I don’t even know how to express the level of my joy when “The Bachelor” finally makes it to the home date portion of each season, but suffice it to say that IT MAKES ME GIDDY. It’s like having a piece of chicken that’s been perfectly fried and then topped with avocados and black beans and Ranch dressing.

Which is to say: PERFECTION. In fact, I anticipated tonight’s episode being such good television that I made a special batch of guacamole for the occasion. I don’t mess around, people.

So.

At the beginning of tonight’s episode Chris told us that there would be one group date and two “very romantic” one-on-one dates. And also: THEY’RE GOING TO SEATTLE, Y’ALL.

(Just to tell you how obsessive I am: I paused the DVR when the girls were running to the limo because I wanted to have a full appreciation for Stephanie’s outfit. I mean, it is not every day that you can pull off a printed shirt AND a printed scarf AND a bedazzled cap AND some large hoop earrings.)

(If I had a bedazzled cap, I’d tip it in her honor.)

The girls arrived in Seattle, and Melissa got the first date this week (THOSE TWO ARE DESTINY, people). Jason couldn’t get away for their romantic night on the town because his little boy didn’t want him to leave, so he called Melissa to see if they could have a quiet night at his house instead. Melissa won me over FOREVER when she asked if she could wear her “stretchy pants.” Because that’s real life, people: stretchy pants and leftover pizza. Rock on.

Back at the hotel the girls were a little jealous that Melissa had time at Jason’s real house. And you know what? They should have been jealous. Because Melissa and Jason seemed utterly relaxed around each other, even though it got on my nerves that they just sort of pretended to eat their ice cream. Go big or go home is all I’m sayin’.

After Melissa’s date we found out that Stephanie, Jillian and Molly were going on the group date. The group date was a cruise around Seattle, and I would like to take this opportunity to give Stephanie a shout-out for breaking out the hooded faux fur vest for a boat ride. Even better was the fact that she actually steered the boat while wearing said faux fur vest, not to mention four very large rings, a feat requires that some skillz when you’re dealing with maritime matters, my friends.

If she had broken out some Rachel Zoe-esque sunglasses you would have heard my squeals of delight halfway around the world.

After the boat ride we were subjected to an exceedingly awkward interview at a radio station (DO Y’ALL THINK IT WAS STAGED? I COULDN’T TELL.) that involved copious amounts of oversharing and no small amount of cringe-worthy moments. They left the interview and headed out for a dinner date, where Jason called Jillian on the fact that she’s been holding back. But he also asked her who he’d meet if he went to her hometown (a question he didn’t ask Stephanie, BTW), and then they kissed while sitting awkwardly on a settee.

Jason took Molly on a walk around Seattle, and she made it very clear that it’s important to her to have her family’s approval when it comes to the person she’s dating. Molly seems totally confident where Jason is concerned, but I’m gonna make a bold statement and say that while he seems really attracted to her, he doesn’t seem as relaxed as he is with Melissa. You are welcome to disagree as long as you acknowledge that I’m right.

The last date was a one-on-one date with Jason and Naomi, and they went on an obligatory Bachelor airplane ride. I like Naomi because she seems totally comfortable around him, and she’s FUNNY, a trait we don’t get too see very in our lovely bachelorettes. But I think she may have given Jason pause when she essentially said that while she wants a long-term relationship with someone, she’s scared she’s not capable of it. Nonetheless, she told Jason that she had “THE BEST DATE EVER,” and then they snuggled up next to a fake mountain. Ah, sweet romance.

The next day Jason stopped by the hotel because he had some (more) questions for Jillian. So they went to some sort of ice cream shop and he asked his questions and Jillian tried not to cry and they kissed awkwardly across a small marble-topped table. I’M STARTING TO NOTICE A PATTERN WITH THOSE TWO.

Right before the rose ceremony, Jason and his purple shirt / purple tie combo sat down with Chris Harrison for a good ole fashioned therapy session. We learned a lot about Jason’s feelings during their chat, and I repressed the urge to scream at the television when he said “her and I” for the forty-fifth time. After he talked with Chris he pulled Naomi into the other room because he had questions about whether or not she was ready for the slower pace of family life. Jason followed up their conversation with about three big hugs, which immediately gave me flashbacks of last week with Shannon. NOT A GOOD SIGN.

The roses went to Jillian, Melissa (SHOCKER), Molly (I really need for Molly to quit laugh-talking when she accepts her rose each week) and Naomi, leaving sweet Stephanie to return to sweet home Alabama in her striped gown, pendant earrings and chandelier necklace. Jason had such kind words for her, and she was beyond gracious. I think HIM AND HER might be really sweet friends at some point down the road.

(Sorry. I couldn’t resist.)

Next week’s hometown dates are sure to be fraught with The Emotion and The Drama, but if the previews are any indication, we’ve got some good times in store with our merry band of Bachelor friends.

I mean, THEM and US have made some really special memories this season.

Oh yes. Oh yes us have.

The fact that we have a one-hour installment of The Office tonight sort of makes up for the fact that we didn’t have a new episode this past Thursday night, but it remains to be seen if it’ll make up for the fact that the last episode was so unfunny that it made me a little bit angry.

So I’m going into tonight’s episode with my fingers crossed is what I’m saying.

All righty. Here are the highlights.

1. “Today? Smoking is going to save lives.”

2. “We’re trapped! Everyone for himself!”

3. “SAVE BANDIT!”

4. Kevin and the snack machine.

5. “THE FIRE’S SHOOTING AT US!”

(Okay. No kidding. Probably the best first five minutes in Office history. But then again, I’m a huge fan of when stuff falls out of the ceiling. Especially when a cat is involved.)

6. “Stanley was attacked by his own heart.”

7. “…when no one would take hedded of my instructions.”

8. “The doctor has said that if I don’t find a way to respond more positively to my surroundings I’m going to die.”

“I’m going to die.”

9. OHMYWORD ANDY’S SINGING AND KELLY KAPOOR’S DANCING.

10. “Can you tell me why you had to cut the face off the dummy?”

11. “This is why we have training. And now Dwight knows not to cut the face off a real person.”

12. “I state my regret.”

13. “OHM OH MY GAH IF YOU’RE WEARING A DRESS PLEASE KEEP YOUR KNEES TOGETHER NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT OHM.”

14. “Here are some peaceful sounds. That one makes me think of death. It’s kinda nice.”

15. “I consider myself a good person. But I’m gonna try to make him cry.”

16. “I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”

17. “I normally don’t enjoy making people laugh.”

18. “Cut off your nose to spider face.”

19. “Michael, you are the reason I drink. You are the reason I live to forget.”

20. “If it were an iPod it would be a Shuffle.”

21. “My guess? Either he’s deeply depressed or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain.”

22. “When you’re a kid you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.”

All in all, I thought tonight’s episode was leaps and bounds better than the last one, even though I wanted to cringe during the roast and during Andy’s song and especially when Michael walked off the stage. But in the end it was sort of sweet (EVEN STANLEY LAUGHED), and for just a few minutes, everyone in the office was one big happy family.

That made me smile.

What did y’all think?