Archives for July 2007

I recognize that I’ve pretty much just posted announcements and links and whathaveyou lately, and that’s primarily because I’ve been having trouble articulating the events of these last few days.

And if, based on that last sentence, you’re thinking that something exciting has happened, then I should probably apologize for getting your hopes up because please do always remember that my life is the land that excitement forgot. Unless I happen to be at some sort of amusement park. Or watching re-runs of “Alias.”

So.

Monday I stayed in my pajamas a large portion of the day and then took Alex to Publix to say goodbye to Miss Jennifer, who is our favorite cashier in the whole wide world (with Mrs. Joyce and Miss Tiffani rounding out the top three). Our Publix opened when Alex was about six months old, and we have seen all of those sweet ladies every single week since.

Miss Jennifer is the first person A. looks for when we roll through the Publix doors, and he always insists that we pass by her register so that he can scare our fellow shoppers by screaming her name at an ear-splitting volume. She’s totally his grocery store BFF.

But Miss Jennifer wasn’t at work Monday – her last day had been the previous Friday – and I can’t even tell you how sad it made me. Fortunately Mrs. Joyce has Miss Jennifer’s new phone number in Georgia, so I have high hopes of staying in touch. Because we love her.

No kidding: she has been a consistent ray of sunshine in our family’s life for the last four years, and I really think the Publix people should give her some stock or something. Maybe even, as Alex says, “a super big hug.”

And that was our Monday.

Yesterday I had to go to the doctor because my right ear has been stopped up for a sweet forever, and I finally decided that I didn’t want to live the rest of my life shouting, “WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” when D. tried to tell me something from another room in the house. The only advantage to my hearing loss is that if I slept on my left side, I couldn’t hear a blessed thing in my right ear and as a result could sleep soundly through all manner of minor and major natural disasters.

Because as it turns out, if your ear is reallllly stopped up, a small thunderstorm in the middle of your bedroom is of little to no consequence aside from the fact that your furniture probably won’t fare very well.

Because of all the rain and whatnot.

So I went to see the ENT and said hey, I feel fine, but it’s the funniest thing because I really can’t hear very well in my right ear.

And then he asked me something and I said, “WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU,” and he decided maybe he should take a look at the ear in question.

He looked at it for about two seconds and then said, “Yeah. I’m gonna need to clean that out.”

So I did what any good Southern girl would do: I apologized that he was going to have to clean out my ear. EVEN THOUGH I WAS PAYING HIM.

If I could adequately describe what transpired over the next five minutes I would, but quite frankly I’m not up to the challenge. I can tell you that there was a great deal of suctioning and at least three very thin, very pointy needle-type instruments. Not to mention lots of pressure. And pain. And painful pressure.

As I guess should be expected when someone is digging inside your ear with a large pointy needle.

But here’s the kicker: after all that, I really didn’t get much relief. Because the doctor decided that I need to do eardrops for the next two weeks (because there’s “infection” and “impaction,” and just hearing those words in relation to my ear made me feel “oh-so-dainty” and “feminine”), and then he’s going to do the whole suctioning / pointy needling thing again.

I’M THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!

And today (I know. This post is endless. But if I don’t finish what I start, I’ll be forced to sit up all night and twitch. And you wouldn’t want that, would you?) I tackled a project that’s been looming over my head for the last 7 1/2 months.

I cleaned out our garage.

Oh yes I did.

And not only that, I was able to PARK MY CAR IN THE GARAGE afterwards.

Have you ever heard of such?

Anyway.

How are y’all?

Okay. Pictures. Okay.

OKAY!

First of all, I tried to take a “before” picture at Mama’s house the other night. At which point I decided that I HAD NEVER FELT MORE SILLY IN MY LIFE.

Now in my defense, this was right after I’d washed my face and put on pajamas. I was trying to get the camera at an angle so you could see how long my hair was, but I never could get it right because of having to lift my arms to take the picture (OH, THE EFFORT OF IT ALL). So you will just have to trust me when I tell you that my hair was about three inches longer than it is now.

A purpose-less, mousy mess that hit right below my shoulders.

And notice that I still had my sunglasses up on my head, RIGHT WHERE THEY SHOULD BE.

So I decided to take off the glasses SINCE IT WAS NIGHTTIME, but I didn’t get much better results.

ATTRACTIVE!

Surprisingly, I’ve never been asked to do much modeling work.

(Silly me. I thought the double chin / pointy nose / deer-in-headlights look was all the fashion rage.)

Anyway, Friday afternoon I tried to take another round of pictures after Liza worked her magic. But apparently I thought of something unpleasant right as I was snapping the first picture.

Not to mention that you can’t tell a blessed thing about what my hair looks like.

And then I tried to take a picture of the back of my head.

But I missed.

So.

That brings us to today.

Here’s what my hair looked like this afternoon after I dried it (yes, I said “afternoon” – I HAD SOME LAUNDRY TO DO THIS MORNING, OKAY?). For some reason it’s impossible for me to fix my hair without the ends flipping up, even though Liza very professionally turned under every single strand. I guess I just don’t have the turning-under gene.

And here’s the front – probably an inch longer than the back. I had a bit of difficulty with the zoom in that I didn’t know I was using it, so I do hope the proximity of my face doesn’t frighten you.

And believe you me, I couldn’t have been happier when I looked at this picture and realized that my chin(s) didn’t make it into the frame. So I knew right away that I HAD ME A WINNER.

I did put on a little lipstick for y’all, though apparently I forgot about the mascara.

I’ll try to do better the next time I post pictures of myself.

Which will be, you know, NEVER.