Helllllloooo, internets of the universe. Or universe of the internets. Or y’all.

Where to begin?

Let’s see.

This past Saturday morning the little man woke up with a fever and so much chest congestion that he sounded like a tree frog crossed with a pack of Marlboro Menthols crossed with Kathleen Turner. I believe “raspy” is the word that would best apply. He felt terrible, and he remained in his pitiful estate until Tuesday morning when he hopped out of bed, told me he felt like he was going to throw up, looked pale as a whisper, went back to bed for about ten minutes, started to perk up, asked for some bacon and toast, then promptly pronounced himself ready to go back to school.

So that happened.

But then later that morning I felt like I had a little bit of a cold coming on, and by Tuesday afternoon I knew that I too had been stricken by the plague. Wednesday morning I didn’t have a voice. Today I’ve been better, but now I’m the one who sounds like a tree frog crossed with a pack of Marlboro Menthols crossed with Kathleen Turner.

Which reminds me: does anyone remember how, in the late 90s, Kathleen Turner started talking like someone who wasn’t entirely familiar with the English language? And sometimes she’d do interviews and say things like, “It was a wonderful opportunity to – oh, how do you say? – expand my horizons?

(And you’d better believe she’d drop the “h” on “horizons” like it was a hot potato.)

(Or an “ot potato,” as it were.)

That used to make me so happy. So happy, in fact, that I just used the Google and found an old interview with Kathleen Turner on the “Today” show where she repeatedly pronounced “been” as “bean.”

Good times.

Anyway, in addition to fighting off the various and sundry infirmities that have made their way to our house, I’ve been pushing through what will be affectionately known as DEADLINE ’11 for the rest of my earthly days. I had a huge (UUUUUUUUUGE, as Mrs. Turner might say) work deadline earlier this week – in addition to a couple of bloggy / write-y things that were due Monday – and now that the week is (almost) over I’m having a hard time shaking the feeling that there’s a big ole DUE DATE breathing down my neck. But alas: no.

I’d totally do a hitch kick if I weren’t afeared that I’d permanently damage my ankle.

Now. Let us please to talk about the TV.

[I just typed a whole bunch about “Oprah” and then realized that it’s going to have to be a separate post. Because I’ve been watching the Oprah show this season after about a three year break from it, and I have so many, many thoughts that I will share at another time, oh thank you.]

[But the twin sisters who were on the show today won my heart forever, they did.]

Here are the shows with which I am somewhat obsessed right now:

1) Top Chef – I couldn’t believe that [not naming the name because I don’t want to spoil it if you haven’t seen it yet] had to pack his/her knives and go last night, but that’s what’s been so great about this season. Totally unpredictable – and it’s clear that people really are being voted off for their work in each challenge and not being protected because of their body of work or their reputation. Right now I think Richard is probably the favorite to win – and I think Antonia and Carla are the dark horse contenders. Either one of them could easily pull an upset.

2) Survivor – I haven’t even watched last night’s episode yet, so it’s a pretty bold step-out for me to say that I’m obsessed with a show that I haven’t even seen. So how do I know I’m going to love it? Two words: Boston Rob.

3) American Idol – Oh, people. Peoplepeoplepeoplepeople. It’s never been better. Last night the whole Jacee-needs-a-group thing just unnerved me, but at the end? When he made it through? And his group cheered? And then Scotty McCreery apologized from the stage and could hardly celebrate the fact that he made it through because he was so remorseful about the way his group treated Jacee? I would like to tell you that it made me teary-eyed, but I’m pretty sure that I just flat-out WEPT.

So are y’all watching any of these? Have any thoughts or preferences or predictions?

I would love to – how do you say? – hear your thoughts.

And by all means, do have a lovely evening.

And please know that I’ve missed you terribly.

Edited to add: I watched “Survivor” late last night, and I have to say that the tribal council was some of the finest television these eyes have ever witnessed. For all the reasons I expected – and some that I didn’t. Like Phillip. MY WORD.