting twist to let the eliminated girls vote one back in.

  34. I really like Miss Florida, her video was my favorite, too!

  35. Anybody catch what kind of ring Mr. Harrison is sporting? Looks like a gemstone? It’s on his wedding ring finger, but it looks more embellished than a regular band.

  36. Love Chris Harrison. He’s a gret host.

  37. Carolyn F says:

    Does anyone miss when they kept 10 contestants to the end? I always thought it was fairer to the 1st runner up. She got her moment, and didn’t have to share it with the loser. OK, that and the fact that I’d seen all of Sophie’s videos in the year they happened dates me quite a bit, LOL!

  38. Ahhh, Chris Harrison…you were BORN FOR THIS!!!

  39. Miss OK is adorable. I was born in OK, but live in TX now, so those are always my picks.

  40. Love Chris Harrison!

  41. Now this is a diverse group of judges!

  42. Kris Jenner?? Really?

  43. Miss SC is darlin’…I’m really liking her!

  44. When I was younger, I decided that if I couldn’t be a contestant, I’d want to work for Ernst & Young. Neither dream came true. :-(

  45. What was Miss South Carolina’s story? I missed it. Cover of People magazine?

  46. Don’t mess with Texas!

  47. Carolyn F says:

    Sophie, you’d be a GREAT head judge.

  48. Iowa is a doll!

  49. 1. My 15yo daughter thinks all these girls look 30ish not 18-22ish 8}
    2. Looks like the year of the brunette. Lots of them!

  50. Carolyn F says:

    OK I wanna see Hawaii to see her talent!

  51. These sequined top outfits are adorable, but could those jeans be any tighter? They’ll need shoehorns to get them off. Good thing they all have the bodies for them.

  52. Yeah! Go Southern girls!

  53. It’s not looking good for our beloved Miss Mississippi. They already chose Miss Alabama and Miss Tennessee….

  54. I loved, loved, loved Miss Alabama’s comments…”you definitely have to step your game up, this is Miss America!”

  55. Texas is gorgeous! I would like to see my home state of Wisconsin do well….but we never seem to : (…..wait, I spoke too soon….we made it!

  56. Carolyn F says:

    Anyone want to hear a spoiler about who an oddsmaker predicts to win?

  57. It feels a little bit like Christmas. So tickled.


    And the sequin tanks and jeggings are darling.

  59. Sophie: you were born to be the head judge!

  60. I am loving the picks!!! And cute tops!

  61. Carolyn F says:

    OMG YES, go NC!!!

  62. So excited AL made it! I think TN and SC are my early front runners…

  63. I think we already have enough media manipulation going on these days Miss CA :)

  64. GO MISS NC!!! I agree about these sequined tops, so cute!

  65. Well, Mary Margaret from MIssissippi didn’t make it.

  66. JustBetty says:

    Let Her Go Get Dressed!!! [sheesh]

  67. oh YAY! Swim suit….who wants some rotel dip?

  68. do not like California! “Manipulate the media.” Uhhh… not anything we need more of in America!

  69. Did not like CA’s comment that Miss America needs to manipulate the media.

  70. Don’t know about you, but I’ve yet to interview for a job in a bikini.

  71. I wish the Miss America organization would realize that what we love about it is that it’s not relevant – at all. That it’s an anachronism is what makes it fun.

  72. Kris Jenner’s hair style seems weird to me.

  73. OK. I can rule two out: Miss Virginia (don’t need to create and give) and Miss California (manipulate the media). Hope the judges get word of those comments.

  74. Don’t like Kris Jenner as a judge. Isn’t there someone else? Like anyone?

  75. I was sitting here guessing based on history. I guessed Alabama, South and North Carolina, Texas, Tennessee, Carolina and Oklahoma. It’s a gift, really.

  76. Vanessa Williams? I’m pretty sure they removed her title. Technically, although we all know she won, she never was a Miss America.

  77. Miss A seems so mature for only 18. I LOVE seeing all the former Miss As!

  78. Is Teresa Scanlan only 18??? Oh my gosh, I would have never guessed that.

  79. Some of the girls need to keep their knees together!

  80. My daughter can’t believe the current Miss America is only 18. She thinks she looks 40. I asked her if I look at good as her since I’ll be 42 in a week. Her reply: yes. Guess who is my favorite child at the moment ;)

  81. This is the part where it’s hard to take seriously the claim that this is a “scholarship competition.” :)

  82. TX did great! Plus, you could totally see her toned abs, a definite plus!

  83. JustBetty says:

    … and we have a Top Model walk now.

  84. I just got here.

  85. I do not care for NC’s ummm… enhancements.

  86. Elizabeth says:

    GO Miss TN!!

  87. You can definitely tell who has mastered the use of spray tanning and who still has some work to do in that department.

  88. LA is pretty!

  89. Well, that was demoralizing. I think I’ll eat ANOTHER Reese’s.

  90. This is a mess. There are a lot of really weird camera angles, and some of these girls are just trying too hard.

  91. It’d be mighty KompliqueTED to get me in one of those bikinis. Just saying.

  92. Carolyn F says:

    As a fluffy girl, I have to say hats off to SC to look like that after losing weight!

  93. Nothing like Miss America to make a Sat. better. Those model walks just wore me out! I’m with Sophie: give me those old one pieces!

  94. Carolyn F says:

    OK that was awkward, just picked up the wrong end of the munchies bag and dumped the last of the crumbs all over me.

  95. Those swimsuits are so tiny – not a miracle suit in the bunch. I doubt anyone has had any carbs in about 3 years.

  96. Glad SC made it. That would have been cruel to cut her after the swimsuit after all she’s been through.

  97. I feel sorry for the three leftovers.

  98. Okay, one of Miss Flordia’s supporters is wearing a ballgown. Like, a Disney princess ballgown. Awesome.

  99. Oh the drama! Did Simon Cowell design this pageant?

  100. Oh, now this is just cruel.

    • Carolyn F says:

      No kidding not only have to vote but PUBLICLY

      • That was awful. I love Miss Alabama, but what pressure to have to vote with everyone watching. Yikes! I do not know who I feel sorrier for – the three girls standing there or the girls being forced to choose in public.